You should never think that things won't change. Your life could change tomorrow, you just never know what's round the corner.
I turned up for work one day thinking it would be exactly the same as every other day of my life ... but a new person started in the office that day and he seemed like the sort of person I thought I could get on with. He was obviously a complete stranger at the time but eventually I summoned up the courage to invite him for a drink at lunchtime and we found out we got on really well. We've been best of friends for five years now.
Do you really want friends or is it a case of wanting to fit in?
A lot of people (more than would admit) don't want any more than their own company, I have friends, but if they dont call, I'm not in the least bit bothered. Before I met the OH, I sometimes didn't speak to another soul outside work for weeks at a time, didn't gve it a second thought.
This is just what I am like. I would be quite happy not to spend time with anyone apart from my husband.
I do have friends though, mostly people I've been thrown together with in situations throughout my life (other mothers at school, work colleagues) who do all the organising and phoning. I honestly don't know why they bother with me.
So OP don't despair. Friends will come along at some point. I'd advise working on your social skills and everything will follow naturally.
I had friends at that age but life is like a revolving door, people come and go. I met my current circle of friends in my late 20's and theyre all very special to me and my fiance and theyre helping us with our wedding! Who knows whats round the corner?
It can be depressing to feel like you cant make friends, but really, don't allow yourself to get down because of it. Things ALWAYS change, nothing is constant. I didn't feel comfortable in myself until I was 30. I used to lament my lack of ability to make friends easily through my teens and 20s, and looking back, it was a big waste of time and energy beating myself up about it.
I feel like I'll never make friends, I have anxiety and feel inadequate to everyone else, self esteem is zero and I can barely look people in the eye.
For a very long time it didn't bother me but the last few years I've been really upset by it, I'm 23 later this year and I have ZERO friends and that's not an exaggeration.
I don't know how it will ever happen, my 5 year old cousin has more social skills than me, I ddint have a close group of friends from school and didn't go to uni. It feels like you have to have friends to make friends so as I have zero I have no chance.
Was anyone the same and has managed to get some sort of life?
So sorry to hear this. No, this has not been something I have experienced personally but I have met people along the way who have problems with social skills.
First of all I would say that the fact you realise that you have a problem and want to address it is very much in your favour. In order to crack this you are probably going to need some support either from others who are going through the same problem or perhaps even professional help. The following is a link that might help you see what he options are - http://www.succeedsocially.com/grouptherapy. Alternatively google "social skills support" and see what comes up. Good luck. X
I'm starting to get some semblance of a life back since the using BAR STARDs at SHITTO head office cut my hours down to a pathetic sixteen hours a week and the closure of The Whalley.
<sigh> So close to Motsy getting to the end of a post without typing a single word in all caps. Maybe one day.
Having no friends can be a problem. You essentially have no one to share life experiences at all with whatsoever and believe me that can trap you in a whirlwind of depression if it goes on long enough, I've been battling this through a lot of my life. Just think about some of the lifestyle choices you have to incur:
- You have to go on holiday/gigs/cinema/nightclubs/restaurants each and every single time alone.
- Restricting your social opportunities means you don't improve your social skills, becoming odd/unappealing and thus creating a viscous cycle as its more difficult therefore to break it as you fall behind your peers in terms of social skills.
- Constantly feeling socially isolated and thus rejected by society takes its toll on your self esteem, as an unwanted/unappealing person.
- Opportunities with the opposite sex are rare, possibly non existent, if you live a life of pure isolation, you could easily go through your 20s/30s/40s being a kissless virgin, further destroying your self esteem.
It took its toll on me, I attempted suicide because of all of the above at 25, feeling I was a "failure" at life, an embarrassment to my parents etc. I'm better now, but I recognise I couldn't live the way I was and so sought help.
My biggest goal was to improve my social skills, break my crippling social awkwardness/anxiety involving myself in more social situations etc. Its not easy your fighting a life of rejection/unpopularity and battling against your self esteem.
Some people perhaps are happy living a completely isolated, no friends-lifestyle, that's fine, but I couldn't but I was finding that very unfulfilling and feeling I was missing out on many normal activities, especially as a young person, because of it, and it was hurting me.
Don't lose hope. All it takes is one person to change your life. Remember, the people you might be best friends with could be in exactly the same situation as you. They're out there somewhere.
Certainly don't lose hope but don't pin your happiness on someone else. You need to work on yourself, become comfortable with yourself, love yourself. That way you'll find contentment whether or not you find friends.
Well my best mates are my next door neighbour and a couple of guys I went to primary school with. Don't keep in touch with any of my secondary school mates, so in my case, no if I'd not made friends by 22, I probably never would, at least good mates anyway, that you can trust. You could always get a gf/bf though, they can be like your best friend, or someone to do stuff with.
It is possible to make friends at any age. The thing is if you learn to enjoy your independence then people seem to gravitate towards you for some reason.
I currently don't have any close friends but I think my social skills are okay, it's just that I'm not interested in a lot of the things that people my age tend to do. I find it quite hard to relate to people my own age. There have been times recently when I could have formed friendships with people older than me but I was discouraged by my family as they felt that it would be better if I focused on forming deeper connections with younger people. I expect I will get more close friends when I'm older.
I do have a lot of acquaintances and therefore don't feel socially isolated at all but I haven't had a 'best friend' or anything close to that for years.
Who says that a smartphone HAS to have loads of different names and numbers on it? I use mne for emergency note taking, MP3, emergency internet and as a camera (with the right app I can do 8-bit style photographs.
Well my best mates are my next door neighbour and a couple of guys I went to primary school with. Don't keep in touch with any of my secondary school mates, so in my case, no if I'd not made friends by 22, I probably never would, at least good mates anyway, that you can trust. You could always get a gf/bf though, they can be like your best friend, or someone to do stuff with.
Really? How? I'm not meaning to be rude here, I'm just curious.
Would many girls be interested in dating a guy who has absolutely no friends/no social life whatsoever? How do you go about getting a gf If you have absolutely no social contacts? Social opportunities are limited and its much more difficult to get gf without any friends I would have thought.
I would assume to get a gf you would need to establish some sort of social circle first.
Who says that a smartphone HAS to have loads of different names and numbers on it? I use mne for emergency note taking, MP3, emergency internet and as a camera (with the right app I can do 8-bit style photographs.
I can just see you walking around, note taking, price of bread now 8p cheaper, must consider shopping here more.
The saddest people are those who have over 500 Facebook "friends" and have met hardly any of them. Far better to have just five or six true friends in my opinion.
Really? How? I'm not meaning to be rude here, I'm just curious.
Would many girls be interested in dating a guy who has absolutely no friends/no social life whatsoever? How do you go about getting a gf If you have absolutely no social contacts? Social opportunities are limited and its much more difficult to get gf without any friends I would have thought.
I would assume to get a gf you would need to establish some sort of social circle first.
Not really. I had a social circle, but my girlfriend didn't. She'd only been in the country a few months and when I met her, she was going to this particular club on her own.
I can only tell you how I did it. I go out with mates and get drunk. There's a particular metal club we usually end up in. If I didn't have someone to go with, I might go on my own, not sure.
Not really. I had a social circle, but my girlfriend didn't. She'd only been in the country a few months and when I met her, she was going to this particular club on her own.
I can only tell you how I did it. I go out with mates and get drunk. There's a particular metal club we usually end up in. If I didn't have someone to go with, I might go on my own, not sure.
Yes in my youth I 'pulled' many times by going to certain clubs. And yes getting a little merry. Certain places are geared up to be pickup joints.
I was usually out with a bunch of mates but I don't think being on my own would have made the slightest bit of difference.
Even this Christmas I got a girls phone number on a night out in an 80's themed place full of 30 and 40 year olds which is my age range now, but I'm very happily single and was far too drunk to want to do anything about it.
The point is that it is still possible to meet someone at a certain type of pub or club, then ask them on a date and possibly start a proper relationship all without having any pre-defined social circle or friends. Especially when your only in your early twenties.
im 32 and i don't have any real life friends and i also suffer anxiety, but i have friends online and i skype with them, and i talk to them about everything, and vice versa, sometimes we don't need real life friends in this new tech age, its nice that i have some people i can speak too, i don't worry about it, i just struggle to socialise in real life, im pretty much like you, if you really want real friends, i suggest maybe trying to work on your anxiety first, and that might help u get more confidence on actually going out more and trying to socialise, everyone is different, just ask yourself what you want and what you need, and that will basically answer your questions for u.. hope this advice helps
IMHO, one of the best thing in life you can learn, is to accept being alone, to enjoy it even!
Friends and family come and go throughout your life, that's the way it is, there is no law saying you must have a huge social network every day of your life x
Try not to worry yourself too much, the best friends come along when you are not looking for them
Comments
I turned up for work one day thinking it would be exactly the same as every other day of my life ... but a new person started in the office that day and he seemed like the sort of person I thought I could get on with. He was obviously a complete stranger at the time but eventually I summoned up the courage to invite him for a drink at lunchtime and we found out we got on really well. We've been best of friends for five years now.
Anything can happen.
This is just what I am like. I would be quite happy not to spend time with anyone apart from my husband.
I do have friends though, mostly people I've been thrown together with in situations throughout my life (other mothers at school, work colleagues) who do all the organising and phoning. I honestly don't know why they bother with me.
So OP don't despair. Friends will come along at some point. I'd advise working on your social skills and everything will follow naturally.
I think anyone would be doing well to find just one real true friend in life however.
No. FFS no one said you are. You are projecting a judgement that has never come. Why is there such cynicism and disdain for other people in society?
So sorry to hear this. No, this has not been something I have experienced personally but I have met people along the way who have problems with social skills.
First of all I would say that the fact you realise that you have a problem and want to address it is very much in your favour. In order to crack this you are probably going to need some support either from others who are going through the same problem or perhaps even professional help. The following is a link that might help you see what he options are - http://www.succeedsocially.com/grouptherapy. Alternatively google "social skills support" and see what comes up. Good luck. X
<sigh> So close to Motsy getting to the end of a post without typing a single word in all caps. Maybe one day.
- You have to go on holiday/gigs/cinema/nightclubs/restaurants each and every single time alone.
- Restricting your social opportunities means you don't improve your social skills, becoming odd/unappealing and thus creating a viscous cycle as its more difficult therefore to break it as you fall behind your peers in terms of social skills.
- Constantly feeling socially isolated and thus rejected by society takes its toll on your self esteem, as an unwanted/unappealing person.
- Opportunities with the opposite sex are rare, possibly non existent, if you live a life of pure isolation, you could easily go through your 20s/30s/40s being a kissless virgin, further destroying your self esteem.
It took its toll on me, I attempted suicide because of all of the above at 25, feeling I was a "failure" at life, an embarrassment to my parents etc. I'm better now, but I recognise I couldn't live the way I was and so sought help.
My biggest goal was to improve my social skills, break my crippling social awkwardness/anxiety involving myself in more social situations etc. Its not easy your fighting a life of rejection/unpopularity and battling against your self esteem.
Some people perhaps are happy living a completely isolated, no friends-lifestyle, that's fine, but I couldn't but I was finding that very unfulfilling and feeling I was missing out on many normal activities, especially as a young person, because of it, and it was hurting me.
Certainly don't lose hope but don't pin your happiness on someone else. You need to work on yourself, become comfortable with yourself, love yourself. That way you'll find contentment whether or not you find friends.
Ha, that's quite a witty post
I do have a lot of acquaintances and therefore don't feel socially isolated at all but I haven't had a 'best friend' or anything close to that for years.
Really? How? I'm not meaning to be rude here, I'm just curious.
Would many girls be interested in dating a guy who has absolutely no friends/no social life whatsoever? How do you go about getting a gf If you have absolutely no social contacts? Social opportunities are limited and its much more difficult to get gf without any friends I would have thought.
I would assume to get a gf you would need to establish some sort of social circle first.
I can just see you walking around, note taking, price of bread now 8p cheaper, must consider shopping here more.
In getting a dog
Not really. I had a social circle, but my girlfriend didn't. She'd only been in the country a few months and when I met her, she was going to this particular club on her own.
I can only tell you how I did it. I go out with mates and get drunk. There's a particular metal club we usually end up in. If I didn't have someone to go with, I might go on my own, not sure.
Yes in my youth I 'pulled' many times by going to certain clubs. And yes getting a little merry. Certain places are geared up to be pickup joints.
I was usually out with a bunch of mates but I don't think being on my own would have made the slightest bit of difference.
Even this Christmas I got a girls phone number on a night out in an 80's themed place full of 30 and 40 year olds which is my age range now, but I'm very happily single and was far too drunk to want to do anything about it.
The point is that it is still possible to meet someone at a certain type of pub or club, then ask them on a date and possibly start a proper relationship all without having any pre-defined social circle or friends. Especially when your only in your early twenties.
Friends and family come and go throughout your life, that's the way it is, there is no law saying you must have a huge social network every day of your life x
Try not to worry yourself too much, the best friends come along when you are not looking for them