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Is this an overreaction?
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I thought I would ask on here because you will give me an honest answer, rather than just agreeing with me like my mom and friends will. You will probably think this is just teenage drama, but I need to know whether how I feel about the situation is rational or not.
My friend invited me to his birthday meal about 2 weeks ago. One of my other friends was invited the meal but declined because she doesn't like the restaurant that the meal is at. She later said to me "I don't like sleep-overs either", which I was confused about as I hadn't been told about a sleep-over.
I forgot about it until this morning, when he sent me a text which basically said that there is a sleepover after, but he assumed that I wouldn't want to go and only a few people were allowed anyway so I couldn't go, but I could still come to the meal.
At first I was just going to go to the meal and not think anything of it, but when I started thinking about it I got a bit annoyed with him. Not only because he just assumed I wouldn't want to come, but because he hadn't even told me about it at all until 2 weeks after I got the invite, when other people that were going knew straight away. Also, if the girl who dropped out was invited to the sleep-over, surely there would be room for another person?
I'm now considering not going to the meal at all, because it seems to me that he is only inviting me for the sake of it. If you invite someone to a birthday outing, you don't just tell them to go home halfway through but keep all the other there with you. I find it quite rude.
Is it childish if I don't go to the meal, or am I overreacting? Thanks if you read this and reply. Sorry if I just wasted 2 minutes of your life.
My friend invited me to his birthday meal about 2 weeks ago. One of my other friends was invited the meal but declined because she doesn't like the restaurant that the meal is at. She later said to me "I don't like sleep-overs either", which I was confused about as I hadn't been told about a sleep-over.
I forgot about it until this morning, when he sent me a text which basically said that there is a sleepover after, but he assumed that I wouldn't want to go and only a few people were allowed anyway so I couldn't go, but I could still come to the meal.
At first I was just going to go to the meal and not think anything of it, but when I started thinking about it I got a bit annoyed with him. Not only because he just assumed I wouldn't want to come, but because he hadn't even told me about it at all until 2 weeks after I got the invite, when other people that were going knew straight away. Also, if the girl who dropped out was invited to the sleep-over, surely there would be room for another person?
I'm now considering not going to the meal at all, because it seems to me that he is only inviting me for the sake of it. If you invite someone to a birthday outing, you don't just tell them to go home halfway through but keep all the other there with you. I find it quite rude.
Is it childish if I don't go to the meal, or am I overreacting? Thanks if you read this and reply. Sorry if I just wasted 2 minutes of your life.
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Yes and yes, sorry
In this instance a girl who had been at our house for umpteen sleepovers, meals out and all the rest of it had a birthday party including a sleepover for "selected" guests and my daughter didn't get invited AT ALL. She was clearly trying to get in with the "in crowd" and obviously considered my daughter not part of this.
She claimed she was going to have a separate party for her "close" friends afterwards only this never materialised, partly because the sleepover party was a fiasco and her parents forbade her to have another one.
Anyway, sorry for waffling but what I'm trying to say in a very ham fisted way is that I feel your pain. Though as I said, this all happened not to me but to my daughter and she dealt with it an awful lot better than her stupid old mum did!
Sometimes it can come as a bit of a slap in the face that certain people we trust and would not expect to be treated badly by can let you down.
Don't cut your nose off to spite your face, if you fancy going along to the meal then go, if you don't then say "Nah, I've got better things to do that night".
Good luck.
Don't be sorry, I asked for opinions. Thank you
Thank you
I agree !
I'm sorry but it does come over as a bit of a teenage drama to me, the person cannot have that many people to stay over, maybe it was rude of him to make assumptions but he did ask you to come to the meal (in my expirience people don't want to sit around having food with people they don't like so don't over think it).
Are you the only one not going to the sleepover from the group going out for the meal? To be honest, either way I would go, it's your friend's birthday so on this occasion be gracious for the invite to the meal and just relax and stop over-thinking it. If you don't go you will just spend the whole evening getting annoyed about the whole thing and it's a rather silly thing to get wound up about (although I'm sure it doesn't feel like it at the moment). Hope you do go and have a good time!
Well of course he's only inviting you for the sake of it - because you are his friend - what other ulterior motive could there be ? Go and have fun.
Can I ask how old you are ?
A Birthday MEAL is quite an adult thing ( unless it's a party bag at McDonalds ) but mass SLEEPOVERS are the sort of thing children have, aren't they ? My friend's daughter has sleepovers and she's nine.
I wouldn't take it too personally - chances are this is the same sort of thing and that he's only been allowed a certain number to sleepover afterwards- because of space or whatever.
Assuming you haven't slept there before and given the parents reason to think it would be a bad plan for you to sleepover, it's probably just something like this ^^
I think there's one other person, but I'm not sure. The rest are all definitely going. I can kind of accept the fact that he doesn't want too many people there, but if he invited my other friend and she's not going, then he has at least one space free.
Babe Rainbow, I'm 15.
Thanks for your posts everyone. I think I'll just get over it and go.
Maybe he invited too many people for the sleepover without checking with his parents and they were annoyed. Might have been relieved when someone pulled out
Well if he doesn't want that many there maybe he didn't want to replace the one who dropped out, but like I said previously there's not much point in thinking about it since he's already made the plans. Glad to hear you're going though, have a good time!
Thank you
I suspect he's just found out or has just realised that you didn't know about the sleepover, & either didn't think you'd want to stay or didn't have room. Sometimes events are out of your control, & as he's living at home the final decision on things like numbers won't have been his. If you wanted to go to the meal until you spoke to him, there's no point not going - he invited you because you're his friend, so don't let the way you found out about the sleepover get to you too much. If you don't go, you'll probably hurt yourself more than him - to put it bluntly, the chances are he'll miss you but not for long as he'll have so many other people around him that night, plus I bet you'll still be thinking about it even when you're not there.
That is a very good point - there are loads of folks I would go out for a meal with but I wouldn't want to spend the whole night with them and then get up in the morning to all that uncomfortable stuff about who gets in the bathroom first and small talk over the breakfast table. I think you have to be very close to someone to spend the night in their home.
So I think you should still go to the meal.
FWIW, my opinion is that OP should go to the meal, but arrange to go on to do something else afterwards, eg late cinema, over to another friend's house for a stay over ,etc. That way, before the meal finishes, OP can get up and leave (in a friendly manner) birthday boy and the other mates at the table without feeling like Billy Nomates?
I was a bit surprised to hear that a 15 yr old girl was invited for the sleepover, who then rejected it. Perhaps that shows my age!
But no, i dont think youre overracting OP. I couldn't be arsed going either if i was in the same position.
Haha, thank you
I thought I'd drag this thread back just to say that I'm meant to be quite good friends with this boy. We've been friends for about 3 years and we get on really well. I was a bit confused about why he thought it wasn't my thing because I actually really like sleep-overs. But I'm not going to the meal now at all because of what I've found out today.
He's invited 2 other people who he isn't that good friends with to the sleep over, and one of them is a girl that he says he doesn't like. The other one is my best friend. I asked my best friend if he was going to the sleep over and he said yes, then he asked me and I said no. He then said "I can't not tell you this because I think he's being horrible. He said to me on msn that he's not asking you because he 'knows what you can be like, she thinks she's always right'". I admit that can be true sometimes, but I didn't understand why that was an excuse to not invite me. We're meant to be close friends, and I wouldn't miss out any of my friends over something like that.
Then my best friend said "And he's said to me and Kim (the other girl) that we might feel a bit awkward because someone else is bringing weed to the party" :rolleyes:
So I figured out that I haven't been asked to the sleep-over because there's going to be drugs there and he knew I would have something to say about it. I would rather not go at all now knowing that we aren't good enough friends for him to tell me the real reason I wasn't invited and what he's said. I know that is immature on my behalf, but I just feel as though he's been a bit rude to me by lying. I'm not bothered about the sleep-over either now I know what it's going to be like.
I've been invited to another meal on the same night now anyway, so hopefully that will be fun
Thank you all for replying! I'm sorry I'm going against most of your advice but I think it's for the best now
I think you are absolutely right to stay away from something involving drugs. It seems you've previously made your views about drugs known, so it was decided not to invite you to the part of the evening where drugs might be present. You're well out of that - apart from not knowing where the drugs could lead to that night, I can't imagine that the parents of the people involved would be too impressed by it. If one set of parents finds out, your own parents are very likely to hear about it. It seems the girl who originally turned down the invitation had the right idea.
He has apparently treated you very badly, very badly indeed. Youre true friends in life are those that can take you as you are, regardless of what little personality deficiencies you may have. Exluding you due to one of said "deficiencies" is a nasty thing to do, tbh he doesnt sound like someone you could put much faith into. and i think thats vital to a friendship - a developed trust.
I realise that isnt neccesarily advice, but i just thought id add in my musings, sorry!