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Coming out to incredibly religious parents?
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I'm hoping someone can help out here.
I've known for several years that I wasn't straight - in fact, when I was still very young. However, only recently accepted I was homosexual - as opposed to bi or whatever.
I haven't told anyone yet - I haven't had the need to.
But I've now decided I'd like to embrace it - and move on with my life. I have chatted online to a few gay guys locally and one guy I've really hit it off with and want to possibly start dating - but I live in quite a small town and word gets around very quickly.
Here's the problem - my parents are very religious and actually quite homophobic. But having their respect and blessing means a lot to me - more than anything. And whilst I am confident they won't accept me - I want to be the one that tells them.
How should I approach this topic? Has anyone on here been through something similar? I know it's probably silly posting on here and most of you will probably encourage me to speak to them or someone I know rather than on here - but I haven't come out to anyone I actually know and don't want to until I have to my parents.
Here's another problem - I am currently living in an apartment in a 'student village' and now that I have finished my studies I am due to return back home - what happens in the event my parents decide to disown me? I have had a look at LGBT support networks and can't seem to find one locally to consult on homelessness
Sorry for all the questions
I've known for several years that I wasn't straight - in fact, when I was still very young. However, only recently accepted I was homosexual - as opposed to bi or whatever.
I haven't told anyone yet - I haven't had the need to.
But I've now decided I'd like to embrace it - and move on with my life. I have chatted online to a few gay guys locally and one guy I've really hit it off with and want to possibly start dating - but I live in quite a small town and word gets around very quickly.
Here's the problem - my parents are very religious and actually quite homophobic. But having their respect and blessing means a lot to me - more than anything. And whilst I am confident they won't accept me - I want to be the one that tells them.
How should I approach this topic? Has anyone on here been through something similar? I know it's probably silly posting on here and most of you will probably encourage me to speak to them or someone I know rather than on here - but I haven't come out to anyone I actually know and don't want to until I have to my parents.
Here's another problem - I am currently living in an apartment in a 'student village' and now that I have finished my studies I am due to return back home - what happens in the event my parents decide to disown me? I have had a look at LGBT support networks and can't seem to find one locally to consult on homelessness
Sorry for all the questions
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I can't really offer any advice on how to approach the subject, despite having helped one of my closest friends come out years ago, because if it were me I would probably do it in a comedy light hearted way, i'm not one for big dramatic announcements (I told my parents I was pregnant over text, despite knowing they would be happy and excited
With regards to your parents kicking you out, hopefully it won't come to that, but there are systems and supports in place should it happen. Maybe just look into general homeless support, rather than homelessness from a LGBT point of view, you may be able to get some advice there. If you're working you could look into flat shares if getting your own place isn't a viable option, but you should be housed by your local housing association if you are made homeless.
I'm not sure that any of this gas been useful, but good luck!
Yes, you could try that approach.
"Mum, Dad, I'm pregnant!"
<Shock, horror>
"Actually, it's not as bad as that - I'm just gay."
<look of relief>
I admire you for wanting them to hear it from you and not gossips. I hope their love overrides their religious blinkers. I really wish you the best of luck and will keep my fingers crossed it works out as you would like it to.
I think you're doing the right thing telling them and I really hope they're ok about it. Fingers crossed for you, that everything works out. x
However - only because I wouldn't like to think of you street homeless - can I say I wouldn't take the threat of homelessness lightly. I believe that in most areas of the country, there are enormously long lists for social housing, despite whatever predicaments produce the need for it, though, there may be options for you other people can advise on. But basically, I'd recommend you make sure you have somewhere acceptable and reasonably secure to live before coming out to your parents, if the result might be that they kick you out on to the streets. That would be seriously not fun, and could easily mess up your life, as could even sofa surfing if you're not the type for it.
I hear homophobic parents do often react differently towards a child of their own who's gay, but I recommend you be prepared for how you will feel if they don't. Do think about that. And only do it if you think you could live with a very bad reaction.
I'm kind of bisexual so I've heard a lot of real life stories about people in your situation and there's no blue print which always happens or always works. Unfortunately, you're probably the best judge of that yourself because these are people you know - unless you thought of asking the advice of someone else who knows them well, such as a sister or brother? I will say that it's the parents who seem very, very obsessed in their hatred of gay people, who are very extreme in the things they say about them, (such as wanting to kill them, they should all be dead etc), who may actually have been violent to gay people, etc, who often react the most badly. Sometimes people say their parents are homophobic and it's true, but it's not really in that sort of extreme league. The milder cases seem to be the ones who react better. Also, general relationship with parents is a fair guide; if they're generally hostile, they're likely to be like that over coming out whereas if they're more usually supportive, they're more likely to give a more encouraging response. Just my experiences for what they're worth.
You say that you've finished your studies but what does that mean? What's stopping you from striking out independently of your parents?
As for the emotional factor - that's a hurdle you have to cross. You are who you are - delaying telling your parents isn't going to change that. It's just going to make it harder.
No-one wants to feel they have disappointed their parents. But parents aren't always reasonable and they have no right to assume that their children will fulfil their expectations.
I don't think it will be easy but I hope that you can tread your own path on this. Good luck!
Many feel parents should be immediately supportive forgetting they are only human and not perfect and not always able to be the perfect parent on the spot .Give them time .
Best of luck in any case.
I've been asked to pack up my belongings that I kept in my old room at theirs.
I'm very sorry to hear that OP - though not surprised
I know it's easy to say from the point of view of an outsider not facing being ostracised or made homeless, but I think you did the right thing in telling them.
I am sorry to hear that . I hope you find peace in your life despite the upset
Thank you.
I was quite surprised at their reaction - I was expecting either aggressive and violent or solemn and dejected. Instead I got a passive-aggressive dejected sort of response - as if they were aware and were just waiting for this moment (impossible given there were no signs and I'm not camp at all.)
Told them both at the same time - they didn't say anything at first, had our planned dinner in silence and then at the end I was told it would be best if I would pack up the rest of my belongings - but what they said was almost actor-perfect, they were able to finish off each other's sentences.
On the plus side, I've had quite a bit of good fortune this past week - as if some guardian angel has been watching over me. I landed a graduate job that I really wanted - pay is phenomenal and will allow a very comfortable standard of living - looking for an apartment at the moment so I can move out of my student flat. I told the guy that I liked and he was very understanding and invited me over to his the night it happened to comfort me - got to meet his parents who were very understanding and welcoming (if only my parents were like that) and we're now officially dating. I gained the courage to tell a few close friends who were too very understanding with a couple of them getting together and driving well over 3 hours to come up to my flat so I wouldn't have to be alone.
I can't believe how upset and worried I was about coming out to them - I was dreading being made homeless and having nothing to live off and from - worried about having no one to turn to. But I can't quite believe how much of a support network I actually have. I actually cried a little when they turned up. Perhaps I'm being selfish but I feel, right now, I could honestly live my life without needing to speak to nor contact my parents again? Is that bad. I feel like I don't need them - despite them bringing me up to where I am now. I just can't believe how my parents - including my mother who gave birth to me - could disown me, yet individuals (some of who I have only known a couple of months) were prepared to accept me and embrace me with open arms and go out of their way to ensure I was surrounded by people and to keep me upbeat.
Im really sorry.
Shelter will be able to give you advice on what options are there for you.
sometimes the shock factor makers parents say do stuff they regret and then feel its impossible to repair the situation.when you go and collect the stuff just let them know you felt it was the right thing being honest and not lying and if they want to talk they know you are there.I think thats all you can do.
We know being Gay isnt a lifestyle choice its who we are.
give shelter a ring have a chat with them explain the situation they are amazing trust me
Take care right with luck once things settle down a bit the relationship with them can get a little better.
*Sorry just read the post you made about the living sitation that is brilliant,If something does go wrong in the meantime shelter 100% is the place
I'm pleased for you that won't be homeless and you've landed yourself a job plus got you've found someone to share your life with. You're lucky you have understanding supportive friends. Your parents may eventually come to terms with it, it will obviously take time. I wish you luck in your future.
I'd say to try to keep some from of communication open, even if it's just a 'I understand your response, but want to work it out' type text. Or when you pick your stuff up, try to discuss it with them, but rather than say I feel, I wantetc ask them what they are feeling, why they are so upst - is it the religion, or is it preconceived ideas,or perhaps they just don't understand.
So sorry to hear they reacted like that sweetheart. It seems though that you've found out you have others who care for you, so that is good. And the job you landed is great.
You're not being selfish with how you feel at the moment.
You don't actually need them. You will be able to look after yourself very well. All I would say is maybe if they come to terms with it and try and make it right with you don't slam the door in their face straight away. Just listen to what they have to say and if you then feel that they should be shut out of your life after that then go ahead. If you feel you can give them a second chance then all well and good. Either way it must be a decision you feel is right for YOU.
Take care of yourself. It sounds like you have some good friends. xx
I agree with this.
I'm glad things have turned out so well for you in the other ways.