For our weding, we decided to ask for money as opposed to gifts. However, the ONLY person not to give anything, was my friend.
I think you should have given your guests the choice of either giving money or gifts.Not everyone feels comfortable giving money as a present especially for a wedding as they are not sure if they have given enough.And if some people are giving the same amounts then your guest will feel that she or he has to do the same.
Funny enough my friend of 25years has literally lost contact with me since my wedding last year.
Move on i'd say.
The same thing happened to me. I haven't seen or been in contact with my best man since i got married in september. We didn't get a gift or even a card from him and he even chickened out of doing his speech!
I just think people grow apart basically. Dont lose any sleep over them, i haven't.
She might have money troubles which she is embarrassed about so didn't want to mention the issue of a wedding present. That could have made her feel uncomfortable and seem grumpy. See how it goes with her and just see how she is with you.
Come on Gold Cat...read the whole thread again - this isn't about money, it's about her being jealous that the OP was getting married!
To the OP from what you have said I feel her issues are with your OH. She may still be upset about your getting back together after your break. If she was a good friend she may mistrust his intentions. You mentioned earlier in the thread your OH was unable to work for a time due to something to do with his visa. Does that mean he is not British born? Before anyone thinks I am being racist I must mention I am mixed race. I just wonder if your friend is wary of his motives and very poor at hiding her feelings.
i know it has already been said, but i think she might just be feeling a little left on the shelf. it is not easy to just move on, especially when it seems that just jealousy is the issue. maybe send he a letter/note card, a little more personal than an email. hope you get it sorted.
i know it has already been said, but i think she might just be feeling a little left on the shelf. it is not easy to just move on, especially when it seems that just jealousy is the issue. maybe send he a letter/note card, a little more personal than an email. hope you get it sorted.
Agree with this.
Do you and her have any time to yourselves or is hubby always there?
One thing that has made me drift from my best friend is that her boyfriend is always there. No cup of teas or girls nights out (He always has to be there) since about 1 to 2 years ago now.
We cant have a good girly gossip while he is there as she is totally different in front of him and i dont see the point in going to see my friend if we cant be ourselves!
Maybe if this is the case she wants you to herself just for a while?:)
To the OP from what you have said I feel her issues are with your OH. She may still be upset about your getting back together after your break. If she was a good friend she may mistrust his intentions. You mentioned earlier in the thread your OH was unable to work for a time due to something to do with his visa. Does that mean he is not British born? Before anyone thinks I am being racist I must mention I am mixed race. I just wonder if your friend is wary of his motives and very poor at hiding her feelings.
He is foreign and I am aware some MAY think he is with my for the wrong reasons, pure because of bad press and the stigma, rather than him actually doing anything. In fact, when I mentioned to him tonight about all this, the first thing he said was it's because he;s foreign and needs a visa to stay here. I am not so sure, but you never know I guess. The thing is we have been together over 6 years now, and we have been through good and bad times like any couple, it's not as if we met one day and married the next, so there should no reason for my friends to think he is with me for any other reason than for love.
Do you and her have any time to yourselves or is hubby always there?
One thing that has made me drift from my best friend is that her boyfriend is always there. No cup of teas or girls nights out (He always has to be there) since about 1 to 2 years ago now.
We cant have a good girly gossip while he is there as she is totally different in front of him and i dont see the point in going to see my friend if we cant be ourselves!
Maybe if this is the case she wants you to herself just for a while?:)
I went to see her and another friend for a girls only 'Sex and the City Night', she also had a party round hers (which originally was supposed to be girls only, yet when I got there her Brother and two other male friends were there.
Obviously she has only visited me twice in 2007, both for events, and so both times my OH were there. But I love my girly nights and I tried in vain to organise one in October with all my girly friends from my other town but everyone was busy, so I dont think it's that.
The same thing happened to me. I haven't seen or been in contact with my best man since i got married in september. We didn't get a gift or even a card from him and he even chickened out of doing his speech!
I just think people grow apart basically. Dont lose any sleep over them, i haven't.
The thing is, this friend is part of a group of friends I have from my school days and we are all in touch. This girl in particular I have always been closest too and I just feel if I cut her out (she is the main instigator for organising get togethers) I will most probably lose other friends as well, and I really don't want that.
Ideally I would like to confide in someone close to both of us to see if she's said anything and to see if I can find out the root of this, but I just feel going behind her back isn't nice.
i know it has already been said, but i think she might just be feeling a little left on the shelf. it is not easy to just move on, especially when it seems that just jealousy is the issue. maybe send he a letter/note card, a little more personal than an email. hope you get it sorted.
A good part of me belives that too. But then I am not her only close friend who has settled down with a partner. I am one of many. Unless it stems back from both our single days when we used to moan together about being left on the shelf, and now I've met someone (albeit 6 years ago!) she doesn't like it?
I can only add to what others have said, cloudy_nines. As 'adults' we are 'supposed' to deal with things in a mature and sensible way, but our raw feelings sometimes make that very difficult. Your friend is probably feeling a sense of abandonment. Of course, her 'adult' self will be telling her not to be so silly, that falling in love and marrying is what people do, and that you have every right to be happy. However, maybe the more instinctual part of her could be feeling all of the emotions other FMs have mentioned, such as jealousy, feeling 'left behind' and so on, and it's difficult to control. She may even be having problems admitting it to herself, let alone you, and her feelings come out in the petty ways in which she's behaved (i.e. not buying a wedding gift, complaining about costs, etc.). Perhaps it's her way of saying, "I know I shouldn't be, but I'm really sad and angry about all this". It sounds 'irrational', doesn't it?- but, again, we cannot always stop our gut reactions. All we can do is change the way we deal with them, and your friend doesn't seem to have got to grips with it all yet. You say she can be defensive, which makes it even more difficult for her to admit or express how she might be really feeling. As I said, she may not even understand it herself.
For what it's worth, I don't think you're being selfish re: wedding gift. It does seem to be more the principle that has caused you upset.
Really hope you can get to the bottom of it with her, and long may your friendship last. It will if it is meant to.
I can only add to what others have said, cloudy_nines. As 'adults' we are 'supposed' to deal with things in a mature and sensible way, but our raw feelings sometimes make that very difficult. Your friend is probably feeling a sense of abandonment. Of course, her 'adult' self will be telling her not to be so silly, that falling in love and marrying is what people do, and that you have every right to be happy. However, maybe the more instinctual part of her could be feeling all of the emotions other FMs have mentioned, such as jealousy, feeling 'left behind' and so on, and it's difficult to control. She may even be having problems admitting it to herself, let alone you, and her feelings come out in the petty ways in which she's behaved (i.e. not buying a wedding gift, complaining about costs, etc.). Perhaps it's her way of saying, "I know I shouldn't be, but I'm really sad and angry about all this". It sounds 'irrational', doesn't it?- but, again, we cannot always stop our gut reactions. All we can do is change the way we deal with them, and your friend doesn't seem to have got to grips with it all yet. You say she can be defensive, which makes it even more difficult for her to admit or express how she might be really feeling. As I said, she may not even understand it herself.
For what it's worth, I don't think you're being selfish re: wedding gift. It does seem to be more the principle that has caused you upset.
Really hope you can get to the bottom of it with her, and long may your friendship last. It will if it is meant to.
Thanks for that and I believe you are right in what you say. However, why is she only like it with me? She has many close friends in serious relationships and I don't believe she is funny with them (although maybe she is but no one is saying anything)
And yes I am definitely upset more by the principal of the whole affair and her general attitude, rather than say £20
I think you should have given your guests the choice of either giving money or gifts.Not everyone feels comfortable giving money as a present especially for a wedding as they are not sure if they have given enough.And if some people are giving the same amounts then your guest will feel that she or he has to do the same.
We did think long and hard about it, but at the time we were renting a TINY studio flat and just felt gives for the home were not gonna be appreciated. I know it could be perceived as quite cheeky, but on the other hand, out of ober 100 people, she is only one who didn't give us anything. I find that odd.
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I think you should have given your guests the choice of either giving money or gifts.Not everyone feels comfortable giving money as a present especially for a wedding as they are not sure if they have given enough.And if some people are giving the same amounts then your guest will feel that she or he has to do the same.
The same thing happened to me. I haven't seen or been in contact with my best man since i got married in september. We didn't get a gift or even a card from him and he even chickened out of doing his speech!
I just think people grow apart basically. Dont lose any sleep over them, i haven't.
Come on Gold Cat...read the whole thread again - this isn't about money, it's about her being jealous that the OP was getting married!
Agree with this.
Do you and her have any time to yourselves or is hubby always there?
One thing that has made me drift from my best friend is that her boyfriend is always there. No cup of teas or girls nights out (He always has to be there) since about 1 to 2 years ago now.
We cant have a good girly gossip while he is there as she is totally different in front of him and i dont see the point in going to see my friend if we cant be ourselves!
Maybe if this is the case she wants you to herself just for a while?:)
He is foreign and I am aware some MAY think he is with my for the wrong reasons, pure because of bad press and the stigma, rather than him actually doing anything. In fact, when I mentioned to him tonight about all this, the first thing he said was it's because he;s foreign and needs a visa to stay here. I am not so sure, but you never know I guess. The thing is we have been together over 6 years now, and we have been through good and bad times like any couple, it's not as if we met one day and married the next, so there should no reason for my friends to think he is with me for any other reason than for love.
I went to see her and another friend for a girls only 'Sex and the City Night', she also had a party round hers (which originally was supposed to be girls only, yet when I got there her Brother and two other male friends were there.
Obviously she has only visited me twice in 2007, both for events, and so both times my OH were there. But I love my girly nights and I tried in vain to organise one in October with all my girly friends from my other town but everyone was busy, so I dont think it's that.
The thing is, this friend is part of a group of friends I have from my school days and we are all in touch. This girl in particular I have always been closest too and I just feel if I cut her out (she is the main instigator for organising get togethers) I will most probably lose other friends as well, and I really don't want that.
Ideally I would like to confide in someone close to both of us to see if she's said anything and to see if I can find out the root of this, but I just feel going behind her back isn't nice.
A good part of me belives that too. But then I am not her only close friend who has settled down with a partner. I am one of many. Unless it stems back from both our single days when we used to moan together about being left on the shelf, and now I've met someone (albeit 6 years ago!) she doesn't like it?
For what it's worth, I don't think you're being selfish re: wedding gift. It does seem to be more the principle that has caused you upset.
Really hope you can get to the bottom of it with her, and long may your friendship last. It will if it is meant to.
Thanks for that and I believe you are right in what you say. However, why is she only like it with me? She has many close friends in serious relationships and I don't believe she is funny with them (although maybe she is but no one is saying anything)
And yes I am definitely upset more by the principal of the whole affair and her general attitude, rather than say £20
We did think long and hard about it, but at the time we were renting a TINY studio flat and just felt gives for the home were not gonna be appreciated. I know it could be perceived as quite cheeky, but on the other hand, out of ober 100 people, she is only one who didn't give us anything. I find that odd.
No it isn't...it's clearly about money...
Cloud_nines, don't dismiss your friend so easily until you've had a chat as some people seem to think you should.:)