To be blunt, she is cheating on you and loving every minute of it.
Be strong, kick her out. Let her go to this away game and take the opportunity to change the locks.
It will be emotionally hard for you but its for the best. She knows that you know about her first encounter, yet she has continued cheating. She has no respect for you and the only way to move on is to forget about her.
You have already spoke to her once and it hasnt made any difference to her, so ignore that advice. She has made her bed and she can lie in it (albeit not in your house).
That will be so hard......married 21 years...known her since we were kids...she is packing in the hockey so hopefully?...I just don't know.
For the pisstakers (irrespective of whether the OP is a pisstake), I hope that you suffer the same kinds of grief caused by the destruction of such a long term relationship. Shame on you.
To be blunt, she is cheating on you and loving every minute of it.
Be strong, kick her out. Let her go to this away game and take the opportunity to change the locks.
It will be emotionally hard for you but its for the best. She knows that you know about her first encounter, yet she has continued cheating. She has no respect for you and the only way to move on is to forget about her.
You have already spoke to her once and it hasnt made any difference to her, so ignore that advice. She has made her bed and she can lie in it (albeit not in your house).
That's two advice posts I've read today from you housewife that actually is proper advice rather than your usual off the wall kind of thing. Please stop. You're not giving your DS fan club anything to enjoy today
could you cope with an open relationship? this might be the answer if she is committed to you and your family but is unable to keep her bisexuality under wraps. People on here are saying that it would be the same if it was a man but it IS different if she is truely bisexual and has a physical need for lesbian sex despite a true love for you. How you find out if that really is the case and if you are both happy to proceed that way is up to you two, good luck.
(if you do decide to proceed that way maybe you could consider swinging so you can share in her adventures and maybe gain something from the situation as well?)
could you cope with an open relationship? this might be the answer if she is committed to you and your family but is unable to keep her bisexuality under wraps. People on here are saying that it would be the same if it was a man but it IS different if she is truely bisexual and has a physical need for lesbian sex despite a true love for you. How you find out if that really is the case and if you are both happy to proceed that way is up to you two, good luck.
(if you do decide to proceed that way maybe you could consider swinging so you can share in her adventures and maybe gain something from the situation as well?)
I wasn't brave enough to post that, thank you! I agree. If you could get rid of the 'sneaking around' part, separate the sex from the committed relationship she probably wants to maintain with you, could you maybe find a compromise? I realise it's unconventional (although it's definitely not unheard of!) but is it worth losing your wife just because she occasionally likes women too?
2 months ago my 38 year old wife joined the local Hockey club.
3 weeks ago I came home early from work to find her in the shower with one of her younger team mates.
She said it was a mistake and we made up and everything went back to 'normal'.
We have always been 100% faithful to each other after 21 years of marriage.[2 kids].
Last Sunday I received a phone call form a fellow Hockey player saying my wife had left the club in her car with 2 women and that her car was parked in a clearing in a wooded area with the bonnet up and this caller went to investigate and heard giggling from over a wall and down in this wooded area was my wife with these 2 women.
She went on to describe in graphic detail what these 2 women were doing to my wife.
When she came home she went straight in the shower, saying they were not working at the club and I later noticed scratch marks on her back....she said these came from the Hockey match when the ball went in some brambles.
I know she is lying to me and I can't bear it......What should I do ?.
I am at the end of my tether...Can't sleep properly....She has never been like this and I can't believe her behaviour.
Please help... thnks , Mike 41..South Gloucestershire.
P.s She has just told me she has an away match on Sunday and that she is taking her car as she has to give some people a lift to the game.
i'm am so sorry for you, but will you be able to forgive her again or trust her if i was in that situation i would confront my oh and if they have cheated i would tell them where to go.maybe you should ask your wife wheather she has always been interseted in women as imop you don't just turn to the opposite sex.i really hope you can solve this problem but turning a bind eye is only going to prolong your agony.
My OH used to have relations with other women who were close friends. I just thought it was great when I found out (in drips and drabs)! I never felt threatened, the only thing that annoyed me was her hypocrisy because she would not have tolerated me going off with other women. She said I could go off with a bloke in the full knowledge that wouldn't interest me.
I would say the majority of my girlfriends over the years had had sexual experiences with other women. It's not that unusual.
What the OP described is the opening scene to that little known seventies sex-comedy Hockey Frolics, starring Robin Askwith as the cheeky chappy with the gorgeous bisexual wife played by Suzanne Danielle, where he came home from his job as a taxi-driving milkman who does plumbing on the side (and works at a holiday camp) to find Saucy Sue (his nickname for her) in the shower with her hockey playing girlfriend (either Naughty Nina Carter or ex-Penthouse editor Linzi Drew IIRC). But in the film he jumps in with the pair of them and they have a bonk-fest.
Later, when she tells him she is "playing away that weekend" and needs to take the car he follows in his taxi-cab (or milk float, doesn't matter which), and catches them at it on the back seat of their Austin Maxi car. Again, he jumps in the back seat with them, and starts banging away, and the car doors and bonnet and boot lid bounce open and closed with each thrust to the sound of something like the Benny Hill theme tune. At the climax, all four wheels fall off the car and Robin emerges from the car with his trousers round his ankles looking exhausted. Then one of the lesbian hockey players invites him back inside, he looks at the camera with an impish grin, drops his trousers again and jumps back in for sloppy seconds.
At some point he ends up climbing a ladder into a woman's bathroom (window-cleaning or plumbing, again doesn't matter which), falls in the bath, strips off for the woman to dry his clothes when the husband comes home so he hides in her wardrobe with no clothes on, and ends up climbing down the ladder starkers and running down the road with a yappy dog chasing him and an old woman hitting him on the head with her umbrella.
I think at the end of the film Blakey out of On The Buses bans women from the hockey club, Selwyn Froggitt sacks Robin for being too tired to do his job(s) and so Robin ends up running a women-only Hockey Club with Tony Blair's father-in-law called LezBeFriends, and everyone ends up happy. Let's see if this is what happens in Mike's next post.
What the OP described is the opening scene to that little known seventies sex-comedy Hockey Frolics, starring Robin Askwith as the cheeky chappy with the gorgeous bisexual wife played by Suzanne Danielle, where he came home from his job as a taxi-driving milkman who does plumbing on the side (and works at a holiday camp) to find Saucy Sue (his nickname for her) in the shower with her hockey playing girlfriend (either Naughty Nina Carter or ex-Penthouse editor Linzi Drew IIRC). But in the film he jumps in with the pair of them and they have a bonk-fest.
Later, when she tells him she is "playing away that weekend" and needs to take the car he follows in his taxi-cab (or milk float, doesn't matter which), and catches them at it on the back seat of their Austin Maxi car. Again, he jumps in the back seat with them, and starts banging away, and the car doors and bonnet and boot lid bounce open and closed with each thrust to the sound of something like the Benny Hill theme tune. At the climax, all four wheels fall off the car and Robin emerges from the car with his trousers round his ankles looking exhausted. Then one of the lesbian hockey players invites him back inside, he looks at the camera with an impish grin, drops his trousers again and jumps back in for sloppy seconds.
At some point he ends up climbing a ladder into a woman's bathroom (window-cleaning or plumbing, again doesn't matter which), falls in the bath, strips off for the woman to dry his clothes when the husband comes home so he hides in her wardrobe with no clothes on, and ends up climbing down the ladder starkers and running down the road with a yappy dog chasing him and an old woman hitting him on the head with her umbrella.
I think at the end of the film Blakey out of On The Buses bans women from the hockey club, Selwyn Froggitt sacks Robin for being too tired to do his job(s) and so Robin ends up running a women-only Hockey Club with Tony Blair's father-in-law called LezBeFriends, and everyone ends up happy. Let's see if this is what happens in Mike's next post.
I've seen that film. It's also got Sharon from "Please Sir" and the daughter from "Bless this house" in it.
She has told me today that she IS going tto the Hockey match on Sunday as ''they are short of players''.......
We then had a blazing row.
She has gone. Gone to stay at her parents and taken the kids with her.
Her parting shot was to tell me she has had more fun in the last month with ''Becky''than in the whole of the time with me.
Perhaps I should speak to her outlaws and tell them what their precious daughter has been up to.
She wasn't a lesbian before she joined that damned club.
They have converted her.
She has told me today that she IS going tto the Hockey match on Sunday as ''they are short of players''.......
We then had a blazing row.
She has gone. Gone to stay at her parents and taken the kids with her.
Her parting shot was to tell me she has had more fun in the last month with ''Becky''than in the whole of the time with me.
Perhaps I should speak to her outlaws and tell them what their precious daughter has been up to.
She wasn't a lesbian before she joined that damned club.
They have converted her.
Tell her parents whats going on. Change the locks to your doors, dont let her back in. Begin a bttle to gain custody of your children.
She has told me today that she IS going tto the Hockey match on Sunday as ''they are short of players''.......
We then had a blazing row.
She has gone. Gone to stay at her parents and taken the kids with her.
Her parting shot was to tell me she has had more fun in the last month with ''Becky''than in the whole of the time with me. Perhaps I should speak to her outlaws and tell them what their precious daughter has been up to.
She wasn't a lesbian before she joined that damned club.
They have converted her.
As if her parents are going to care.
As I said in my previous post, prepare for divorce. If you don't she'll screw you and I don't mean that in the Biblical sense.
She has told me today that she IS going tto the Hockey match on Sunday as ''they are short of players''.......
We then had a blazing row.
She has gone. Gone to stay at her parents and taken the kids with her.
Her parting shot was to tell me she has had more fun in the last month with ''Becky''than in the whole of the time with me.
Perhaps I should speak to her outlaws and tell them what their precious daughter has been up to.
She wasn't a lesbian before she joined that damned club.
They have converted her.
.....................................................deleted I should know better
She has told me today that she IS going tto the Hockey match on Sunday as ''they are short of players''.......
We then had a blazing row.
She has gone. Gone to stay at her parents and taken the kids with her.
Her parting shot was to tell me she has had more fun in the last month with ''Becky''than in the whole of the time with me.
Perhaps I should speak to her outlaws and tell them what their precious daughter has been up to.
She wasn't a lesbian before she joined that damned club.
They have converted her.
I would not call your in-laws. It will make you look spiteful, and they will not necessarily believe you anyway. Do try and find a good friend to speak with though - one who won't laugh.
I don't care if it's same-sex or opposite sex, cheating is cheating and you now have to decide whether you can repair your marriage or if you need to start divorce proceedings, tell the kids etc. Only the two of you can do that.
For what it's worth, I think your wife seems to be behaving unreasonably, but that may change. She probably hasn't had more fun with the other woman, she's just saying that to hurt you.
See if she will meet you somewhere so that you can both talk about what happens next. The fact that she was originally sorry for her actions and willing to give up the hockey club could mean that she wants to save your marriage.
She wasn't a lesbian before she joined that damned club.
They have converted her.
I'm sorry to hear about your situation, but if you want to work this out with her you need to get your head round it first.
You do not become a lesbian overnight, nor can you be 'converted'. If your wife is a lesbian, and I'm not saying she is, then she has certainly been one for some time.
Your wife has got her priorities all wrong. I think I can maybe understand to a certain extent. If she is the personality type that hates to let anyone down then she could feel that as the hockey team is short of players this weekend then it is too short notice to quit and she feels she cannot let them down.
Even taking that into consideration, your marriage should be the top priority at the moment not the hockey team. She should be at your side begging you to forgive her not off playing hockey with her ex (or current) girlfriends.
Hurtful things are always said in the heat of the moment. Your wife knows that she is the one in the wrong and she will not be wanting to admit that her actions are destroying your family so she is trying to turn the blame onto you somehow. Do not let her do this. She is effectively wrecking your marriage and putting your kids through turmoil.
I personally would talk to her parents but in a non-aggressive way. I would be quite bemused and ask them if they can explain to you why she has done this to the family. Does your wife have the kind of relationship with her parents that she'll show up at the door and say "Oh I've left Mike66 because my new female lovers are better than him?" I feel sure that her parents will not be clued up to what really has been going on. Perhaps they should know?
Comments
That will be so hard......married 21 years...known her since we were kids...she is packing in the hockey so hopefully?...I just don't know.
If this is a piss take then that is the perfect answer...
If this isn't a piss take then that is the perfect answer......
sorry
That's two advice posts I've read today from you housewife that actually is proper advice rather than your usual off the wall kind of thing. Please stop. You're not giving your DS fan club anything to enjoy today
(if you do decide to proceed that way maybe you could consider swinging so you can share in her adventures and maybe gain something from the situation as well?)
The hard road is to try and work it out. Maybe it comes to nothing but at least you will know that you have tried.
I wasn't brave enough to post that, thank you! I agree. If you could get rid of the 'sneaking around' part, separate the sex from the committed relationship she probably wants to maintain with you, could you maybe find a compromise? I realise it's unconventional (although it's definitely not unheard of!) but is it worth losing your wife just because she occasionally likes women too?
Swingers club?
I would say the majority of my girlfriends over the years had had sexual experiences with other women. It's not that unusual.
Don't be threatened, try and enjoy it!
Later, when she tells him she is "playing away that weekend"
At some point he ends up climbing a ladder into a woman's bathroom (window-cleaning or plumbing, again doesn't matter which), falls in the bath, strips off for the woman to dry his clothes when the husband comes home so he hides in her wardrobe with no clothes on, and ends up climbing down the ladder starkers and running down the road with a yappy dog chasing him and an old woman hitting him on the head with her umbrella.
I think at the end of the film Blakey out of On The Buses bans women from the hockey club, Selwyn Froggitt sacks Robin for being too tired to do his job(s) and so Robin ends up running a women-only Hockey Club with Tony Blair's father-in-law called LezBeFriends, and everyone ends up happy. Let's see if this is what happens in Mike's next post.
I've seen that film. It's also got Sharon from "Please Sir" and the daughter from "Bless this house" in it.
A classic of its genre if ever there was one.
Maybe she has been bisexual all a long but never found out due to getting married at such a young age.
Either way confront the cheating b*tch tell her what you know and speak to her.. and not ask a load of random people what they think.
We then had a blazing row.
She has gone. Gone to stay at her parents and taken the kids with her.
Her parting shot was to tell me she has had more fun in the last month with ''Becky''than in the whole of the time with me.
Perhaps I should speak to her outlaws and tell them what their precious daughter has been up to.
She wasn't a lesbian before she joined that damned club.
They have converted her.
Tell her parents whats going on. Change the locks to your doors, dont let her back in. Begin a bttle to gain custody of your children.
As if her parents are going to care.
As I said in my previous post, prepare for divorce. If you don't she'll screw you and I don't mean that in the Biblical sense.
With a couple of Girls
And no doubt a double ended dildo (allegedly)
.....................................................deleted I should know better
I would not call your in-laws. It will make you look spiteful, and they will not necessarily believe you anyway. Do try and find a good friend to speak with though - one who won't laugh.
I don't care if it's same-sex or opposite sex, cheating is cheating and you now have to decide whether you can repair your marriage or if you need to start divorce proceedings, tell the kids etc. Only the two of you can do that.
For what it's worth, I think your wife seems to be behaving unreasonably, but that may change. She probably hasn't had more fun with the other woman, she's just saying that to hurt you.
See if she will meet you somewhere so that you can both talk about what happens next. The fact that she was originally sorry for her actions and willing to give up the hockey club could mean that she wants to save your marriage.
I hope you work everything out.
What difference will telling her parents make? I would hope the woman's parents love her enough to not have this knowledge effect that.
Dare I ask why your advising him to change the locks & start a custody proceedings (battle I feel is way too dramatic)?
I'm sorry to hear about your situation, but if you want to work this out with her you need to get your head round it first.
You do not become a lesbian overnight, nor can you be 'converted'. If your wife is a lesbian, and I'm not saying she is, then she has certainly been one for some time.
Even taking that into consideration, your marriage should be the top priority at the moment not the hockey team. She should be at your side begging you to forgive her not off playing hockey with her ex (or current) girlfriends.
Hurtful things are always said in the heat of the moment. Your wife knows that she is the one in the wrong and she will not be wanting to admit that her actions are destroying your family so she is trying to turn the blame onto you somehow. Do not let her do this. She is effectively wrecking your marriage and putting your kids through turmoil.
I personally would talk to her parents but in a non-aggressive way. I would be quite bemused and ask them if they can explain to you why she has done this to the family. Does your wife have the kind of relationship with her parents that she'll show up at the door and say "Oh I've left Mike66 because my new female lovers are better than him?" I feel sure that her parents will not be clued up to what really has been going on. Perhaps they should know?