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Confidence/shyness.
Hi all. After losing a relationship due to being too quiet and shy, not confident enough, I was hoping for a few tips on how to overcome this, I've looked at other things online that may help, but, I was hoping for a different prospective on here. I was home tutored which is probably why I'm like this as I'm not used to being around people. So yeah, if anyone has any helpful advice that would be much appreciated.
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There is nothing wrong with being quiet or shy at all. It is who you are - embrace it. Never change for anyone - if someone couldn't cope with it, then it is their loss.
The only thing you would find is that you would tend to meet less people - so have less chance of finding anyone you are compatible with.
So if you want my advice? Do things you enjoy, but try and do this where there is opportunity to meet other people. Then if you do meet people, then great. If not, who cares? You are you - be happ about the fact that you are being true to yourself and living your life like you want to.
The two can be linked, but don't need to be. Do you want to do new things, or not?
Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway is a good book to help you understand that you're not the only one and that taking action and 'doing' is a much more satisfactory state of affairs than worrying about things, never doing them and thus always losing out.
Another good book is Confidence by Rob Yeung. In that book he has a great piece of wisdom that helped the penny drop in a big way! He says 'confidence isn't the absence of fear, it's about taking action despite how we may feel'.
I always thought confident people just went ahead and did 'stuff', when I realised that they might feel trepidation and anxiety but worked through it to get what they want it was a bit of a game changer for me!
Don't try and change your personality because of how you think other people want you to be, that'll just make you more unhappy. Be yourself, just a more confident yourself, and you'll find the right kind of people to be around.
Thanks, I will try and get hold of the books as they sound like a good read.
What interests do you have?
Try and make yourself do things you wouldn't normally do and it gets a bit easier each time.
What are you, a bloody contortionist.
With wanting to be more confident, thats something you can work on as confidence is also a quality that is admired but you should do it for yourself rather than for someone else. If you want to become a confident person then do it because you want to be that way rather than because your ex wanted you that way, change is only possible if your commited to that specific thing.
To become a confident person you need to surround yourself with things that make you feel good and things your good at, you need to identify your qualities and believe in yourself. Obviously its easy to say these things but if you tell yourself to do something often enough, it will become second nature to you, confidence is something that is built up over time so it could take years to get to be a "confident person" but its something that cant easily be destroyed so its well worth the journey if your willing to try.