Can any member offer some advice, I dont know where to turn.

[Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 2,216
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Sun June 26, 2011 5:32 PM


I need some help if there are any members out there who can help me. I live with my elderly parents my mother is 84 and my father is 86. My mother has been diagnosed with atrial fibrillation and she has intercystitial cystitis, diabetes and a hiatus hernia. Her artrial fibrillation started a few weeks ago and she keeps getting dizzy, nervous and her heart beats faster.

She has been admitted to hospital to A & E a few times and the ambulance has taken her but each time she has come back fine and has had exchaustive tests and they are ok. She has yet to have a halter monitor test for her artrial fibrillation that will take place in a weeks time and then hopefully they will give her medication for it.

We have been through a difficult time as a family. My last job ended in August 2009 and then a month later I was diagnosed with breast cancer, which fortunately was caught in time and had not spread and I had a tough treatment regime, 8 rounds of chemotherapy, a lumpectomy with axillary clearance, physiotherapy because I could not straighten my left arm after surgery and that cleared up then I had to have 15 sessions of radiotherapy. All the treatment ended in June 2010 then I was put on tamoxifen and the prognosis was good. But then I started getting numbness and pins and needles in my hands. Eventually, I was diagnoised with bilateral carpal tunnel syndrome in both hands and I needed two more operations one on each hand to put the problem right. That delayed me looking for further employment for a further few months.

Now I am fine and started to look for employment, I am planning to get a part time job to start with and then move on to full-time later.

the thing is with my mother having her attacks and going to hospital A & E as she has recently, I now have so much anxiety because of it and I feel her health is deteriorating just when I am trying to get my life back on track after my illness. I feel so vulnerable with out a job and am desparate to get back to work again because I need money now. I have this overwhelming feeling and that all the worry of her health is falling on my shoulders now because I am the only child no brothers and sister and do not have a partner or children. I feel I have to be at home 24/7 to care for her which terrifies me. She has told me repeatedly that I can go back to work that she and my father will easily manage with help outside help if necessary and that I am to get on with my own life. My mother has all her faculties with her she is marvellous for 84 considering the health conditions she has, she forgets things sometimes and her hearing is going a little bit now but that is only to be expected.

From my own point of view should I takea step back as it were and carry on getting my own life back on track, I am so worried about her and the load I will have to take on and that she is robbing me of my independance. I should not think like this and I know it sounds selfish but I have all these thoughts going through my head and I just do not know what to do or which way to turn.

I apologise for the long post any help and advice from any member would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you very much indeed.

Comments

  • c4rvc4rv Posts: 29,538
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    I think its going to be difficult to suggest stuff through a forum in your situation, can I suggest that you speak to your GP. Maybe they can offer some help and explain some of the medical situations.

    Hope its Ok for you in the end.
  • sesmosesmo Posts: 740
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    Wow you have a lot on your plate! Have you tried Age UK? One of my friends was struggling with caring for her grandmother and they were brilliant with advice and help.

    I don't think you sound selfish at all, you've gone through a lot yourself.

    x
  • horwichallstarshorwichallstars Posts: 16,514
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    She's not robbing you of your independance, she has told you to go back to work, and has told you how they will cope without you being there.

    Do you think your anxiety might really be to do with going back into the workplace after such a long time away, and that you are using your mum's illness as an excuse not to face those issues?
  • burton07burton07 Posts: 10,869
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    You must ask your GP for help. Your local health authority should provide care for your elderly parents while you work.
  • humdrummerhumdrummer Posts: 4,487
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    If I were you I would self refer to social services. You need a carers assessment, not only that but they can check that you guys are getting all the financial help you are entitled to and maybe offer carers for the times you can't be present. There are also carer support groups that they can give you info on. My sister went on one and said it was a real eye opener in as much as she found out that we weren't the only ones who have thought...felt...said etc.

    It can really help to make you feel normal!

    They can also help to increase your parents independence through an o.t. asssessment of your parents needs.

    There is no shame in admitting you need help and absolutely no shame at all in wanting to have some semblance of a life. Help yourself and your parents, call social services for help.
  • snowy ghostsnowy ghost Posts: 40,010
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    SQ I agree contact social care and refer your mum, and get a carers assessment for yourself. Age UK are brilliant. Good luck, you are a real star
  • fredsterfredster Posts: 31,802
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    Sun June 26, 2011 5:32 PM


    I need some help if there are any members out there who can help me. I live with my elderly parents my mother is 84 and my father is 86. My mother has been diagnosed with atrial fibrillation and she has intercystitial cystitis, diabetes and a hiatus hernia. Her artrial fibrillation started a few weeks ago and she keeps getting dizzy, nervous and her heart beats faster.

    She has been admitted to hospital to A & E a few times and the ambulance has taken her but each time she has come back fine and has had exchaustive tests and they are ok. She has yet to have a halter monitor test for her artrial fibrillation that will take place in a weeks time and then hopefully they will give her medication for it.

    We have been through a difficult time as a family. My last job ended in August 2009 and then a month later I was diagnosed with breast cancer, which fortunately was caught in time and had not spread and I had a tough treatment regime, 8 rounds of chemotherapy, a lumpectomy with axillary clearance, physiotherapy because I could not straighten my left arm after surgery and that cleared up then I had to have 15 sessions of radiotherapy. All the treatment ended in June 2010 then I was put on tamoxifen and the prognosis was good. But then I started getting numbness and pins and needles in my hands. Eventually, I was diagnoised with bilateral carpal tunnel syndrome in both hands and I needed two more operations one on each hand to put the problem right. That delayed me looking for further employment for a further few months.

    Now I am fine and started to look for employment, I am planning to get a part time job to start with and then move on to full-time later.

    the thing is with my mother having her attacks and going to hospital A & E as she has recently, I now have so much anxiety because of it and I feel her health is deteriorating just when I am trying to get my life back on track after my illness. I feel so vulnerable with out a job and am desparate to get back to work again because I need money now. I have this overwhelming feeling and that all the worry of her health is falling on my shoulders now because I am the only child no brothers and sister and do not have a partner or children. I feel I have to be at home 24/7 to care for her which terrifies me. She has told me repeatedly that I can go back to work that she and my father will easily manage with help outside help if necessary and that I am to get on with my own life. My mother has all her faculties with her she is marvellous for 84 considering the health conditions she has, she forgets things sometimes and her hearing is going a little bit now but that is only to be expected.

    From my own point of view should I takea step back as it were and carry on getting my own life back on track, I am so worried about her and the load I will have to take on and that she is robbing me of my independance. I should not think like this and I know it sounds selfish but I have all these thoughts going through my head and I just do not know what to do or which way to turn.

    I apologise for the long post any help and advice from any member would be greatly appreciated.

    Thank you very much indeed.

    poor you what a horrible situation for you. My husband has attrial fibulation. The danger is it can cause a stroke. On the plus side aspirin can be taken daily or if like my husband
    who also has a hiatus hernia and cannot have aspirin,he has to take warfarin, the dose changes and blood tests are given frequently.So it is nor really a problem.

    have you been in touch with social services? They are very helpful and will come to the house to assess your parents and find ways to help you.Good luck
  • Fibromite59Fibromite59 Posts: 22,518
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    burton07 wrote: »
    You must ask your GP for help. Your local health authority should provide care for your elderly parents while you work.

    I wish!!! You must have a better local health authority than I do here.
  • JaxxfanJaxxfan Posts: 1,914
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    Ah bless you OP- you've had more than your share of bad luck and it must be hard for you to see the positives.

    I think you should find a part-time job that you would enjoy rather than applying for any old thing. You will feel so much better for getting out there and having some independence and it will help you to cope better if and when your parents are no longer around.

    Your mum has given you her blessing and she obviously means it because she isn't trying to hold onto you and isn't scared of you not being around. If something happens you're only a short distance away and if she feels she cannot cope you can always leave your job, but at least you'll have got some work experience and met new people.

    There's always a danger that you can get into a mindset where you feel frightened to leave the house and, believe me, it's horrible.

    You can have both you know - a life outside your four walls and a role at home as part-time carer with, hopefully, some outside support.

    Best of luck OP :)
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