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Expected to pay for hen night I didn't go on and gave warning I couldn't
ChibiCandi
Posts: 966 Forum Member
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Okay I was invited to a hen party weekend I originally agreed to go on before any other details were finalised When I found out what the weekend involved I wasn't keen to go in the end (the activities and cost were the main issue) and gave a month warning to the organiser saying I can't go which they never read (Facebook messenger) after the weekend came and went I assumed it was all fine because I had given notice. Spoke to the groom about final details about the wedding and he said I still owed the person money for the trip which I never went on. I asked them about it and they just gave me their bank details but never took the courtesy to read my older messages saying I can't come. What's my position on this? It was weird the groom saying I owed money but the organiser never mentioned anything since. Thanks everyone
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Next time you decline an invitation, put it in writing and send it in the post, and get proof of posting. Messaging people on facebook can often go wrong, the message you sent probably went into their 'other' folder.
How much are you expected to cough up?
How much are we talking? £10? £50? £100? or more?
Is it normal to communicate with the organiser via facebook, I thought you would normally email or contact them via their website?
Did they call you when you didn't turn up or did they carry on regardless. How did you agree to go on the hen night? If it was through fb then declining on fb seems fair enough.
I personally would have verbally let the person know, but that opinion is in hindsight now for you.
It may be easier to just pay up if you value the friendship with the people involved.
I know a friend of mine once organised a hen bash, she paid the deposit on her card and just expected all the others to reimburse her their share.
Two people then dropped out leaving her short, she never got the money off them but the other people on the trip split it between them so she did not have to cover the cost herself alone, now that was good friendships.
On the question of whether a FB message is a proper way to communicate - to me, that would depend on whether both parties are regular users with frequent contact on there, and the likelihood of the message being missed.
How were you invited in the first place OP ? Was it via a FB message or via text or e mail or phone call ? Then I would tend to reply via the way it was messaged in the first place
The last the organiser knew was your confirmation that you were going. So ultimately if she is out of pocket for this it is your fault and you should pay up.
It is bizarre the groom is getting involved though. Perhaps the organiser is secretly fuming but is too shy to confront you?
Sounds likely. The organiser has probably complained about it to the bride, she'll have been complaining about it at home, and he's trying to smooth things over.
I think a lot of it does come down to the timing - if you agreed to go six months in advance, then changed your mind with a month to go, it's not unreasonable that the organiser would've incurred some expenses in booking things. If it was a couple of days in between, then it may be a different story.
Personally I would have made at least one further attempt to contact the organiser/bride (surely you have some other contact details) after maybe a week had passed to be sure they got the message I wasn't going.
There could be all manner of reasons your faceboob message never got through or read or whatever.
Though TBH I'm slightly surprised too there was no contact the other way either to send you finalised details or arranging where to meet etc
Hope none of you involved ever apply for a job organising tours of a brewery
However, I wouldn't have accepted their bank details, OP. That implies you agree to payment, and has dug you deeper. Maybe speak to the organiser and see if they will accept splitting payment with you, as a compromise?
If you knew they had not read the message you therefore knew you had not given them notice.
You knew there was cost involved (which you did) and you knew the person had not seen the message informing them that you would be able to attend then the sensible and logical thing to do would have been to follow up the previous message
I don't agree. Facebookers can use their account as much or as little as they like.
I've got friends on there that don't look in from one years end to the next. I would never message them on there about something important.
Having said that, surely most people get a feel for how active their friends are on there and the likelihood of them picking up on messages.
It annoys me when people preemptively pay for something before you agree to it only to them complain because you aren't going to pay them the money back.
As far as your friendship goes, it sounds as if they don't value you much anyway to have responded in such a way.
Did the OP say there was a FB page about the party? They said they contacted the person though FB but did not see anything saying it was sorted out via FB.
SPEAK to someone?????
Is that sort of thing allowed nowadays?
Personally I would tell them to sing for it
Only for the over 40s it would seem.
When you didn't get confirmation of your cancellation you should have followed it up.