Options
Strictly: 13 Going on 30
captain_cherub
Posts: 5,662 Forum Member
✭
Hello! I'm a longtime lurker on these boards, but I mainly signed up because I fancy trying my hand at a game like this (I've enjoyed reading a lot of these on the forum) and so I can vote on other people's too. I've already written up the first couple of weeks of this (so hopefully I won't abandon it too quickly) and planned out the rest of the series.
So bear with me, and I'll get things started
So bear with me, and I'll get things started
0
Comments
The soon-to-premiere thirteenth series of Strictly Come Dancing (subtitled 13 Going on 30) has been given a significant cast overhaul.
After twelve series, Tess Daly has stepped down from the show for reasons as yet unclear. Her replacement is the comedian and presenter of Pointless Alexander Armstrong, a reported Strictly fan, who tweeted ‘Thanks for kind words. Chuffed to bits to be joining @bbcstrictly this series. Can anyone recommend a good spray tan?’
Claudia Winkleman will remain in her co-presenting role.
Judges Len Goodman and Darcey Bussell have stepped down after twelve and three series respectively. Bussell, 46, is reportedly returning her focus to the ballet world, while Goodman, 71, is stepping down to focus on smaller documentary projects and family life. Their replacements are a pair of returning judges who may cause controversy: veteran judges Arlene Phillips and Alesha Dixon have both signed generous contracts to return. Dixon has tweeted about her excitement in returning to Strictly, which ‘gave me my career back’, asserting that ‘me and Arlene are well tight now’ and, several hours later, after a night out ‘on the lash’ in Soho, ‘SCRWW [sic] U COWELL I DONT NEED U AND UR BRITAINS GOT NO TALENT hahaa’ - a tweet Dixon summarily deleted. Dixon controversially replaced Phillips on the judging panel in 2009.
Craig Revel Horwood and Bruno Tonioli will return to their usual seats for their thirteenth series of judging each.
This year’s professional lineup has also dug from Strictly’s past. Departing professionals include tabloid favourite Ola Jordan, Strictly veterans Anton du Beke and Brendan Cole, the only two professionals remaining of the original 2004 lineup, and newer signing Janette Manrara, whose fiancé Aljaž Skorjanec remains on the show. Manrara will be retained as a salsa specialist choreographer. These four have been replaced by veteran professionals Erin Boag, Ian Waite and Artem Chigvintsev, and the celebrity cast will accordingly shrink from fifteen to fourteen.
Following judge Craig Revel Horwood’s comments earlier in the year, BBC bosses have thought this the right time to introduce same-sex couples to the ballroom competition.
A Strictly insider reports that producers want two same-sex couples this year - one male, one female - so as to keep an evenly-numbered professional cast.
‘This would be a huge step forward for Strictly,’ commented the European Same-Sex Dance Association last night, ‘and if you look at the ballroom dancing world, same-sex competitions are enormously popular, which I’m sure will be reflected in the audience.’
This move has provoked little backlash so far, though online commenters have expressed concern about their TV license fees are being used to fund programming that, in the words of Twitter user @MikeRopeenus, is ‘typical BBC socialist homosexualist [sic] propaganda’. Other users have expressed their support, with @WhoGivesAToss stating ‘it’s 2015, it’s just two blokes dancing, you’re not being strapped down and forced to watch.’
The idea has previously attracted support from Strictly stars such as presenter Tess Daly, 2012 winner Louis Smith, judge Bruno Tonioli, professional dancers Ola Jordan and Robin Windsor, and 2012 runner-up Denise van Outen.
Leading the cast from the world of sport are the current world record holder in triple jump Jonathan Edwards, the first British athlete to win gold at London 2012 rower Helen Glover, international rugby player Leigh Halfpenny, and footballer Robbie Rogers.
After Caroline Flack’s victory last year, bosses have mined the presenting world for more Strictly stars. Taking to the floor this year are I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out Here! NOW!’s Laura Whitmore, travel presenter and author Simon Reeve, and BBC sports presenter Ore Oduba.
From the acting world, treading a new set of boards this year are former stars of Doctor Who Camille Coduri and Katy Manning, known for their roles as Jackie Tyler and Jo Grant respectively; star of Channel 4’s Misfits and Utopia Nathan Stewart-Jarrett; Midsomer Murders’ newest Inspector Barnaby Neil Dudgeon; and international signing Samira Wiley, from the popular Netflix series Orange is the New Black.
The lineup is completed by lead singer of the Noisettes Shingai Shoniwa, and popular comedian Shappi Khorsandi.
LINEUP
LADIES
From Orange is the New Black, Samira Wiley, 28
Olympic golden girl Helen Glover, 29
TV presenter Laura Whitmore, 30
Noisettes singer Shingai Shoniwa, 33
Comedian Shappi Khorsandi, 42
Actress Camille Coduri, 50
Stage and screen actress Katy Manning, 68
GENTLEMEN
Rugby player Leigh Halfpenny, 26
Footballer Robbie Rogers, 28
Presenter Ore Oduba, 28
Actor Nathan Stewart-Jarrett, 29
Travel presenter Simon Reeve, 43
World record-holding athlete Jonathan Edwards, 49
From Midsomer Murders, Neil Dudgeon, 54
PROFESSIONAL CAST
Aliona Vilani
Aljaž Skorjanec
Artem Chigvintsev
Erin Boag
Ian Waite
Iveta Lukosiute
Joanne Clifton
Karen Clifton
Kevin Clifton
Kristina Rihanoff
Natalie Lowe
Pasha Kovalev
Trent Whiddon
Tristan MacManus
Any thoughts so far?
I know I'm probably not meant to have faves since I'm running it, but... yeah, she's definitely up there
CLAUDIA: Ladies, gentlemen, celebrities, dancers, viewers, welcome to the launch show of what promises to be an absolutely titanically entertaining series.
ALEXANDER: First off, we’re delighted to welcome back some old faces in this year’s professional lineup. And it’s odd to talk about old faces now that Anton du Beke’s left.
CLAUDIA: Xander, never tell a dancer they look old - Iveta nearly had my eye out. Returning to the lineup are three of our favourites from seasons past, please welcome back to Strictly Ian Waite, Erin Boag, and Artem Chigvintsev.
*The returning pros cha cha on forward and take their bows*
ALEXANDER: Those aren’t the only returning faces, for on our judging panel, we’ve lost Darcey and Len, but in their place two icons of Strictly history, so please welcome back Arlene Phillips and Alesha Dixon!
*The two veteran judges take in the applause, and this isn’t at all awkward that they’re sitting next to each other, no sir*
ALEXANDER: I don’t quite know how we got Alesha back from ITV, but I do know that Claudia and I aren’t getting paid this year.
CLAUDIA: It's okay, we don't for it for the money.
.........
CLAUDIA: We do it for the attention.
Ore, you’ll be talking jive with... Aliona Vilani!
Leigh, you’ll be taking the fast train to Grimsby with... Joanne Clifton!
Neil, there’s been a murder on the dancefloor, and the prime suspect is... Kristina Rihanoff!
(CLAUDIA: Oh look, Kristina’s brought her own handcuffs.)
Robbie, football’s coming home with... Trent Whiddon!
Camille, you’ll be swapping Tardis for tango with... Pasha Kovalev!
Samira, let’s hope it’s a match made in dance heaven with... Karen Clifton!
Katy, the dancer who will Cha-Cha-Change your life is... Kevin Clifton!
Simon, your partner comes from a land down under, where women glow and men plunder... there’s only one way to go, with Natalie Lowe!
Jonathan, your partner is... don’t just stand there, let’s get to it, strike a pose, there’s nothing to it, Erin Boag!
So Nathan, I couldn’t find a song that could describe her, but your partner couldn’t be any cuter... she’s Iveta Lukosiute!
Shingai, the dancer who won’t upset your rhythm is... Aljaž Skorjanec!
Helen, row row row your boat gently down the stream, and if you see Ian Waite, don’t forget to scream!
Laura, the man with the plan-us... is (who else?) Tristan MacManus!
So Shappi, like the Terminator he is, he said (Alexander does a very bad Arnie voice) ‘I’ll be back... from America’ your partner is Artem Chigvintsev!
*Three minute long car pileup ensues as per usual*
CLAUDIA: Now judges, I’m going to ask you to be nice. I don’t think you’ll listen, but I’m going to say it to you now so nobody blames me: be nice. Bruno, do you see any future Strictly legends here?
BRUNO: Oh Claudia, I tellll you yes I saw some legendary dancing: it has to be seen to be believed. But I could not take my eyes off of Shingai’s fabulous pins, yes mamma!
ALEXANDER: I think it was a compliment Shingai, don’t you? Now Craig, could you - in the most agreeable terms possible - point out some areas for improvement?
CRAIG: Darling, I have a litany of faults, but we only have five minutes left of the show. This year, I think I’ll be generous and say you were all equally not bad.
ALEXANDER: That’s high praise.
CLAUDIA: And on that note, that’s it for tonight, but join us again very, very soon when our fourteen fighting fit celebrities will take their first cha cha steps out onto the dancefloor by themselves. But until then - get in line everyone, we’ve got to get you all in sync before Christmas -
ALEXANDER AND CLAUDIA: Keeeeeep dancing!
FULL PAIRINGS
Camille Coduri and Pasha Kovalev
Helen Glover and Ian Waite
Jonathan Edwards and Erin Boag
Katy Manning and Kevin Clifton
Laura Whitmore and Tristan MacManus
Leigh Halfpenny and Joanne Clifton
Nathan Stewart-Jarrett and Iveta Lukosiute
Neil Dudgeon and Kristina Rihanoff
Ore Oduba and Aliona Vilani
Robbie Rogers and Trent Whiddon
Samira Wiley and Karen Hauer
Shappi Khorsandi and Artem Chigvintsev
Shingai Shoniwa and Aljaž Skorjanec
Simon Reeve and Natalie Lowe
CALENDAR
Week 1 - Strictly’s Opening Night Parts 1 and 2 (14 couples) - Waltz, Tango, Cha-Cha-Cha or Jive
Week 2 - Double elimination night (14 couples) - Quickstep, Foxtrot, Rumba or Salsa
Week 3 - Disney (Subsidiaries) Night: Muppets vs Pixar Team Challenge (12 couples) - one unlearned dance
Week 4 - Turning It Up To Eleven (11 couples) - American Smooth, Viennese Waltz, Argentine Tango, Paso Doble, Samba or Charleston
Week 5 - Hallowe’en Night (10 couples) - one unlearned dance
Week 6 - Dressed to the Nines (9 couples) - one unlearned dance
Week 7 - Strictly Live from the Royal Albert Hall: Classical Night (8 couples) - one unlearned dance
Week 8 - The Magnificent Seven (7 couples) - one unlearned dance
Week 9 - Small Screen and Silver Screen Night (6 couples) - two unlearned dances
Week 10 - Semi-Final Showstoppers Night (5 couples) - two unlearned dances
Week 11 - The Grand Final (3 couples) - one unlearned dance, Showdance, one favourite Ballroom dance, one favourite Latin dance
WEEK 1 PREVIEW (Guess the Songs)
Ladies
The Black Eyed Peas (Jive)
Kenny Rogers (Waltz)
Rihanna (Jive)
The Seekers (Cha-Cha-Cha)
Stacey Q (Tango)
Tori Amos (Waltz)
Whitney Houston (Cha-Cha-Cha)
Gentlemen
Belle and Sebastian (Jive)
Diana Ross (Cha-Cha-Cha)
Hot Chocolate (Tango)
Miriam Stockley (Waltz)
Ray LaMontagne (Waltz)
Roxy Music (Tango)
Sam and Dave (Cha-Cha-Cha)
Feel free to guess away
Thanks
Laura ftw though
MINI-PREVIEW: Craig breaks open the animal imagery and calls someone a pufferfish, Arlene tries to use the word 'krumping', Alesha deploys her first 'YOU WAS FIERCE' (of many), and Bruno lusts after Laura Whitmore.
NIGHT 1 - LADIES’ NIGHT
ALEXANDER: Welcome to Strictly Come Dancing’s 2015 opening night. It’s been three long weeks of anticipation, but this weekend all of our contestants will hit the ballroom in style with either a romantic Waltz, a cheeky Cha-Cha-Cha, a sultry Tango or a bubbly Jive.
CLAUDIA: Tonight our seven female celebrities will blitz through the ballroom, but if you think it all sounds a bit oestrogen-heavy so far, then never fear, for tomorrow our seven gents will take to the floor.
ALEXANDER: Remember that tonight’s dances will be scored by the judges, but the lines will not open for you to vote until next week, when our couples will dance again. Then the scores and your votes will be combined, and we will be bidding a very premature goodbye to one couple.
CLAUDIA: Actually Xander, it’s a double elimination. Two couples will be going home next week. The costume department called, they’ve run out of sequins already.
ALEXANDER: I’m sorry Claudia, that was me, they were... for private use.
CLAUDIA: Have you had your bathroom re-glittered?
ALEXANDER: Sadly, yes.
CLAUDIA: Before we welcome our contestants, we must first, with a heavy heart and a queasy stomach, greet our judges.
ALEXANDER: They’re back after a long summer holiday. Arlene had a mini-break in Magaluf, Alesha went shopping in the Champs-Elysées, Bruno went ‘cruising’ round the Caribbean, *Bruno winks saucily* and Craig had a wet weekend in Whitby.
CLAUDIA: Dancing later in tonight’s show are Shingai and Aljaž, Shappi & Artem, Camille & Pasha, Katy & Kevin and Laura & Tristan.
ALEXANDER: But the first couple to cut the ribbon on 2015 and take to the floor is Helen Glover and her partner Ian Waite. Let’s see how their first three weeks of training went.
Week 1: Tell us about yourself
HELEN: My name is Helen Glover, and I’m the current Olympic gold medallist in the women’s coxless pairs, and we were the first athletes in Team GB in win gold in London 2012, and the first British women ever to get an Olympic gold in rowing. It’s been three years, but I’m still really smug about it. I’m likely to get competitive, especially since Jonny Edwards is there too. I don’t mind if he beats me - I still have more gold medals than him! *pause* Actually, I still want to beat him. *she smiles innocently*
Cha-Cha-Cha - How Will I Know - Whitney Houston
ARLENE: I’m sorry Helen, but that wasn’t a gold-winning performance. You started off with a bit of zoom, but then I could see you clamming up. It was all locked limbs and lazy legs.
BRUNO: Helena bambina, you’ve got to listen to the music, listen to what Whitney is telling you. Uh huh, look into my eyes, yeah baby, take me to the clouds above! It wasn’t a disaster, everything was in the right place, you just have to sell it.
(Scores: CRAIG: 4 ARLENE: 5 ALESHA: 7 BRUNO: 6)
Total: 22
Week 1: Tell us about yourself
CAMILLE: I’m Camille Coduri, I’m an actress, but if there’s one thing you probably know me for... it’s got to be Jackie Tyler from Doctor Who, hasn’t it?
*insert clip of Jackie Tyler yelling ‘Stitch this, mate!’ and slapping Christopher Eccleston*
That’s going to be me and Craig, that is, soon as the cameras are off, because I swear the way training’s going, there’s no way he’s giving me anything above a 4.
*they play the slap again*
You see that, Craig? I’m coming for ya.... *bursts out laughing*
Waltz - Lady - Kenny Rogers
CRAIG: I was pleasantly surprised- *Camille shrieks and then covers her mouth, embarrassed* -don’t worry darling, I still found a lot of things wrong with it. You need to keep your mouth closed because you keep putting me in mind of a pufferfish, your left shoulder keeps creeping up on you very conspicuously, and I didn’t care for some of your heel leads. However, you created rise and fall, and you acted it gorgeously.
ALESHA: Firstly, can I say you look beautifully turned out tonight Camille, and secondly you were magical out there. You filled the room with this warmth, like you was just floating around like you were on a cloud.
(Scores: CRAIG: 6 ARLENE: 7 ALESHA: 7 BRUNO: 6)
Total: 26
Week 1: Tell us about yourself
SAMIRA: Hi, I’m Samira Wiley, I’m an actress and a model, and I’m definitely best known for playing Poussey Washington - accent à droite - in Orange is the New Black. At least I think I’m best known for that, because I don’t think anyone’s watched that one episode of Law & Order I was in. Unless you’re my mom. I would’ve done Strictly in America, but America’s a bit too delicate to have a gay lady like me dancing with a woman on primetime, so I thought I’d *attempts the British accent* hop on across the pond.
Jive - Pump It - The Black Eyed Peas
ARLENE: Samira, you were really jumping and pumping and krumping all over the shop, but you get a bit too frenetic and you sometimes wandered off-beat, which contributed to that incident you had in the corner. You have such an electric energy, you just need to keep it controlled.
ALESHA: I can tell you’re going to be the pocket rocket this year. You was fierce, babe!
(Scores: CRAIG: 7 ARLENE: 6 ALESHA: 7 BRUNO: 7)
Total: 27