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Unsure of what to do
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Hey guys, i've got a bit of a long story and need some advice. Bit of background -
I grew up with an excellent childhood, couldnt fault it whatsoever. Close family, good friends, and hitting college was the best time of my life, made a lot of new friends and generally had a blast (especially with turning 18, starting to go out (legally!)) In late 2008, my mum committed suicide after a 25 year battle with bipolar disorder. No one seen it coming and as you can expect was a huge shock.
I carried on with college (a levels) went back after about a week and a half of mum passing (for some reason didnt hit me hard?) That christmas was hard, but I had good friends and family around me which made it bearable. I decided to apply for uni and despite only getting 2 D's and an E at Alevel, i went off to manchester met uni in sept 2009. Since i started i loved the first month or two. as time went on i began to hate it and went home every weekend. fast forward.. i'm now in my final year and a bit of a mess if im honest. I didnt have the balls to drop out of uni which I wished i did (maybe took a year out and applied elsewhere) and i've disliked every year of it, i'm now living with a group of people (known 3 of them since first year) but we've never truely got along. Last Summer my Dad made a really rash decision and moved in with his partner around an hour and a half drive from my hometown. All summer this terrified me as i've lived in the old house all my life. In september he moved (cottage in the country)
So now im stuck in the final year of a course i hate, at a uni i hate, with no home (i have a room at the cottage but i dont class it as home) i have no idea what im doing when i leave university and just generally feeling depressed. The only thing keeping me happy is going the gym weightlifting which i took up as a hobby in september. Im missing out being with friends and family over christmas, and although ive got offers to stay with them, it doesnt feel the same.
really dont know where my lifes heading at all.
oh and around a week ago, i somehow got my card stolen on a night out and all my money was robbed from my bank so i have no money to my name at the moment (brilliant timing!)
Sorry bout the essay, guess im just looking for advice on what to do, i dont really know..
I grew up with an excellent childhood, couldnt fault it whatsoever. Close family, good friends, and hitting college was the best time of my life, made a lot of new friends and generally had a blast (especially with turning 18, starting to go out (legally!)) In late 2008, my mum committed suicide after a 25 year battle with bipolar disorder. No one seen it coming and as you can expect was a huge shock.
I carried on with college (a levels) went back after about a week and a half of mum passing (for some reason didnt hit me hard?) That christmas was hard, but I had good friends and family around me which made it bearable. I decided to apply for uni and despite only getting 2 D's and an E at Alevel, i went off to manchester met uni in sept 2009. Since i started i loved the first month or two. as time went on i began to hate it and went home every weekend. fast forward.. i'm now in my final year and a bit of a mess if im honest. I didnt have the balls to drop out of uni which I wished i did (maybe took a year out and applied elsewhere) and i've disliked every year of it, i'm now living with a group of people (known 3 of them since first year) but we've never truely got along. Last Summer my Dad made a really rash decision and moved in with his partner around an hour and a half drive from my hometown. All summer this terrified me as i've lived in the old house all my life. In september he moved (cottage in the country)
So now im stuck in the final year of a course i hate, at a uni i hate, with no home (i have a room at the cottage but i dont class it as home) i have no idea what im doing when i leave university and just generally feeling depressed. The only thing keeping me happy is going the gym weightlifting which i took up as a hobby in september. Im missing out being with friends and family over christmas, and although ive got offers to stay with them, it doesnt feel the same.
really dont know where my lifes heading at all.
oh and around a week ago, i somehow got my card stolen on a night out and all my money was robbed from my bank so i have no money to my name at the moment (brilliant timing!)
Sorry bout the essay, guess im just looking for advice on what to do, i dont really know..
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Most people won't be surprised that what's happened in your young life has gradually caught up with you - the transition from home, to uni, to work is hard enough without the traumatic personal circumstances.
I urge you to find someone you can talk to that can help you find a way through this. You are still young and making the wrong choices at Uni or with flat mates is not a 'once and for all' decision, you can choose a different path at any time - but I think you need some thinking time and someone to help to facilitate you finding a path through.
Good luck.
The only advice I can give you is to stick out your uni course. You have roughly 5 months left yeah? Uni is tough but at the end of it you'll have more options than you would have as a uni dropout. (Sorry that sounds so harsh...)
Do you know what you want to do with your degree? I am guessing that you had a 'plan.'
You could always defer that plan for a year, go travelling...enjoy your life.
As for your Dad, again I am guessing, but your mothers death must have been a huge shock, he has had to move on with his life as you have done by going to uni, so neither of you have had it easy. Can you chat this though with him? Maybe go to the cottage for Christmas?
Money problems, will the bank help at all? Or maybe a short term loan from family?
Good luck
i dont know who id talk to. it would possibly help, its just finding someone. all of my mates find it so awkward so never bring it up or ask anything about mums death. my ex after a few drinks did and i happily explained the past in detail (she said i was sexy cos of the way i never spoke about anything!?)
me and my dad had a lot of arguments over summer because of the move, like really heated arguments that ended up me storming out the house, telling him to f off and driving off at midnight. we have been a close family but we never spoke about our feelings to one another which i suppose is quite weird.
dancingdaisy:
i've never had a plan, i've never known what ive wanted to do which is really peeing me off now. i chose a pretty random course at uni, and i am sticking it out. (im doing pretty shite, probs looking at a 2:2 if im lucky..)
My dad has moved on, which i dont blame him for... his words: "i can either sit around sulking for the rest of my life or enjoy it" so fair play to him.
I do plan on spending christmas eve and day with him and his partner, although i'd rather be at home with friends.
feels like a 3 year long mid life crisis and im only 21
Have a hug...
It honestly sounds as if you have a bit of delayed bereavement from your mum's death...throw in the family home disappearing, changes in your relationship with your dad and plugging away at a course you don't really feel comfortable in and it's really no surprise you haven't got much of a clue which way is up at the moment...
I think you need to talk to your dad... That closeness is probably still there - just the lines have gotten a bit fuzzy recently... Do you get on with his new partner?
Please give somewhere like Cruse a call and just see if you can chat with them a little... Tell your dad you want your dad back and see if the pair of you can spend some time alone as well as with his partner so you can get to know her some more... It's time for you pair to have some honesty time and learn a little about how you can move forward...
Speak to the Student Services dept at the university... The end is in sight with your course and you must be quite good if you've managed to get this far whilst not really finding any personal benefit in it... They might be able to help if you need a bit of extra time or access to a counsellor - it's their job to help get you through so put them to work...
You'll be too young to remember it but as Buzby once said - it's good to talk...
Take care and try and find some smile time over Christmas...
Yeah I get on with his partner, she is genuinely really nice (she was close to dying a couple of years ago (before we knew her), and has just got the all clear so shes a half glass full kinda person) She always makes an effort with me and my sister and even sticks up for me when my dad disagrees with me.
They are the same person and I can tell they are both 110% happy with each other which I suppose is nice to see, just wish I could be as happy as them.
Thanks for the link, i'll check it out now. I want to talk to student support but im a bit scared because I dont really know what to say and what they can do..
Starting talking is always difficult Salt... Especially if you're a tad worried once you start the floodgates will open and you'll make zero to a half inch of sense...
It sounds as if your dad's new partner is a beneficial addition to your family... Anyone who can keep smiling and offer you all some extra love and support after you've all been muddling through a bit of a black hole has got to be good... She may even be someone you can talk to in a more open way as you become more comfortable... Cross generational relationships can be hugely rewarding...
Let their happiness rub off on you a little when you're in their company... At the moment you can't really see the wood for the trees and have too much to try and make sense of easily on your own... You will be happy again though sweetie - just give yourself time and permission to ask for some help to get there... You might even surprise yourself over time and enjoy the respite of a bit of country life (:eek: