can you help me decide

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• bossoftheworld Posts: 4,941

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  03/08/10 - 08:03 #2

  It would be a shame to throw away a year that you've already done. As you say you've split them up into a year at a time.
  
  This time next year just think - you only have one more year to go. Then the year after it will be finished and you will have achieved so much.
  
  Good luck - whatever you decide to do.

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• [Deleted User] Posts: 13,717

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  03/08/10 - 08:42 #3

  How does your OH feel about it? I think that's an important consideration. My OH is self-employed and works upwards of 50 hours a week (sometimes a lot more if he's trying to finish a job or had an important one come in with tight deadlines that he can't afford to pass up), but it's what he earns that has helped me to go part-time as my health hasn't been good in recent years. We like to spend time together - not so much going out as a couple all the time, but having a meal/watching tv/going for a walk, catching up on each other's day etc. I hate it when we don't "touch base" with each other - we need that time to smooth each other's feathers. We haven't reached the stage where either of us feels like ships passing in the night, and if it came to that we'd have to do something about it.
  
  Some 20+ years ago, I did a job I absolutely loved, so much so that I'd put in 80-100 hours a week and not feel tired. But I was single then - it didn't matter that much to me that I didn't eat properly, sometimes didn't get to bed until 3am etc, and I also didn't mind not having much money because that would come years down the line. The only reason I stopped working in that business was that it folded on the death of the owner. I'd love to go back to that job again, but I'm older now and I have my OH, my health and our finances to consider. I also like having proper meals, rather than the two bagels and a carton of Ribena I often existed on back then. If I wanted to do that job again, my OH would never try to stop me as he knows I'd love it and would really commit to it, but I'd need to put in 70+ hours a week for at least a couple of years to have a chance of it working. We'd really struggle financially and there's no doubt in my mind that with his work already taking up so much time our relationship would suffer. It would only therefore have a chance of working now if we had the money to enable us to delegate some of the work to a paid employee, and we don't. If we did, I'd give up my job today to do it and he'd support that decision.
  
  Job satisfaction/happiness is really important to me. If you think it's the field in which you can really be happy, I think you need to speak to your OH about what it will mean for you both. You need to find a balance that works for you both - how will your study commitment affect how your household runs, his employment etc? How will you be affected by it physically - can you cope with the tiredness, etc? It would be a shame if you were to give it up and I'm not saying you should, but I do think both of you need to plan how things will work. I've heard the first year of uni described as the "gloss" year, because so much of it has the gloss of newness about it. It's the second year when the reality of the course/commitment can really hit home for some people.

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• sadoldbird Posts: 9,626

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  03/08/10 - 09:04 #4

  OP, this is for you and your partner to discuss and decide.
  
  Whilst we can share experiences, what works for one couple may not work for another. For example, for years my husband worked long hours and was out of the house from dawn till dusk. I tried to be supportive and I believe I succeeded, but it wasn't easy.
  
  Speak to your partner. If this is your dream, then look for ways to make it work but you do need to know that you have her support.

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• [Deleted User] Posts: 2,703

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  03/08/10 - 09:10 #5

  It sounds quite normal to me. I put on loads of weight each time i studied. You get so into it, you forget everything else.
  
  I echo what others have said. Talk to your partner and give yourself the odd night off

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• [Deleted User] Posts: 1,015

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  03/08/10 - 09:27 #6

  thank you for your responses,
  
  Sorry I should have said, my partner is game, she wants me to go for it.
  
  The problem is me, I am freaking out about the schedule i.e. working and studying and the lack of finances. I knew I had to take a pay cut when I left my career to study, however a year after doing so, I can honestly admit its not that easy.
  
  Whilst my partner is on good money and is helping me here and there I am a bit old skool and insist on paying my way and do 95% of the time.
  
  However the problem for me is that am I up to it? this thought and question freaks me out....for example can I go through what I did last year, sure I obtained high marks and got accepted by a really good uni but it was at a huge cost.
  
  Again, my partner wants me to go and said she is behind me.
  
  I therefore posted for your opinions, as its me who is unsure due to the putting on weight, the strange sleeping patterns and all the hours...I dont know if this is just pre blues..

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• sadoldbird Posts: 9,626

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  03/08/10 - 09:32 #7

  You are taking a huge step and it's very understandable that you are nervous.
  
  For what it's worth, I think you might deeply regret it if you don't give this a shot. If you try it out and it doesn't work out, at least you will have made an informed decision. But if it does work out, you will have fulfilled your dreams.
  
  As they say, we are more likely to regret the things we didn't do than the things we did do.
  
  Good luck whatever you decide.

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• [Deleted User] Posts: 1,015

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  03/08/10 - 09:35 #8

  that is true - thanks for that

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