Wizard, if i were you i would say its time to go back to see your GP, as in all your threads over the last few weeks you have been saying that you are not copeing with things very well, and how you are struggling with your problems and looking after your son, sounds like you need some more support with both.
I was supposed to start my CBT last week but the therapist's secretary rang me 15 minutes before my appointment to say she wouldn't be in as she was sick and would be in touch about another appointment. Still waiting to hear.
This is my experience with these people. They seem to forever drop people and move appointments and courses of therapy only tend to last for a few weeks and often they take long breaks between each ones because they are forever changing things around.
One guy I was with last time saw me once, cancelled the next appointment twice and changed an appointment and messed me about and then took a break from seeing me for 2 months because he was out of the country. He came back in the new year, made an appointment which he knew I wasn't able to make because I told him to avoid certain times because of taking my son to nursery and because I declined that slot he struck me off his books. Great eh? Altogether I'd had one consultation and one session which and then I was dropped.
The time before that I had about 3 sessions and the therapist decided to leave to move to another PCT and it's taken me over 12 months to get to see someone else who's been equally as useless.
I have tried to suggest it diplomatically but get told not to interfere and my dad went ape shit with me for merely suggesting she should visit her GP. He even admits to being in a rut but wont allow me to help them. He said if he ever find out that I've spoken to my GP or anyone else about this there will be fireworks. Even if I try to say things in a gentle way by just making a slight suggestion my mum tells me not to be so rude then involves my dad who then tells me to mind my own business and stop being so offensive and keeps saying there's nothing wrong.
Whenever I've mentioned about the bath or shower not being used they just deny it yet I know because I stay there and know by how I've left things like soap or the way I hang up the showerhead or the way I wrap the chain around the taps that they haven't been moves since I last visited.
I've just rang mum and apologised for speaking to her the way I did and explained I wasn't having a good day and she said that seeing my wife answered the call and she was aware I wasn't coping too well and needed some time to myself for a bit then she should have said something.
I keep feeling mentally drained and wanting to go to bed and I keep getting thoughts about doing horrible things to myself. All I want to do is pull the covers over my head and not wake up. After a while the feeling passes but it's harder when people don't give me the chance when I feel I just need to be left alone.
Glad you phoned your Mum.
You clearly don't want to be entirely on your own as you are sharing this on here.
I think you need to speak to someone better qualified than us. But that's up to you.
why do people think we want to read every little thing that happens in there life, why would you post something like this on the internet, its between you and your family not us
Were you forced to read it? Were you forced to reply? There's a simple solution to posts you don't want to read and that's....
Wifey knew Wizard was tired and knew guests were coming around later, should have helped out and said no.
One fine morning "Wifey" is going to wake up and realise that if that is how Wizard talks and thinks the people that have showered him with unconditional love since birth its only a matter of time before she becomes the target for his angst .................
You clearly don't want to be entirely on your own as you are sharing this on here.
I think you need to speak to someone better qualified than us. But that's up to you.
Thanks. It just helps to vent my feelings sometimes. I'm trying to get in to see someone but struggling as they keep letting me down.
Were you forced to read it? Were you forced to reply? There's a simple solution to posts you don't want to read and that's....
Oh what's the point!
I'd have stuck in advice as they love a good family crisis / drama-rama over there ;-)
Seriously, I hope you get things sorted with your folks. Sounds like they need some tough love and if they are in a rut with cleaning and stuff, it sounds like they need some help.
why do people think we want to read every little thing that happens in there life, why would you post something like this on the internet, its between you and your family not us
Op may have blamed his parents, you lay the blame with his wife. I felt his wife wasn't to blame or his parents. I really don't get the point with your last post and in the grand scheme of things it doesn't really matter.
I don't mean to drip feed here but remembered one other thing.
Before I told my mum to shut up my dad asked if I was still worrying about my tax credits and I said yes but didn't elaborate. He replied with, "Well there's no need to take it out on everyone else". I said, "I'm not taking anything out on anyone. I just don't feel like talking. It was at that point my mum continued to keep probing me which is why I lost my cool.
At the point I said I didn't want to talk they should have respected that and not kept probing and giving me their unwanted opinions.
Your mother is I'll though. Why would you argue with someone who has dementia?
Your dad is probably struggling a bit with her. Do you ever go and give him a hand?
You seem to be obsessing about your own problems and not even noticing that your parents are going through bad times which are only going to get worse. Maybe you could offer to help.
OK not the entire house just the room they were sitting in. I walked downstairs this afternoon to what smelled like a stale urine whiff. It's not pleasant. Sometimes it remains on the sofa where my mum has been sitting and the covers sometimes have to be washed. I've even thought about investing in a throw over for when they come round. I'm not kidding.
If my mum has been down babysitting and we come home, sometimes I can smell it in the hallway where she hangs her coat we try to make sure she hangs it on an empty peg so as not to contaminate other coats with her smell. The first thing I do when I come home is say, "Phew what's that smell in here?" and go straight to open the window and she still doesn't take the hint. My dad just stinks of B.O although he's not as bad hygiene wise as my mum he can at times stink just as bad.
Take a hint? How can a person with dementia be expected to take a hint? You really are full of compassion aren't you? Are you not worried about your parents? Do you not feel that they are in need if help? Or are they just an inconvenience. Unless, of course, you need a babysitter.
It sounds like social services need to be involved. This will not fix itself I am afraid. It is a phone we all dread but you have to make it not for your sake but for their sake. I urge you to contact them as it can become seriously whilst you are in denial. Good luck and I hope it lucks for you as I do not envy this situation.
Whenever my dad comes round he deliberately tries to wind me up and is forever trying to belittle me and put me down or get one up over me and he takes great delight in working my son up into a hyper frenzy and gives him treats which my wife has specifically told him he can't have and if he babysits he won't put him to bed until way past his bedtime and then we end up having to deal with him after he's tired and wound up and on a hyper.
My mum is hard work because she doesn't take things in what you say to her so she's hard work to talk to and acts like a spoiled child if you don't give her all of your attention. The other day she rang as I was dishing up tea and told her I couldn't talk and had to go and I'd ringnher back. She didn't listen and just carried on talking so had to tell her more firmly I definitely HAD to go. She threw a total childish strop with me and blew me off the phone.
Today I just wasn't in the mood for dealing with them as I was having a bad day and struggling with my depression and anxiety. I don't talk to my parents about my depression because the first thing my mum says is, "You have a nice home and a good family, you have no reason for it." She seems to think that people who are depressed or have anxiety need a reason to feel like that.
And you say in your opening post that she has early stage dementia!!! Think that just might be a clue as to her behaviour!
Wait parents have to be invited to see their kids now? Wtf? The fact they ring before coming suggests that they aren't welcome. And I'm not surprised you got a gobful! Christ what did you expect? You treat them like pests, no wonder they act like them. Tell them that they smell, not everyone on here, you clearly don't care about them, just remember this post when one pops their clogs, you'll realise what parents bring to your life. I could never bring myself to talk so nastily about mine, especially my mum. Even when we don't get on, I still have respect and wouldn't dream of posting such a lengthy and ridiculous post about her I think you should chill out and lighten up, you clearly haven't done. Get some privacy man.
Wait parents have to be invited to see their kids now? Wtf? The fact they ring before coming suggests that they aren't welcome. And I'm not surprised you got a gobful! Christ what did you expect? You treat them like pests, no wonder they act like them. Tell them that they smell, not everyone on here, you clearly don't care about them, just remember this post when one pops their clogs, you'll realise what parents bring to your life. I could never bring myself to talk so nastily about mine, especially my mum. Even when we don't get on, I still have respect and wouldn't dream of posting such a lengthy and ridiculous post about her I think you should chill out and lighten up, you clearly haven't done. Get some privacy man.
I don't think you're being entirely fair here, some families are open door just drop in types, whereas others prefer notice or an invitation - one type of family isn't better than the other, they're just different.
I would have been upset if people who needed entertaining interrupted a much looked forward peace and calm break. Perhaps you could ask your Mrs to field calls and visitor when you need a break?
Wizard, it does sound like you are not coping with your life and depression so do go to check things out with your Dr. Maybe something like changing your meds or dose will help? . Sorry to hear you're struggling to get any meaningful therapy. I had similar experiences with appointments getting cancelled as well as being signed out of the service for equally ridiculous reasons. I ended up going private in the end, would you be able to consider doing the same?
I have a family member who, by the sounds of it, is very similar to the OP. He struggles to deal with life and every small issue gets blown out of all proportion. He also finds it difficult to see that other people have problems of their own. I have sympathy for him but it does sometimes make him a very challenging person to be around. I hope, OP, you get the help you need but in the meantime, try not to alienate the people who care about you...their company and advice may not always be welcome but I'm sure it is well meant.
Comments
I don't think I'll bother now.
Sounds interesting.
Tell me more....
I was supposed to start my CBT last week but the therapist's secretary rang me 15 minutes before my appointment to say she wouldn't be in as she was sick and would be in touch about another appointment. Still waiting to hear.
This is my experience with these people. They seem to forever drop people and move appointments and courses of therapy only tend to last for a few weeks and often they take long breaks between each ones because they are forever changing things around.
One guy I was with last time saw me once, cancelled the next appointment twice and changed an appointment and messed me about and then took a break from seeing me for 2 months because he was out of the country. He came back in the new year, made an appointment which he knew I wasn't able to make because I told him to avoid certain times because of taking my son to nursery and because I declined that slot he struck me off his books. Great eh? Altogether I'd had one consultation and one session which and then I was dropped.
The time before that I had about 3 sessions and the therapist decided to leave to move to another PCT and it's taken me over 12 months to get to see someone else who's been equally as useless.
Glad you phoned your Mum.
You clearly don't want to be entirely on your own as you are sharing this on here.
I think you need to speak to someone better qualified than us. But that's up to you.
Were you forced to read it? Were you forced to reply? There's a simple solution to posts you don't want to read and that's....
Oh what's the point!
Who's she, your sister?
Great, now I have a very strange cover version of The Knacks seminal debut single in my head, although it has also made me remember those nipples too.
Thanks. It just helps to vent my feelings sometimes. I'm trying to get in to see someone but struggling as they keep letting me down.
I'd have stuck in advice as they love a good family crisis / drama-rama over there ;-)
Seriously, I hope you get things sorted with your folks. Sounds like they need some tough love and if they are in a rut with cleaning and stuff, it sounds like they need some help.
DS has become Agony Aunt.
Op may have blamed his parents, you lay the blame with his wife. I felt his wife wasn't to blame or his parents. I really don't get the point with your last post and in the grand scheme of things it doesn't really matter.
Your mother is I'll though. Why would you argue with someone who has dementia?
Your dad is probably struggling a bit with her. Do you ever go and give him a hand?
You seem to be obsessing about your own problems and not even noticing that your parents are going through bad times which are only going to get worse. Maybe you could offer to help.
That's our Monica.
The one who plays the mouth organ.
Oh yes, I know the one you mean, the one from 'Friends'.
I'll get your coat
At this point the thread should be ended. Op if you want support call the samaritans. They are trained for this sort of thing.
And you say in your opening post that she has early stage dementia!!! Think that just might be a clue as to her behaviour!
I don't think you're being entirely fair here, some families are open door just drop in types, whereas others prefer notice or an invitation - one type of family isn't better than the other, they're just different.
I would have been upset if people who needed entertaining interrupted a much looked forward peace and calm break. Perhaps you could ask your Mrs to field calls and visitor when you need a break?
Wizard, it does sound like you are not coping with your life and depression so do go to check things out with your Dr. Maybe something like changing your meds or dose will help? . Sorry to hear you're struggling to get any meaningful therapy. I had similar experiences with appointments getting cancelled as well as being signed out of the service for equally ridiculous reasons. I ended up going private in the end, would you be able to consider doing the same?