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Boyfriend pulling out of property
Emmersonne
Posts: 4,532 Forum Member
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Hey DSers 
Bad things happened. I was due to move in my my boyfriend, to a gorgeous one bed place, in April. The house was his idea, from beginning to end. Yesterday he told me by text that he "wasn't really sure" about the house and "wasn't really ready or committed". We haven't spoken since, whether he's warming up to dump me or not I don't know.
I read the text in the ladies' loo at work, freshening up before a client appointment and all I wanted to do was sit on the floor and cry my eyes out.
But then I did something rather un-emmersonne-like and pulled myself together.
I didn't cry.
I did the appointment.
I called/texted some supportive friends.
I went out for comfort food/wine with one of them and talked it over.
Then I rang the letting agents this morning and told them I still wanted the house. On my own. And sod him.
Now the reality is sinking in and I'm trying to keep terror at bay.
I can afford the house and I want the house, that much I am certain of, and I agree my my friend that I don't want him to be able to "have his cake and eat it" - I won't let him live in the house if we stay together, it is mine. I took on the responsibility and he didn't.
But I am suddenly really quite terrified at the big jump I am making, even though I am certain I want to make it, if that makes sense.
Any words of wisdom or practical advice on setting up a first time home will be muchly appreciated.
Bad things happened. I was due to move in my my boyfriend, to a gorgeous one bed place, in April. The house was his idea, from beginning to end. Yesterday he told me by text that he "wasn't really sure" about the house and "wasn't really ready or committed". We haven't spoken since, whether he's warming up to dump me or not I don't know.
I read the text in the ladies' loo at work, freshening up before a client appointment and all I wanted to do was sit on the floor and cry my eyes out.
But then I did something rather un-emmersonne-like and pulled myself together.
I didn't cry.
I did the appointment.
I called/texted some supportive friends.
I went out for comfort food/wine with one of them and talked it over.
Then I rang the letting agents this morning and told them I still wanted the house. On my own. And sod him.
Now the reality is sinking in and I'm trying to keep terror at bay.
I can afford the house and I want the house, that much I am certain of, and I agree my my friend that I don't want him to be able to "have his cake and eat it" - I won't let him live in the house if we stay together, it is mine. I took on the responsibility and he didn't.
But I am suddenly really quite terrified at the big jump I am making, even though I am certain I want to make it, if that makes sense.
Any words of wisdom or practical advice on setting up a first time home will be muchly appreciated.
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Comments
And definitely don't let him move in.
What difference does it make if he's planning on dumping you, he won't be wanting to move in with you so he's out of the equation.
As for setting up a first time home, the main thing to consider is can you afford it and the utility bills etc.
Well... probably none, actually, it's my house and he isn't coming, either way
My take home pay is around £1,400-£1,500 a month, rent is £600, I'll have a single person's discount on Council tax and it's on a water meter.
I plan to get Broadband at £20 a month, no Sky TV, my commuting costs are low as I cycle to work but I do own a car which costs a very small amount in petrol a month (£40-£50)
Food bills for me are usually okay, I could cut back if I needed to.
As for taking on the flat yourself; good for you. You're making a powerful statement (to yourself) that will counter any dent your (ex!) boyfriend's prevarication may do to your self-esteem. You've done the right thing.
Thanks Smokey, steeling myself to tell my parents (I live with them) what has happened
You'll be sitting there the first night in your swanky new pad and you'll soon realise you're not so scared after all ..
OK, as long as you can afford it then go for it. It's a new chapter, one I think you won't regret at all! Not impressed at your boyfriend telling you his feelings by txt, but it seems he was too scared to do it to your face. But you deserve better than that really.
Having a bit of a weep now, 24 hours on, but it'll pass
Having a bit of a weep now, 24 hours on, but it'll pass.
Aw bless you. Wouldn't be human if you didn't. x You're moving forward with your life, taking a big step, he was supposed to move forward with you and has got cold feet. You can't really fix those feet of his, he has to sort that bit himself. But you keep moving forward, for you, OK? x
That would be, but he's gone to ground. Besides, it's my house now, nothing to do with him.
You've earned it. This is a fantastic example of female empowerment. Be proud of yourself and go for it.
Sounds very grown up and together to be moving forward and not waiting around for someone who may never get up the courage to do what she is doing.
He's vamoosed, Joel's dad.
£25 per night sounds fair.
His previous girlfriend/fiancee dumped him a few months before the wedding, just before they completed on a house.
Thanks edEx, I felt I was perhaps being a little unfair to him leaving that part out,
I agree with others that texting about something this important isn't the most grown up thing in the world but if you're both used to that form of communication for serious issues it's a bit different.
Either way if he's ignoring you then his loss. Maybe one day he'll look back and realise he messed up.
You really should consider forgetting him