Pet Grief Counselling

India_Rain · 09/02/14 - 02:46

I was wondering if anyone here has ever had any pet grief counselling?

I lost my dog just over 6 months ago (not sure if anyone remembers my posts) and am not doing too well (to put it mildly), so think I need some professional help. I've used the Blue Cross pet bereavement phone service, who are lovely, but they tend to just listen - whereas I think I desperately need something more, to help me get out of this depression. They told me it sounds like I have Complicated Grief Disorder and to look for help. I can see my GP for anti depressants but, in the end, there is only so much medication can do. I seem to be stuck in the same amount of grief and guilt as when it happened, so think I need therapy of some kind.

Is there anyone who has done this and has it helped? Any recommendations would be nice too. I think some do the therapy over the phone, if it's not in the area you live, which would be better for me due to health problems.

Thanks in advance.

molliepops · 09/02/14 - 22:40

I don't know what is available to be truthful I needed GP and mental health services help years ago when my Benny died, I nearly went over the edge and killed myself about 8 months after he went.

Not what you want to hear sorry...

I would if you are struggling advise seeing your GP and seeking help before you get anywhere near where I was, it has to be easier to get back before you get to that point.

Since we have lost several more and each time I have to be really careful not to dip into that pit again, my mental health help gave me coping mechanisms to try to keep on an even keel. I can't recommend the help I got more, wonderful people in the NHS mental health services I found.

India_Rain · 10/02/14 - 00:45

I'm really pleased the NHS helped you and sorry you were in so much pain. I find the NHS mental health services a little useless. But, then again, my area has been said to be one of the worst in Britain for mental health resources and has more than average complaints.

I've already been at the point where you were. I've done the overdose route twice, since he died. Yet here I still am.

I've been given anti depressants but they're doing nothing. So I really think I need to start with therapy.

I don't really want to take up more NHS resources than necessary, so don't mind going private, when it comes to counselling. Some people just don't understand and think "it was just a dog". They try to compare that others have lost kids and are doing better with their grief. The fact is, you feel how you feel - and grief is a very personal thing to the person feeling it. I've given up trying to explain to people what he meant to me, as it's so complex.

I'm so pleased you got the help you needed and that it has helped you since. Thank you for your reply.

molliepops · 10/02/14 - 00:55

I can also recommend the Samaritans if you find yourself near the edge, they do listen and don't judge but may just be enough to stop you over dosing again until you can get the help you need.

Mental health services were much better a few years ago when I needed them I do feel for anyone needing them and not finding them helpful.

If I can help at all please don't hesitate to PM me I will listen even if you just need to get it out and have a howl.

India_Rain · 10/02/14 - 00:59

I think the Samaritans are sick of me now.;-) But yes, I agree - they are a great service.

Thank you, you're very kind. x

molliepops · 10/02/14 - 01:13

Just take care of yourself and remember your dog would not want you to be unhappy they spend their lives trying to make us happy it's just so sad they have shorter lives than us.

itsy bitsy · 10/02/14 - 01:58

I can't recommend any official medicinal/psychological therapy, but many years ago I too lost a beloved, almost human, dog, an Old English Sheepdog who was only 7 years old. I was beside myself with grief and was totally desolate. A month later I had a full term stillborn baby. I was so down I told my poor hubby I didn't think I'd ever be 'normal' again. What lifted my spirits, apart from my family, was getting a puppy. She brought sunshine back into my life when everything seemed black. I have a friend who says she can't understand how pets can be 'replaced' by another. They can't. My OES has a place in my heart that no other dog can fill, but so does the little dog we bought just a few months later. She brought fresh love into my life, helped me to focus on other things, and gradually my grief lessened. I don't know if this is something that you can consider, but having another little dog to cherish lifted my mood more than anything else at that time. I hope whatever 'therapy' you use works for you and you will be back in a happy place very soon.

India_Rain · 10/02/14 - 02:39

Thank you. So sorry to hear of your dog and your baby - that must have been incredibly hard.

I do have another dog but she's old and has dementia, bless her - so she doesn't give love back and sleeps mostly. But I love her dearly. But no, I will never get another dog. I don't think it would be fair to it. I have sponsored a dog though, at the Dogs Trust but that's as close as I'll get.

Thank you for your kind words. x

fefster · 10/02/14 - 02:55

I lost my cat about 12 months ago and still suffer from grief now. My other cat has helped a lot. You would probably find another dog would help you - there are so, so many that need loving homes.

India_Rain · 10/02/14 - 03:04

Sorry you're still struggling.

It wouldn't be fair to take another dog on. My health isn't great any more - not like when I first got my two dogs and I could take them for walks all the time. Now I'm house bound, so won't put another dog through my issues and having to stay within the boundaries of a garden. Plus, my dog who died, was such a jealous Mummy's boy, that I would feel I was betraying him. There's no question of me ever getting another dog (or any other animal), as it just wouldn't be fair on it and I'd feel too guilty towards my deceased dog.

Hope you find some peace soon.

molliepops · 10/02/14 - 14:29

India_Rain wrote: »

Sorry you're still struggling.

It wouldn't be fair to take another dog on. My health isn't great any more - not like when I first got my two dogs and I could take them for walks all the time. Now I'm house bound, so won't put another dog through my issues and having to stay within the boundaries of a garden. Plus, my dog who died, was such a jealous Mummy's boy, that I would feel I was betraying him. There's no question of me ever getting another dog (or any other animal), as it just wouldn't be fair on it and I'd feel too guilty towards my deceased dog.

Hope you find some peace soon.

I know you are not ready yet but don't say never, I have periods when my MS is very bad so housebound but it hasn't stopped me having dogs we have an elderly dementia sufferer too and a Chihuahua only just a year old, Betty Chihuahua has brought so much love and fun back into life and will take as much or little exercise as I can give her, she is quite content with a little wander, loves a run around the garden but will do a few miles when I feel well enough too.

daisydee · 16/02/14 - 03:53

India_Rain wrote: »

I'm really pleased the NHS helped you and sorry you were in so much pain. I find the NHS mental health services a little useless. But, then again, my area has been said to be one of the worst in Britain for mental health resources and has more than average complaints.

I've already been at the point where you were. I've done the overdose route twice, since he died. Yet here I still am. I've been given anti depressants but they're doing nothing. So I really think I need to start with therapy.

I don't really want to take up more NHS resources than necessary, so don't mind going private, when it comes to counselling. Some people just don't understand and think "it was just a dog". They try to compare that others have lost kids and are doing better with their grief. The fact is, you feel how you feel - and grief is a very personal thing to the person feeling it. I've given up trying to explain to people what he meant to me, as it's so complex.

I'm so pleased you got the help you needed and that it has helped you since. Thank you for your reply.

Grief is painful, no matter if it is for a pet or a human. I have always felt that our pets should be treated with the same love & respect as we would to any human. Talking is great therapy, remembering all their funny little ways. I remember how I felt when our 11 year old Rottweiler had to be put down because he had a blood clot on the brain. I cry even now, and that was almost 30 years ago! He was amazing, almost human

We didn't ever have another dog because he was irreplaceable and we were afraid that we would always be comparing any new dog to our beloved Rott. Had lots of cats and shed tears at the demise of each one of them.
I am now gearing myself up to losing my 21 year old cat, she seems to be fit and healthy, but today I noticed blood clots in her very sloppy stools, which leads me to only one conclusion

I'll take her to the vets on Monday to get her checked out, but I already feel desperately sad. The longer you have them - the harder it is to lose them.

India_Rain · 16/02/14 - 05:07

daisydee wrote: »

Grief is painful, no matter if it is for a pet or a human. I have always felt that our pets should be treated with the same love & respect as we would to any human. Talking is great therapy, remembering all their funny little ways. I remember how I felt when our 11 year old Rottweiler had to be put down because he had a blood clot on the brain. I cry even now, and that was almost 30 years ago! He was amazing, almost human We didn't ever have another dog because he was irreplaceable and we were afraid that we would always be comparing any new dog to our beloved Rott. Had lots of cats and shed tears at the demise of each one of them.
I am now gearing myself up to losing my 21 year old cat, she seems to be fit and healthy, but today I noticed blood clots in her very sloppy stools, which leads me to only one conclusion I'll take her to the vets on Monday to get her checked out, but I already feel desperately sad. The longer you have them - the harder it is to lose them.

Thank you for your kind words. Yes, talking does help. Sometimes I just need to get it all out, no matter how painful it is and how choked up I get. Unfortunately family try to ignore it because they feel awkward, I guess - which leads me onto talking to the pet grief phonelines.
How you explained about your Rottweiler is how I feel about not getting another dog. As I said, I do have another and love her dearly but, when she's gone - that's it for me and dogs.

I'm so, so sorry about your cat. It's so awful when you see them getting old, when you've loved and nurtured them for years. It's just the hardest thing. Shall be hoping for a good outcome for her. x

daisydee · 16/02/14 - 06:05

India_Rain wrote: »

Thank you for your kind words. Yes, talking does help. Sometimes I just need to get it all out, no matter how painful it is and how choked up I get. Unfortunately family try to ignore it because they feel awkward, I guess - which leads me onto talking to the pet grief phonelines.
How you explained about your Rottweiler is how I feel about not getting another dog. As I said, I do have another and love her dearly but, when she's gone - that's it for me and dogs.

I'm so, so sorry about your cat. It's so awful when you see them getting old, when you've loved and nurtured them for years. It's just the hardest thing. Shall be hoping for a good outcome for her. x

Yes grief is awkward, and dealing with other people's emotions is tricky, but I wonder if they would be more understanding if you explained that you NEED to talk, to get all the grief out. Do they not have pets themselves?
Thank you, crossing everything.

India_Rain · 16/02/14 - 06:15

daisydee wrote: »

Yes grief is awkward, and dealing with other people's emotions is tricky, but I wonder if they would be more understanding if you explained that you NEED to talk, to get all the grief out. Do they not have pets themselves?
Thank you, crossing everything.

My Mum and Dad are elderly now and it's been a long time since they had animals. They feel helpless I think, with my tears - and a little awkward.

Crossing everything too.

molliepops · 16/02/14 - 23:26

How are you India ? have been thinking about you a lot since you posted.

India_Rain · 17/02/14 - 01:07

molliepops wrote: »

How are you India ? have been thinking about you a lot since you posted.

Thank you molliepops - that's so kind.

Just getting through really, minute by minute. Have been trying to keep myself busy and I have workmen in at the moment, so I can't be breaking down every day. He would have hated people he didn't know, in the house.

Those quiet moments are still tough - the mornings, the evenings, times I spent real quality time with him. You know how it is. The missing him is so overwhelming most days. I have an appointment at my GP's in about a month, so am going to ask then about counselling.

Thank you again for your thoughts. Hope you're ok. xx

molliepops · 17/02/14 - 02:14

I know how you feel just keeping going each day it will get better eventually. You never stop missing them but you can get to a place where you remember the good times without breaking down. Takes time though lots of it in many cases.

India_Rain · 17/02/14 - 02:17

molliepops wrote: »

I know how you feel just keeping going each day it will get better eventually. You never stop missing them but you can get to a place where you remember the good times without breaking down. Takes time though lots of it in many cases.

Thank you, even though I wouldn't wish it on anyone else - it does help that others understand.

blossom24 · 18/02/14 - 04:21

We lost our baby girl 14 months ago and there isn't an hour goes by that I don't think of her. I, to, have had to seek medical help because I feel like my life has ended.
We have done some fostering for her breed rescue, which helped, but at the moment, because we have sold our house, and are in rented until we find a new home, can not do this so once again, I am in a deep depression.
Someone said to me that "your heart is like a porcelain vase, it will mend, but the cracks will always be there. Then someone will come along and help glaze over them"
Hopefully this will happen for you. ( and me!) x

India_Rain · 18/02/14 - 13:14

blossom24 wrote: »

We lost our baby girl 14 months ago and there isn't an hour goes by that I don't think of her. I, to, have had to seek medical help because I feel like my life has ended.
We have done some fostering for her breed rescue, which helped, but at the moment, because we have sold our house, and are in rented until we find a new home, can not do this so once again, I am in a deep depression.
Someone said to me that "your heart is like a porcelain vase, it will mend, but the cracks will always be there. Then someone will come along and help glaze over them"
Hopefully this will happen for you. ( and me!) x

Ah, I'm so sorry for your pain. Yes, it's constant, isn't it? Like you, he's at the forefront of my mind constantly.

I don't know if you know of this forum but they are all so helpful here and really do understand. I've poured my heart out so much on there. http://www.petlossmessageboard.com/

Really hope your pain eases a little, even though we both know it will never go completely. x

farmer bob · 18/02/14 - 16:04

Hi, our lovely old dog died last Tuesday, we miss him very much. We got his remains back from the Pet Crematorium yesterday, we have been looking on websites at other dogs which need a home (greyhounds are our favourite breed) The house is very empty without him, and he'll never be forgotten or far from our thoughts. I'm hopeful we will be able to re-home another Greyhound in the future though. Hope you feel better soon OP.

JJ75 · 18/02/14 - 19:46

farmer bob wrote: »

Hi, our lovely old dog died last Tuesday, we miss him very much. We got his remains back from the Pet Crematorium yesterday, we have been looking on websites at other dogs which need a home (greyhounds are our favourite breed) The house is very empty without him, and he'll never be forgotten or far from our thoughts. I'm hopeful we will be able to re-home another Greyhound in the future though. Hope you feel better soon OP.

Sorry to hear that Farmer Bob

We also love our greys, couldent imagine life without them now. We lost out first lad very suddenly, he had been racing until he was 5 then we had him for two short years. We quickly got two girls after him, he will never be replaced but the grief is less and the house feels homely again.

Get looking on the websites, I still look now!! Wish we had room to take them all.

I found this poem after we lost our lad, hope it helps a bit. x

I didn't really want you, I wasn't really sure
And I'll admit I had my doubts when you first came through that door Not small, or cute, or fluffy, with big soft puppy eyes,
But tall and thin and bony, with bald pink bulging thighs.
You weren't the kind I had in mind, not in any way.
Perhaps it would be better, if I took you back today
Before we know each other, it really won't be kind,
To keep you here for one more day and then to change my mind.
But against my better judgement, I decided you could stay
and quickly I discovered, you were kind in every way.
Your gentleness and patience really stole the show
"Why! These dogs are wonderful, I must let others know"
You're my gentle giant, who just needed a chance,
To show us all what you could be, to wipe away that history.
Dispel our preconceptions, that put us all to shame
and so we come to know and love, what lies beneath that frame.
And now I've come to understand, what I missed right at the start,
That Greyhounds need that great deep chest...
To house their great big hearts

Madsocks · 18/02/14 - 19:54

daisydee wrote: »

Grief is painful, no matter if it is for a pet or a human. I have always felt that our pets should be treated with the same love & respect as we would to any human.

daisydee wrote: »

The longer you have them - the harder it is to lose them.

I lost my Guinea Pig a couple of weeks ago, we had him from a few months old and he passed away at 3 and a half. Went through lots of house moves, room changes, really bad pneumonia and I kept with him all the time, he couldn't do things himself so I would do them for him.

He wasn't a dog or a cat and I know some people that say Guinea Pigs aren't "real pets", but I had two of them and they were my boys.

I would actually treat them better than I would some humans. You'd be amazed at how much feelings they had compared to certain people I would interact with.

When I was told that he was going to be put to sleep, the grief just hit me and I lost it, so much so that I had to wait in the car whilst my fiancee paid the vets for him to be cremated.

One of my good work friends is very very outspoken, he doesn't like a lot of things and has this slight tendence of homophobia, however when he heard what happened, he text me saying sorry and asking if I was okay and wanted anything. I was half expecting him to say something like "oh, just man up" but he didn't.

It takes time to get over things like that, sometimes you just can't. I think I'm over the loss now, I've got both boys ashes on my bookshelf, and I keep an eye on them and I'm sure they are up there, wheeking away and eating a field load of cherry tomatos. :-)

I hope everyone who has lost a pet recently is okay, and that you manage to overcome your grief. And I'm sure there are plenty of people on here who will listen and reply, and help you all through it. We have 3 cats, and everytime they jump on me, I give them a big hug because I'm glad that they are still here.

thefairydandy · 18/02/14 - 20:01

farmer bob wrote: »

Hi, our lovely old dog died last Tuesday, we miss him very much. We got his remains back from the Pet Crematorium yesterday, we have been looking on websites at other dogs which need a home (greyhounds are our favourite breed) The house is very empty without him, and he'll never be forgotten or far from our thoughts. I'm hopeful we will be able to re-home another Greyhound in the future though. Hope you feel better soon OP.

Sorry to hear that. I lost my beautiful cat very suddenly in January aged just 10. I had yet another dream about her last night, and a couple of times over the weekend it felt like my heart was literally breaking.

Hope both you and the OP get along ok.

molliepops · 18/02/14 - 20:40

Madsocks wrote: »

I lost my Guinea Pig a couple of weeks ago, we had him from a few months old and he passed away at 3 and a half. Went through lots of house moves, room changes, really bad pneumonia and I kept with him all the time, he couldn't do things himself so I would do them for him.

He wasn't a dog or a cat and I know some people that say Guinea Pigs aren't "real pets", but I had two of them and they were my boys.

I would actually treat them better than I would some humans. You'd be amazed at how much feelings they had compared to certain people I would interact with.

When I was told that he was going to be put to sleep, the grief just hit me and I lost it, so much so that I had to wait in the car whilst my fiancee paid the vets for him to be cremated.

One of my good work friends is very very outspoken, he doesn't like a lot of things and has this slight tendence of homophobia, however when he heard what happened, he text me saying sorry and asking if I was okay and wanted anything. I was half expecting him to say something like "oh, just man up" but he didn't.

It takes time to get over things like that, sometimes you just can't. I think I'm over the loss now, I've got both boys ashes on my bookshelf, and I keep an eye on them and I'm sure they are up there, wheeking away and eating a field load of cherry tomatos. :-)

I hope everyone who has lost a pet recently is okay, and that you manage to overcome your grief. And I'm sure there are plenty of people on here who will listen and reply, and help you all through it. We have 3 cats, and everytime they jump on me, I give them a big hug because I'm glad that they are still here.

Doesn't really matter how big or small the pet is if you love them it hurts when they die. Certainly wouldn't say a piggy wasn't a real pet or something you should get over any quicker than a cat or dog.

Hey there!

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