The Radio Times listing that never were, but should have been!

24

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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 983
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    18:20
    Dr Who
    Starring William Hartnell in
    The Daleks Are In It a nine part story
    phoned in by Terry Nation

    1. Having narrowly escaped his confrontation
    with the Daleks, the Doctor must now face
    his greatest enemy, the Daleks! Can he free
    the peaceful blond haired aliens, before the
    Daleks force them to complete the ultimate
    weapon? The answer is to be found in the
    petrified forest, but what horrors lie hidden.

    Dr Who . . . . . . William Hartnell
    Susan . . . . . . . Carole Ann Ford
    Barbara . . . . . . Jacqueline Hill
    Ian . . . . . . . . . William Russell
    Tarrant . . . . . Unknown extra
  • PalmerwhoPalmerwho Posts: 1,158
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    These are great! Very funny folks.
  • MulettMulett Posts: 9,055
    Forum Member
    19.30
    Dr Who
    Starring Sylvester McCoy in
    The Pink and Purple Army of Time
    a three part story by Pup and Bib Laker

    1. The Doctor takes Mel to to the
    hotel planet of LavelTodge. But
    the time travellers are soon fighting
    for their lives against the psychotic
    Lady StickleBricks and her army of
    robotic sweetbreads.

    Dr Who . . . . . . . . . .Sylvester McCoy
    Mel . . .. . . . . . . . . . .Bonnie Langford
    Lady StickleBricks . . Jane Asher
    The Asterm . . . . . . . Ainley Anthony
  • adams66adams66 Posts: 3,945
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    17.45
    Dr Who
    Starring Patrick Troughton in
    The Return Of The Cybermen (Again)
    an eight part story by Terrance Dicks
    (based on a couple of lines of notes by Kit Pedler
    but expanded to eight episodes because none of
    the other scripts were much good this season).

    Part One.
    The Doctor and his companions
    visit their old friend Professor Travers who is
    working at a top secret scientific base.
    There the international crew have encountered
    mysterious hooded strangers with very square
    heads who hide in the stationery cupboard.
    Who could they be? And what do they want with
    the paper clips?
    As the Doctor investigates, all the clues seem
    to inexplicably point to yet another terrifying
    return of the dreaded Cybermen, those
    inhuman killers from Telos, or Mondas, or
    something...

    Dr Who..... Patrick Troughton
    Jamie......... Frazer Hines,
    Zoe...... Wendy Padbury
    Prof Travers..... Jack Watling
    Chief Jobson..... a fairly well known, and slightly rugged character actor
    Sally, the Chief's daughter who is inexplicably at the base and who Jamie flirts with..... Twiggy
    Cybermen.... seven quite tall men, including John Levene
    Voice of the Cybermen.... Stephen Hawking
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 983
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    17:35
    Dr Who
    Starring Tom Baker in
    The Gothic Horror Picture Show a four
    part extravaganza by Richard Crystal Maze

    1. When the Tardis break down the Doctor
    and his companion seek assistance from
    the inhabitants of a nearby castle. But once
    inside it soon becomes clear a deadly trap
    has been set, for they desire his body... but
    not his brain. As even the Doctors Sonic
    Transducer cannot help him he must consider
    the most desperate solution, should he attempt
    the timewarp, again?

    Dr Who . . . . . . . Tom Baker
    Leela . . . . . . . . Susan Sarandon
    K9 . . . . . . . . . . Christopher Biggins
    Doctor Solon . . . Tim Curry
    Condo . . . . . . . . Richard O'Brien
    Morbius . . . . . . . Meat Loaf
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 156
    Forum Member
    7.45
    Dr Who
    starring Sylvester McCoy in
    Pantomimia. A three-part
    story by Andrew Carthorse.
    1. The Doctor and Mel take a
    break on the holiday resort of Pantomimia
    on Planet Camp only to discover
    that the friendly alien world has been
    overrun by the inexplicable Overactorroids.
    Along the way we meet, without explanation,
    a hip youth from Croydon.
    Can the Doctor out-perform the guest
    stars before someone shouts "he's
    behind you" or the cardboard sets
    fall down?

    Dr Who . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Sylvester McCoy
    Mel . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Bonnie Langford
    Ace . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Sophie Aldred
    The Candymanthing . . . . .Bertie Bassett
    Overactorerroids
    Caretaker Overactorroid. . .Richard Briers
    Captain Overactorroid .. . . Ken Dodd
    Mistress Overactorroid . . . Sheila Hancock
    Hale . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Gareth Hale
    Pace . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Norman Pace
  • tiggerpoohtiggerpooh Posts: 4,182
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    [As it's Comic Relief this year, I thought I'd do this. A two part story to continue where the 1999 red nose day special finnished]

    7:00pm
    Doctor Who
    starring Joanna Lumley and Julia Sawalha in
    The Squirrel Incident
    A two 50 minute part story by Steven Moffat.

    1. The Doctor and Emma arrive on Earth
    in 2015 to find all of the Squirrels are extinct.
    They are puzzled by this, so they go to
    a secret laboritory to find out why. When they
    are there, they discover something very wrong.
    The Rani has got rid of all the squirrels that were
    on Earth, apart from one, which she has managed
    to grow to an enormous size. She then intends to
    unleash this on the people's of Earth. It's up to the
    Doctor and Emma to try and stop her before
    it's too late.

    Dr Who . . . . . Joanna Lumley
    Emma . . . . . .Julia Sawalha
    The Rani. . . . .Dawn French
    Squirrel. . . . . .Nicholas Pegg
  • sithlord3ksithlord3k Posts: 548
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    9:00pm
    Doctor Who
    starring Sylvester McCoy in
    The Wyrm that Turned.
    A six part story by Benny Hill.

    1. The 7th Doctor is summoned by Peri to the planet Lesbos, where she has found herself sandwiched between two sides of a struggle on a planet ruled by women. Yet, all is not as it seems......or is it? Who is the Mistress, and why has she called upon the Doctor's deadliest enemies ? And, where are all the men ?

    Dr Who................................Sylvester McCoy
    Peri.................................... Nicola Bryant
    hmphhhh.............................Ronnie Barker
    wazzit..................................Ronnie Corbett
    The Master.................. ........Sid James
    The Mistress........................Anthony Ainley
    Voice of the Daleks..............Spike Milligan
    The Rani..............................Charles Hawtrey
    Voice of Danger Mouse........David Jason
  • GDKGDK Posts: 9,466
    Forum Member
    8.00pm
    Whatever Happened to the Soap Opera?
    With Jonathan Dimbleby
    1. Coronation Street
    An in depth study of the phenomenon of the fall of the soap opera and the rise of imaginative programming begins with the demise of this short lived soap. Includes rare archive footage.
  • tiggerpoohtiggerpooh Posts: 4,182
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    GDK wrote: »
    8.00pm
    Whatever Happened to the Soap Opera?
    With Jonathan Dimbleby
    1. Coronation Street
    An in depth study of the phenomenon of the fall of the soap opera and the rise of imaginative programming begins with the demise of this short lived soap. Includes rare archive footage.

    Er...? What? :confused: It's supposed to be Radio Times listings of made-up Doctor Who stories that weren't listed. But, still containing Characters and monsters that have been in the show, with a humorous twist.

    If you go back to the first page, the person who started this thread, mentions it.
  • GDKGDK Posts: 9,466
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    tiggerpooh wrote: »
    Er...? What? :confused: It's supposed to be Radio Times listings of made-up Doctor Who stories that weren't listed. But, still containing Characters and monsters that have been in the show, with a humorous twist.

    If you go back to the first page, the person who started this thread, mentions it.

    Er...? What?:confused:

    I'm sorry but I think you'll find you are in error. There's no mention of that "rule" that I can find.

    There is only the title which does not say Doctor Who entries only. That being the case, what's wrong with a fresh twist on the theme?

    I guess you've had a sense of humour failure. Or I have. We're not on the same wavelength, that's for sure!

    :)
  • doctorwhofancaldoctorwhofancal Posts: 24,123
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    GDK wrote: »
    Er...? What?:confused:

    I'm sorry but I think you'll find you are in error. There's no mention of that "rule" that I can find.

    There is only the title which does not say Doctor Who entries only. That being the case, what's wrong with a fresh twist on the theme?

    I guess you've had a sense of humour failure.

    :)

    Whereas I guess you've had a sense of reading failure- this is a Doctor Who thread in the Doctor Who place to put Doctor Who threads.
  • GDKGDK Posts: 9,466
    Forum Member
    Whereas I guess you've had a sense of reading failure- this is a Doctor Who thread in the Doctor Who place to put Doctor Who threads.

    Show me the rule and I'll happily apologise!

    :)
  • doctorwhofancaldoctorwhofancal Posts: 24,123
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    GDK wrote: »
    Show me the rule and I'll happily apologise!

    :)

    Well everybody else who has posted has posted Doctor Who even the OP..
  • DavetheScotDavetheScot Posts: 16,623
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    7.00
    Doctor Who
    starring Jon Pertwee in
    Invasion of the Thread-jackers
    A four-part story by Terrance and some Dicks

    1. The Doctor arrives in a hitherto friendly thread
    on the world of Digital Spy to find that evil trolls
    are attempting to introduce the subject of Coronation
    Street using twisted logic.

    The Doctor...Jon Pertwee
    Sarah Jane...Elisabeth Sladen
    Troll King....GDK
    Ghost......Dervish

    ;)
  • GDKGDK Posts: 9,466
    Forum Member
    Well everybody else who has posted has posted Doctor Who even the OP..

    *sigh* My post is about Doctor Who, you know. I think I understand why my joke is a failure with you and tigger pooh.

    Back in the days of black and white TV there were only two channels, then three, and nobody had a second TV set in their bedroom and video recorders were huge, expensive machines that only TV studios could afford. TV was an event and if you missed your favourite programme, that was it. You missed it and could never see it again.

    In my youth, which was those ancient days, it was not uncommon for imaginative programmes, like Doctor Who and others to be scheduled up against popular soap operas. In our house it used to cause great deal of upset, as my mum loved her soaps and I loved Doctor Who and Star Trek and others.

    So you see, my entry, which is about a TV programme that I wish had been made but wasn't, is an ironic reference to that.

    I can understand why anyone too young to remember such things might not get the joke.

    Can you imagine my feelings on being taken to task over a post which is to the point and which I thought was an original twist on the OP's idea? I think you're both being rather too literal.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 2,980
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    23.30
    Dr Who
    Starring Sylvester McCoy in
    The Curse of Apathy
    An 8 part story by a cheap writer

    1. The Doctor and Ace land in London in 1983 and find themselves trapped in a decayed television studio.
    They run down lots of corridors.
    The Doctor plays the spoons.
    Can the Doctor escape from the Mindnumbing Apathy?
    And why does no-one care....?

    Dr Who???..............Sylvester McCoy
    Ace..........................Sophie Aldred
    Apathy.....................Michael Grade
    Actor slumming it.....Richard Briers
    The Tax avoider.......Ken Dodd
  • GDKGDK Posts: 9,466
    Forum Member
    7.00
    Doctor Who
    starring Jon Pertwee in
    Invasion of the Thread-jackers
    A four-part story by Terrance and some Dicks

    1. The Doctor arrives in a hitherto friendly thread
    on the world of Digital Spy to find that evil trolls
    are attempting to introduce the subject of Coronation
    Street using twisted logic.

    The Doctor...Jon Pertwee
    Sarah Jane...Elisabeth Sladen
    Troll King....GDK
    Ghost......Dervish
    ;)

    BIB: Was that really called for?

    The rest of it, pretty funny. :)
  • DICKENS99DICKENS99 Posts: 2,614
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    17:15
    Doctor Who
    starring Jon Pertwee in
    The Apatheticon Extra Menace
    A four-part story by Stephen Poliakoff before he got famous

    4. Throughout all his incarnations they have
    been there in the backgound, reacting with
    vague concern as the Daleks exterminated,
    crying out in an unconvincing way as the
    Cyermen converted and distractedly just sort
    of milling around as the Ice Warriors hissed.

    As a decade long plan comes to fruition can the
    Doctor save his Equity card or will he be
    doomed to join the Apatheticon ranks in the snug at
    The Rover's Return, never speaking and
    drinking the same pint of milk stout.....forever.


    The Doctor...Jon Pertwee
    Sarah Jane...Elisabeth Sladen
    Woman with bag...Stephanie Cole before she got famous
    Apatheticon 1.....Man from the Millk board advertisement
    Apatheticon 2.....Woman from back of the class in "Mind Your Language"
  • KoquillionKoquillion Posts: 1,892
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    7 or 8 or whenever: Doctor Who
    The Doctor Takes the Biscuit

    In a vain attempt to try and tap into the psyche that created a fad around Jelly Babies in the 1970's The Doctor has randomly started mentioning Jammie Dodgers in every other episode and hilariously waving them at Daleks. Will today's audience take to this behaviour or will it be dismissed as a desperate attempt to add some 'quirky, eccentric Britishness' to the show? Will the cryptic 'bourbon creams are the only snacks in the jungle' begin to make sense and what does it have to do with mysterious, flirty time travelling old bag, Water Biscuit?

    The Doctor....Burton Foods-Executive
    Water Biscuit....Viennese Whirl
    Aimless Pond....Jaffa Cake
    Dreary Williams....Jacob Cream-Cracker
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 983
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    17:15
    Dr Who
    starring Paul McGann in
    An Actual Episode of Doctor Who
    A four part story made in Britain.

    1. Fresh from his battles in Vancouver, the
    newly regenerated Doctor returns for a new
    26 part series. Landing in London, the Doctor
    is shocked to find strangers pointing at "that
    thing on his head", but relieved not to be shot
    by anyone. Meanwhile, the Brigadier receives
    word of the Doctor's arrival, just as he has
    uncovered a secret team of scientists
    assisting an alien invasion.

    The Doctor . . . . . . . . . . . . Paul McGann
    The Brigadier . . . . . . . . . . Nicholas Courtney
    Man pointing in street . . . . John Barrowman
    Zygon . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . David Tennant


    So after the comments about rules, I read the thread title.
  • Twonky2000Twonky2000 Posts: 344
    Forum Member
    7.35
    Doctor Who
    starring Sylvester McCoy in
    Thesaurus of the Rani
    A four-part story by Pip and Jane Baker

    1. When Mel enrols in a futuristic dance academy, she is discombobulated to discover a dastardly scheme of deleterious design. Who is the terpsichorean termagant running the Academy and which jiving jackanapes is acting, once again, as her accomplice?

    The Doctor...Sylvester McCoy
    Melanie Bush...Bonnie Langford
    The Rani....Kate O' Mara
    Registrar...John Normington
    Dance Captain......Wayne Sleep
    Urak...Richard Gauntlett
    Chief Executive...Theo Lainyanny
    Dance Darlings...from the Sylvia Young Theatre School
  • tiggerpoohtiggerpooh Posts: 4,182
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    GDK wrote: »
    Er...? What?:confused:

    I'm sorry but I think you'll find you are in error. There's no mention of that "rule" that I can find.

    There is only the title which does not say Doctor Who entries only. That being the case, what's wrong with a fresh twist on the theme?

    I guess you've had a sense of humour failure. Or I have. We're not on the same wavelength, that's for sure!

    :)

    This is in the Doctor Who forum, so it SHOULD be Doctor Who entries, only!
  • tiggerpoohtiggerpooh Posts: 4,182
    Forum Member
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    7.00
    Doctor Who
    starring Jon Pertwee in
    Invasion of the Thread-jackers
    A four-part story by Terrance and some Dicks

    1. The Doctor arrives in a hitherto friendly thread
    on the world of Digital Spy to find that evil trolls
    are attempting to introduce the subject of Coronation
    Street using twisted logic.

    The Doctor...Jon Pertwee
    Sarah Jane...Elisabeth Sladen
    Troll King....GDK
    Ghost......Dervish

    ;)

    That's not funny, at all! :mad: If all you can do is mock, then please leave this thread immediatly! And don't post on this thread again. :mad::mad:
  • tiggerpoohtiggerpooh Posts: 4,182
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    7:00pm
    Doctor Who

    Starring Paul McGann and Sheridan Smith in

    A 50 minute story called
    Double Coincidence
    By Steven Moffat and Susan Nickson

    The Tardis arrives back on Earth in 2006 and
    accidently materialises on the set of the tv show
    Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps.
    Lucie is shocked to discover someone who looks
    identical to her. The Doctor, puzzled at how this
    could happen, uses his sonic screwdriver to put
    things right. But things don't go right, as Lucie and
    the lookalike's minds are accidentially swapped.
    Can the Doctor correct this at all? With the help of
    some of the Two Pints cast, who knows?

    The Doctor. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Paul McGann
    Lucie Miller. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Sheridan Smith
    Sheridan Smith. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Herself
    Will Mellor . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Himself
    Natalie Casey. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Herself
    Kathryn Drysdale. . . . . . . . . . . . . .Herself
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