I'm so sorry Minski, my sincerest condolences to you and to your friend's family. It is bad enough to be told that somebody we love has limited time but to have even that snatched away is cruel in the extreme.
Please look after yourself.
With deepest sympathy,
Mave
xxxx
Hints and tips are being passed on, and we are grateful for them. I had pondered since her diagnosis as to whether to ask here, and I am so grateful for your advice.
She had had such a terrible night on Friday, she felt so guilty for her family: keeping them up. Of course she would rather be at home, but add guilt to everything else, and it's no wonder she was thinking of a hospice.
I have been surprised at our local NHS trust's stance on terminal patients, and to someone who has worked all her life in social care it was a huge shock to be effectively thrown on the scrapheap.
Thanks for your replies..it is with great sadness and shock that I have to tell you my friend has just died, very suddenly from a heart attack.
xx
I am so sorry to hear your sad news. My Dad had bowel cancer then tumours on his liver...after successful surgery for removal of the tumours he unfortunately died suddenly 5 days later from a heart attack.
Thinking of you and your friends family x
I lost my best friend in 2009 to pancreatic cancer so I know what you're going through. (I hope that doesn't sound tactless as you are aware you friend's condition is terminal)
She really struggled to eat and was given nutrional drinks so all I can do is echo what others have said.
She was also given patches to help with the pain which she put directly on her stomach and said they really helped.
I was at a loss what to do and say with my friend but took the lead from her and only talked about it when she wanted to - she seemed to prefer to reminisce which was fine by me as I found it hard to talk about the future with her - even things I was planning on doing in the future as I knew she wouldn't be around.
She also saw alternative therapists including an acupuncturist which also helped - she got in touch with them through the hospice (you don't have to be admitted into the hospice to get advice from them)
I'm sure this doesn't need saying but just being there for her will be appreciated.
I lost my best friend in 2009 to pancreatic cancer so I know what you're going through. (I hope that doesn't sound tactless as you are aware you friend's condition is terminal)
She really struggled to eat and was given nutrional drinks so all I can do is echo what others have said.
She was also given patches to help with the pain which she put directly on her stomach and said they really helped.
I was at a loss what to do and say with my friend but took the lead from her and only talked about it when she wanted to - she seemed to prefer to reminisce which was fine by me as I found it hard to talk about the future with her - even things I was planning on doing in the future as I knew she wouldn't be around.
She also saw alternative therapists including an acupuncturist which also helped - she got in touch with them through the hospice (you don't have to be admitted into the hospice to get advice from them)
I'm sure this doesn't need saying but just being there for her will be appreciated.
Currently veering between tears and disbelief atm, trying to keep myself busy. Thanks for all your messages and taking the time to advise xxx
So sorry about your friend, and apologies for posting advice after you had said she'd died. I thought I'd read the whole thread but obviously not. (((Minkski)))
So sorry for your loss Minski
The only slight comfort you and her family can take is that she is no longer in the dreadful pain Cancer causes (((((((Hugs))))))))
So sorry for your loss Minski
The only slight comfort you and her family can take is that she is no longer in the dreadful pain Cancer causes (((((((Hugs))))))))
I'd second that. Dying from a sudden heart attack would be infinitely kinder for your friend than the suffering of cancer.
Thanks for all your messages. It is not certain whether it was a heart attack or a Pulmonary Embolism. Whilst in hospital she was given daily injections of warfarin or some other blood thinning stuff, these stopped when she got home, despite her not being very mobile. I don't know how normal that is.
My mum died years ago from a pulmonary embollism even though she had lung cancer and it was very unexpected at the time. The man from the hospice though told us we should, in a way, be glad because she never got the end stage cancer which is quite horrendous and that she'd have died really quickly with very little or no suffering. Not great for those left behind but much better for the patient.
first of all, stay away from anything unpasturised, also prawns and ensure anything is properly cooked
I love prawns but had to stop eating them, as you're more at risk from infection having a reduced immune system
For me, I had chemo on Wednesday, by Thursday my tastebuds had gone, but they came back by the following tuesday
I used to hate spicy food, but currys I loved and still do now because they had flavour, also ice cream is good because it soothes the mouth, because the mouth has the fastest growing cells in the body, the mouth can get really sore, and it used to hurt me to brush my teeth.
Ask for friend to see the doc and get some ensure, as I had that to help me eat
Also, if you friend is on steroids as part of the medication, this is good as the steroids make you eat (I gained 4 stone, since lost a stone)
Best thing to do is eat what you fancy, it doesn't matter what you eat, just as long as you're eating, food is fuel
I found it easier to stomach breakfast cereal, toast, soups with a lot of flavour
Apologies for bumping this: but 6 months on, and I really miss my friend
It's still very, very early days, that's completely normal and expected - and especially around times like anniversaries and the 6 month mark.
The 3-6 month mark I found especially difficult when my mum died, I think it's the time after the funeral when things start to go back to 'normal' but it doesn't feel normal to you, and you don't know what to do with yourself at times.
Try to talk to people about your friend if it helps, sometimes everyone tries to avoid mentioning it for fear of upsetting anyone or making it awkward, but in reality everyone's thinking about it and just bottling it up, so it's a nice release to talk.
I'm sorry I can't say anything particularly useful, but it is understandable. Thinking of you x
Apologies for bumping this: but 6 months on, and I really miss my friend
Of course you still miss her, dear friends leave a huge gap in our lives. When I replied earlier on in this thread, just after your friend died, my sister-in-law was going through some hefty chemo for bowel cancer. We have just found out that she's now terminal I went to see her today and she asked me if I thought she was 'on the way out'. I had about a nano second to think of a reply (while thinking "Oh God, haven't the hospital people told her???"), I said "yes, but not imminently".Before anybody thinks I'm being cruel, I made her a promise when she was first diagnosed that I would always tell her the truth. She then said "that's what the nurses said". I think she just wanted to check that I'm keeping my promise. I wish I knew how to help her, she's frightened and p*ssed off but fiercely independent. I'm very upset but trying not to show it. I want her to know how much I care but find it impossible to express.
Sorry, I'm wittering on in YOUR thread, but something struck a chord. She's my sister-in-law but more importantly she's a very dear friend...
Of course you still miss her, dear friends leave a huge gap in our lives. When I replied earlier on in this thread, just after your friend died, my sister-in-law was going through some hefty chemo for bowel cancer. We have just found out that she's now terminal I went to see her today and she asked me if I thought she was 'on the way out'. I had about a nano second to think of a reply (while thinking "Oh God, haven't the hospital people told her???"), I said "yes, but not imminently".Before anybody thinks I'm being cruel, I made her a promise when she was first diagnosed that I would always tell her the truth. She then said "that's what the nurses said". I think she just wanted to check that I'm keeping my promise. I wish I knew how to help her, she's frightened and p*ssed off but fiercely independent. I'm very upset but trying not to show it. I want her to know how much I care but find it impossible to express.
Sorry, I'm wittering on in YOUR thread, but something struck a chord. She's my sister-in-law but more importantly she's a very dear friend...
Not MY thread I'm sorry to hear about your sister in law.:( Not cruel at all, I would want to know so I could assess what I wanted in the time left. A close family friend was diagnosed as terminal with 2 months to live back in 2010. She has lived her life to the maximum since and she's still with us, ( but not very well at the moment- she has an operation tomorrow which will hopefully help alleviate her discomfort a bit).
Well hopefully the thread can help others who are going through, or know someone who is going through similar.
So sorry to hear about your friend. I was in the same position with a friend of mine a few years ago. My thoughts are with you all.
Please get her to speak to a nutritionist. I noticed someone listed the foods they enjoyed the most when they had chemo which may give you some ideas but
When a different friend was having treatment for breast cancer she was warned to stay away from foods that could be cross contaminated so things of a deli for example were out. Pre packed stuff was ok if I remember rightly.
She ate loads of berries but again, if pain in the tummy is a problem, lots of fruit may make things worse which is why she needs to speak to her specialist.
Take care
The food thing is very common with people having chemo and radiotherapy there are lots of build up nutritional products out there its just a case of trying them and seeing how it goes.
My best friend is 35 with terminal cancer and 4 children three under 5, she is currently in the hospice for the first time as i nagged her to try it rather than keep being readmitted to hospital, it is so lovely in there the staff are the vbest of the best nothing is too much trouble, they are never too busy, the food is awesome and thr treats like nail treatments etc and being able to have a bath is a perk. Parking is free family can come and go as they please, free tv, i cannot say enough good things about the staff and they treat their patients as people and let them have their dignity even upon death unlike the hospitals.
My friend hates the word hospice and didnt even want to visit as that is where people die, i think a lot of people have misconceptions about them
Supposedly she has under a year but of course we hope for longer, the macmillan nurses are also amazing
You have to let your friend come to terms with the diagnosis i always think my friend hasnt as i want her to rail and scream and shout about the injustice of it all, she doesnt she has been amazing and so strong, calm i know she sometimes cries when she is alone but doesnt let much show to her mum, sister or me and certainly nothing to the children. It is hard on everyone but i think it is easier for her to be in hospice or hospital so she doesnt feel a burden, she also doesnt want to die at home and have the children find her.
Just be there if your friend needs you, but she may not want to talk about things with you or anybody it doesnt mean she is not processing it or dealing with it in her own way
**just notice this was a bump but i suppose people can learn something from my post
Comments
Please look after yourself.
With deepest sympathy,
Mave
xxxx
I am so sorry to hear your sad news. My Dad had bowel cancer then tumours on his liver...after successful surgery for removal of the tumours he unfortunately died suddenly 5 days later from a heart attack.
Thinking of you and your friends family x
She really struggled to eat and was given nutrional drinks so all I can do is echo what others have said.
She was also given patches to help with the pain which she put directly on her stomach and said they really helped.
I was at a loss what to do and say with my friend but took the lead from her and only talked about it when she wanted to - she seemed to prefer to reminisce which was fine by me as I found it hard to talk about the future with her - even things I was planning on doing in the future as I knew she wouldn't be around.
She also saw alternative therapists including an acupuncturist which also helped - she got in touch with them through the hospice (you don't have to be admitted into the hospice to get advice from them)
I'm sure this doesn't need saying but just being there for her will be appreciated.
Her friend died today.
Sorry for your loss minkski.
So sorry about your friend, and apologies for posting advice after you had said she'd died. I thought I'd read the whole thread but obviously not. (((Minkski)))
The only slight comfort you and her family can take is that she is no longer in the dreadful pain Cancer causes (((((((Hugs))))))))
I'd second that. Dying from a sudden heart attack would be infinitely kinder for your friend than the suffering of cancer.
Still in shock, we thought we would get longer.
first of all, stay away from anything unpasturised, also prawns and ensure anything is properly cooked
I love prawns but had to stop eating them, as you're more at risk from infection having a reduced immune system
For me, I had chemo on Wednesday, by Thursday my tastebuds had gone, but they came back by the following tuesday
I used to hate spicy food, but currys I loved and still do now because they had flavour, also ice cream is good because it soothes the mouth, because the mouth has the fastest growing cells in the body, the mouth can get really sore, and it used to hurt me to brush my teeth.
Ask for friend to see the doc and get some ensure, as I had that to help me eat
Also, if you friend is on steroids as part of the medication, this is good as the steroids make you eat (I gained 4 stone, since lost a stone)
Best thing to do is eat what you fancy, it doesn't matter what you eat, just as long as you're eating, food is fuel
I found it easier to stomach breakfast cereal, toast, soups with a lot of flavour
It's still very, very early days, that's completely normal and expected - and especially around times like anniversaries and the 6 month mark.
The 3-6 month mark I found especially difficult when my mum died, I think it's the time after the funeral when things start to go back to 'normal' but it doesn't feel normal to you, and you don't know what to do with yourself at times.
Try to talk to people about your friend if it helps, sometimes everyone tries to avoid mentioning it for fear of upsetting anyone or making it awkward, but in reality everyone's thinking about it and just bottling it up, so it's a nice release to talk.
I'm sorry I can't say anything particularly useful, but it is understandable. Thinking of you x
Sorry, I'm wittering on in YOUR thread, but something struck a chord. She's my sister-in-law but more importantly she's a very dear friend...
Thinking of you.
I lost my dear friend 3 years ago aged 47. I still can't believe she is gone either.
Comfort yourself that you tried your best to make her last days easier. I'm sure she knew you were a special friend.
Not MY thread
Well hopefully the thread can help others who are going through, or know someone who is going through similar.
Thank you all who have replied here xx
Please get her to speak to a nutritionist. I noticed someone listed the foods they enjoyed the most when they had chemo which may give you some ideas but
When a different friend was having treatment for breast cancer she was warned to stay away from foods that could be cross contaminated so things of a deli for example were out. Pre packed stuff was ok if I remember rightly.
She ate loads of berries but again, if pain in the tummy is a problem, lots of fruit may make things worse which is why she needs to speak to her specialist.
Take care
My best friend is 35 with terminal cancer and 4 children three under 5, she is currently in the hospice for the first time as i nagged her to try it rather than keep being readmitted to hospital, it is so lovely in there the staff are the vbest of the best nothing is too much trouble, they are never too busy, the food is awesome and thr treats like nail treatments etc and being able to have a bath is a perk. Parking is free family can come and go as they please, free tv, i cannot say enough good things about the staff and they treat their patients as people and let them have their dignity even upon death unlike the hospitals.
My friend hates the word hospice and didnt even want to visit as that is where people die, i think a lot of people have misconceptions about them
Supposedly she has under a year but of course we hope for longer, the macmillan nurses are also amazing
You have to let your friend come to terms with the diagnosis i always think my friend hasnt as i want her to rail and scream and shout about the injustice of it all, she doesnt she has been amazing and so strong, calm i know she sometimes cries when she is alone but doesnt let much show to her mum, sister or me and certainly nothing to the children. It is hard on everyone but i think it is easier for her to be in hospice or hospital so she doesnt feel a burden, she also doesnt want to die at home and have the children find her.
Just be there if your friend needs you, but she may not want to talk about things with you or anybody it doesnt mean she is not processing it or dealing with it in her own way
**just notice this was a bump but i suppose people can learn something from my post