Child custody
Kimmler
Posts: 1,906 Forum Member
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"Child custody goes to the mother far more often than it does to the father, regardless of whose fault the seperation is."
Came across this statement in another thread...now I don't know how true this assertion is but I'd just like to say that if my wife and I ever divorced, something I hope never happens, I'd rather she got custody of the children.
Why? Because I think she is better than me at looking after them than I would in a single parent situation.
I can't say that is true for every couple but in general I think women are better than men at raising kids than men.
Plus I think a lot of guys would prefer women to get custody, though they might feel guilty about admitting that.
Came across this statement in another thread...now I don't know how true this assertion is but I'd just like to say that if my wife and I ever divorced, something I hope never happens, I'd rather she got custody of the children.
Why? Because I think she is better than me at looking after them than I would in a single parent situation.
I can't say that is true for every couple but in general I think women are better than men at raising kids than men.
Plus I think a lot of guys would prefer women to get custody, though they might feel guilty about admitting that.
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What if she stopped you seeing your kids ever again, would that be ok? Thats the reality for many poor dads, as you can see if you watch Jeremy Kyle of a morning. Drink a bit too much on the weekend? Smoke a bit of weed? Your ex doesn't like your new girlfriend? Then wave bye bye to your kids.
When my ex and I split and were going through the nasty, bitchy phase, he insisted he was going to have our girls. I humoured him and agreed. Two days later, he decided it wasn't a good idea!
I left with the girls and their possessions and rented a house. He stayed in the marital home with all the furniture and stuff. I literally had my clothes and personal possessions and nothing more and had to start from scratch.
Six years on, we're the best of friends, spend a lot of time together, and our daughter has two happy homes to share with her parents.
It's all gravy!
The parent with care has to prove there is a good reason for the absent parent not to have contact. The examples you quote would not be good reason as long as they weren't done to excess in front of the child.
It is, but most people still understand and use the old term of custody.
What about all the women on Jezza who scream 'YOUR NEVER SEEING THAT KID AGAIN', just because the poor bloke missed 1 visit, or because he gets pissed in his own time? Even if he DOES get to see them, its always in a friggin contact center about once a month, treating the dad as some sort of monster:(
Before you say it, I speak from real life experience too after seeing a couple of mates get well and truly ****ed over by their babymothers.
That's the theory, but mothers can often defy courts with impunity.
The mother refuses to had over the child(ren), as per the court's instructions, but the court doesn't take action for her contempt, which just encourages her to do it again.
No its not always a contact centre, contact was granted to my ex boyfriend who wasnt even my childrens father, and he was able to take them out for the day once a fortnight to wherever he wished, on his own with them, it does not always go in favour of the mother you know.
Once a fortnight. So he got chucked the crumbs from the plate then basically.
Did you not read, he was not their father. He was a drunk and abused me, he was nutty and sent hundreds of internet threats toi me and my family, and sent my family porn, he was warned off by the police, but the family courts would not take it into account. He caused me to go into prem labour by chasing me down the road shouting and screaming at me, he was unhinged.
Do you really think he was entitled to see my children alone after all of that?? thankfully the nutter gave up when he saw it was going to cost him money, as he left me with 20 grands worth of debt he ran up in my name.
Is he seeing them "when it suits him", or when his work and other commitments allow
Presumably he is working, to pay toward their upkeep, as well as his own living costs, meaning he's not available all the time.
Sorry to hear that, what a bastard:( If someone did all that to 1 of my family, I'd get my brothers together, kidnap the **** then leave him in the middle of nowhere, after breaking both his legs.:mad:
I apologise again for jumping to conclusions:(
Reading this does really make me wonder if I should find my father. (I have posted in advice about this) my mother is a manipulative b**ch. I no longer have anything to do with her, I think I last saw my father when I was 2 (30 now). I have herd from people hes a complete a*se. Now was this because of what my mother did to him or was he always like this.
Yes, some slip through the system, it isn't perfect, but on the whole it is a lot better than twenty years ago.
As I said, the system is not perfect.
Here's something for you - my eldest's biological father sexually abused her as a young child and was not allowed to see her, not because of a court order but because I "had words", shall we say. Seven years after, when she wanted to go on a school trip abroad, I had to sign a declaration that it would only be a week, as I would have to get written permission from her biological father if it was longer than six weeks, and if he refused, she would not be allowed to go. This is a man who had had no contact with her, nor paid maintenance for her, for seven years!
Good point. Some people just assume the mum is in the devil and forget that a lot of dads aren't that interested.
Exactly so. That's a truly shocking situation to be in, I remember you posting about this before.
Thats ok
He actually does see her as and when it suits him.
He doesn't pay a penny. He has only just recently got a job but before that he wasn't working at all. On his days off he see his mates or goes drinking or whatever he wants to do.
Every month to 2 months he will ring up the night before and demand to see her the next day. We had a big argument when i wouldn't pull her out of nursery so she could see him (it was her christmas play on this day)
Age mellows people. He may have been an arse but time changes people and the only way to find out is to look him up. Only then can you know for definite the sort of person he is. If you don't like who he is then sever any ties with him.
My ex gf has a half brother who has been in contact the last 12 months with their dad after being told for 30-odd years what a ***** ****** **** (you get the drift) he was by his manipulative mother.
Now having gotten touch and visited he has a very warm relationship with him and get on very well.
However not every story has this kind of happy ending.
Your decision, but I would go for it.
People say nasty things when they split up - when my ex and I split, we were so vile to each other once the girls were out of the way, that I still can't believe now how well we get on. We went on a family holiday last year, we spend part of Christmas Day together, we go shopping together, turn up at each others' house for coffee. It helps that we live at opposite ends of the same street!
You say you've heard from people about your father's behaviour - again, it may not be entirely true, as people will tend to take the side of the person they knew best, and the person left behind.
He may well be a horrible person, but you won't know for sure until you find out for yourself. Good luck! x
I know sadly I have also herd that he beat his ex wife. I wrote to an adress I found online for him. Her new partner wrote back saying your better off without him. He seems nice at first and all pally but can turn nasty quickly, so maybe its better that I dont. I have found his mother, she is lovely and we are now having a great Nan/Grandaughter relationship that my mother denied me for so long.
I think in my case my mother and father were 18 and went to a wedding in dec 1979. I was born in Aug 1980 so you can see what happened there. I dont think they were together all that long before mother got pregnant.
That's wonderful! Grandparents are so important. I don't have any and I miss my Granny desperately. She was more of a mum to me than my birth mother. (Long story, another thread!) I'm pleased that at least you have her, if not your dad.
The swine has twice tried to put me and our children on the streets, is forever trying to have his child support cut down (or even stopped), refuses to help out with school uniforms and things for Christmas and this year, couldn't even be bothered to pick up the phone to wish the children a Merry Christmas...
To me, he is just the sperm doner.
I had a similar relatonship with my mothers father. I lived with him for years until I met my OH. He used to say I was more like a daughter to him than a granddaughter. I certianly caused him a lot less hassle than his daughter ever did. (again long story).