It's the first anniversary of my mother passing away today, and I can hardly believe it's been a year.
I've found over the past year that she's been a constant thought in my mind (of course!) but it's never been a barrier to leading my life normally or being happy... the pain and the feeling of missing her is always with me but I know she wouldn't want to overtake my life so I've tried to stay positive. For her.
It's been difficult on a few occasions, but I've got through it and I've got through today (not in the UK - day is nearly over for me!)
I guess what I'm saying is that you will have bad days, and you will have good days. Accept that they're both a natural part of the grieving process and that as time goes by the good days will outweigh the bad more and more.
Thank-you all, it is much appreciated. It is true that the good days are becoming more often now and the bad days less - I still think about my mum every day, it is always in my mind, any time I'm not distracted I think about my mum. But I think about my mum in happy ways now too, so it doesn't make me so sad.
I think it's also true that watching the videos has kept it in the front of my mind more. That, the hospice memorial service, the 6 month anniversay coming up, Mother's Day in March, and our birthday in April, so a lot of things all coming up I think. I'm feeling better today though. Sometimes it feels like my head just needs a rest from the stress and the sadness, I sort of wear myself out with it, give up for a day or two, and then get back to normal again, if that makes sense!
I do have a photo of my mum on my bedside table now, I say goodnight to her, so maybe I will try and just talk to her normally too.
I did my grading today, panicked a bit but our instructors are very good at helping me to do things when I'm scared. So hopefully my mum will be proud of me, because I love making my mum proud, and it's all I want in life now.
Thank-you again for the replies, thinking of all of you going through the same or who have been through similar also. x
I've been doing ok again recently, but I am all over the place this afternoon. I've just cried my eyes out for ages because of all the Mother's Day stuff in town. I want to give my mummy her Mother's Day card and her present. I got her something anyway though. A card, and a teddy because it said 'Most beautiful mummy' on it, and I always refer to my mummy as 'my beautiful mummy' when I write to her, because she is. She's so beautiful, such a lovely smile, she always looked so happy.
And I got a little metal heart that says 'Mummy' on it, because it was called a token heart, it says 'Keep this heart in your pocket to remind you of me as my heart belongs to you.' But I will do it the other way around. I will keep the heart instead, so that my mummy's heart is always with me. My mum will always be with me, I'm so similar to her. I'm just as organised, just as stubborn according to one of my best friends.
Sorry for the ramble, I'm just writing my thoughts down to organise them a bit! I am doing fine again lately, I think I'm in the kind of mood where I need a few minutes/hours to be sad and then distract myself and go back to normal. It's just weird thinking that 6 months ago today my mummy was still here. She was sleeping all day, we were supposed to go to my gran's but she came to us because my mum was too ill for that. She was awake for a couple of hours in the evening, but hallucinating a bit, she did sometimes because of the morphine. And then the next day, 6 months ago tomorrow, it was just awful. I wish I could have done something for my mum, I just wanted to protect her and take it all away from her. But I tried to be strong for her before it happened, I tried to be the positive one for her, I tried to be strong and reassure her when it was happening, and I will try to be strong for her as much as I can do now.
Aw Smithy...you have made me cry what a wonderful Daughter you are...it is 3 months since my Dad died and my Mum has just been in hospital also...she came out today thank god. I was so nervous when she was in hospital as my Dad died in hospital. He was doing OK but then we got the call in the morning to say he had died, so when my Mum was in hospital, every morning I felt like the phone was going to ring with bad news
You are doing really well, you are a credit to your lovely Mummy x
I can definitely relate to that. When my gran was in hospital last month I was so worried every time the phone rang that it would be bad news, I can't imagine what it would be like if it was my dad. I worry even if my dad and brother are back home later than expected! You just feel that need to be close with everyone.
I am so proud of my mum. I just want to make her proud now.
Smithy I'm 100% sure if your mum is watching you now, seeing how you're coping and knowing how highly you thought of her, she's already proud of you. I'm sorry for your loss xxx
I couldnt help but have tears when i was reading that
I lost my mam 7 years last weekend and I have to say this year was the worst
I do hope you are ok
I know there's another thread about Mother's Day, but I'm just writing this here because it's quite therapeutic to have somewhere to write about my mum.
I wish so much that I could give my mum something on Mother's Day. I've written her a card and 'talked' to her in it, just as I did with her Christmas card(s. I wrote her one for each week in December telling her what we'd been doing that week).
But more than anything I just want to wish her a happy Mother's Day. I'd like to make her a cup of tea (she loves tea! I take after my mum in that sense haha), give her a cuddle and just be with her.
We're going to visit my dad's brother and his wife on Sunday, and his mum is going too. If it was any other day I'd be looking forward to it, but I don't particularly want to go. I'd like to go to the hospice or the crematorium or the park or just somewhere, and just sit and talk to my mummy. I don't feel like putting on a happy act, but maybe it will be a good thing. Maybe there will be a bit of time in the morning to go to the park and be alone for a while.
I know there's another thread about Mother's Day, but I'm just writing this here because it's quite therapeutic to have somewhere to write about my mum.
I wish so much that I could give my mum something on Mother's Day. I've written her a card and 'talked' to her in it, just as I did with her Christmas card(s. I wrote her one for each week in December telling her what we'd been doing that week).
But more than anything I just want to wish her a happy Mother's Day. I'd like to make her a cup of tea (she loves tea! I take after my mum in that sense haha), give her a cuddle and just be with her.
We're going to visit my dad's brother and his wife on Sunday, and his mum is going too. If it was any other day I'd be looking forward to it, but I don't particularly want to go. I'd like to go to the hospice or the crematorium or the park or just somewhere, and just sit and talk to my mummy. I don't feel like putting on a happy act, but maybe it will be a good thing. Maybe there will be a bit of time in the morning to go to the park and be alone for a while.
Aww Smithy, is there anyway you can get to the crematorium on Sunday? Even if it's just for a few minutes. Take a flask of tea with you and have a cuppa while you have a bit of a chat. My Dad's brother goes up to the crem where their father is buried every Xmas Day and Birthday (my Dad lives too far away) and has a tot of whisky with his Dad.
Aww Smithy, is there anyway you can get to the crematorium on Sunday? Even if it's just for a few minutes. Take a flask of tea with you and have a cuppa while you have a bit of a chat. My Dad's brother goes up to the crem where their father is buried every Xmas Day and Birthday (my Dad lives too far away) and has a tot of whisky with his Dad.
Thank-you, I would like to do that. I'd like to go there, but I've never been there and although this might sound silly, I'm not sure if I'm 'allowed' to go there. We scattered my mum's ashes in Devon (we're in the south-east!) in a place where she wanted, so she's not really 'at' the crematorium. But they have a Garden of Remembrance and a Hall of Memory, so there are places to just sit and think as well.
I can sit and think about her anywhere, and the hospice have a nice wooded area too, it's just nice to have somewhere to sit and reflect and just go there with the purpose of thinking about her.
Smithy, you don't need to go anywhere to be with her. Light a candle, have a cup of tea and chat to her. Tell her you love her and you miss her. She will know. The people we love never leave us. They live on in our hearts forever.
You are going to make a wonderful partner and Dad one day (when you are ready of course!!) your parents have done an amazing job of raising you and making you who you are....
If you can't make it to the Crematorium, I would get up on Sunday morning, take a cuppa into the garden and have a few peaceful moments with your Mum.
I'm a girl. But thank-you, I hope it is still true! We are all doing our best, I just wish my mum could see how hard I am trying, because she just wanted us to be happy and I want so much to make her proud. She knew I would struggle because I'm very close to her, but I am trying to have as many good days as possible, and to talk to people when I am struggling.
I could do that on Sunday morning, go into the garden and be with her. My mum loves the nice weather, she used to love sitting out in the garden as soon as it was sunny enough, so that would be nice too.
I've got a couple of new photo frames now too, so I'm going to spend some time looking through for some lovely photos of my mum.
I lost my dad when I was 12; he was 37 and died of bowel cancer.
But that was a long time ago now - I'm now 45.
I wish I could offer some useful practical advice, but I can't. I will just say that the grief does get less raw and intense. You will never get over it. But the pain does lessen. You'll find yourself thinking more and more about the pleasant memories and less about the sad ones.
It says a lot for your mum that you're so upset. If she hadn't been such a wonderful person and mother you wouldn't be so distressed. So keep remembering how lucky you were to have been blessed with such a lovely mother.
I don't know how i am going to cope when i lose my parents... i am independent but i do rely on them loads. They're both my most trusted friends in the world really. I just don't know how you ever get over it, honestly. x
Thank-you all, your replies are very much appreciated. It is helpful just to know that other people can relate, although it makes you realise how many people have lost people they love so much.
I have actually considered writing something about it (well, I have a blog, but it's been used about...3 times. ). For myself if nothing else, I like writing anyway (my nan was an English teacher and my mum was a primary school teacher, I take after my family!) but it would be nice to think I could help someone else somehow one day.
I have a few of my mum's personal possessions. Some clothes, some jewellery, some teddies etc that I got her as presents over the years, some perfume and things like that, in the memory box I made for her.
I am certainly very lucky to have had my mum, and it is nice to think of all the happy memories and all her brilliant qualities, rather than thinking about how things were towards the end.
Thank-you all, your replies are very much appreciated. It is helpful just to know that other people can relate, although it makes you realise how many people have lost people they love so much.
I have actually considered writing something about it (well, I have a blog, but it's been used about...3 times. ). For myself if nothing else, I like writing anyway (my nan was an English teacher and my mum was a primary school teacher, I take after my family!) but it would be nice to think I could help someone else somehow one day.
I have a few of my mum's personal possessions. Some clothes, some jewellery, some teddies etc that I got her as presents over the years, some perfume and things like that, in the memory box I made for her.
I am certainly very lucky to have had my mum, and it is nice to think of all the happy memories and all her brilliant qualities, rather than thinking about how things were towards the end.
Smithy, I'm glad you've got some of your Mum's possessions , would it help to sometimes hold one of them & just light a candle by her photo in your bedroom & sit & talk to her .
I think it would be a very good idea to write things down , it would help you & also other young people in the future.
Have you heard of an association called Cruise ? it's for relatives of those who've died. I'm not sure how it works, but I bet there's a branch near you & someone who specialises in comforting & listening to younger people .
Comments
I've found over the past year that she's been a constant thought in my mind (of course!) but it's never been a barrier to leading my life normally or being happy... the pain and the feeling of missing her is always with me but I know she wouldn't want to overtake my life so I've tried to stay positive. For her.
It's been difficult on a few occasions, but I've got through it and I've got through today (not in the UK - day is nearly over for me!)
I guess what I'm saying is that you will have bad days, and you will have good days. Accept that they're both a natural part of the grieving process and that as time goes by the good days will outweigh the bad more and more.
I think it's also true that watching the videos has kept it in the front of my mind more. That, the hospice memorial service, the 6 month anniversay coming up, Mother's Day in March, and our birthday in April, so a lot of things all coming up I think. I'm feeling better today though. Sometimes it feels like my head just needs a rest from the stress and the sadness, I sort of wear myself out with it, give up for a day or two, and then get back to normal again, if that makes sense!
I do have a photo of my mum on my bedside table now, I say goodnight to her, so maybe I will try and just talk to her normally too.
I did my grading today, panicked a bit but our instructors are very good at helping me to do things when I'm scared. So hopefully my mum will be proud of me, because I love making my mum proud, and it's all I want in life now.
Thank-you again for the replies, thinking of all of you going through the same or who have been through similar also. x
I've been doing ok again recently, but I am all over the place this afternoon. I've just cried my eyes out for ages because of all the Mother's Day stuff in town. I want to give my mummy her Mother's Day card and her present. I got her something anyway though. A card, and a teddy because it said 'Most beautiful mummy' on it, and I always refer to my mummy as 'my beautiful mummy' when I write to her, because she is. She's so beautiful, such a lovely smile, she always looked so happy.
And I got a little metal heart that says 'Mummy' on it, because it was called a token heart, it says 'Keep this heart in your pocket to remind you of me as my heart belongs to you.' But I will do it the other way around. I will keep the heart instead, so that my mummy's heart is always with me. My mum will always be with me, I'm so similar to her. I'm just as organised, just as stubborn according to one of my best friends.
Sorry for the ramble, I'm just writing my thoughts down to organise them a bit! I am doing fine again lately, I think I'm in the kind of mood where I need a few minutes/hours to be sad and then distract myself and go back to normal. It's just weird thinking that 6 months ago today my mummy was still here. She was sleeping all day, we were supposed to go to my gran's but she came to us because my mum was too ill for that. She was awake for a couple of hours in the evening, but hallucinating a bit, she did sometimes because of the morphine. And then the next day, 6 months ago tomorrow, it was just awful. I wish I could have done something for my mum, I just wanted to protect her and take it all away from her. But I tried to be strong for her before it happened, I tried to be the positive one for her, I tried to be strong and reassure her when it was happening, and I will try to be strong for her as much as I can do now.
[Sorry for length/ramble/moaning!]
You are doing really well, you are a credit to your lovely Mummy x
I can definitely relate to that. When my gran was in hospital last month I was so worried every time the phone rang that it would be bad news, I can't imagine what it would be like if it was my dad. I worry even if my dad and brother are back home later than expected! You just feel that need to be close with everyone.
I am so proud of my mum. I just want to make her proud now.
I lost my mam 7 years last weekend and I have to say this year was the worst
I do hope you are ok
I wish so much that I could give my mum something on Mother's Day. I've written her a card and 'talked' to her in it, just as I did with her Christmas card(s. I wrote her one for each week in December telling her what we'd been doing that week).
But more than anything I just want to wish her a happy Mother's Day. I'd like to make her a cup of tea (she loves tea! I take after my mum in that sense haha), give her a cuddle and just be with her.
We're going to visit my dad's brother and his wife on Sunday, and his mum is going too. If it was any other day I'd be looking forward to it, but I don't particularly want to go. I'd like to go to the hospice or the crematorium or the park or just somewhere, and just sit and talk to my mummy. I don't feel like putting on a happy act, but maybe it will be a good thing. Maybe there will be a bit of time in the morning to go to the park and be alone for a while.
Aww Smithy, is there anyway you can get to the crematorium on Sunday? Even if it's just for a few minutes. Take a flask of tea with you and have a cuppa while you have a bit of a chat. My Dad's brother goes up to the crem where their father is buried every Xmas Day and Birthday (my Dad lives too far away) and has a tot of whisky with his Dad.
Thank-you, I would like to do that. I'd like to go there, but I've never been there and although this might sound silly, I'm not sure if I'm 'allowed' to go there. We scattered my mum's ashes in Devon (we're in the south-east!) in a place where she wanted, so she's not really 'at' the crematorium. But they have a Garden of Remembrance and a Hall of Memory, so there are places to just sit and think as well.
I can sit and think about her anywhere, and the hospice have a nice wooded area too, it's just nice to have somewhere to sit and reflect and just go there with the purpose of thinking about her.
You are going to make a wonderful partner and Dad one day (when you are ready of course!!) your parents have done an amazing job of raising you and making you who you are....
If you can't make it to the Crematorium, I would get up on Sunday morning, take a cuppa into the garden and have a few peaceful moments with your Mum.
Then go and have a lovely lunch and a few beers??
Keep strong, you are doing so well
xxxxxxxxx
I could do that on Sunday morning, go into the garden and be with her. My mum loves the nice weather, she used to love sitting out in the garden as soon as it was sunny enough, so that would be nice too.
I've got a couple of new photo frames now too, so I'm going to spend some time looking through for some lovely photos of my mum.
When the weather's decent, I'll sit on one of the benches for a while, remembering.
Likewise, on their birthdays and the anniversary of their deaths, I'll place some flowers under the tree and sit for a while.
I know they're not there (their ashes were scattered, together, elsewhere), but it's a nice place to just sit and remember.
I'm sure your Mum is proud of you. I lost my Mum 3 years ago ( she was very old ) but even now I can sometimes feel her presence .
Ask your family if you can go & sit in the Hospice garden on Sunday morning , just for a while.
Or just light a candle & put it by her photo in your bedroom & talk to her.
Have you got any of your Mum's personal possessions ?
I lost my dad when I was 12; he was 37 and died of bowel cancer.
But that was a long time ago now - I'm now 45.
I wish I could offer some useful practical advice, but I can't. I will just say that the grief does get less raw and intense. You will never get over it. But the pain does lessen. You'll find yourself thinking more and more about the pleasant memories and less about the sad ones.
It says a lot for your mum that you're so upset. If she hadn't been such a wonderful person and mother you wouldn't be so distressed. So keep remembering how lucky you were to have been blessed with such a lovely mother.
Big hug to you, Smithy.
((((((Smithy))))))
I don't know how i am going to cope when i lose my parents... i am independent but i do rely on them loads. They're both my most trusted friends in the world really. I just don't know how you ever get over it, honestly.
I have actually considered writing something about it (well, I have a blog, but it's been used about...3 times.
I have a few of my mum's personal possessions. Some clothes, some jewellery, some teddies etc that I got her as presents over the years, some perfume and things like that, in the memory box I made for her.
I am certainly very lucky to have had my mum, and it is nice to think of all the happy memories and all her brilliant qualities, rather than thinking about how things were towards the end.
Someone mentioned lighting a candle.Thats what I do on her birthday.christmas and mothers day. I find it theraputic!
Smithy, I'm glad you've got some of your Mum's possessions , would it help to sometimes hold one of them & just light a candle by her photo in your bedroom & sit & talk to her .
I think it would be a very good idea to write things down , it would help you & also other young people in the future.
Have you heard of an association called Cruise ? it's for relatives of those who've died. I'm not sure how it works, but I bet there's a branch near you & someone who specialises in comforting & listening to younger people .