Has anyone commented on you not being involved? I'd have given you my secret santa gift in protest if that had happened here (which it shouldn't do as it would constitute bullying )
Hope you tuck into the Fuddle and fill your boots - if you brought a pack lunch put that out. Just tell them you'd have brought something if they'd told you about it - I'd be tempted to say that with a mouth full of mince pie. F'ckers.
I hope you find a new job with a much nicer bunch of people soon x
I've just found out that my colleagues have done a secret santa without involving me, they are all in today dressed up in Christmassy outfits and have brought in a Fuddle.
I'm pretty annoyed that I'm not involved but to top things off they are all meeting tonight for drinks and a meal.
I feel it's because I've been looking for another job and the latest manager isn't my biggest fan.
And earlier this year there was an issue with another member of staff who lied and was eventually dismissed.
Maybe I'm being paranoid I don't know but I just feel so left out.
I've been doing my bits with the patients (kitchen assessments etc) and haven't really been spoken to by any of the staff that have come in on their day off.
Just peed off right now and needed to rant.
Can't wait to get out of here.
Been there, done that, got the T shirt, you really have my sympathy it wears you down horribly - mine was due to my manager as well who suddenly took against me (to this day, 15 odd years later, I still haven't a clue what I apparently did, it was literally one day fine, next day I was the scum on the bottom of his shoe).
It's fine saying it's just work people, but when you spend a big part of your day with them, and you're well aware you're being deliberately excluded it's very difficult to just brush it off (or it was for me). Some people were fine with me when he wasn't there, but when he was I may as well have been invisible - these days I wouldn't stand for it, back then, due to other issues, it was a time my confidence wasn't exactly high, and about 6 months of this treatment had it at an all time low.
My tipping point was, like you, being excluded from the Xmas drinks, found myself walking down the road in tears, handed in my notice immediately after Xmas and went temping until I found another permanent job.
No real advice apart from do what you're doing and get out - and good luck
Has anyone commented on you not being involved? I'd have given you my secret santa gift in protest if that had happened here (which it shouldn't do as it would constitute bullying )
Hope you tuck into the Fuddle and fill your boots - if you brought a pack lunch put that out. Just tell them you'd have brought something if they'd told you about it - I'd be tempted to say that with a mouth full of mince pie. F'ckers.
I hope you find a new job with a much nicer bunch of people soon x
and me.....I hate seeing people excluded, especially when they've done absolutely sod all to deserve it.
How popular was the other person? And there are 2 sides to every story, you say he/she lied, they may have said you did
You were obviously believed, but did everyone see it that way?
Btw, I can't think of anything worse than wearing 'chrismassy clothes' and having a 'fuddle' - it sounds like a scene form The Office
This is it, I wouldn't really have enjoyed wearing Christmas outfits etc but it would have been nice to have been asked.
They have made it pretty obvious that the didn't want me involved but hey ho.
In regards to the incident earlier this year it's all here.
everyone eventually sided with me but the manager still brings it up in a "jokey" way.
If I make a comment such as " there is no one querer than folk" she will say " oops he needs to go on his anti homophobia phobia training again" and laugh it off.
As has been mentioned I'm maybe just big sensitive as I didn't get a recent job I applied for, however I just feel annoyed.
This is it, I wouldn't really have enjoyed wearing Christmas outfits etc but it would have been nice to have been asked.
They have made it pretty obvious that the didn't want me involved but hey ho.
In regards to the incident earlier this year it's all here.
everyone eventually sided with me but the manager still brings it up in a "jokey" way.
If I make a comment such as " there is no one querer than folk" she will say " oops he needs to go on his anti homophobia phobia training again" and laugh it off.
As has been mentioned I'm maybe just big sensitive as I didn't get a recent job I applied for, however I just feel annoyed.
To be honest, that just sounds like normal office banter.
I wouldn't worry about it. All workplaces have their clique. The popular crowd, if you like.
They organise their little collections whenever it is someones birthday, or someones aunt has died, or someone has been promoted or is leaving.
If you happen to look at their photos on Facebook, you will see it is the same people getting invited to all the management birthday nights out, halloween parties, etc.
Then there is the likes of you and me. We are not in the popular crowd. We don't get invited to anything. There are no collections for our birthday, and when we leave we quietly slip out the door and nobody notices.
It is the way of the world, my friend and you need to come to terms with your role in it.
Its true. Friend got bollocked in work for not going to the Xmas party
Stay with your other friends even if their in another department
Aww that's awful. I would love to get out of my office Christmas party, but that's not the point at all. I cannot believe adults can behave so childish. There are people who are universally disliked at my office as well, but no one would ever go so far as not to include them in an office party or secret santa. That's really mean and I'm sure is considered bullying.
Urban Dictionary: fuddle www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=fuddle
fuddle. Any sexual position that involves cuddling and penetration at the same time. (ie, the spoon). That fuddle was great, now we can just go straight to sleep.
or
fuddle
verb
1.
confuse or stupefy (someone), especially with alcohol.
noun
noun: fuddle
1.
a state of confusion or intoxication.
"through the fuddle of wine he heard some of the conversation"
I'm still confused.
Did you workmates have food in a huddle, have sex with each other or get pissed and end up in a state of confusion? You've posted in this thread since people have questioned this so I guess you're avoiding answering deliberately. No wonder people ignore you at work if you don't reply to them when asked a direct question.
I refuse to take part in this thread until this matter is cleared up.
I've never experienced cliqueyness at work. Everyone is generally quite friendly to everyone.
The last company I worked for was terrible for it. Snobbish cliquishness too, I was looked down upon a lot because I wanted to keep my relationships strictly professional.
The company I work for now is a little better but there is still that cliquishness. It's why I don't go to the likes of Christmas parties any more.
I've just found out that my colleagues have done a secret santa without involving me, they are all in today dressed up in Christmassy outfits and have brought in a Fuddle.
I'm pretty annoyed that I'm not involved but to top things off they are all meeting tonight for drinks and a meal.
I feel it's because I've been looking for another job and the latest manager isn't my biggest fan.
And earlier this year there was an issue with another member of staff who lied and was eventually dismissed.
Maybe I'm being paranoid I don't know but I just feel so left out.
I've been doing my bits with the patients (kitchen assessments etc) and haven't really been spoken to by any of the staff that have come in on their day off.
Just peed off right now and needed to rant.
Can't wait to get out of here.
That sounds awful.
We spend more time (if we are f/t) with our work mates than we do with our families so if they ignore you and treat you like sh!t, then I can imagine that's pretty horrible - whether you like them or not.
Why not ask someone outright? I would. Just say "So I'm not included in the Secret Santa/secret drinks this year, then?" And see what they say. They'll either fake sorrow and apologise, saying they didn't realise you were excluded, or, if they have balls, they'll tell you why.
Did you workmates have food in a huddle, have sex with each other or get pissed and end up in a state of confusion? You've posted in this thread since people have questioned this so I guess you're avoiding answering deliberately. No wonder people ignore you at work if you don't reply to them when asked a direct question.
I refuse to take part in this thread until this matter is cleared up.
Good day to you sir.
Knowing the state of some of my co workers, I can tell you I wouldnt have had any sort of cuddling or sex positions
They brought in mince pies etc lol. Certainly not sexual positions
OP dont feel down they are cleary not worth it and you should just focus on the people that you do get on with outside of work and spending Christmas with them
I dont exactly get on with many people in my work I wouldnt say im the fav employee but I just keep thinking to myself I am a good person deep down and I know who truley likes me outside of work so I couldnt give a shit about any of these people in work
To be honest, that just sounds like normal office banter.
An unacceptable response from anyone in a supervisory position, even if it is given in jest. Also exclusion is not appropriate.
Can this be addressed through your hr department? It may seem awkward raising it but they will probably find the info useful so that viability of policy and protocol can be assessed in line with employment law. Not something they will want to fall fowl of.
Also ensure, if it is a regular occurance, that you keep a diary note of any comments / actions / issues and the effect they have on you. This type of behaviour can appear to start off insidiously but can have a very negative impact on self esteem, confidence and personal life. The most ghastly aspect is that it is the person on the receiving end is often made to feel petty, self absorbed and humourless by the perpetrators. Without being alarmist, a dear friend of mine was in a situation which was very unpleasant at work (similar type of behaviour as you describe OP). He died due to possible heart failure during the night. They never determined a cause as he was in every respect a healthy young man but found his work situation unbearably stressful. I am so convinced it was in some way related to the awful experiences that he told me about. He was 25. Do please address this with your employer if it continues OP; you may be able to handle it, but it does not mean the next person will (and there usually is a next person).
It is hard not to feel hurt, but then do you care enough about these petty, mean spirited people to give a rats backside what they think of you?
Be glad you don't have to put up with them socially after work, I would stick my nose in the air and keep a bit of a smirk on my face, pretend you are more amused than hurt, defeated their purpose if the think you don't care.
Hope you find a new job with nicer people in the new year.
An unacceptable response from anyone in a supervisory position, even if it is given in jest
Crikey - and many say I'm a stickler for diversity and making sure all the rules are followed to the letter
Not that I would say it, I wouldn't. But equally I wouldn't be perturbed if someone said that to me, if in a jokey way. You have to let some things go, otherwise people get worried about almost everything they say, lest it somehow crosses a line. That's going too far the other way.
Its true. Friend got bollocked in work for not going to the Xmas party
Stay with your other friends even if their in another department
Yip, very long story I won't go into but part of which included me being reported for not going to work night out even though I've actually been to many but stopped going due to the behaviour on them of the person who actually reported me. Managers response was that it showed I wasn't a team player
Yip, very long story I won't go into but part of which included me being reported for not going to work night out even though I've actually been to many but stopped going due to the behaviour on them of the person who actually reported me. Managers response was that it showed I wasn't a team player
That's ludicrous. If you choose not to go, it's your business, not to mention your time.
I think my response would be that I'd go if they paid for the food I ate, and gave me overtime rates of pay for the time spent.
Been there, done that, got the T shirt, you really have my sympathy it wears you down horribly - mine was due to my manager as well who suddenly took against me (to this day, 15 odd years later, I still haven't a clue what I apparently did, it was literally one day fine, next day I was the scum on the bottom of his shoe).
It's fine saying it's just work people, but when you spend a big part of your day with them, and you're well aware you're being deliberately excluded it's very difficult to just brush it off (or it was for me). Some people were fine with me when he wasn't there, but when he was I may as well have been invisible - these days I wouldn't stand for it, back then, due to other issues, it was a time my confidence wasn't exactly high, and about 6 months of this treatment had it at an all time low.
My tipping point was, like you, being excluded from the Xmas drinks, found myself walking down the road in tears, handed in my notice immediately after Xmas and went temping until I found another permanent job.
No real advice apart from do what you're doing and get out - and good luck
It sounds like one of your colleagues told the boss "what you thought of him". But which one? Anybody a JR Ewing fan (off Dallas).
Comments
Has anyone commented on you not being involved? I'd have given you my secret santa gift in protest if that had happened here (which it shouldn't do as it would constitute bullying
Hope you tuck into the Fuddle and fill your boots - if you brought a pack lunch put that out. Just tell them you'd have brought something if they'd told you about it - I'd be tempted to say that with a mouth full of mince pie. F'ckers.
I hope you find a new job with a much nicer bunch of people soon x
Sounds like a cringey nightmare and something I would actively avoid.
Been there, done that, got the T shirt, you really have my sympathy
It's fine saying it's just work people, but when you spend a big part of your day with them, and you're well aware you're being deliberately excluded it's very difficult to just brush it off (or it was for me). Some people were fine with me when he wasn't there, but when he was I may as well have been invisible - these days I wouldn't stand for it, back then, due to other issues, it was a time my confidence wasn't exactly high, and about 6 months of this treatment had it at an all time low.
My tipping point was, like you, being excluded from the Xmas drinks, found myself walking down the road in tears, handed in my notice immediately after Xmas and went temping until I found another permanent job.
No real advice apart from do what you're doing and get out - and good luck
and me.....I hate seeing people excluded, especially when they've done absolutely sod all to deserve it.
This is it, I wouldn't really have enjoyed wearing Christmas outfits etc but it would have been nice to have been asked.
They have made it pretty obvious that the didn't want me involved but hey ho.
In regards to the incident earlier this year it's all here.
http://forums.digitalspy.co.uk/showthread.php?t=1996438
everyone eventually sided with me but the manager still brings it up in a "jokey" way.
If I make a comment such as " there is no one querer than folk" she will say " oops he needs to go on his anti homophobia phobia training again" and laugh it off.
As has been mentioned I'm maybe just big sensitive as I didn't get a recent job I applied for, however I just feel annoyed.
http://dilbert.com/strips/comic/2004-06-27/
To be honest, that just sounds like normal office banter.
I've never experienced cliqueyness at work. Everyone is generally quite friendly to everyone.
Its true. Friend got bollocked in work for not going to the Xmas party
Stay with your other friends even if their in another department
For real!?:o
I'm still confused.
Did you workmates have food in a huddle, have sex with each other or get pissed and end up in a state of confusion? You've posted in this thread since people have questioned this so I guess you're avoiding answering deliberately. No wonder people ignore you at work if you don't reply to them when asked a direct question.
I refuse to take part in this thread until this matter is cleared up.
Good day to you sir.
The last company I worked for was terrible for it. Snobbish cliquishness too, I was looked down upon a lot because I wanted to keep my relationships strictly professional.
The company I work for now is a little better but there is still that cliquishness. It's why I don't go to the likes of Christmas parties any more.
That sounds awful.
We spend more time (if we are f/t) with our work mates than we do with our families so if they ignore you and treat you like sh!t, then I can imagine that's pretty horrible - whether you like them or not.
Why not ask someone outright? I would. Just say "So I'm not included in the Secret Santa/secret drinks this year, then?" And see what they say. They'll either fake sorrow and apologise, saying they didn't realise you were excluded, or, if they have balls, they'll tell you why.
What have you got to lose?
Good point.
They already hate you - it can't get any worse. If they're rude, tell them to fuddle off.
Knowing the state of some of my co workers, I can tell you I wouldnt have had any sort of cuddling or sex positions
They brought in mince pies etc lol. Certainly not sexual positions
I dont exactly get on with many people in my work I wouldnt say im the fav employee but I just keep thinking to myself I am a good person deep down and I know who truley likes me outside of work so I couldnt give a shit about any of these people in work
An unacceptable response from anyone in a supervisory position, even if it is given in jest. Also exclusion is not appropriate.
Can this be addressed through your hr department? It may seem awkward raising it but they will probably find the info useful so that viability of policy and protocol can be assessed in line with employment law. Not something they will want to fall fowl of.
Also ensure, if it is a regular occurance, that you keep a diary note of any comments / actions / issues and the effect they have on you. This type of behaviour can appear to start off insidiously but can have a very negative impact on self esteem, confidence and personal life. The most ghastly aspect is that it is the person on the receiving end is often made to feel petty, self absorbed and humourless by the perpetrators. Without being alarmist, a dear friend of mine was in a situation which was very unpleasant at work (similar type of behaviour as you describe OP). He died due to possible heart failure during the night. They never determined a cause as he was in every respect a healthy young man but found his work situation unbearably stressful. I am so convinced it was in some way related to the awful experiences that he told me about. He was 25. Do please address this with your employer if it continues OP; you may be able to handle it, but it does not mean the next person will (and there usually is a next person).
All the best to you.
Be glad you don't have to put up with them socially after work, I would stick my nose in the air and keep a bit of a smirk on my face, pretend you are more amused than hurt, defeated their purpose if the think you don't care.
Hope you find a new job with nicer people in the new year.
Crikey - and many say I'm a stickler for diversity and making sure all the rules are followed to the letter
Not that I would say it, I wouldn't. But equally I wouldn't be perturbed if someone said that to me, if in a jokey way. You have to let some things go, otherwise people get worried about almost everything they say, lest it somehow crosses a line. That's going too far the other way.
I've already said that. Not in dispute.
Yip, very long story I won't go into but part of which included me being reported for not going to work night out even though I've actually been to many but stopped going due to the behaviour on them of the person who actually reported me. Managers response was that it showed I wasn't a team player
That's ludicrous. If you choose not to go, it's your business, not to mention your time.
I think my response would be that I'd go if they paid for the food I ate, and gave me overtime rates of pay for the time spent.
It sounds like one of your colleagues told the boss "what you thought of him". But which one? Anybody a JR Ewing fan (off Dallas).