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Mandatory Vitamin Tablets (at McDonalds)

ChuckyBlackhartChuckyBlackhart Posts: 2,468
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in General Discussion #1
Taking vitamin tablets is to become mandatory at McDonalds:

Taking vitamin tablets is soon to become compulsory at McDonalds. Health campaigner Ursula Stickybeak says “As long as McDonalds is open, children will eat there. So we see no other choice but to make vitamin tablets compulsory with each meal purchased. We can’t have people eating what they want. What do they think this is, China?” British dictator David Cameron has said “after much campaigning from The Daily Mail, I see no other choice but to make vitamin tablets compulsory at McDonalds. Asked about his alleged personal relationships with the owners of The Daily Mail and Vitamins’R’us, the PM declined to comment. Health campaigner Bertha Nutkick says “this is a great result for tyranny (ahem) I mean freedom. People might grumble now, but they’ll thank us in the long run. We know what’s best”.

Paul Wise, speaking for the liberty campaign group S.A.N.E. has spoken out against the move, saying “children’s health was used as an emotive excuse because adult consumers will be subject to the same legislation. Besides, I’ve done research on these vitamins and they’re 80% toxic waste”.

To make sure everybody takes one with each McDonalds meal they purchase, the vitamin tablets will be administered by guards. The cost of the McGuards will be past on to the consumer meaning a rise in the price of fast food. However British authorities have insisted the cost of the McVitamins be paid for by McDonalds without further cost to the consumer. Asked about the cost of the mandatory vitamin tablets, McDonalds are quoted as saying “we’re a bit pissed”.


In related news, children under the age of 16 will be banned from eating at McDonalds following new legislation. This news comes after McDonalds abandoned plans to make their McVitamins more palatable to children by printing a picture of Ronald McDonald on them and calling them Happy Tabs. Health campaigners, The Daily Mail and David Cameron all agreed that calling the vitamins “Happy Tabs” would encourage drug use among children. And so, they claimed, they had no option but to ban under 16’s from the restaurant. This means adults of 16 and over will have to present a valid UK ID card when visiting McDonalds. When asked to comment on this, liberty campaigner Paul Wise is quoted as saying “I…I give up”.

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