Family getting on my nerves

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• chattamanuk Posts: 3,397

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  05/02/10 - 13:59 #2

  Can't comment, but wanted to wish you Happy Birthday for yesterday.

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• [Deleted User] Posts: 4,218

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  05/02/10 - 16:46 #3

  Reading through your post, you ARE better than you family, have more ambition and want to live the life YOU want. Tell them all where to go (in a polite assertive way). Good luck with your studies.

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• ppaupy Posts: 2,729

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  05/02/10 - 16:50 #4

  summerain wrote: »

  They're obsessed with babies.
  
  I have 2 sisters, a half-sister and 12 female cousins. All except my eldest sister (because of her disabilities) have babies. I feel like my family are hinting and getting at me all the time because I haven't got any yet.
  
  I turned 23 yesterday, I'm applying to university as a mature student, I don't even have a boyfriend at the moment!
  I have no plans to have any children any time soon. Of course maybe in the future when I've done everything I want to do: get a degree, go travelling, find a long-term partner and settle down, get a house of my own, etc.
  
  None of that makes sense to them. In their world you leave school, get the first job and bloke that comes along and have babies. They seem to think there's something wrong with me because I don't want that.
  Even in my birthday card from my Gran, she wrote "Happy Birthday. Sarah (my cousin) is having a baby in August. Love Nan" Surely that's not a normal thing to write in someone's birthday card?! :eek: It's definitely a hint/dig at me.
  
  I get no support from them for having a career ambition, my Mum has asked several times "what do you want to go to university for?" and I've heard nasty comments implying that I think I'm better than them because of it. It's not that at all I just want a career I'll enjoy and to make a better life for myself. Apparently that makes me 'stuck-up' and means I'll look down on them. It gets me so down sometimes, like I'm disappointing them. I've always been the odd one out and they never let me forget that.
  
  I can't win, if I do what is expected of me, I'll be unhappy. If I do what makes me happy, my family hates me.
  
  Does anyone else get this? How did you deal with it?

  
  You do what you want with your life..people are scared when others what to do something new or different to thier norm.
  
  As for your gran in her birthday card put: happy birthday, elsie down the road died last week!.see if she gets the hint.

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• sp2782 Posts: 315

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  05/02/10 - 16:51 #5

  Good for you for following your own path, and not doing what everyone else wants you to do. They probably are all jealous that you can go to university and you are making the most of the opportunities you have been given before settling down.
  
  Take no notice of them, they have their lives and you have yours, best of luck

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• Shadow27 Posts: 4,181

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  05/02/10 - 17:15 #6

  sp2782 wrote: »

  Good for you for following your own path, and not doing what everyone else wants you to do. They probably are all jealous that you can go to university and you are making the most of the opportunities you have been given before settling down.
  
  Take no notice of them, they have their lives and you have yours, best of luck

  
  It must be a lonely business but I'd gently explain to them that this is your choice and you've worked very hard to get to this point. If they really don't understand then talk them through what you're going to study, were and when you're at uni, invite them to see you - make them included as I think they might be afraid of you drifting away and don't understand this studying stuff, as you said yourself it's a first for them - from their point of view it's unknown so help them. Settling down and babies they can relate to but on this, it's going to be up to you to guide them.
  
  And you only here one side of the story - I'm trying to have children and can't, all my family have them except me and I felt I was utterly hopeless as all I heard from my gran was about her great grandchildren but then I heard from a cousin that all they got was how great I was for trying to get over my loss. So I bet they're really proud of you but perhaps don't always say it.

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• alfiewozere Posts: 29,508

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  05/02/10 - 17:26 #7

  ppaupy wrote: »

  You do what you want with your life..people are scared when others what to do something new or different to thier norm.
  
  As for your gran in her birthday card put: happy birthday, elsie down the road died last week!.see if she gets the hint.

  Oooh good idea!

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• [Deleted User] Posts: 885

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  05/02/10 - 17:33 #8

  ppaupy wrote: »

  As for your gran in her birthday card put: happy birthday, elsie down the road died last week!.see if she gets the hint.

  
  LOL! You should try that OP! And if she gets annoyed at it, show her the card she sent you and she'll soon shut up.
  
  Please don't bow to the pressue of your, quite clearly, jealous and unsupportive family. When my mum wanted to go to university, her mum told her "You? Go to uni? You're punching above your weight there." and the thing is, my mum actually listened to her and didn't go. She says it was the worst mistake of her life.
  She was also the last to have kids in her family, and she was the oldest!
  So, please keep doing what you're doing if that's what you want to do, and if I was you, I'd get p!ssed off and really let rip at your family for being so inconsiderate.

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• Button62 Posts: 8,463

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  05/02/10 - 17:45 #9

  Do your own thing and to hell with them all !
  
  If it ever comes to serious discussion time, politely explain that you are not a sheep and everyone has their own lifesyle ideas.
  
  If all else fails tell them to "BUTT OUT "

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• academia Posts: 18,225

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  05/02/10 - 17:46 #10

  summerain wrote: »

  I turned 23 yesterday, I'm applying to university as a mature student, I don't even have a boyfriend at the moment!
  I have no plans to have any children any time soon. Of course maybe in the future when I've done everything I want to do: get a degree, go travelling, find a long-term partner and settle down, get a house of my own, etc.
  
  
  I get no support from them for having a career ambition, my Mum has asked several times "what do you want to go to university for?" and I've heard nasty comments implying that I think I'm better than them because of it. It's not that at all I just want a career I'll enjoy and to make a better life for myself. Apparently that makes me 'stuck-up' and means I'll look down on them. It gets me so down sometimes, like I'm disappointing them. I've always been the odd one out and they never let me forget that.
  
  I can't win, if I do what is expected of me, I'll be unhappy. If I do what makes me happy, my family hates me.
  
  Does anyone else get this? How did you deal with it?

  
  
  I don't suppose they hate you. You're breaking a family pattern and they don't understand. It sounds as if you are the first to go get an adavnced education and try to improve your life opportunities - this probably makes them anxious, and afraid that you WILL look down on them. I faced something like it years ago when it was unusual for working class kids to go to university. My uncle went mad, haranguing my Mum and Dad about me getting above myself and saying that I would look down on them. I was luckier than you in that my Dad said it was none of his business.
  The same uncle refused to allow his own daughters to go on to universty. His eldest girl got married, moved out, and went to uni anyway and did very well. The younger gave in and left school - but she always bitterly resented her lost chance.
  Have no thought of being swayed into abandoning your plans. This is your life and your choices. You'll probably find that they will eventually accept what you are doing. If they don't, get on with it anyway. You don't want to end up with years to regret what you might have done.
  Good luck!

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• Viridiana Posts: 8,017

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  05/02/10 - 18:04 #11

  I can relate, my father an educated man so he can't be excused, told me when i said i was admitted to Uni, that he couldn't understand why would i want to be part of a culture of pretentious drunks. Yes, he's lovely.
  
  Don't let you family bring you down. You are right Summer.

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• [Deleted User] Posts: 856

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  05/02/10 - 18:05 #12

  It's your life, and if you were my daughter I would be proud of you wanting to make the best for yourself. If you cave in, and go down the route of the rest of your family, you will become extremely resentful towards them, as well as unhappy. Any caring parent would see this, and I'm sure your family do, they just can't accept that you're going your own way. Also, they may feel that you think that what they've done (i.e. settling down quickly into having babies) isn't admirable - I think you need to let them know that it's great for them, because it's what they want, but it wouldn't be great for you. If they can't or won't accept this, then just get on with your life, then give them time, when you're flying high at Uni, they'll all be so proud of you (even if they refuse to show it).
  
  Good luck.

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