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No sex before marriage hard Christian drop after over 2 months dating.. wrong?
So been dating new girlfriend for over 2 months now and I knew she was Christian but she dropped on me this week the no sex before marriage thing.
Do you think she should of mentioned this sooner? it took me by surprise and not sure how to react to be honest! How would you react to this?
Do you think she should of mentioned this sooner? it took me by surprise and not sure how to react to be honest! How would you react to this?
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Cmon, over 2 months dating and not getting any? You must have had your suspicions. Although I suppose its better than her considering you as just a friend or not being that attracted to you.
It took sometime before we even kissed properly but that was more me than her.Don't get me wrong I do respect that this is what she believes is correct and each to their own. However I feel perhaps she should of been more up front earlier but even bring up that subject much be tough.
Because its normal human nature to want to have sex. If he doesnt have the same beliefs as her then its a problem and I'd think it would be strange for him not to be bothered. Whether he can respect her beliefs and keep up the relationship under those circumstances, is only something he can work out
I guess it depends on how much you like the girl really?
Lucky escape me thinks
Sorry. But if she does not want sex before marriage, then that is her choice and you have to live with it or say goodbye. Simple really.
You do seem to seek advice on every stage of every relationship you have and I wonder why. How old are you by the way?
The no kissing for 2 months may have been a clue.
Or you have horrendous breath
The OP obviously liked her enough to put up with kissing etc and why not?
However, with my strangely large experience of dating Christians given that I believe all the god stuff is tosh, is that some Christians wil go hot and cold of sexual activity, go through guilt trips about doing certain things, have read books about 'what is acceptable in a relationship' normally written by spinsters who couldn't get any and so they stop others having fun, even holding hands is discussed at length in some books...
As for the ex-gf of the OP not saying anything for 2months, if she is so set against sex before marriage and also a bit shy she's hardly going to bring up the subject is she?
Just take it as a learning experience. The mental strait-jacket Christians are put in is quite pernicious.
Although I'd suggest bringing up the subject of Evolution early on and if they say it's full of holes then they are a Creationist and I'd have second thoughts about the whole thing...
You don't blurt out halfway through the first date "by the way I'm not having any sex till I'm married". Wee bit premature to do that.
In that sense when's the most likely time to mention it? Fairly soon after the first proper kiss seems to make sense...
Yes, I was thinking this too. And saying that she should have 'warned' the OP assumes that sex before marriage is the norm and if it isn't on the agenda, then there's something that he needs warning about - if you see what I mean. From her perspective this may not be how she sees it.
Sounds to me - like the sex seems more important to you, than her.
No offence - but you should be grateful you have found someone who really likes you - think of all the single men, who never get anywhere with women.
Hmm, what if the relationship lasts a couple of years and doesn't get to marriage or they get married and they are incompatible sexually?
I was with my first wife for 8 years without sex because she was a Christian and I respected it and thought I was pretty shallow if I dumped her for that reason. I was gagging! She wouldn't even talk about it so I didn't even know what her views were in terms of what she thought sex actually meant!
We got married and sex was a disaster, considering sex is a significant part of any marriage, the marriage didn't last. I consider that 10 years absolutely wasted!
I consid er this to be a very outdated view and considering all the practising Christians I know who are cohabiting and have had children, I think its now a very rare view.
I find if the man carries on pretty much as he did before marriage then sex is still in abundance , if he thinks marriage means he don't have to bother with being loving or foreplay then he can pretty much kiss his sex life goodbye .
So, according to your reasoning, it's better to be in a relationship where you are unhappy and don't want the same things rather than being single?! Are you for real?!
Sadly true I think.
OP, neither of you are in the wrong but the fundamental differences between you strongly suggest that you would not be a good long term match.
You may turn out to be sexually incompatable and to find this out after you are married would be a disaster, especially as your Christian lady will probably be very much against divorce too, til death us do part etc.
Actually, there may be some truth to this.
Of all the people I know that withheld sex before marriage, only one has an active sex life with their partner. The rest are forever complaining about how rare sex is and some have even had affairs because their other halves do not want sex. When i compare that to people I know who had sex before marriage, most of them have active sex lives.
I also think being celibate before marriage actively encourages people to rush into getting married. I certainly don't think it's a coincidence that the average age of marriage for those of faith is a lot lower than the national average. I think a lot of religious people will end up getting married with that as a motivation to do so whether they realise it or not and that isn't a good reason to get married.
I wouldn't bet on that. I know of 'no sex before marriage' Christians who have got divorced.
Never said that, just pointed out, he seems more interested about sex than her.
It might be a good idea if you got your facts straight next time before you go on the attack - it will stop you from making a fool of yourself.
You said he should be grateful for having someone who like him. you are the one who looked the fool