The purpose of friends

GiraffeGirl · 16/02/14 - 22:17

(The title is very clinical, I know!)

I was just wondering what other people a) hoped to gain from friendships and b) hoped to contribute to friendships.

All sparked because I'm wondering what purpose the friendships I have are serving any more except making me feel like I'm being a miserable cow if I don't hang out with them and feeling miserable if I do hang out with them!

Mustabuster · 16/02/14 - 22:21

Depends on the level of friendship. Some are there for support and help in times of need. Others may just be people you can talk to, people on the same wavelength you can relate to. Some may have friends just to fend off lonelyness.

NX-74205 · 16/02/14 - 22:21

Close friends are for laughter, fun, support and getting you home when you can't even stand. Acquaintances, those people who you refer to as friends but very rarely see, are for alibis and scapegoats.

ic · 16/02/14 - 22:31

The only friends I have now are the ones that give me something back from the relationship .All the ones that used to ring me up and just moan about trivial, me me me problems I dumped years ago .They were entirely draining me .From about 15 friends I only stay in touch with 4 of them now .

kitty86 · 16/02/14 - 22:43

My friendships are all about fun, support and compromise. We all appreciate that we have busy lives, don't take each other for granted and know each other inside out, backwards, forwards and upside down. I hadn't spoken to one of my mates for a few weeks, the odd message on whatsapp and that but no real convo. The other day I just really needed someone to talk to, I called her and there was no accusations no attitude of oh you only want to know me now but just genuine warmth and support.

It took me a long time to realise it wasn't about being popular with loads of friends, it was about having one really great friend who could take the place of 10 so called friends and I wouldn't miss them at all. My OH is also one of my best friends so I count myself very lucky.

[Deleted User] · 16/02/14 - 22:46

I don't have any friends really. Only Mrs Kes, my one and only. I don't need friends. I have work acquaintances, but I don't socialise with them. I don't socialise much tbh, and I like it that way

[Deleted User] · 17/02/14 - 03:48

a) mainly for help and support, through networking if not directly. If in a really bad place, sympathy and empathy for the pain and suffering.

b) to help and sympathise with other people.

I believe that you don't make friends, you recognise friends. You don't get friends through getting to know people and spending time together. Those are perhaps acquaintances or they may even be enemies - a friend is someone you realise understands and is on your side.

Victoria Sponge · 17/02/14 - 04:06

Close friends are there for me to have a laugh with, drink with, cook dinner for, confide in, give advice to, seek advice from, bake cakes for, go to cinema/theatre with, cook for me/bring me food when I am ill, help me with DIY issues, have dinner parties with, I help with cat/baby sitting, lots and lots of things.

1fab · 17/02/14 - 04:09

I can't see the point of a friendship that makes you miserable. Better to be alone than in bad company, surely.

irishguy · 17/02/14 - 04:12

Humans have evolved to be social animals... we tend to prefer the company of others. We learn from each other, feel secure with each other, help each other out, problem solve together, protect each other against potential preditors etc.. Much more successful a life than that of the solitary panda - its extremely anti-social and the result is imminent extinction

biscuitfactory · 17/02/14 - 04:28

SpangledKes wrote: »

I don't have any friends really. Only Mrs Kes, my one and only. I don't need friends. I have work acquaintances, but I don't socialise with them. I don't socialise much tbh, and I like it that way

Ditto.

I haven't had any friends since school.

I think it's a bit needy having friends when you're an adult.

flower 2 · 17/02/14 - 04:43

I think if you are wondering what is the 'Purpose' of your friends. then they are not friends.

AnitaS · 17/02/14 - 05:05

biscuitfactory wrote: »

Ditto.

I haven't had any friends since school.

I think it's a bit needy having friends when you're an adult.

Needy?

Most people have friends, non-family members who care about them. How odd you think it's needy - it's normal!!

RedRose9191 · 17/02/14 - 05:08

I don't know.

I've only ever had a couple of close friends ever. I just find it hard to 'get' people and have trouble forming emotional bonds with people.

Out of those few close friends though I'd say I enjoyed having someone who knew me well and could make me laugh and was there for me of course. And vice versa of course.

flower 2 · 17/02/14 - 05:14

RedRose9191 wrote: »

I don't know.

I've only ever had a couple of close friends ever. I just find it hard to 'get' people and have trouble forming emotional bonds with people.

Out of those few close friends though I'd say I enjoyed having someone who knew me well and could make me laugh and was there for me of course. And vice versa of course.

Friends are sometimes just people we enjoy having 'fun' with, not people who we have to share our problems with or feel they have to 'be there' for us. Sometimes it is nice to have friends that are not just there to 'support' us, but just to be friends with.

biscuitfactory · 17/02/14 - 05:19

AnitaS wrote: »

Needy?

Most people have friends, non-family members who care about them. How odd you think it's needy - it's normal!!

Well, I must be odd then. I don't feel a need for people outside of my family.

Hoffmister · 17/02/14 - 05:19

I have no friends, I have learnt to my cost that with friends no good turns goes unpunished

November_Rain · 17/02/14 - 05:21

AnitaS wrote: »

Needy?

Most people have friends, non-family members who care about them. How odd you think it's needy - it's normal!!

I agree. I would say it's only needy if you demand 24/7 access to your friends i.e. You complain if you don't hear from them for a few days, you don't like them having a life away from you, that sort of thing.

biscuitfactory · 17/02/14 - 05:25

flower 2 wrote: »

Friends are sometimes just people we enjoy having 'fun' with, not people who we have to share our problems with or feel they have to 'be there' for us. Sometimes it is nice to have friends that are not just there to 'support' us, but just to be friends with.

But you can have that with workmates or family members. Friends, to me, means people you have a deep emotional attachment to.
People who would drop everything if you needed them and would expect the same in return.
Aint nobody got time for dat!

flower 2 · 17/02/14 - 05:52

biscuitfactory wrote: »

But you can have that with workmates or family members. Friends, to me, means people you have a deep emotional attachment to.
People who would drop everything if you needed them and would expect the same in return.
Aint nobody got time for dat!

How many in all honesty are you a 'friend' (with your criteria) to?

mike joyce · 17/02/14 - 06:04

You only need 3 or 4 friends. You see people who meet a person on a Monday and by Wednesday they are their best friend. I would not trust these fake people as far as I could throw them.

nanscombe · 17/02/14 - 13:24

Some "friends" seem to be the sort of people who call you for a chat, after not contacting you for months or even years, when they need something.

It's pure coincidence that their PC happened to break down the other day and they thought it would be nice to catch up with their friend, who just happens to know all about computers. ;-)

Mind you, family aren't entirely blameless on that score either.

AnitaS · 17/02/14 - 15:47

Victoria Sponge wrote: »

Close friends are there for me to have a laugh with, drink with, cook dinner for, confide in, give advice to, seek advice from, bake cakes for, go to cinema/theatre with, cook for me/bring me food when I am ill, help me with DIY issues, have dinner parties with, I help with cat/baby sitting, lots and lots of things.

Victoria, I think we have the same friends

[Deleted User] · 17/02/14 - 15:51

This reminds me of a quote that was around on the Internet a while back, "A friend will help you move, but a best friend will help you move a dead body."

Bedlam_maid · 17/02/14 - 16:03

A_Zombie wrote: »

This reminds me of a quote that was around on the Internet a while back, "A friend will help you move, but a best friend will help you move a dead body."

I like it

Proper friends are people you can laugh and cry with, and will stand by you whatever happens in your life. You can talk to them about anything and they won't judge you. Some of them I have known longer than I have known my partner and often I can talk about things with them that I can't talk to him about. (That might sound odd, but it isn't)

mike joyce · 17/02/14 - 16:09

Bedlam_maid wrote: »

I like it

Proper friends are people you can laugh and cry with, and will stand by you whatever happens in your life. You can talk to them about anything and they won't judge you. Some of them I have known longer than I have known my partner and often I can talk about things with them that I can't talk to him about. (That might sound odd, but it isn't)

Everybody judges everybody. Don't think your friends would be any different when you are not around.

Hey there!

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