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Should I stop being friends with him?

BigNipperBigNipper Posts: 378
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in Advice #1
Keep in mind it's like one of my only friends. I've been good friends with him for about 7 years. He just won't call me for months and I like to go out for a drink and he used to enjoy this but now he makes excuses. I work nights so sleep late and he works days and has the nights off. He expects me to have time to do things in the day but I'm tired from working all night.

Everytime he gets a girlfriend he never calls and now I haven't heard from him again in months and haven't seen him for even longer. We were close and had good times he's always cool when I do get him on the phone but he is not making effort like he used too. What makes things more awkward is he is good mates with 2 guys I can't stand, both made my life miserable and love slating me behind my back. Whenever I see him he usually brings up how well they are doing.

Comments

  • haphashhaphash Posts: 21,448
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    #2
    It doesn't sound like you are getting much out of this friendship and it may well have run its course but perhaps you should tell your friend how you feel and take it from there. He might not realise you are upset. If he is a true friend you will be able to work it out. If not just move on.

    You don't need to tell him you are no longer friends if this is the case. Usually people just drift apart when their lives are no longer compatible.
  • babinabababinaba Posts: 5,446
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    #3
    I have a friend (or ex friend) who just doesn't try. I've written to her loads and tried to call etc (she lives abroad atm) and I know she's busy but so am I and I've made the effort. I've decided not to bother contacting her again. I have much better people to put my efforts into than someone who obviously can't be arsed. Get rid of deadwood and look at a hobby or joining a group if you want to make new friends
  • Frankie_LittleFrankie_Little Posts: 9,271
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    #4
    Time to get yourself some new friends. Not all friends last a lifetime and this friendship has reached the end of the road by the sounds of it. Move on with your head held high and don't look back.
  • mrsgrumpy49mrsgrumpy49 Posts: 10,061
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    #5
    I don't understand the 'stop being friends' thing. The nature of your relationship will reach its own level. I have 'friends' who I only have contact with once in a blue moon. Then something will happen and we are there for each other. With others it's some sort of contact every few days and in other cases the friendship fell by the wayside over time. It's in the nature of things to change and nothing to stress over. Just go with the flow.
  • ValentineValentine Posts: 3,851
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    #6
    When it's obvious a friendship is one sided and you're the one putting the effort in, I find it best to walk away. It's best for your own self-esteem and also shows people you're not prepared to be a walk over.

    Sadly, I've had to do that several times in the last year, no matter how fond I was of those people. I was proven right though, as not once have any of them made any effort to contact me, so clearly the friendship wasn't important to them.
  • haphashhaphash Posts: 21,448
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    #7
    mrsgrumpy49 wrote: »
    I don't understand the 'stop being friends' thing. The nature of your relationship will reach its own level. I have 'friends' who I only have contact with once in a blue moon. Then something will happen and we are there for each other. With others it's some sort of contact every few days and in other cases the friendship fell by the wayside over time. It's in the nature of things to change and nothing to stress over. Just go with the flow.

    I have to say that I agree with this. I've found the same over the years, sometimes friendships just drift apart and sometimes you can pick up with someone even if you haven't seen them for a long time.

    I think the OP needs to get out and make some new friends so that he is not obsessing about this person or letting this person have any undue influence over his life. Then he can see this friend occasionally if it works out. No need to cause a big drama with ultimatums or such like.
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