Is she still interested in me, I can't tell?

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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 6,924
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    Hi Bianca, just read this thread. Have to agree with everyone and say move on. Don't waste your time on this girl. You could be so much happier with someone that does want to be with you and in a relationship with you. Forget this girl. Good luck.
  • BiancaLDNBiancaLDN Posts: 749
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    avasgranny wrote: »
    Hi Bianca, just read this thread. Have to agree with everyone and say move on. Don't waste your time on this girl. You could be so much happier with someone that does want to be with you and in a relationship with you. Forget this girl. Good luck.

    Hi - thanks so much for your opinion. You're right - what's the point of chasing someone who isn't interested...thank you again.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 3,234
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    an uncaring sounding person who isn't interested. You could do better.
  • teletvteletv Posts: 1,743
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    seems like she wanted the leg over but not the relationship.... walk away
  • ÆnimaÆnima Posts: 38,548
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    Sorry but if someone called me 'needy' and said I had to 'move past my hurt and anger before we can even be friends', I really wouldn't bother with them at all.

    Sounds to me like she thinks she holds all the cards. Tell her to do one :p
  • Ella NutElla Nut Posts: 8,891
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    BiancaLDN wrote: »
    So...we've spoken.. I decided (against my instinct) to contact her. Yesterday I sent her a message..purely to see where it would go...it went like this:

    Me: Hey, how are you?

    Her: I'm fine, you?

    Me: I'm good, thank you You at work?

    Her: Yeah, I'm at work.

    Me: So, there's this nice little cafe I found on my lunchbreak, thought it'd be rude not to invite you to it, this weekend?

    Her: Sorry I wouldn't be able to come.

    Me: OK, cool - no worries.

    Her: Thank you for asking. Sweet of you to think of me.

    Me: You're welcome, there are a lot of beautiful cafes where I live so I just thought of you.

    So that was yesterday afternoon...then this morning, I woke up early and saw that she was online...maybe I shouldn't have, but I messaged her again.

    Me: Wow, so I'm not the only one awake!

    Her: Well I'm always up at this time for work

    Me: Lol, but I'm not *sad face emoji* - did you sleep OK?

    Her: Go back to bed then
    Yeah I slept OK

    Me: No more waking up at 4? (she was struggling with her sleep before)

    Her: Yeah I woke at 4. It's just stress and pressure.

    Me: From work?

    Her: From everywhere, B. (I think this might have been aimed at me, I dunno)

    Me: Aw, you seemed a lot happier before, thought things were getting better?

    Her: No not happier, just coping. I've gotta go. Enjoy your day

    Me: Thanks, you too.

    So I don't know. She seems pretty bland. Maybe I shouldn't have messaged her this morning - I don't know. I don't think it was too much, I was just saying hey...we used to talk in the mornings all the time...

    Is she interested in me, I can't tell..... well I can. The answer is no. Bland = disinterested. Do yourself a favour and leave her alone now. The sooner you do so, the sooner you will feel better about yourself/the situation.

    I expect that if you were to message her again, her replies (if she in fact replied at all) wouldn't be quite so polite.

    Save yourself the heartache.
  • quatroquatro Posts: 2,886
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    Whether you admit it or not you're chasing her, and it's a waste of time. She is clearly being coldly tolerant, trying to be polite but isn't interested. And probably even more put off now.
    Don't demean yourself, stay dignified, move on.
    Intensity is very off putting and appears as desperation. No one is worth it [said from experience].
  • deans6571deans6571 Posts: 6,137
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    BiancaLDN wrote: »
    So...we've spoken.. I decided (against my instinct) to contact her. Yesterday I sent her a message..purely to see where it would go...it went like this:

    Me: Hey, how are you?

    Her: I'm fine, you?

    Me: I'm good, thank you You at work?

    Her: Yeah, I'm at work.

    Me: So, there's this nice little cafe I found on my lunchbreak, thought it'd be rude not to invite you to it, this weekend?

    Her: Sorry I wouldn't be able to come.

    Me: OK, cool - no worries.

    Her: Thank you for asking. Sweet of you to think of me.

    Me: You're welcome, there are a lot of beautiful cafes where I live so I just thought of you.

    So that was yesterday afternoon...then this morning, I woke up early and saw that she was online...maybe I shouldn't have, but I messaged her again.

    Me: Wow, so I'm not the only one awake!

    Her: Well I'm always up at this time for work

    Me: Lol, but I'm not *sad face emoji* - did you sleep OK?

    Her: Go back to bed then
    Yeah I slept OK

    Me: No more waking up at 4? (she was struggling with her sleep before)

    Her: Yeah I woke at 4. It's just stress and pressure.

    Me: From work?

    Her: From everywhere, B. (I think this might have been aimed at me, I dunno)

    Me: Aw, you seemed a lot happier before, thought things were getting better?

    Her: No not happier, just coping. I've gotta go. Enjoy your day

    Me: Thanks, you too.

    So I don't know. She seems pretty bland. Maybe I shouldn't have messaged her this morning - I don't know. I don't think it was too much, I was just saying hey...we used to talk in the mornings all the time...
    quatro wrote: »
    Whether you admit it or not you're chasing her, and it's a waste of time. She is clearly being coldly tolerant, trying to be polite but isn't interested. And probably even more put off now.
    Don't demean yourself, stay dignified, move on.
    Intensity is very off putting and appears as desperation. No one is worth it [said from experience].


    ...totally agree with quatro here - reading through the messages above, there isn't any sign at all that she is remotely interested...!!!

    Forget about her and find someone else...!!
  • iCandy77iCandy77 Posts: 1,457
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    She's not interested and judging by the message exchange you are making a total fool of yourself. You come across as VERY clingy and needy.

    Do you have problems getting partners to commit as your posting history suggests several failed relationships where you have been a bit of a pest.

    Delete her from Messenger or whatever it is and any other social networks you have her on and move on.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,941
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    iCandy77 wrote: »
    She's not interested and judging by the message exchange you are making a total fool of yourself. You come across as VERY clingy and needy.

    Do you have problems getting partners to commit as your posting history suggests several failed relationships where you have been a bit of a pest.

    Delete her from Messenger or whatever it is and any other social networks you have her on and move on.

    Totally agree with this. Short of saying f*ck off you pest, she could not have made it more clear she is not interested. I think you need to work on your self esteem before entering into any further relationships.
  • RuinedGirlRuinedGirl Posts: 918
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    Firstly I just have to say that you come across as very articulate, intelligent and lovely. And you certainly don't deserve to be treated the way you have been, so please don't think you do. The way people treat you is a reflection of their own personality, not a reflection of yours. She seems to have treated you like sh*t, and that's because she's sh*t, not because you are.

    Also, it certainly seems from what you've told us about her, that she's the one with issues (the attention seeking status etc..) not you. She's attempting to project her issues on to you, when in actual fact, she's the one who slept with you and then started acting like a total bellend with no explanation whatsoever. If she didn't want a relationship, then perhaps she shouldn't have slept with you in the first place, knowing fine well it meant something to you. (I'm speaking from experience here, can you tell? :p )

    I know it's tempting to keep interacting with her, but to be honest darlin', it certainly seems like she's no longer interested in you and will just keep giving you pathetic half-hearted replies until you give up. (Again-that's her fault, not yours.)

    I really think you'd benefit from cutting all contact with her. She'll soon move on to the next person and start messing her around instead.

    As for you, keep your chin up. I'm sure you shall soon meet someone who appreciates you and isn't going to mess you around. Don't settle for anything less than you deserve.

    (And if all else fails, just do what I've done: Give up on women and just get a cat instead! :p )
  • OcdGirlOcdGirl Posts: 12,174
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    RuinedGirl wrote: »
    Firstly I just have to say that you come across as very articulate, intelligent and lovely. And you certainly don't deserve to be treated the way you have been, so please don't think you do. The way people treat you is a reflection of their own personality, not a reflection of yours. She seems to have treated you like sh*t, and that's because she's sh*t, not because you are.

    Also, it certainly seems from what you've told us about her, that she's the one with issues (the attention seeking status etc..) not you. She's attempting to project her issues on to you, when in actual fact, she's the one who slept with you and then started acting like a total bellend with no explanation whatsoever. If she didn't want a relationship, then perhaps she shouldn't have slept with you in the first place, knowing fine well it meant something to you. (I'm speaking from experience here, can you tell? :p )

    I know it's tempting to keep interacting with her, but to be honest darlin', it certainly seems like she's no longer interested in you and will just keep giving you pathetic half-hearted replies until you give up. (Again-that's her fault, not yours.)

    I really think you'd benefit from cutting all contact with her. She'll soon move on to the next person and start messing her around instead.

    As for you, keep your chin up. I'm sure you shall soon meet someone who appreciates you and isn't going to mess you around. Don't settle for anything less than you deserve.

    (And if all else fails, just do what I've done: Give up on women and just get a cat instead! :p )

    Fantastic post
  • BiancaLDNBiancaLDN Posts: 749
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    RuinedGirl wrote: »
    Firstly I just have to say that you come across as very articulate, intelligent and lovely. And you certainly don't deserve to be treated the way you have been, so please don't think you do. The way people treat you is a reflection of their own personality, not a reflection of yours. She seems to have treated you like sh*t, and that's because she's sh*t, not because you are.

    Also, it certainly seems from what you've told us about her, that she's the one with issues (the attention seeking status etc..) not you. She's attempting to project her issues on to you, when in actual fact, she's the one who slept with you and then started acting like a total bellend with no explanation whatsoever. If she didn't want a relationship, then perhaps she shouldn't have slept with you in the first place, knowing fine well it meant something to you. (I'm speaking from experience here, can you tell? :p )

    I know it's tempting to keep interacting with her, but to be honest darlin', it certainly seems like she's no longer interested in you and will just keep giving you pathetic half-hearted replies until you give up. (Again-that's her fault, not yours.)

    I really think you'd benefit from cutting all contact with her. She'll soon move on to the next person and start messing her around instead.

    As for you, keep your chin up. I'm sure you shall soon meet someone who appreciates you and isn't going to mess you around. Don't settle for anything less than you deserve.

    (And if all else fails, just do what I've done: Give up on women and just get a cat instead! :p )

    I love this post - thank you so much!
  • BiancaLDNBiancaLDN Posts: 749
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    iCandy77 wrote: »
    She's not interested and judging by the message exchange you are making a total fool of yourself. You come across as VERY clingy and needy.

    Do you have problems getting partners to commit as your posting history suggests several failed relationships where you have been a bit of a pest.

    Delete her from Messenger or whatever it is and any other social networks you have her on and move on.

    I have a problem being attracted to the wrong type of women, yes. A problem getting people to commit, no.
  • RuinedGirlRuinedGirl Posts: 918
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    iCandy77 wrote: »
    She's not interested and judging by the message exchange you are making a total fool of yourself. You come across as VERY clingy and needy.

    Do you have problems getting partners to commit as your posting history suggests several failed relationships where you have been a bit of a pest.

    Delete her from Messenger or whatever it is and any other social networks you have her on and move on.

    I think this response is a bit harsh. There is nothing in the conversation that the OP posted which suggest clingyness to me. All I see is someone who is rather baffled by the fact that someone who they got on well with slept with them and then blanked them afterwards. It's perfectly natural for the OP to have attempted to converse with her a few times afterwards in order to understand what the hell is going on.

    You're making it sound as though she camped outside this girls house and serenaded her with KD Lang songs :p

    Also, I think it's a shame that the girl who slept with her is acting like a total bellend, yet the OP is the one getting criticised for being ''clingy'' and ''needy.''
  • BiancaLDNBiancaLDN Posts: 749
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    RuinedGirl wrote: »
    I think this response is a bit harsh. There is nothing in the conversation that the OP posted which suggest clingyness to me. All I see is someone who is rather baffled by the fact that someone who they got on well with slept with them and then blanked them afterwards. It's perfectly natural for the OP to have attempted to converse with her a few times afterwards in order to understand what the hell is going on.

    You're making it sound as though she camped outside this girls house and serenaded her with KD Lang songs :p

    Also, I think it's a shame that the girl who slept with her is acting like a total bellend, yet the OP is the one getting criticised for being ''clingy'' and ''needy.''

    Exactly. And it's not as if me and her hooked up in a club and that was the only time we met, or something!

    Anyway - we haven't spoken for a while now so, yeah - that's that :(
  • RuinedGirlRuinedGirl Posts: 918
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    BiancaLDN wrote: »
    Exactly. And it's not as if me and her hooked up in a club and that was the only time we met, or something!

    Anyway - we haven't spoken for a while now so, yeah - that's that :(

    At least you realised what she's like so early on, as opposed to realising much later. That probably isn't much of a consolation right now, since you seem very sensitive (and I don't mean that in a bad way- I think sensitivity is a very good quality to have, but unfortunately we seem to be living in a society where caring about people is considered clingy.)

    Try not to let this dent your self esteem. I think you have a lot to offer someone, and it would be a shame if you let a few negative experiences with idiots make you give up on the idea of having a mature and respectful relationship.
  • BiancaLDNBiancaLDN Posts: 749
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    RuinedGirl wrote: »
    At least you realised what she's like so early on, as opposed to realising much later. That probably isn't much of a consolation right now, since you seem very sensitive (and I don't mean that in a bad way- I think sensitivity is a very good quality to have, but unfortunately we seem to be living in a society where caring about people is considered clingy.)

    Try not to let this dent your self esteem. I think you have a lot to offer someone, and it would be a shame if you let a few negative experiences with idiots make you give up on the idea of having a mature and respectful relationship.

    I am really grateful for your input and opinion, as I was starting to believe that I perhaps WAS being a bit needy and clingy, but I don't think I was.

    It is a shame that anyone who seems to care is perceived as being needy and clingy - it seems you have to act disinterested for someone to be interested in you :confused:

    I haven't let it upset me too much, I feel secure in the notion that I have a lot to offer the right person.

    Again, thank you - you also seem like an articulate, intelligent person - very rare to find! :)
  • Ella NutElla Nut Posts: 8,891
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    BiancaLDN wrote: »
    I am really grateful for your input and opinion, as I was starting to believe that I perhaps WAS being a bit needy and clingy, but I don't think I was.

    It is a shame that anyone who seems to care is perceived as being needy and clingy - it seems you have to act disinterested for someone to be interested in you :confused:

    I haven't let it upset me too much, I feel secure in the notion that I have a lot to offer the right person.

    Again, thank you - you also seem like an articulate, intelligent person - very rare to find! :)

    Seriously?!
  • BiancaLDNBiancaLDN Posts: 749
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    Ella Nut wrote: »
    Seriously?!

    :confused::confused:
  • Ella NutElla Nut Posts: 8,891
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    BiancaLDN wrote: »
    :confused::confused:

    You consider articulate, intelligent people "rare to find"?

    If so, that's probably a contributing factor to your situation.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,941
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    BiancaLDN wrote: »
    I am really grateful for your input and opinion, as I was starting to believe that I perhaps WAS being a bit needy and clingy, but I don't think I was.

    It is a shame that anyone who seems to care is perceived as being needy and clingy - it seems you have to act disinterested for someone to be interested in you :confused:

    I haven't let it upset me too much, I feel secure in the notion that I have a lot to offer the right person.

    Again, thank you - you also seem like an articulate, intelligent person - very rare to find! :)

    Bianca-I've no doubt that you have a 'lot to offer the right person' but your behaviour was very needy and clingy. I'm not talking about up until you slept together, I'm talking about what happened after that. The girl could not have made it any plainer she wanted nothing to do with you, but you still continued to contact her. This is not an attractive quality. For future reference I would really work on this. You strike me as someone who can get very intense in a short space of time and this is not everyone's cup of tea.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 3,606
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    To be fair, Ella, I also - on the dating scene - find intelligent, articulate people hard to find. My friends & family are intelligent & articulate, but I can't date them ;)

    On t'Internet dating, for every 1 intelligent & articulate person there's 49 that are completely stupid, can't spell (akin to some of the more eyeball-bleed-inducing posts on the "Worst Facebook Updates" thread) or lack basic manners/social skills.

    So on the dating front I do agree with this point sadly.
  • Ella NutElla Nut Posts: 8,891
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    To be fair, Ella, I also - on the dating scene - find intelligent, articulate people hard to find. My friends & family are intelligent & articulate, but I can't date them ;)

    On t'Internet dating, for every 1 intelligent & articulate person there's 49 that are completely stupid, can't spell (akin to some of the more eyeball-bleed-inducing posts on the "Worst Facebook Updates" thread) or lack basic manners/social skills.

    So on the dating front I do agree with this point sadly.

    I take your point on the above. It requires a very thorough screening process I imagine. Ruthless even.
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