Is it okay for co worker to shout at you?

c0boc0bo Posts: 6,468
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For two days I've been working as a Drivers mate for a company that deliver Grocery & fresh food suppliers to pubs, restaurants, education. Basically I help drivers unload deliveries of lorries. The first day was fine but on the second day was terrible I paired with this arse of driver. Instead of giving me instructions he would shout at me, when did things wrong he would shout at me, when wouldn't hurry up he would shout at me. I tried my best but whatever I did was wrong he would shout at me. He would call me a **** and said that there was something wrong with me. He would belittle me in front of others. At the end of shift I felt like I wanted to die, I felt like like crying and I felt like I worthless, I felt like anything I did was wrong. I phoned my mum and my sister about it. I felt so bad that didn't return home until late in the night.

I still feel bad today. i keep thinking about it. I don't know what to do?
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Comments

  • mildredhubblemildredhubble Posts: 6,447
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    No, it's not right.

    Could you not have a quiet word and asked not to be paired with him again
  • Poppy99_PoppyPoppy99_Poppy Posts: 2,255
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    Unless you are in the army and it is your sgt major bawling at you, the answer to your question is no, it is not okay. He is a bully, pure and simple. I assume that someone does a rota, and you were placed with him on the 2nd by that person?

    You could ask that person to assign you to someone else. If they ask why you can just say that the person you were placed with was making you unproductive. He was not patient and he was unhelpful and you think that you would work better with someone who was more motivating and unoffensive.

    If they insist on placing you with him you could just tell the guy he was being offensive when he starts up. It is almost certainly not going to work as this type of bully kind of knows they can get away with it.

    You are only 2 days in, which means you have not built up a lot of credit, and it probably means you cannot ask a union to assist. Is there a friendly HR person you could speak to. There may have been similar reports about this bully before.

    The worst case scenario is that you will have to leave. No job is worth getting ill over. I feel for you, hope this bad time passes soon.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 3,232
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    Employers have a duty of care towards their employees, which means abuse in the workplace is not acceptable.

    I suggest you use a phone or some other small device to record the worst of this abuse so that you have some evidence of it should you take the matter up with your employer.

    Keep in mind the fact that he’s the one with the problem, not you.
  • Pull2OpenPull2Open Posts: 15,138
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    Hate to say it, but you have to take a stand. Sometimes, the only thing these idiots will understand is someone in their face telling them their future.

    The last time someone tried it on with me, I just walked up to them and said in a very slow, quiet and deliberate tone 'I don't know who the fk you think you are but its clear from your attitude that you've got a small dk' then just stared him in the face like I hadn't got anything to lose by smacking him. It never happened again!
  • abigail1234abigail1234 Posts: 1,292
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    It's very hard to stand up to someone when you are still unsure of yourself and your job and he is a lot older than you. He is taking advantage of those facts and the more you let him get away with it, the more he will do it.

    He's a bully and the advice given is good. Employers do have a duty of care and no one should have to work alongside someone like that. Don't leave the job because of one dkhead though. Complain to whoever assigned you to work with him and say what is going on. Silence always protects bullies
  • TogglerToggler Posts: 4,592
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    You certainly should not leave. Speak with the person who sets the rota and explain the situation and ask not to be paired with this individual. You can be sure the individual is like that with everyone to an extent but as you are new he is pushing his luck.

    I also recommend you make a written record of the events which you can produce as evidence - e.g. 9am made delivery to the Fox and Duck, Mr[name] shouted at me ......,

    I dealt with something very similar in an organisation, and once we held an informal internal investigation the behaviour which had been going on for years suddenly stopped....

    Certainly do not resign.

    Good luck.
  • bluebladeblueblade Posts: 88,859
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    c0bo wrote: »
    For two days I've been working as a Drivers mate for a company that deliver Grocery & fresh food suppliers to pubs, restaurants, education. Basically I help drivers unload deliveries of lorries. The first day was fine but on the second day was terrible I paired with this arse of driver. Instead of giving me instructions he would shout at me, when did things wrong he would shout at me, when wouldn't hurry up he would shout at me. I tried my best but whatever I did was wrong he would shout at me. He would call me a **** and said that there was something wrong with me. He would belittle me in front of others. At the end of shift I felt like I wanted to die, I felt like like crying and I felt like I worthless, I felt like anything I did was wrong. I phoned my mum and my sister about it. I felt so bad that didn't return home until late in the night.

    I still feel bad today. i keep thinking about it. I don't know what to do?

    I know what I would have done, and he wouldn't have been shouting at me afterwards.

    Don't be browbeaten. Just ask him in a very loud voice what his problem is and has he sought advice for anger management. No matter the situation, no matter if you are being taught and feel you can't defend yourself, the truth is, you can.

    Never put up with shit - ever, period.
  • ThatJoshThatJosh Posts: 734
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    Absolutely not okay. Take them aside and bring them up on it and if it continues then s[peak to your superiors about it.
  • hurrikane313hurrikane313 Posts: 2,265
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    Was in a similar situation many years ago, was my first week n a new job and this horrible man who thought he was the king of the warehouse would not stop shouting abuse at me for either not being quick enough, or not knowing where certain things were. No matter how many times I tried to explain that it was my first week and so I was still learning he kept at it. Two things ended up happening as a result, one he got a written warning and placed on probation due to me telling my team leader of the abuse I was getting and two he got head butted when he tried to have a go at me at the bus stop after work. After that he ended up quitting, as he had lost the power of fear he felt he had over others.

    OP you have to tell your employer, they should do something about it. With you being a new employee you might feel scared to speak out against someone with more longevity and that is what he is counting on. Stand up to him and take away the power of fear he is holding over you.
  • oldcrakpotoldcrakpot Posts: 428
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    I would ignore his taunts and just do as you are instructed he is your boss and just get on Nevertheless keep a written diary of your disputes for a laterdate

    "sticks and stones etc"
  • c0boc0bo Posts: 6,468
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    oldcrakpot wrote: »
    I would ignore his taunts and just do as you are instructed he is your boss and just get on Nevertheless keep a written diary of your disputes for a laterdate

    "sticks and stones etc"
    He is not my boss.
  • smudges dadsmudges dad Posts: 36,989
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    The only occasion where someone should shout at you is when there is an emergency and the urgency of the situation needs stressing.
  • Chilli DragonChilli Dragon Posts: 24,684
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    c0bo wrote: »
    He is not my boss.

    In which case, tell him straight if you end up working with him again.
  • Galaxy266Galaxy266 Posts: 7,049
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    The only occasion where someone should shout at you is when there is an emergency and the urgency of the situation needs stressing.

    Yes, this is correct.

    Or, if you are working in an extremely noisy environment, e.g. in the vicinity of machines, or if you are both physically a very large distance from one-and-other and shouting is the only possible way to be heard.
  • Vodka_DrinkaVodka_Drinka Posts: 28,753
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    I know it's hard but you need to stand up to people like this. He's just a bully chancing his arm, I've learned that with people like this as soon as you give it back to them they crumble and lay off you.
  • Ella NutElla Nut Posts: 8,999
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    oldcrakpot wrote: »
    I would ignore his taunts and just do as you are instructed he is your boss and just get on Nevertheless keep a written diary of your disputes for a laterdate

    "sticks and stones etc"

    Worst advice here by a long way. Even if someone is your boss, it doesn't give them the right to shout at you. Anyway, this is a co-worker so there is no case whatsoever for 'sucking it up' and getting on with things.

    If it were me I would turn around and tell him very clearly to back off, or it will be taken further and that he should take that as a warning.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 3,232
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    I know it's hard but you need to stand up to people like this. He's just a bully chancing his arm, I've learned that with people like this as soon as you give it back to them they crumble and lay off you.
    ......................................................................................................................................................................................

    The risk with: 'responding in kind' is that you put yourself in the same position as the other guy, and if it gets back to an employer they may see it as: '6 of one and half a dozen of the other', and then see the newer employee as a trouble maker.

    Better to stay 'in the right', and deal with it under the terms of H&S in the workplace.

    The employer has a responsiblity to the OP, and the OP shouldn't have to 'do battle' with this guy.
  • Rich_LRich_L Posts: 6,110
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    Only if they are a manager or in a position above you.

    The other way round only leads you to getting into trouble for having the balls to answer back to them.

    :(
  • c0boc0bo Posts: 6,468
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    I'm employed through an agency do I report it to the agency or with the company or both?
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 3,232
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    c0bo wrote: »
    I'm employed through an agency do I report it to the agency or with the company or both?

    I would speak to the Agency first, and follow their advice.

    How long has this guy worked for the company?

    Depending on the company, he might be seen as good at his job because he gets things done - some companies like bullies who get the job done. If he's been with the company some time, the managers have probably heard of his behaviour before, which is why some record of him being abusive could be useful. Plus of course, he may deny it if confronted.
  • c0boc0bo Posts: 6,468
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    Peter_CJ wrote: »
    I would speak to the Agency first, and follow their advice.

    How long has this guy worked for the company?

    Depending on the company, he might be seen as good at his job because he gets things done - some companies like bullies who get the job done. If he's been with the company some time, the managers have probably heard of his behaviour before, which is why some record of him being abusive could be useful. Plus of course, he may deny it if confronted.

    He has been with the company for 10 years.
  • John146John146 Posts: 12,926
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    Was in roughly the same situation as yourself, training to do a job, and the foreman (who had a reputation for being a bully) told a fellow employee who was showing me how to do something to 'send that useless **** away', so I very quietly stopped what I was doing, went up to him face to face and told him if he ever spoke to me like that or called me a dirty name again I wouldn't be as polite as I am being now!!
    Never did it again.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 3,232
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    c0bo wrote: »
    He has been with the company for 10 years.

    If you do have something to record the worst of his abuse, I recommend you do that. Maybe a phone in your top pocket?

    If he's been there 10 years, I doubt this will be the first management have heard of it.

    If you have some evidence, then you have them over a barrel, because these days such treatment is really not on. Having a word with the agency might help too.
  • c0boc0bo Posts: 6,468
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    Peter_CJ wrote: »
    If you do have something to record the worst of his abuse, I recommend you do that. Maybe a phone in your top pocket?

    If he's been there 10 years, I doubt this will be the first management have heard of it.

    If you have some evidence, then you have them over a barrel, because these days such treatment is really not on. Having a word with the agency might help too.

    I don't have any evidence but I wish I did.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 3,232
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    c0bo wrote: »
    I don't have any evidence but I wish I did.

    It's not essential, but would make your case watertight.

    If you have a word with the agency, maybe they will take it up and request that you are not put with this guy again.

    Evidence or not, it shouldn't be happening, so don't put up with it.
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