If hot drinks are 'laziness', what is constantly repeating the same cr@p if not lazy journalism?
If hot drinks are laziness, what was the mad bat planning to do with the Illy coffee she berated her local village store for failing to stock? Add it to her oily baths? Bathe the horses' paws with it? Tip it over the floors to mask the smell puppies' stress-wees?
The real David has been abducted by aliens I fear. This isn't the David I knew. And he didn't offer me a job. I offered some (unpaid) help with his business on a short term basis as he was struggling a little. All that garnier fructis sniffing must be confusing her.
Note to Liz. An epic romance is Anna Karenina or Dr Zhivago not "what might have happened if I'd married David thirty years ago".
Yawn. Can't wait ( not).
The real David has been abducted by aliens I fear. This isn't the David I knew. And he didn't offer me a job. I offered some (unpaid) help with his business on a short term basis as he was struggling a little. All that garnier fructis sniffing must be confusing her.
The David we hear about in the Liary is filtered through her selfish witch mechanism to present everything in the best 'poor meeeeeee' light possible. She probably mentioned you, in a twisted version of events, purely so that she could just drop in the fact that she's still allegedly in touch with the fictional RS, lest we forget how terribly desirable she is. In her damaged little mind, this makes her better than David.
Hope you had a good Christmas Dominodarling, despite being dragged through her sordid ramblings this year.
I almost feel sorry for David Scrace. Either he is so besotted with Liz Jones that he accepts that to retain her "affection" he must allow himself to be humiliated on a weekly basis in a national newspaper by a woman who clearly doesn't love him in any real sense of the word, or he is so desperate for the material benefits Liz will give him that he will put up with the above. Of course it is possible that the whole thing has been cooked up between the two of them to save Liz's career and he is along for the ride.
Liz must have been getting desperate herself-she announced over a year ago that she was about to get married and had, I seem to recall, already been looking at wedding dresses. But no announcement came, not Christmas, New Year, Valentines day, despite her increasingly panicked pleas in her column he did not propose. Then, out of the blue after a few very nasty columns, she blags a freebie to Paris, instructs her beau what must transpire there, and secures another few months of column not to mention a photo op all paid for of course!
if the wedding goes ahead that too will be sold to the MOS, as will all the preparations, hen night etc and lots of "am I doing the right thing" mileage in the column............
The Dreary was probably about to be axed before Liz contacted David (again) to write an article about her exes. As her MoS heyday was all about the build up and meltdown of her marriage to the equally narcissistic Nirps she has obviously decided that if it works once it can work twice. Even if they don’t get to the altar she will still have years of mileage in this faux romance. Domino Darling, how crass was Liz’s ‘subtle’ message to you with her declaration (again) that David has NEVER loved anyone else more than he loves her. She used to say ‘...apart from the girlfriend that died’ but she has now clearly erased that poor lady from history. I have to concede that David has scrubbed up well in the photos but they might as well be two mature catalogue models who have only just met for all the chemistry shown between them.
My favourite part of the photo-shoot article is David's suggestion that in order to survive marriage to Liz he should move to a different continent.
You would think that loving and honouring would involve not constantly slagging him off in print and sending passive-aggressive texts regarding his inability to pay a lot of money for things, wouldn't you.
I am sure Liz IS quite happy. The trouble is, she is one of those people who loves to moan and complain ALL the time. Someone could give her a million pounds and she'd complain because she had to pay tax.
Complaining when your fiance suggests a romantic wedding in an exotic spot you've longed to visit, because you want a wedding AND a honeymoon in two different places, is just meanspirited.
During an enforced period of being confined to barracks, watching drivel-telly, I came across a programme called Don't Tell The Bride: imagine if there was a "celebrity" (using the word loosely) episode and the Baker got to organise the whole wedding with no input from the bride-to-be...everything, but, everything, would be wrong.
While perusing that lovely photo shoot I noticed that it wasn't actually shot in Paris ... but in a hotel/spa in that ultimate, crème de la crème of romantic towns - East Grinstead! No doubt, Lizard and the Baker got a freebie night out for the mention of the venue.
I imagine the MoS Photoshop experts got paid overtime for their work on the pics. Like other posters, I do now feel a bit (but not a lot) sorry for The Baker. He was trying SO hard in the photos to look the Happy Fiancé, while The Lizard's rictus 'smile' was enough to curdle my breakfast gin.
But you gotta give it to Lizard - she's never one to miss a chance to put the (buttery leather vegan Bottega Veneta boot in) with yet another declaration that The Baker has NEVER LOVED ANYONE like he loves her. Classy - his ex wife, his ex girlfriend must have been so happy to read that - and his kids must be thrilled to know that dear old dad never really loved their mum.
Still ... I am sort of coming round to the idea that the whole 'relationship' IS, as mooted by other DSs, a Faustian Pact, to keep The Dreary going and The Lizard gainfully employed and at the same time giving publicity to The Baker's shop - although criticisms of his unkempt fingernails, tobacco odour etc. and general bad housekeeping are surely not conducive to inspiring confidence in a guy who has his hands in dough for a living.
Still, he's said he fancies giving up work and ... learning the guitar. If The Lizard can cling on to her MoS job, with further Drearies and MoS bore-fests about the forthcoming wedding ... calling it off/back on/off/on/what shall she wear/complaints about wedding venue/complaints about wedding breakfast/complaints about behaviour of wedding guests/the honeymoon/complaints about honeymoon/living together/complaints about living together/he makes finger-marks on the stainless steel Aga/he creased an Abigail Anhern cushion/he didn't damp-dust a lightbulb ...... then I suppose she can keep him in gold (plated) Dunhill lighters and buy him his very own cutlery, so that he doesn't have to use the cats' fork.
I wonder how much Liz’s advance will be for the ‘epic novel’ where she is going to literally rewrite history with her imaginings of what might have been if David had actually noticed she existed thirty years ago. It will also give her the opportunity to wipe out all his exes and children, lose her virginity before the start of the menopause and become an earth-mother with a brood of photogenic children who love fluffy animals. I think ‘Nic’ as a character will be retained but in the role of a docile children’s nanny. David will have a WAG-free multi-million empire and will owe his success entirely to the love a good woman who has selflessly devoted her life to him and the brood. But in those brief moments inbetween baking cupcakes and performing marital unpleasantness, this paragon of domesticity will then find herself imagining what her life might have been like had she not met her childhood sweetheart and become, say, a ‘brilliant writer’ with ’60 million readers’, blah, blah, chuffin’ blah...
I wonder how much Liz’s advance will be for the ‘epic novel’ where she is going to literally rewrite history with her imaginings of what might have been if David had actually noticed she existed thirty years ago. It will also give her the opportunity to wipe out all his exes and children, lose her virginity before the start of the menopause and become an earth-mother with a brood of photogenic children who love fluffy animals. I think ‘Nic’ as a character will be retained but in the role of a docile children’s nanny. David will have a WAG-free multi-million empire and will owe his success entirely to the love a good woman who has selflessly devoted her life to him and the brood. But in those brief moments inbetween baking cupcakes and performing marital unpleasantness, this paragon of domesticity will then find herself imagining what her life might have been like had she not met her childhood sweetheart and become, say, a ‘brilliant writer’ with ’60 million readers’, blah, blah, chuffin’ blah...
seabird, don't forget that the imaginary 'rock star' will doubtless make an appearance in Lizard's deathly prose. And maybe the 'married man' (from South American? Can't remember) with whom she considered having an affair. Or the guy in the garage forecourt. Or the neighbouring farmer - or was it a vet - when she lived in Exmoor and drooled over in print.
Just remembered, we STILL haven't heard what 'THE CRISIS' is that she was blathering on about a month or so ago. My guess it was some legal matter .. maybe her long-suffering family has finally bitten back at her unpleasant comments about various of her nearest but not dearest. Or some hapless soul that she'd traduced has gone a bit litigious ... or M & S have gone mad over the dog's dinner she made by 'modelling' (hilariously badly) the clothes worn by the 'Leading Ladies' in that M & S campaign. Or Next got pissed off with the Lizard's frequent snidey comments about their clothes ... after all, publications such as the Mail group live or die by their advertisers buying advertising space.
She's a self-proclaimed 'fashionista', apparently invests in fantastic designer schmutter. Yet - just get an eyeful of that white shirt she's wearing. At least two sizes too small, gaping all over the place. 'Fashionista'? Ha ha ... she looks a godawful mess.
Hmmm. Just had a quick perusal of this weeks Dreary.
All I can say is that Nic doesn't come off too well. In fact she sounds a right bitch. Now I don't approve of what Nic did but at the same time Liz has exposed this to us so is she even throwing the sainted Nic under the bus now in the name of her column? (if this is all true of course and not an elaborate hoax!) Also, does Nic know that the Baker is obviously on a limited budget?
Hows about this as an example?
‘I’m on Liz’s side. I started off trying to help as I didn’t want you to waste money on something she wouldn’t like, ie, the ring and the BlackBerry. Let’s face it, so far you haven’t done very well.
'However, you’re clearly too arrogant to take the opinion of someone who has been with Liz seven days a week for seven years and knows her taste. Ultimately, she deserves better.
'Also, I would like her not to have an accident and not feel she has to drive because your flat isso untidy.’
Or this charming barb:
If she would rather drive 500 miles than stay with you, it’s not good, is it?
Nice.
It's a set up and he's in on it. It's got to be surely? Who in their right mind would put up with all he does? Not just from her but now from her friend/employee? In today's column he finds out that she knew about the ebay ring so knows that she's been spying on his ipad and he's STILL alright about it?! Softest touch ever or being paid a share of the profits.
(oh and a Happy New Year to everyone on the thread )
"‘David, just a thought and I don’t want to speak out of turn but Liz is incredibly fussy when it comes to shoes.
'Obviously she’d love something like the fake Uggs from Primark, but if you’re thinking proper footwear, unless she has explicitly said she likes something, I would steer well clear.’"
Anyone who's seen Nic's Facebook page, or the response she made to an Independant article in 2009 (I think) will realise at once that this is simply not her "speaking" - she just isn't that literate. Of course it's a setup.
As for the Dreary as a whole... this particular shark has been well and truly jumped, then jumped again for good measure and finally jumped a third time just to be absolutely sure. It's worse than boring - it's positively insulting.
As for today's other farticle... did you know she was stood up on Millennium Eve ? No, neither did I. What a shame.
However, this bears remembering in a few weeks time:
"A glass of wine might have made me brave enough to go on a date with a man, but it also made my mood in the morning so poisonous that my fiance walked out on me on Boxing Day, never to be seen again."
This week's Dreary is gloriously awful. Nic, unable to hide the true nature of her attachment to Liz, bares her teeth and attacks Poor David in a quasi-Sapphic display of Totally Realistic Text Messaging.
Meanwhile Liz is all "oh dear how awful. See everybody, it is not only me who is a crazed psycho with texter's thumb. You think that I am vicious well see how Nic gets when she unleashes her ire in protection of my feelings. For it was not I who composed these texts no no no. And then see how David has accused Nic of being worse than the Vile Trolls who cast aspersions upon his business. All of this in the pursuit of shoes. Oh my life."
When I feel kindly disposed towards Liz, I imagine that all of this bullcrap about how she only wears Loubs (despite being in direst poverty) and slagging off the ring for not being expensive enough (despite the Baker not being in any way wealthy) is supposed to make us laugh at her silly pretensions. Except it falls very flat. It just comes across as delusional, meanspirited and largely untrue.
Strange that Nic's "texts" sound exactly like the ones that Liz usually "writes" -why would anyone discuss their fiancee's present with the staff- hmmmmm
The throwaway comment about the fiance walking out was also interesting
I must say the other article really confused me. How many loves of Liz's life ARE there? Which one stood her up on Millennium Eve? Lizzie the horse? It can't have been DScrace. And who was this fiance who walked out on her forever on Boxing Day? How many fiances has she had?
GASP. Could she have inadvertently revealed that David has dumped her?
We'll I'm still reeling with shock cos I never knew she'd been stood-up on Millenium Eve - it's amazing she's never mentioned it before!!! Fancy that!!!
Strange that Nic's "texts" sound exactly like the ones that Liz usually "writes" -why would anyone discuss their fiancee's present with the staff- hmmmmm
The throwaway comment about the fiance walking out was also interesting
And Nic said that Liz gives and gives, pretty much what dear old Lizzie often says about herself. This is a load of made up tosh.
Comments
If hot drinks are laziness, what was the mad bat planning to do with the Illy coffee she berated her local village store for failing to stock? Add it to her oily baths? Bathe the horses' paws with it? Tip it over the floors to mask the smell puppies' stress-wees?
Yawn. Can't wait ( not).
The David we hear about in the Liary is filtered through her selfish witch mechanism to present everything in the best 'poor meeeeeee' light possible. She probably mentioned you, in a twisted version of events, purely so that she could just drop in the fact that she's still allegedly in touch with the fictional RS, lest we forget how terribly desirable she is. In her damaged little mind, this makes her better than David.
Hope you had a good Christmas Dominodarling, despite being dragged through her sordid ramblings this year.
Liz must have been getting desperate herself-she announced over a year ago that she was about to get married and had, I seem to recall, already been looking at wedding dresses. But no announcement came, not Christmas, New Year, Valentines day, despite her increasingly panicked pleas in her column he did not propose. Then, out of the blue after a few very nasty columns, she blags a freebie to Paris, instructs her beau what must transpire there, and secures another few months of column not to mention a photo op all paid for of course!
if the wedding goes ahead that too will be sold to the MOS, as will all the preparations, hen night etc and lots of "am I doing the right thing" mileage in the column............
You would think that loving and honouring would involve not constantly slagging him off in print and sending passive-aggressive texts regarding his inability to pay a lot of money for things, wouldn't you.
I am sure Liz IS quite happy. The trouble is, she is one of those people who loves to moan and complain ALL the time. Someone could give her a million pounds and she'd complain because she had to pay tax.
Complaining when your fiance suggests a romantic wedding in an exotic spot you've longed to visit, because you want a wedding AND a honeymoon in two different places, is just meanspirited.
Indeed...I'm amazed that her face didn't crack up when she actually smiled for the 1st time with sheer happiness being engaged to poor Scracy!
She has got a beautiful smile though hasn't she, she should smile more often.
I imagine the MoS Photoshop experts got paid overtime for their work on the pics. Like other posters, I do now feel a bit (but not a lot) sorry for The Baker. He was trying SO hard in the photos to look the Happy Fiancé, while The Lizard's rictus 'smile' was enough to curdle my breakfast gin.
But you gotta give it to Lizard - she's never one to miss a chance to put the (buttery leather vegan Bottega Veneta boot in) with yet another declaration that The Baker has NEVER LOVED ANYONE like he loves her. Classy - his ex wife, his ex girlfriend must have been so happy to read that - and his kids must be thrilled to know that dear old dad never really loved their mum.
Still ... I am sort of coming round to the idea that the whole 'relationship' IS, as mooted by other DSs, a Faustian Pact, to keep The Dreary going and The Lizard gainfully employed and at the same time giving publicity to The Baker's shop - although criticisms of his unkempt fingernails, tobacco odour etc. and general bad housekeeping are surely not conducive to inspiring confidence in a guy who has his hands in dough for a living.
Still, he's said he fancies giving up work and ... learning the guitar. If The Lizard can cling on to her MoS job, with further Drearies and MoS bore-fests about the forthcoming wedding ... calling it off/back on/off/on/what shall she wear/complaints about wedding venue/complaints about wedding breakfast/complaints about behaviour of wedding guests/the honeymoon/complaints about honeymoon/living together/complaints about living together/he makes finger-marks on the stainless steel Aga/he creased an Abigail Anhern cushion/he didn't damp-dust a lightbulb ...... then I suppose she can keep him in gold (plated) Dunhill lighters and buy him his very own cutlery, so that he doesn't have to use the cats' fork.
Oh, Baker ... will it be all worth it? Honestly?
seabird, don't forget that the imaginary 'rock star' will doubtless make an appearance in Lizard's deathly prose. And maybe the 'married man' (from South American? Can't remember) with whom she considered having an affair. Or the guy in the garage forecourt. Or the neighbouring farmer - or was it a vet - when she lived in Exmoor and drooled over in print.
Just remembered, we STILL haven't heard what 'THE CRISIS' is that she was blathering on about a month or so ago. My guess it was some legal matter .. maybe her long-suffering family has finally bitten back at her unpleasant comments about various of her nearest but not dearest. Or some hapless soul that she'd traduced has gone a bit litigious ... or M & S have gone mad over the dog's dinner she made by 'modelling' (hilariously badly) the clothes worn by the 'Leading Ladies' in that M & S campaign. Or Next got pissed off with the Lizard's frequent snidey comments about their clothes ... after all, publications such as the Mail group live or die by their advertisers buying advertising space.
On the subject of clothes - the MoS piece about her engagement also includes an archived video of an interview with the Lizard, where she's plugging one of her books:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2888590/LIZ-JONES-s-New-Year-s-resolution-love-honour-obey-No-way.html Scroll down a bit for the vid.
She's a self-proclaimed 'fashionista', apparently invests in fantastic designer schmutter. Yet - just get an eyeful of that white shirt she's wearing. At least two sizes too small, gaping all over the place. 'Fashionista'? Ha ha ... she looks a godawful mess.
(Also, lol "no Aga". Are people not allowed to have any other kind of cooker?)
All I can say is that Nic doesn't come off too well. In fact she sounds a right bitch. Now I don't approve of what Nic did but at the same time Liz has exposed this to us so is she even throwing the sainted Nic under the bus now in the name of her column? (if this is all true of course and not an elaborate hoax!) Also, does Nic know that the Baker is obviously on a limited budget?
Hows about this as an example?
Or this charming barb:
Nice.
It's a set up and he's in on it. It's got to be surely? Who in their right mind would put up with all he does? Not just from her but now from her friend/employee? In today's column he finds out that she knew about the ebay ring so knows that she's been spying on his ipad and he's STILL alright about it?! Softest touch ever or being paid a share of the profits.
(oh and a Happy New Year to everyone on the thread
'Obviously she’d love something like the fake Uggs from Primark, but if you’re thinking proper footwear, unless she has explicitly said she likes something, I would steer well clear.’"
Anyone who's seen Nic's Facebook page, or the response she made to an Independant article in 2009 (I think) will realise at once that this is simply not her "speaking" - she just isn't that literate. Of course it's a setup.
As for the Dreary as a whole... this particular shark has been well and truly jumped, then jumped again for good measure and finally jumped a third time just to be absolutely sure. It's worse than boring - it's positively insulting.
As for today's other farticle... did you know she was stood up on Millennium Eve ? No, neither did I. What a shame.
However, this bears remembering in a few weeks time:
"A glass of wine might have made me brave enough to go on a date with a man, but it also made my mood in the morning so poisonous that my fiance walked out on me on Boxing Day, never to be seen again."
Keep walking, David... keep walking.
Meanwhile Liz is all "oh dear how awful. See everybody, it is not only me who is a crazed psycho with texter's thumb. You think that I am vicious well see how Nic gets when she unleashes her ire in protection of my feelings. For it was not I who composed these texts no no no. And then see how David has accused Nic of being worse than the Vile Trolls who cast aspersions upon his business. All of this in the pursuit of shoes. Oh my life."
When I feel kindly disposed towards Liz, I imagine that all of this bullcrap about how she only wears Loubs (despite being in direst poverty) and slagging off the ring for not being expensive enough (despite the Baker not being in any way wealthy) is supposed to make us laugh at her silly pretensions. Except it falls very flat. It just comes across as delusional, meanspirited and largely untrue.
The throwaway comment about the fiance walking out was also interesting
GASP. Could she have inadvertently revealed that David has dumped her?
And Nic said that Liz gives and gives, pretty much what dear old Lizzie often says about herself. This is a load of made up tosh.