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Grandparents.
sweetpeanut
Posts: 4,805 Forum Member
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I see this elsewhere and thought it was really interesting.
How much of a part do your child's grandparents play in their life.
Are they easy going, over powering. not there enough or there to much
Do you love them or actively dislike them?
I play a big part in two of my grand children's lives but not much in the other three as there is a long distance between us.
I am always invited to everything and feel very loved by them all.
But I do know some grandparents who feel they have to accept what they are given and dont object for fear that they will be cut out of their grand children's life
Then the other side who are very pushy and dont seem to have a clue that they could end up not seeing their grandchildren anymore
Did you have any problems how did you solve them?
What part did your own grandparents play in your life?
Mine were OK but not a lot of loving went on for me in that respect.
How much of a part do your child's grandparents play in their life.
Are they easy going, over powering. not there enough or there to much
Do you love them or actively dislike them?
I play a big part in two of my grand children's lives but not much in the other three as there is a long distance between us.
I am always invited to everything and feel very loved by them all.
But I do know some grandparents who feel they have to accept what they are given and dont object for fear that they will be cut out of their grand children's life
Then the other side who are very pushy and dont seem to have a clue that they could end up not seeing their grandchildren anymore
Did you have any problems how did you solve them?
What part did your own grandparents play in your life?
Mine were OK but not a lot of loving went on for me in that respect.
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Until my Nan died last year, I spent nearly every single Saturday seeing her unless I was ill, we were on holiday or something else
He is a part of my life.
I only really knew one of my grandparents, both my fathers parents died young and on my mother's side my granddad also died young so I just had her mother. We lived away for much of my childhood and spent 5 years in another country so we werent close. I always found her to be a very cold critical woman so I try to be the opposite.
He hasn't met my mum (I have only seen her once since he was born, I sought her out. She's a dirty smelly alcoholic) and he rarely sees my dad (I don't want to explain how grandad lives with his wife/sister to him)
Mixed bag really!
I have such fond memories of both of them and I even lived with one Granddad for a few months when I was 13 (my Nan had just died, he lived opposite my parents so I just gradually moved in LOL)
Sadly I don't remember my Nan's much but they are always spoken about very fondly.
OH and I are not married but we have a little one. We live about 90 seconds from his parents and 3 minutes from my parents so my child sees a lot of his grandparents [and his numerous aunts and uncles - my sister actually looks after him week days]
I've never felt anything other than love and support from my folks and my in-laws. MIL is a nurse and a mother of 6 yet she isn't at all pushy or domineering. I genuinely get along with her and there has never been a cross word. Same with my Mum.
Maybe I am lucky but as a family there are just never massive arguments / issues. Which is pretty amazing as we both have big families (my immediate family including nieces and nephews is 15 and OH's is 12)
We only ever saw them in the holiday's but I still remember little things like how we weren't allowed in the kitchen whilst my grandmother was cooking as it put her off, how she would make us wash our "paws" before eating, how my grandfather always had a cupboard full of crisps and fizzy drinks and a tin of chocolate biscuits that he would get sent from the brewery he used to work for before he retired.
I wasn't close to my maternal grandmother as my Mum wasn't close to her so we didn't really see her and she was quite strict. She also died when I was 9 and I never knew my maternal grandfather as he died when my Mum was a teenager.
My children when I have them are going to be close to their grandparents because they are going to be looked after by them when I go back to work. And my parents are looking forward to having grandchildren.
The ex's parents are in contrast, really nice.
I don't remember my fraternal grandmother, I only know what I know of her from pictures and a couple of home videos we fortunately have. My other grandmother, and my fraternal grandad played very active parts in my life though. They were first port of call if my parents needed a baby sitter - they usually did it together as they got on well. I think they bonded over both becoming widows not too long before/after eachother. We took my grandad out for Sunday lunch every weekend. My mum's family had always been a lot closer than my dad's family, so we'd regularly have get togethers with her two brothers, and their families.
I was ridiculously close to both of them, as close as you can be at that age, and was devestated when they both died. My nan had been ill before I was born - throat cancer, which caused her to have her voicebox removed - so she spoke with a crackly voice. (I actually used to think that all older people spoke like that, and my grandad was special because he still had a normal voice!!) She got secondary lung cancer though. My grandad has been as fit as a fiddle his whole life - made it through WWII in one piece - but the evil bugger that is Alzheimer's got him. To see him so frail at the end and not knowing who we were was heart-breaking.
I absolutely adored them both and miss them immensley. When my grandad died, it wasn't a shock as I knew he was very ill, but I wasn't aware how ill my nan was, so when she died, it was a huge shock. I've never told my mum, but I really hate that she didn't tell me how ill she was. She also didn't want me and my brother to go to her funeral as she said we were too young, and I hate the fact that I didn't really get to say goodbye.
I know everyone says they have/had the best grandparents, but I really did/have. He was a truly amazing man who I utterly adored. I honestly can't find words that are good enough to express the one in a billion, beautiful being that he was. He was very much a part of my everyday life. When he died part of me went too.
My nan ( on my dads side ) is now coming up to 87 and she's wonderful. I love her to bits. She's always been part of my life. Every inch the lady, she's got a sharp wit and vibrant personality. I love her dearly.
She's currently in hospital being treated for blood clots on the lungs. Hate to think of her in hospital in pain. Desperately want her to get better.
Unfortunately I didn't have anywhere near such a close relationship with my nan on my mums side. She was incapable of showing affection and had a spiteful tongue which she used to cause as much upset as she possibly could to the rest of the family.
I don't know what made such a bitter woman, she wasn't given to sharing anything about herself with others.
But I like to think that underneath it all she was a good person.
My maternal granddad who died in 1995 was a signaller in WW2 and, topically, took part in the assault on Gold beach during the D-Day landings, for which he was awarded the Croix de Guerre.
I forgot to say about my own experience when mine were little.
My MIL said she had had her children and wasn't going to be looking after mine.
I thought that was a bit harsh but nothing I could do. She was a lovely lady and MIL and my children adored her.
My own mum was abusive to me and my siblings so although I dont think she would have hurt my children, she was not really aware of hygiene or safety, so she was out as a minder.
My husband said if his mum could not look after them, then we dont go out.. So we never did go out and never had "us" time.
So I have tried to make sure my children never felt the way I did when mine were little. I help out in anyway I can, but being a normal human being, I do sometimes feel that I got the bad end of the deal both times. Not that I dont love and adore my kids and grand kids as they are my life. But sometimes I do wish I had more "me" time than I do.
But feel very selfish when I think it.
My own Mum is a wonderful grandmother to my nieces and nephews and I know she'll be a huge support when my own baby is born later this year. She has a tendency to insist things are done 'her way' (which is always the 'right way') but with me being a few years older than my sister (and with husband being less willing to be bossed about!) I think she's realised that I can't be dictated to all the time. I recently had a difficult period in my pregnancy and she was a massive support when I was falling to pieces. I know she'll be a wonderful grandparent, as will my Dad and husband's Dad. We're lucky to have them in our lives.
They took an active part in His school life, getting involved in family projects the school ran, going to plays and sports days.
As he got older and started going to nightclubs, they lived much closer to Town than us so his Grandad would pick him up from the nightclub, rather than him wait for a taxi.
His friends stayed over at his grandparents sometimes too.
When he came out to his grandparents, they were very supportive , so much so that having met someone he asked if he could stay over after they had been to a nightclub and they agreed and welcomed the guy into their home.
He then brought him home to us and he stayed with us for a week.
My son is very respectful of his grandparents and I would say he is more frightened of his grandma than he is of me......if he got I to trouble at school, which was rare, the first thing he would say is " don't tell grandma"
His other grandparents........well that's a different story, they hardly know him
My Mother's parents played a huge part in our lives , I loved my Granny and Papa to bits,they both died when I was in my early Thirties , I still miss them.
My Parents were very loving Grandparents , even though they had to be so at a distance ( my husband was in the army and we spent a lot of my children's lives abroad )
We have 6 grandchildren ( soon to be 7 ) and we love them all dearly , and spend a lot of time with them.
We also have custody of 2 grandsons , both of whom are disabled .
We are constantly tired , emotional and the house is forever untidy.
They are the light of our lives and couldn't imagine being without them .
They video-chat with their grandparents (nine of them - my parents and their spouses, and husband's parents and their spouses, and Dad's ex-girlfriend, who's the mother of my half-siblings) and some of their cousins on Skype almost every week. I love technology.
Youngest (9) wasn't keen on my dad, who can be quite taciturn, but once he discovered Dad's odd sense of humour, they become very close. Over Skype, they share jokes like this one: "There's a giraffe in a fridge and there's an elephant that wants to be in the fridge. What should you do? Take the giraffe out and put the elephant in the fridge." For some reason, they find this utterly hilarious. Sometimes they enjoy having arguments about all sorts.
I loved him and missed him awfully when he was gone - for years after, if we passed someone on the street who looked like him, I thought it was him (I was only 9 when he died).
I'd love to know more about my grandparents. My mother also died when I was a kid so I never got to learn much about her parents and only have three or four photos of them.
My own kids are all sons and so I do wonder about how involved we might ever get in their kids' lives - as so many relationships end in divorce/split up now, and it seems the woman has all the power there. I have friends who hardly see their grandkids. Seems sad to me. I only had a grandparent for 18 mths or so, but it was lovely. That said I was very close to my great aunts who were just like grandmas to me, and to my godfather who happened to be my grandad's best friend.
Before moving to the UK, my kids had good relationships with both sets of their grandparents, probably closer with my mom and step-dad than with my ex's though. I've only seen my mom twice in the five years that I've been in the UK, so I know my daughter misses being near her Gramma, but we talk on the phone about once a week. My daughter doesn't keep in contact much with her other grandparents on her dad's side, we exchange xmas cards but that's about it. My husband's mum lives in Scotland so we don't see her very often either as we don't own a vehicle and don't have money to travel.
My dads parents lived just down the road so were the babysitters when needed. I didnt really get on with them because they were old fashioned, quite strict and didnt like anyone who wasnt a local ie my mum. When my mum started work we had to stay with them for the whole school holidays which i hated. We werent allowed out to play with our friends and had to stay in. We couldnt watch tv or make any noise so it was boring. When we had to sleep overnight we were in bed at 6 (could hear kids outside playing) and up at 6:30!
My dads dad was the first to die and i remember crying, but not because he died, but because my family were upset. I never felt any real love from them so i didnt mourn him. I do feel guilty about that.
My other grandparents lived miles away and i adored them. Seeing them was a treat, and visiting them was so rare that it was more exciting than xmas! They were typical grandparents who would play with you, read to you etc and totally laid back. When i was a teen i had a rough time with my parents drinking heavily and my nan became more of a mum than my mum. She offered me the chance to live with her but i wouldnt because my younger sister didnt want to and i didnt want to leave her alone. I told my nan everything that you would usually tell your mum, like crushes etc. she was the one i turned to for help when i got my first period and i think my mum was resentful at the time.
Sadly my nan died a year and a bit ago and it really was awful. She was diagnosed with cancer which was hard to hear. The day of her first chemo treatment she collapsed and was diagnosed with a perforated bowel which was inoperable. She died about 5 days later.
She had said when she was well that if she ever got ill she would allow me to see her but no other grandkids (im oldest). When she was in hospital she changed her mind and said she didnt want any of us to see her because she was so ill. I chose not to go and regret it every day.
Sadly my grandad now has dementia so its a bit of a rollercoaster at times. I feel torn because i wouldnt wish illness or death on anyone but it feels so cruel that the grandparents i adored had to suffer painful deaths and dementia, yet the ones i didnt bond with either passed away painlessly or are alive and well. I didnt mean that to sound harsh but it just seems like because i loved them so much theyve been cruely taken away.
My kids only have one set of grandparents left who they see as often as they can as they live about 60 miles away. My older kids knew my parents bit my 15 year old didn't as both my parents died before he was born.
Her other grandmother lives about 40 miles away and makes every effort to see her once a month - even though it involves a 3 hour bus ride each way (she doesn't drive).
Other grandfather and step-grandmother see her about once or twice a year but live only 10 miles away. They have a car, and are not hard up for money (they can even get a bus door to door on their free bus pass!). They rarely buy her a birthday present but do buy her a little something at Christmas. They don't give her any money to spend on holiday but maybe - just maybe - they will go for a walk round the estate where grand-daughter lives for 20 minutes.
Little 'un has never had a sleep over at her other grandparents, but regularly stays with us.
But I'm glad to say that she shows her love to all equally.
I on the other hand look after my two grandsons, two afternoons a week, and I feel very loved by them, the oldest one, he's 4 and a half is always hugging me and telling me he loves me. They're both so adorable. I'm nanny Penny by the way, because I have a cat called Penny, their other nanny is nanny Flopsey because she (had) a rabbit called Flopsey.
As a nanny and a mother in law, I have never, ever, interfered in my son and daughter in laws life. I've never gone round to their house unannounced, I would always wait to be invited, and I've always tried to keep to their guidelines on how they want their boys raised. They are both excellent parents. I can't say, hand on heart though, that I don't slip up now and again, and give the boys the odd treat, but that's what nanny's are for isn't it ?. As I mentioned in another thread, I love to see them, and miss them when I don't. But it's also very nice, when my son comes to pick them up. At 70 years old, it can get a bit tiring.
I look after two of mine, three days a week at their house, its not easy but I love it, and they really love me always waiting at the window for me always hugging and kissing me, and that is lovely.
I never go against their parents rules but when they visit me at my home then I am nanny and I will then spoil them a little.
My parents have been very important in their grandchildren's lives, especially my mum.