Emma Chawner - the new Jade Goody? (Part 9)

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  • lozengerlozenger Posts: 4,881
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    EastEnders really are missing a trick here - they could have the whole Chawner Clan move into Pat's spare room as the exotic family from ooop North, Emma could inherit Pat's earrings and ****, Aud could sit in the laundrette with Dot having her trousers washed on a permanent cycle, whilst Phil could totter around on the allotments. Sam could just lighten up the whole atmosphere with her constant snivelling
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 263
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    tenorlady wrote: »
    Well, Greengran is correct, in post #2743 - they do all describe themselves as actors/directors on facebook, so perhaps the joke is on us after all, and the Chawners are in fact highly skilled and talented actors, wearing fatsuits and playing the parts of fat, lazy, greedy, foul-mouthed, aggressive benefit scroungers.

    I wonder who writes their scripts though? You'd think someone who writes such convincing material would want a credit at the end of the show.

    Maybe it's a government conspiracy! :eek:

    No, honestly stay with me here, how many people have watched the Chawners and have decided I don't want to be like them?

    After the third series I went and bought an exercise bike and have lost a stone, plus I am now eating healthier, all because I didn't want to end up like the Chawners.
  • mrs.deschanelmrs.deschanel Posts: 3,545
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    Well I've put on a couple of pounds because I scoff while I watch as my wobbly parts are still smaller than their wobbly parts. I have no willpower.
  • tenorladytenorlady Posts: 1,976
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    t1t3h wrote: »
    Maybe it's a government conspiracy! :eek:

    No, honestly stay with me here, how many people have watched the Chawners and have decided I don't want to be like them?

    After the third series I went and bought an exercise bike and have lost a stone, plus I am now eating healthier, all because I didn't want to end up like the Chawners.
    I think the Chawners are incredibly motivational. Watching them has made me realise that there is no way a family sized bucket of KFC and a lifetime of benefits is a lifestyle choice I want to make.

    I don't want to be living with my parents in my mid 20's, long-term unemployed, having a week away in a grotty bungalow in Great Yarmouth once a year, drowning my sorrows in Sambuca, thinking I'm some sort of celebrity because my family are the fattest in Britain, being plagued with the sort of health issues most people don't get until their middle years, and blaming everyone else for how unfair everything is.

    Thank you Chawners. :) You have inspired me to succeed in life.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 454
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    tenorlady wrote: »
    Indeed. They could replace scrawny old Dot Cotton with her cockney accent with a plus size Northerner, although I suspect the only acting Emma has ever done, is acting surprised when she was told she wasn't entitled to a cigarette break every 10 minutes at work.

    DO YOU MIND!!!!!!!!

    They're not "Northerners". The girls might have absorbed the local twang (God knows from where, because they're not allowed out) but they were forged in the fiery furnaces of the dole queue in Somerset. They lived there til quite recently from the sounds of it.
    "When we lived in Bristol we had paint daubed on the house. That's when the Tellytubby thing started."

    So it must have been after Emma did her x-factor thing, or if it was just a coincidence and they were called "Tellytubby" before X-Factor because they were four pot-bellied entities walking down the street in a row then it must have been at least when the girls were of school age.They moved up North because the South got fed up of them. They're more than outstaying their welcome up North too now. Next stop Scotland! Besides the middle of Britain is somewhere around Durham so, technically, they're still Southerners......and so am I, in that case!

    "Northerners".......tsk.....how.....very......DARE......you!:D:D
  • tenorladytenorlady Posts: 1,976
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    They didn't relocate from Somerset recently at all, it was years and years ago. They got evicted from their house in Bristol, moved into a house in Ramsbottom, the 3 Chawner children all attended secondary school in Lancashire, hence the accent, they got evicted from that house, then privately rented their home in Great Harwood.

    I'd love to know why they relocated from the West Country to Lancashire in the first place though. Possibly it was for work, as Phil did once work as a delivery driver for Mark Two Distributors, based in Bolton. But that job ended due to his contagious lorry diabetes, a heck of a long time ago.

    I would imagine the Chawner offspring regard themselves as Northerners though, how long does one have to live in Lancashire to qualify?
  • dsp11dsp11 Posts: 17
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    Contrary to popular opinion, it seems poor Alfie wozn't ere after all. Just like Phil Chawner wasn't either. :cry:
  • mrs.deschanelmrs.deschanel Posts: 3,545
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    *sob*
  • dsp11dsp11 Posts: 17
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    They have definately been in Lancashire for many years, both girls have the accent, whereas Phil being adult (physically, not mentally) has kept the West Country twang.

    I bet he asked for a special meeting with Her Maj, and threw a strop when it was not forthcoming. He probably blames X-Magistrate neighbour for scuppering his chances at mingling with Royalty. He is so miffed off, he has not even posted the news article to his FB page. He obviously found the article on Dot leaving Eastenders more riveting news.
  • tenorladytenorlady Posts: 1,976
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    dsp11 wrote: »
    They have definately been in Lancashire for many years, both girls have the accent, whereas Phil being adult (physically, not mentally) has kept the West Country twang.

    I bet he asked for a special meeting with Her Maj, and threw a strop when it was not forthcoming. He probably blames X-Magistrate neighbour for scuppering his chances at mingling with Royalty. He is so miffed off, he has not even posted the news article to his FB page. He obviously found the article on Dot leaving Eastenders more riveting news.

    I noticed in the news reports that all the people at the front of the crowd were wheelchair users. I'm guessing Phil is hoping his lorry diabetes takes a turn for the worse sooner rather than later, thus guaranteeing him a front row seat when the next very important person descends on Accrington.

    Phil's accent reminds me of David Brent, and I'm sure that's one of the reasons why the New Zealanders assumed Big Fat Challenge was a scripted comedy.:D:D
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 22,198
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    tenorlady wrote: »
    I'd love to know why they relocated from the West Country to Lancashire in the first place though. Possibly it was for work, as Phil did once work as a delivery driver for Mark Two Distributors, based in Bolton. But that job ended due to his contagious lorry diabetes, a heck of a long time ago.

    I would imagine the Chawner offspring regard themselves as Northerners though, how long does one have to live in Lancashire to qualify?
    Can we change the subject? I lived in Lancashire for nigh on 6 years while caring for Mum, although I did get to come back home to Cornwall for a couple of months at a time just to make sure my house was still standing.
    I bloody hate the place, well Morecambe to be precise, most places are probably an improvement on that dump. I would never want to be accepted. :( Nor will I ever go back. I have zero good memories of my time up there.

    To be fair, most Northerners I know are nice, it's places like Bolton and Burnley and, of course, Morecambe that I hate.
    We're far more fussy down here. 25 years and we'll stop treating you like an emmet, 40 years and we might adopt you as an honorary Cornish person. :p

    The fact that the Chunkies had to move further north for unknown reasons is OK by me. It puts more distance between us. If they ever come near here I'm going to stage a one woman protest on the Tamar Bridge. :D Papa Repulsive will be so jealous, I may get my mug on local TV!!
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 22,198
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    tenorlady wrote: »
    I noticed in the news reports that all the people at the front of the crowd were wheelchair users. I'm guessing Phil is hoping his lorry diabetes takes a turn for the worse sooner rather than later, thus guaranteeing him a front row seat when the next very important person descends on Accrington.

    Phil's accent reminds me of David Brent, and I'm sure that's one of the reasons why the New Zealanders assumed Big Fat Challenge was a scripted comedy.:D:D

    :eek: Blimey. Spot on, he does sound like David Brent ( though the similarities end there as David Brent actually goes to an office and gets his backside up ( ;) yes, I know it's only fiction!) In his dreams Philth is probably the hardest working person he knows. Not hard when your only friends are your family. I use the term friends for Sam and Emma, it's patently obvious he loathes Aud.

    I truly am amazed that he and Em didn't plan a trip to Accrington to meet the Queen. He'd have bragged for ever if he had.
  • tenorladytenorlady Posts: 1,976
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    I don't hate anywhere, there are nice and not-so-nice people wherever you go.

    Sadly for the Chawners, they have encountered not-so-nice people wherever they have lived, it's not fair.
    Look at the trouble they are having now with their neighbours.

    Poor Chawnz.

    Why is the world so against them?

    No wonder they want to emigrate to New Zealand. Such a shame they don't meet any of the criteria.:cry:

    If they did manage to get themselves out there though, how long would it be before they encountered the same kind of anti-Chawner sentiments in New Zealand?
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 77
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    tenorlady wrote: »
    I don't hate anywhere, there are nice and not-so-nice people wherever you go.

    Sadly for the Chawners, they have encountered not-so-nice people wherever they have lived, it's not fair.
    Look at the trouble they are having now with their neighbours.

    Poor Chawnz.

    Why is the world so against them?

    No wonder they want to emigrate to New Zealand. Such a shame they don't meet any of the criteria.:cry:

    If they did manage to get themselves out there though, how long would it be before they encountered the same kind of anti-Chawner sentiments in New Zealand?

    I agree, there are good & bad people,in rough & posh areas too,,No matter where you are in the country.. you should never judge a book by its cover..
    Even the Queen herself,said, the people, of Burnley, Accrington & Lancs, are renowned for their hospitality & warmth.... So sorry you feel such hatred to my area,, ( Tally?? I think, said that???,correct me, if Im wrong!!!):confused:
    As for the chunks,, wherever they go, they cause mayhem...& manage to get people to welcome them & feel sorry for them...& In time, these kind people realise what numpties the Chunkies are, & drive them out of town... Yep I think Scotland may be their next homeland,,, As the NZ,, have deffo cottoned on to them.There will be a Public Holiday here in Lancs if they move...;)
  • hammerfanhammerfan Posts: 1,696
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    After a huge amount of searching on line, I've never found why the Family Chawn were evicted from this part of the country, we've never found out why they moved so far away, but I'm sure whatever the reason is, it's not their fault - they were bullied because they're fat. ;)

    I wondered how the third series was going in NZ, I can imagine Phil's friends dropping off his facebook profile quicker than something quickly dropping off something! :D My brain isn't working too quickly this morning.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 454
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    tenorlady wrote: »
    I would imagine the Chawner offspring regard themselves as Northerners though, how long does one have to live in Lancashire to qualify?

    If its anything like our town, you have to have a 5 generation pedigree with every person in it born and bred in the county:D

    All I know is, if you sound like The Wurzels then you're not Northern.
    "Oi gotta braaan' noo combine 'arvester
    An' oi gets it taxed fer free!"

    By the way, I'm not purposefully dissing Somerset people, but the only others that spring to mind are Russell Howard and Bill Bailey and I couldn't have done my awesome combine harvester/chawner benefits mash-up with them.
  • tenorladytenorlady Posts: 1,976
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    hammerfan wrote: »
    After a huge amount of searching on line, I've never found why the Family Chawn were evicted from this part of the country, we've never found out why they moved so far away, but I'm sure whatever the reason is, it's not their fault - they were bullied because they're fat. ;)

    I wondered how the third series was going in NZ, I can imagine Phil's friends dropping off his facebook profile quicker than something quickly dropping off something! :D My brain isn't working too quickly this morning.
    Last I heard, Chawners Last Chance had been taken off air, then it was returned to the screens, for the last two shows to be aired in the wee small hours, thus viewing figures dropped from abysmal to catastrophically bad.:cry: There were virtually no #chawners tweets for the last episodes - only only about 8 when the series was being shown at a more sociable hour.

    Phil has been bleating on about the bad editing again, but it seems the New Zealand viewers aren't fooled by that and are backing away from them in horror, as it slowly dawns on them this isn't a brilliantly funny new British comedy drama, but an embarrassingly awful reality show.:D
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 22,198
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    To be fair, Barbidoll, I did say I found the Northern people nice.
    It's just that it was the most stressful, horrible time of my life. To move 400 miles away from your home and slowly watch your Mum die -in a place where you know noone- was awful.

    And, sorry, after my miles of clean sandy beaches, Morecambe mud just doesn't cut it.

    I've just remembered one thing in Morecambe that always made me smile, whenever I drove past.....ERIC :)
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 6,204
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    I think the tellytubby thing started before her first appearance on X Factor, there was a photo in the old facebook group of Emma around aged 10 uploaded by people living up north. Teletubbies started in 1997 :o (I was 8 and obsessed with them at the time! :o) so that is possibly 10 years between them leaving Somerset- moving up north and appearing on the X Factor.
  • tenorladytenorlady Posts: 1,976
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    Simi89 wrote: »
    I think the tellytubby thing started before her first appearance on X Factor, there was a photo in the old facebook group of Emma around aged 10 uploaded by people living up north. Teletubbies started in 1997 :o (I was 8 and obsessed with them at the time! :o) so that is possibly 10 years between them leaving Somerset- moving up north and appearing on the X Factor.
    Gosh, I didn't realise how long ago the Tellytubbies were on the TV, and they were depicted as benevolent and educational, something the Chawners should have been proud to be compared to.

    Jabba the Hut is a far nastier comparison and I've seen that bandied about online elsewhere.

    I still can't understand why the Chawners have been mercilessly bullied everywhere they have lived, whether it's been in the South West or the North West.

    I'm sure we all know chubby people, I certainly do, and they aren't constantly taunted, ridiculed and tormented for their size, and no-one has ever thrown paint at their houses. What on earth do the Chawners do to inspire such undiluted hatred?:confused:
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 6,204
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    I'm sure some would regard comparing them to Jabba the Hut more accurate than the Teletubbies!
  • orangesmartieorangesmartie Posts: 3,709
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    t1t3h wrote: »
    Maybe it's a government conspiracy! :eek:

    No, honestly stay with me here, how many people have watched the Chawners and have decided I don't want to be like them?

    After the third series I went and bought an exercise bike and have lost a stone, plus I am now eating healthier, all because I didn't want to end up like the Chawners.

    Yep I've lost 2 stone thanks to the Chawnz and I'm now working on the 3rd one. They inspire me to get out and walk every day and also to cut down on portion sizes.

    So I'd like to say a big thank you to the Chawners, they have been a massive (no pun intended :D ) thinspiration to me!
  • wannabegothchavwannabegothchav Posts: 1,690
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    We must be close to part 10 now!! What we need is Bio (Non HD) to repeat series 1-3 so we can spot things that passed us by previously!
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 6,204
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    I'm amazed that we might make it to part 10!
  • tenorladytenorlady Posts: 1,976
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    We must be close to part 10 now!! What we need is Bio (Non HD) to repeat series 1-3 so we can spot things that passed us by previously!
    I wish Bio would repeat it in non HD, for those of us who haven't got HD television. It's not fair. I got an email from Bio promising me a Chawnerthon in May, but they failed to mention I would have to buy a new TV to watch it on. :mad: Rotten lot.

    I want to see all three series, preferably back to back, over the course of a dull weekend, with a large amount of alcoholic beverages to hand, and a family packet of ready salted crisps. It would make this cold miserable weather almost bearable.
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