I felt like this up until 7 months ago, and then I finally relented and went to the doctor. He diagnosed some kind of depressive thing; I've been on 100mg sertraline ever since and feel, not great, but what I'd consider to be normal i.e. not seeing the bad side of everything. I do look at 18-39 as being sort of 'lost years'. Not entirely, but there's so much I could've done. But the fact is that I'm better now, the medication enables me to function at a much higher level, and I'm making up for lost time.. unfortunately no magic 'rewind' wand exists!!
I think there is a lot of expecting put on men thesedays and if you don't conform then your considered a failure it's hard to be a man thesedays and get a bird especially if your fat and not rich
OP, I can (kind of) relate to some of what you're saying. It's hard to judge for sure from here but it sounds to me that you might be somewhere on the dyspraxia/autism/Asperger's spectrum.
I've had a tough life in many ways: Only child, no friends living nearby, no cousins, no children to mix with before I started school, even when I did start school I hardly ever saw children outside school hours, parents who didn't put my interests first (neither were exactly 'natural' parents), they got divorced, I had two major operations, I lived with my father (a sad, obnoxious bully, truth me told), who eventually drank himself to death, I was bullied at school and had trouble fitting in at university, while at other points in my life I got in with 'the wrong crowd'.
I'm 31 now. Do I have good and bad days? Yes. Does stuff that happened in my past sometimes come back to haunt me inside my own head? Yes.
However, I have built a career, run my own business, and do work I enjoy. I've never had a relationship that lasts beyond a few months and that's something I need to overcome.
My advice to you is to think about a car. The windscreen is far bigger than the wing mirror. That means what's in front of you is far more important than what's behind.
Don't wallow in self-pity. Don't take so-called 'antidepressants' (there's no evidence that they actually work beyond placebo and may actually do a huge amount of harm). Look for the relevant help you need. Work out what you want from life. Develop a good relationship with God and with yourself.
The past is done. The future is yours if you grab it.
I was very athletic in school. Had a girlfriend for 7 years, 14-21 and then got with my eventual wife two weeks after our breakup (21-33). I have a high IQ, was physically well, kind of had life cushy.
Then I became ill with Kleine-Levin Syndrome, and subsequently had a nervous breakdown. Since then I've attempted suicide twice, and suffer with severe OCD and clinical depression, as well as KLS and it's comorbid problems (CFS/ME, hyperphalgia, etc).
The point I'm trying to make is, don't dwell on the past. You might have had a bad past, but that doesn't mean the future won't be good, and vice versa. I would gladly have traded my health and friends I had earlier in life in order to be well now. Be happy with what you have, not what you never had. Trust me, you haven't really missed out on much. Focus on the future, not the past.
Well, I'm a happy bunny! I ascribe lifelong happiness to wine. I'm single, middle-aged and a mess but, you know, there's a lot to be said for a grape-induced stupor!
Why is the opening post mostly related to women/sex?
Sleeping with hundreds of people means you've have a good, successful youth, does it? I just don't get it.
Don't get me wrong, I'm extremely depressed with where I am in life and relate to the title very much, but people being unhappy within themselves because they're unsuccessful at bedding a girl...? There's so much more to life, please don't put all your self-worth onto how many women you've slept with.
I am hoping that my move this week will be a fresh start. I look at 24-33 as my lost years. A few years ago I could barely take a shower or make something to eat after finally forcing myself to get out of bed. after I did force myself out of bed, way into the afternoon, I had no energy to get out off the sofa and felt cold even in the summer. At its worst I had suicidal thoughts after they slowed down so that I could interpret them. I got scared after I suffered from hallucinations.
I feel like I'm on "pause" since losing my son to suicide in January, so yeah, I know what crap feels like. Most days are quite depressing, and I get to look forward to fighting with the morons at the Home Office to return to my husband in the UK, whom I haven't seen since January also.
I can relate to what your saying, I generally try to stop myself thinking about it, it starts off with one thought which attracts another and before you know it you're life is a disaster.
I was an only child, no cousins etc and as a result its made me a bit of a loaner, I was in my 20's before I had my first GF. I under performed at school thinking I didn't deserver to do good, that I wasn't smart enough or good enough. As a result life has been a struggle floating from one crappy job to the next and having to deal with bullying and life's ******* along the way. I've never been able to do or achieve what most people in life take for granted such as getting married, travelling, getting a mortgage or even something very basic as having friends.
But as I say its a vicious cycle, you have to put up that stop sign once find yourself going down that path of self pity. Focus on what you do have in life rather than what you don't and be grateful for it, One grateful though will attract another.
Why don't you use some of your intelligence to change the things in your life you don't like?
You'll never find happiness by complaining at how awful things are.
And close thread.
No one can change your life but you. You don't like those things, then go out and change them, with help if you need to. But it aint gonna change if you do nothing.
I was an only child, no cousins etc and as a result its made me a bit of a loaner, I was in my 20's before I had my first GF. I under performed at school thinking I didn't deserver to do good, that I wasn't smart enough or good enough. As a result life has been a struggle floating from one crappy job to the next and having to deal with bullying and life's ******* along the way. I've never been able to do or achieve what most people in life take for granted such as getting married, travelling, getting a mortgage or even something very basic as having friends.
You can't pin all your woes on being an only child.
There are absolutely thousands of us who socialise perfectly well and live fulfilled lives.
Well, I'm a happy bunny! I ascribe lifelong happiness to wine. I'm single, middle-aged and a mess but, you know, there's a lot to be said for a grape-induced stupor!
I'll raise a glass to that!
Wine-a lovely glass or so has been a shining light at the end of some utterly crap days.
I'm not single, I am middle aged, I think the stupor is of universal benefit.
You can't pin all your woes on being an only child.
There are absolutely thousands of us who socialise perfectly well and live fulfilled lives.
Don't be too hard on him, and read the next bit. It's not just being an only child, it's the fact he had no cousins either. It was the same for me - only child, no cousins, AND no other children in my life before I started school. When I DID start school, I only generally saw them inside school, as none lived within walking distance.
This made for an upbringing that was far from healthy, in my view. Children need to play with other children from a very young age to build social skills/relationships. That fact was largely lost on both my parents, who seemed to think that giving me a few toys and a TV was enough.
No one can change your life but you. You don't like those things, then go out and change them, with help if you need to. But it aint gonna change if you do nothing.
When u suffer mental health problems and low self steam ita easier said then done I can't just flick a switch and make myself happy and confident
I have a medical condition that means I've been in and out of hospital every 3 months since I was 3 years old. My life expectancy is in the late 30's early 40's. (if I'm lucky) I have to do hours of treatment a day which is a pain! Sometimes I'm bloody terrified, especially lately because the doctors have been mentioning the possible need for a transplant but because I have dodgy kidneys I might not be eligible. Sometimes I'm just plain old miserable. This year I have spent a total of 11 weeks in a hospital which is 60 miles from home.
But is life crap? Nope.
I have a brilliant family, friends and boyfriend.
I have experienced so much, last year I did a zip line and it was amazing. I zoom about on the back of my boyfriends bike. I went to London and saw all the sights. I'm hopefully getting my own place soon, it will probably be a disaster but at least I will have tried.
I get up in the morning and take joy in the simple things like the sun shining or eating something really tasty.
I know it sounds hippyish but life is what I make it.
I think this post shows that essentially the OP and people like ebony hamster really only have themselves to blame for their crappy lives. Even if you get dealt a bad hand, with illness, job loss, or whatever, its your choice how you let that affect your life.
When u suffer mental health problems and low self steam ita easier said then done I can't just flick a switch and make myself happy and confident
I know exactly what you mean, if only it was that easy, like the idiots who tell depressed people to pull themselves together or to man up, if it was that easy to feel better they would
it is not helpful and could end up making people feel worse
Also any problems will be helped or made worse by the people who you deal with when you try to help yourself. Its all very well trying to make a change but if you only meet negative people (there are a lot of those) then you will lose hope pretty fast. I don't want to generalise but shy blokes really are in for a struggle in this world.
I can understand where you're coming from, highland paddy. I've also experienced that sense of disappointment, but the more I think about it, the more I think it comes from some ridiculous expectation of life. It starts off when, as a child, you read the stories of princesses meeting their prince and living happily ever after. There seems to be an expectation that life will be brilliant and wonderful. That is a total fallacy! Nobody has a brilliant, wonderful life. Everyone has to struggle and overcome obstacles and difficulties. No person alive has an easy life.
Life's about what you're thinking now, this very moment, not about the past or future. You can make it good or bad.
I can understand where you're coming from, highland paddy. I've also experienced that sense of disappointment, but the more I think about it, the more I think it comes from some ridiculous expectation of life. It starts off when, as a child, you read the stories of princesses meeting their prince and living happily ever after. There seems to be an expectation that life will be brilliant and wonderful. That is a total fallacy! Nobody has a brilliant, wonderful life. Everyone has to struggle and overcome obstacles and difficulties. No person alive has an easy life.
Life's about what you're thinking now, this very moment, not about the past or future. You can make it good or bad.
This is exactly the issue. We are filled this crap from our parents growing up that if you do this or that life will be perfect. As you say it sadly doesn't work like.
You make a valid point, all we really have is the now, the past doesn't exist as its in the past, the future doesn't exist as it hasn't happened yet so all we really have is the now.
Also any problems will be helped or made worse by the people who you deal with when you try to help yourself. Its all very well trying to make a change but if you only meet negative people (there are a lot of those) then you will lose hope pretty fast. I don't want to generalise but shy blokes really are in for a struggle in this world.
Comments
I've had a tough life in many ways: Only child, no friends living nearby, no cousins, no children to mix with before I started school, even when I did start school I hardly ever saw children outside school hours, parents who didn't put my interests first (neither were exactly 'natural' parents), they got divorced, I had two major operations, I lived with my father (a sad, obnoxious bully, truth me told), who eventually drank himself to death, I was bullied at school and had trouble fitting in at university, while at other points in my life I got in with 'the wrong crowd'.
I'm 31 now. Do I have good and bad days? Yes. Does stuff that happened in my past sometimes come back to haunt me inside my own head? Yes.
However, I have built a career, run my own business, and do work I enjoy. I've never had a relationship that lasts beyond a few months and that's something I need to overcome.
My advice to you is to think about a car. The windscreen is far bigger than the wing mirror. That means what's in front of you is far more important than what's behind.
Don't wallow in self-pity. Don't take so-called 'antidepressants' (there's no evidence that they actually work beyond placebo and may actually do a huge amount of harm). Look for the relevant help you need. Work out what you want from life. Develop a good relationship with God and with yourself.
The past is done. The future is yours if you grab it.
Good luck!
I was very athletic in school. Had a girlfriend for 7 years, 14-21 and then got with my eventual wife two weeks after our breakup (21-33). I have a high IQ, was physically well, kind of had life cushy.
Then I became ill with Kleine-Levin Syndrome, and subsequently had a nervous breakdown. Since then I've attempted suicide twice, and suffer with severe OCD and clinical depression, as well as KLS and it's comorbid problems (CFS/ME, hyperphalgia, etc).
The point I'm trying to make is, don't dwell on the past. You might have had a bad past, but that doesn't mean the future won't be good, and vice versa. I would gladly have traded my health and friends I had earlier in life in order to be well now. Be happy with what you have, not what you never had. Trust me, you haven't really missed out on much. Focus on the future, not the past.
Hey, it just sorted me out.
I suddenly feel terrific.
Cheers idlewilde!
Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pair of time-travelling curtains!
I know you mean well but I would not recommend internet dating for anyone with self-esteem or confidence issues.
I'm not on commission lol but the Meetup site is a better way to widen a circle of friends with similar interests.
Sleeping with hundreds of people means you've have a good, successful youth, does it? I just don't get it.
Don't get me wrong, I'm extremely depressed with where I am in life and relate to the title very much, but people being unhappy within themselves because they're unsuccessful at bedding a girl...? There's so much more to life, please don't put all your self-worth onto how many women you've slept with.
I was an only child, no cousins etc and as a result its made me a bit of a loaner, I was in my 20's before I had my first GF. I under performed at school thinking I didn't deserver to do good, that I wasn't smart enough or good enough. As a result life has been a struggle floating from one crappy job to the next and having to deal with bullying and life's ******* along the way. I've never been able to do or achieve what most people in life take for granted such as getting married, travelling, getting a mortgage or even something very basic as having friends.
But as I say its a vicious cycle, you have to put up that stop sign once find yourself going down that path of self pity. Focus on what you do have in life rather than what you don't and be grateful for it, One grateful though will attract another.
And close thread.
No one can change your life but you. You don't like those things, then go out and change them, with help if you need to. But it aint gonna change if you do nothing.
You can't pin all your woes on being an only child.
There are absolutely thousands of us who socialise perfectly well and live fulfilled lives.
I'll raise a glass to that!
Wine-a lovely glass or so has been a shining light at the end of some utterly crap days.
I'm not single, I am middle aged, I think the stupor is of universal benefit.
Don't be too hard on him, and read the next bit. It's not just being an only child, it's the fact he had no cousins either. It was the same for me - only child, no cousins, AND no other children in my life before I started school. When I DID start school, I only generally saw them inside school, as none lived within walking distance.
This made for an upbringing that was far from healthy, in my view. Children need to play with other children from a very young age to build social skills/relationships. That fact was largely lost on both my parents, who seemed to think that giving me a few toys and a TV was enough.
When u suffer mental health problems and low self steam ita easier said then done I can't just flick a switch and make myself happy and confident
I didn't say that though and as far as I can see the OP hasn't mentioned mental health problems....
I think this post shows that essentially the OP and people like ebony hamster really only have themselves to blame for their crappy lives. Even if you get dealt a bad hand, with illness, job loss, or whatever, its your choice how you let that affect your life.
Some people seem to enjoy wallowing in self pity.
I know exactly what you mean, if only it was that easy, like the idiots who tell depressed people to pull themselves together or to man up, if it was that easy to feel better they would
it is not helpful and could end up making people feel worse
Life's about what you're thinking now, this very moment, not about the past or future. You can make it good or bad.
This is exactly the issue. We are filled this crap from our parents growing up that if you do this or that life will be perfect. As you say it sadly doesn't work like.
You make a valid point, all we really have is the now, the past doesn't exist as its in the past, the future doesn't exist as it hasn't happened yet so all we really have is the now.
Don't I know it.