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Do you think i am doing the right thing ignoring him?
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[Deleted User]
Posts: 6 Forum Member
Hey all,
I heard from a friend of mine this is a good forum for advice so i decided to post here. I am sorry the story is rather long, but i need to include all info.
A couple of months ago my husband and i separated. During this time i had met another guy that i started to have feelings for. The timing wasn't the best, but i really liked him and we continued to talk. He sent many mixed messages that had me confused, especially in my current state with feeling lots of emotions from the separation. I was so very relieved when my husband and i split as i had been unhappy for so long, but moving out and everything was still not easy.
We continued to talk for a while, and this guy seemed very interested in me. I started to feel like he could offer me everything i had lacked with my husband for so long. After a few dates, he started acting very distant and told me he had no interest in a relationship and just wanted to be friends. He said he found me attractive, wouldn’t mind being physical, enjoyed my company, and really liked me as a friend and wanted to continue our friendship. Another thing that confused me after saying all this is he would get jealous of other guy friends i had which i never really understood. After thinking that this guy just wanted to sleep with me and confiding in a male friend of mine about this guy and how i felt confused of his behavior if he only wanted to be friends (flirting still, complimenting me, getting jealous over other guys), he told me the only real way i would know if he had any feelings about me and was for some strange reason lying to himself (although doubtful), or wanting to know if he really was just using friendship with me as a way to sleep with me, the best thing would be distance myself to see what his real feelings were.
On Monday he sent me some messages through Facebook messenger (this is how we usually communicate), and i read them but never responded. This was in the morning (i would say around 11am). It got to about midnight and i just happened to update my status, and he just messaged me going into one. He said i was being rude and clearly was ignoring him and he said i was being a d*** to him. He then said this means we are done so goodbye, and with that he defriended me. I couldn’t actually believe he got that mad about me not replying to him, especially as he has gone a whole weekend before not saying anything. I sent him a message saying “are you actually serious?” and he came back just saying he was just over my randomness.
Being the idiot i am i continued to talk to him through messenger and told him i was sorry that he felt i was purposely ignoring him. I told him i was just sick of him telling me he didn’t want a romantic relationship with me, but he constantly complimented me on how perfect i was as a girl, flirting with me, even at one point listing all the things he loved about me. I just thought to myself friends need to set some boundaries, and doing all those things is not right. I said to him “would you be interested in fwb?” to which he replied “hell yeah.”
With that i just decided that is all he wanted after insisting it wasn’t for so long, and constantly playing games and with my emotions for months and i couldn’t be bothered with at all anymore, so i blocked him. I was pretty surprised he just admitted it like that. Maybe he thought i was asking as that is what i wanted. My guy friend told me he guaranteed because i just blocked him without an explanation he would contact me some other way to ask what happened, and he sort of did. He text me saying “Oh you blocked me, and you tricked me into saying i wanted a fwb to confirm to yourself i wasn’t a very nice person, i didn’t know you were capable of being so deceitful.” I ignored it and never replied. My guy friend told me he thought that he was basically just telling me i tricked myself into believing that was what he wanted but it wasn’t, and that i probably wouldn’t hear from him ever again. 4 hours later, i got a text message that said “babe.” I ignored that too and then there was a day of silence. I was convinced he had given up only to get a message Thursday morning that said “are you still not talking to me?”
Do you think i am doing the right thing not responding to these messages? This guy played with my emotions which isn’t really what friends do to friends. He told me he had no desire for a romantic relationship with me because he didn’t think we were each others types. We know he wouldn’t have minded sleeping with me, but i basically figured out his intentions and blocked him basically revealing to him that i would never do that and didn’t want to talk. I really did fall hard for this guy. I am not sure if it was because he was the first guy that i liked after my marriage failed, but i do not know why continued to reach out. It is so hard not to respond back either. I am wondering if the last text was confirmation to himself that i was really gone and he won't try again? I just feel totally gutted. I thought this guy could have possibly been the one for me after my bad marriage, only for it to end badly too.
I heard from a friend of mine this is a good forum for advice so i decided to post here. I am sorry the story is rather long, but i need to include all info.
A couple of months ago my husband and i separated. During this time i had met another guy that i started to have feelings for. The timing wasn't the best, but i really liked him and we continued to talk. He sent many mixed messages that had me confused, especially in my current state with feeling lots of emotions from the separation. I was so very relieved when my husband and i split as i had been unhappy for so long, but moving out and everything was still not easy.
We continued to talk for a while, and this guy seemed very interested in me. I started to feel like he could offer me everything i had lacked with my husband for so long. After a few dates, he started acting very distant and told me he had no interest in a relationship and just wanted to be friends. He said he found me attractive, wouldn’t mind being physical, enjoyed my company, and really liked me as a friend and wanted to continue our friendship. Another thing that confused me after saying all this is he would get jealous of other guy friends i had which i never really understood. After thinking that this guy just wanted to sleep with me and confiding in a male friend of mine about this guy and how i felt confused of his behavior if he only wanted to be friends (flirting still, complimenting me, getting jealous over other guys), he told me the only real way i would know if he had any feelings about me and was for some strange reason lying to himself (although doubtful), or wanting to know if he really was just using friendship with me as a way to sleep with me, the best thing would be distance myself to see what his real feelings were.
On Monday he sent me some messages through Facebook messenger (this is how we usually communicate), and i read them but never responded. This was in the morning (i would say around 11am). It got to about midnight and i just happened to update my status, and he just messaged me going into one. He said i was being rude and clearly was ignoring him and he said i was being a d*** to him. He then said this means we are done so goodbye, and with that he defriended me. I couldn’t actually believe he got that mad about me not replying to him, especially as he has gone a whole weekend before not saying anything. I sent him a message saying “are you actually serious?” and he came back just saying he was just over my randomness.
Being the idiot i am i continued to talk to him through messenger and told him i was sorry that he felt i was purposely ignoring him. I told him i was just sick of him telling me he didn’t want a romantic relationship with me, but he constantly complimented me on how perfect i was as a girl, flirting with me, even at one point listing all the things he loved about me. I just thought to myself friends need to set some boundaries, and doing all those things is not right. I said to him “would you be interested in fwb?” to which he replied “hell yeah.”
With that i just decided that is all he wanted after insisting it wasn’t for so long, and constantly playing games and with my emotions for months and i couldn’t be bothered with at all anymore, so i blocked him. I was pretty surprised he just admitted it like that. Maybe he thought i was asking as that is what i wanted. My guy friend told me he guaranteed because i just blocked him without an explanation he would contact me some other way to ask what happened, and he sort of did. He text me saying “Oh you blocked me, and you tricked me into saying i wanted a fwb to confirm to yourself i wasn’t a very nice person, i didn’t know you were capable of being so deceitful.” I ignored it and never replied. My guy friend told me he thought that he was basically just telling me i tricked myself into believing that was what he wanted but it wasn’t, and that i probably wouldn’t hear from him ever again. 4 hours later, i got a text message that said “babe.” I ignored that too and then there was a day of silence. I was convinced he had given up only to get a message Thursday morning that said “are you still not talking to me?”
Do you think i am doing the right thing not responding to these messages? This guy played with my emotions which isn’t really what friends do to friends. He told me he had no desire for a romantic relationship with me because he didn’t think we were each others types. We know he wouldn’t have minded sleeping with me, but i basically figured out his intentions and blocked him basically revealing to him that i would never do that and didn’t want to talk. I really did fall hard for this guy. I am not sure if it was because he was the first guy that i liked after my marriage failed, but i do not know why continued to reach out. It is so hard not to respond back either. I am wondering if the last text was confirmation to himself that i was really gone and he won't try again? I just feel totally gutted. I thought this guy could have possibly been the one for me after my bad marriage, only for it to end badly too.
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Comments
No relationship should be this hard, particularly in early stages.
You've only just split up with your husband - instead of jumping in with someone else, and looking for them to provide your happiness and 'everything you had lacked with your husband for so long', find it for yourself before you embark on a new relationship - then you won't feel the need to invest so heavily at such an early stage, which really helps when sorting the decent men from, well, ones like this.
And yes, in case it wasn't clear, ignore this idiot's messages. Block him on your phone too if possible. He's a waste of time and will never be what you want him to be, and continued contact with him will make you miserable.
Yes, the bloke's a complete prick.
And there is the problem...
Conducting a relationship over FB... Geddit?
You will need to stay strong and not get sucked into his games. He sounds incredibly emotionally immature.
Facebook. Never a good idea to become facebook friends until you are in a stable relationship.
I was in a situation a bit like this. He had some genuine problems of his own, but it's totally draining. It went on for years, on and off, and I wasted so much time and energy for little in return. Do yourself a favour, have some self respect ( I mean that it in the nicest possible way), and don't get any further into it.
Good luck x
I would steer well clear until you are feeling more emotionally stable, because splitting up with your husband, even if it was something you wanted, will still be upsetting as you deal with the aftermath of it all. Take some time out for you, put yourself and your needs first and don't settle for second best.
Exactly this, its only been a few months and I suspect you are still pretty vulnerable. Steer clear of this guy and give yourself a chance to sort yourself out first before getting involved with anybody else.
So yes you did the right thing.
I'm not even going into facebook every 2 minutes, nor checking the e mail account I use for fb, so don't always even know that somebody has inboxed me.
As for this guy. OP, he sounds like a waste of time. Ditch now.
Personally, I'd not pursue this person any longer. It's too much effort, for no tangible or even predictable return.
In fact, the reasonably honest approach is for you to ask him if he wants 'fwb' and him to just say yes or no. What you should also be able to say is if that is what you want or not, rather than block him on facebook or play other games as per the direction of your other male friend.
Don't dance around it, or hint, or whatever. Decide what you want out of life and then just be honest with people.
I do understand how at the end of a marriage, you are vulnerable to being wanted, but he doesn't want to look after you or help you rebuild your life.
He wants to have sex.
I suggest that you respond to say simply that you appreciate he has been honest with you and don't think badly of him, but that at the current time you need clear uncomplicated friendships around you and you hope he will respect that.
Then stop all contact.
And spend some time making yourself happy.
You need to be on your own without any complications
Good luck
Then trying to make you feel guilty cos you won't do it.