My dad died suddenly when I was 16, my brothers were 19, 15 & 13 respectively. He loved us all very much and I am sure leaving us was something that went through his mind from time to time. However, he need not have worried.
Life goes on and each of vowed to make dad proud of us and we all did. We all prospered and found our niche in life....eventually. Since then I have lost a child, Mum has gone and my older brother has gone too.
Life continues and we move on painfully at first but with increasing strength.
In life we are in death.....it really is nothing to fear. The best thing you can do before you die is to LIVE in your own each individual way.
:):)
That was by far the best post I have read all week.
Both beautiful and profound - than you very much WinterLily.
I miss terribly those who have passed on, especially my nan, my sister and this year, my mother.
Without being religious I've always assumed life continues after the physical body passes away. My body isn't me today any more than the body I had as a child was. What's me is always the same.
My dad died suddenly when I was 16, my brothers were 19, 15 & 13 respectively. He loved us all very much and I am sure leaving us was something that went through his mind from time to time. However, he need not have worried.
Life goes on and each of vowed to make dad proud of us and we all did. We all prospered and found our niche in life....eventually. Since then I have lost a child, Mum has gone and my older brother has gone too.
Life continues and we move on painfully at first but with increasing strength.
In life we are in death.....it really is nothing to fear. The best thing you can do before you die is to LIVE in your own each individual way.
:):)
Yes I also say thank you love.xx
Life does go on and we learn to live with the pain, it does ease and we can remember the goodness.:)
I miss terribly those who have passed on, especially my nan, my sister and this year, my mother.
Without being religious I've always assumed life continues after the physical body passes away. My body isn't me today any more than the body I had as a child was. What's me is always the same.
Lovely words. Those we loved we will always love. Of course we miss them......
I believe I am going to Heaven so, as odd as it may sound, I am in a way looking forward to it! Having lost someone close to me for the first time in my life this year, I now know what it's like to be one of the people you "leave behind" when you go and it is very surreal.
I try not to think about Death too much cause it's depressing. I instead like to think about life, and all that there is to live for. When our time is up, that's it, we're done, our existence in this universe is over and we are no more.
Might as well enjoy the time we're given and use it to better the lives of others whilst we can. Death can be hard, I know, and everyone copes in very different ways; back some three or four years ago I lost both my Gran and Nan within the space of three months, and then my Gramp two years after that. The loss of my Gran, and later Gramp hit my Mum hard (she was especially close to her Dad) though the effect of my Nan's death didn't so much affect my Dad (not that he didn't grieve in his own way, but my Mum is far more emotional).
My Grans death was expected, she took a turn for the worse for some reason and pretty much gave up on life. I can't remember the reason for that now. My Nans death was sudden, she had a fall, and was recovering from that, and then took turn for the worse when in hospital (I believe it was negligence on behalf of the staff who should have previously took some scans that they didn't do).
Then there was my Gramp, he had Cancer (early stages), thankfully it was caught in time, though he deteriorated when in hospital and caught a bunch of other infections. Following his release, he was in and out of hospital more times than I care to remember, and started to deteriorate himself. I guess in the end it just got to much for him. Weirdly, it wasn't until he was admitted to hospital that he became worse. Before he underwent surgery he was still right as rain, not so much afterward.
I didn't have a whole lot to do with my Nan, there was a stage where she got a weekly visit for an hour or so, but (without sounding harsh) she was more concerned with having company, regardless of who it was. She had 7 children, and 13+ grandchildren, and then some great grandchildren (though I can't remember how many, I wouldn't say that side of the family is a close one, but she always had visitors).
My Mum's parents though (my Gran and Gramp) seemed to have a closer connection with me and my brother; my Gramp especially. There are times when I miss them all, and other times when I wish I'd have been more involved, especially into the later years. Alas, the memories will live on. I do think (hopefully it's a long way off yet) but the death of my parents will hit me harder than my brother.
I never knew my Dad's Dad, though I suppose, he didn't know him as much as he'd have liked either. My Dad's Dad passed away when my Dad was (I think) 15, though he did have his brothers and sisters to support him (he was the youngest of 7).
It's weird to me. Sometimes I'll think about it late at night in bed and have this AWFUL dread/sick feeling in my stomach and it's so helpless knowing that there's nothing me nor anyone else on the planet can do to stop me from dying. You hear about all these "near death experiences" and people "returning in dreams" and stuff and it sounds beautiful and so comforting and you just hope that there is something else waiting for us (preferably something good ) after death.
I mean, I have friends and a family...I have a body, I have hands and legs and went to school and have a house and have a voice and a mindset and clothes and a birthday and have so many memories throughout my life from primary school up until now and to think that it's all going to end one day and leave me with nothing is pretty upsetting. I only know life as MY life. I don't want it to end. No matter how depressing it gets or how sad I am, I want to breathe and see people and talk and experience being alive. I don't want to be in a coffin one day dead.
Its not quite that simple for those that are dying in a very painful & unpleasant way, the eventuality is a fact, its what happens before you terminate can be worrying.
In answer to the OPs question, I find it sad and miss people when they die (my close friend and me granddad who I was really close to for example), but I'm not scared by death and I couldn't give a toss bout it tbh. When my friend died at aged 20 all our other friends were breaking down in tears and really distressed by it. Whilst I was incredibly sad, wanted answers and missed him immensely, I didn't cry or fear of death myself - its just not in my nature. Not sure why.
Death is death! EVERYONE and everything dies at some point, its inevitable so there's no point being scared of it. All you can do is have as much fun and experience as much as possible before your time comes. Why waste your life being scared of death?
I live everyday like its my last and I get strange looks from other people as a result but I don't care - I want to have as much fun etc as possible before I fall off the perch.
TBH though I'd rather burn out whilst I'm middle aged or young then when I'm old. I'd hate to be so old I'd have to find stuff to fill my day with and so old and ill that couldn't wipe me own arse or feed meself. I'd rather crash and burn before then..... Me friends all seem to think I'll outlive them all though
My parents are both nearly ninety and my mother keeps saying how both me and my sister should be attending to their needs far more than visiting once a day.
The trouble is that what they both don't take into account is that their parents died when they were much younger than we are now, meaning that they were able to travel all over the country at our age and enjoy themselves.
It might seem selfish, but I do feel that there's a probability that by looking after them, I will be sacrificing my own chance to do anything with the remaining period of my life which coincides with the time when they were enjoying their later years.
The thought of it enters my head more often as I grow older. With all my old friends and family dead or moved away I sometimes feel there's little to live for so that may help soften the blow when the time comes.
My parents are both nearly ninety and my mother keeps saying how both me and my sister should be attending to their needs far more than visiting once a day.
The trouble is that what they both don't take into account is that their parents died when they were much younger than we are now, meaning that they were able to travel all over the country at our age and enjoy themselves.
It might seem selfish, but I do feel that there's a probability that by looking after them, I will be sacrificing my own chance to do anything with the remaining period of my life which coincides with the time when they were enjoying their later years.
I understand what you're saying. That's the way the cards have fallen for your family. Do you feel they already have sufficient care? If not can you and your sister not organise some kind of "getaway" rota? So only half the time of the freedom you expected is taken up? There's also respite care, which we used before any permanent care homes were needed.(Dementia)
Comments
That was by far the best post I have read all week.
Both beautiful and profound - than you very much WinterLily.
Thank you for your understanding....
Without being religious I've always assumed life continues after the physical body passes away. My body isn't me today any more than the body I had as a child was. What's me is always the same.
Thank you too.
Yes I also say thank you love.xx
Life does go on and we learn to live with the pain, it does ease and we can remember the goodness.:)
That is very kind of you....the path to such understanding is painful but so worth it.
As is life....:)
Lovely words. Those we loved we will always love. Of course we miss them......
You are not alone...
So true anne....thank you.
But you will get to meet the lovely, cuddly Yahweh - what's not to look forward to? ;-)
I can't believe no-one else has posted this...
I'd rather die peacefully in my sleep like my father, and not screaming in terror like the passengers on his bus
Might as well enjoy the time we're given and use it to better the lives of others whilst we can. Death can be hard, I know, and everyone copes in very different ways; back some three or four years ago I lost both my Gran and Nan within the space of three months, and then my Gramp two years after that. The loss of my Gran, and later Gramp hit my Mum hard (she was especially close to her Dad) though the effect of my Nan's death didn't so much affect my Dad (not that he didn't grieve in his own way, but my Mum is far more emotional).
My Grans death was expected, she took a turn for the worse for some reason and pretty much gave up on life. I can't remember the reason for that now. My Nans death was sudden, she had a fall, and was recovering from that, and then took turn for the worse when in hospital (I believe it was negligence on behalf of the staff who should have previously took some scans that they didn't do).
Then there was my Gramp, he had Cancer (early stages), thankfully it was caught in time, though he deteriorated when in hospital and caught a bunch of other infections. Following his release, he was in and out of hospital more times than I care to remember, and started to deteriorate himself. I guess in the end it just got to much for him. Weirdly, it wasn't until he was admitted to hospital that he became worse. Before he underwent surgery he was still right as rain, not so much afterward.
I didn't have a whole lot to do with my Nan, there was a stage where she got a weekly visit for an hour or so, but (without sounding harsh) she was more concerned with having company, regardless of who it was. She had 7 children, and 13+ grandchildren, and then some great grandchildren (though I can't remember how many, I wouldn't say that side of the family is a close one, but she always had visitors).
My Mum's parents though (my Gran and Gramp) seemed to have a closer connection with me and my brother; my Gramp especially. There are times when I miss them all, and other times when I wish I'd have been more involved, especially into the later years. Alas, the memories will live on. I do think (hopefully it's a long way off yet) but the death of my parents will hit me harder than my brother.
I never knew my Dad's Dad, though I suppose, he didn't know him as much as he'd have liked either. My Dad's Dad passed away when my Dad was (I think) 15, though he did have his brothers and sisters to support him (he was the youngest of 7).
I mean, I have friends and a family...I have a body, I have hands and legs and went to school and have a house and have a voice and a mindset and clothes and a birthday and have so many memories throughout my life from primary school up until now and to think that it's all going to end one day and leave me with nothing is pretty upsetting.
^^ Haha....
In answer to the OPs question, I find it sad and miss people when they die (my close friend and me granddad who I was really close to for example), but I'm not scared by death and I couldn't give a toss bout it tbh. When my friend died at aged 20 all our other friends were breaking down in tears and really distressed by it. Whilst I was incredibly sad, wanted answers and missed him immensely, I didn't cry or fear of death myself - its just not in my nature. Not sure why.
Death is death! EVERYONE and everything dies at some point, its inevitable so there's no point being scared of it. All you can do is have as much fun and experience as much as possible before your time comes. Why waste your life being scared of death?
I live everyday like its my last and I get strange looks from other people as a result but I don't care - I want to have as much fun etc as possible before I fall off the perch.
TBH though I'd rather burn out whilst I'm middle aged or young then when I'm old. I'd hate to be so old I'd have to find stuff to fill my day with and so old and ill that couldn't wipe me own arse or feed meself. I'd rather crash and burn before then..... Me friends all seem to think I'll outlive them all though
Ha!!!
The trouble is that what they both don't take into account is that their parents died when they were much younger than we are now, meaning that they were able to travel all over the country at our age and enjoy themselves.
It might seem selfish, but I do feel that there's a probability that by looking after them, I will be sacrificing my own chance to do anything with the remaining period of my life which coincides with the time when they were enjoying their later years.
I understand what you're saying. That's the way the cards have fallen for your family. Do you feel they already have sufficient care? If not can you and your sister not organise some kind of "getaway" rota? So only half the time of the freedom you expected is taken up? There's also respite care, which we used before any permanent care homes were needed.(Dementia)