great phrase from viz to describe the sensation mentioned earlier of your stomach growling then needing to poo right away. "aslan is on the move". a "brown laser" is their term for a really watery poo that comes out very quickly
Loosely related to this topic, at our junior school we often had assemblies where parents came to watch. One time a lad stood up, piece of paper clutched firmly in his hand, then proceeded to cry as pebbles of poo fell out the legs of his trousers onto the stage. Needless to say we got mileage out of that one well into senior school too.....
I've remembered another case of the silent but deadly gas, when I was at Secondary School. I'd had a bad stomach all day and was sat working at the table with a couple of others. The teacher came over to check our work. As soon as he did, he exclaimed loudly "Ugh! What's that SMELL?! That's disgusting!". I said nothing and let the others argue amongst themselves over which one of them was the culprit!
This is my favourite story! The image of it is hilarious!
Brilliant!
Ha ha! Did you see people going in there afterwards and feel embarrassed or did you just get out as quickly as possible??
The loo was on the 6th floor and I work on the third!
I suffer from IBS I was in morrisons and yes you guess the dreaded stomach pains I had to go in the toliet.... When I got in there nobody was there so I let the world fall out of me the noise was terrible and the smell was the type to knock you down... it wasn't just the runs it was rusty ring water.... flushed went to wash my hands and you guessed it 2 old women standing there shaking their heads
The second one was when I was a Student Rep at a Summer School in Stirling. One of the OU students had a massive poo behind the coke machine which was on a bridge between the bars and the student accommodation. I was called in to the office of the Open University bosses and told that they knew who it ws from CCTV and that there had to be an investigation. They were all very posh and kept using biological words for what had happened which just gave me a fit of the giggles, the student involved said he wanted compensation from the University because it was their food that had made him need an urgent crap.
What he never explained was why he actually pulled the machine away from the wall and crapped behind it, when in the time it took him to do that, he could have got to the toilets about ten yards away. Sadly, he was thrown off campus and failed his year because of it, I thought that was very harsh, but I will never forget the very prim and proper Open University Lady talking about defication with a look on her face like she could smell it!
Good! What an animal! Just not acceptable!
The thing is I find that a lot of public toilets/office toilets just don't flush anything away! It's not for want of trying! This is why I stopped pooing at work...
hubby is a postman driver, one of his colleagues pooed himself between offices IN the lorry, he rushed out of the lorry when he got to the office he was taking mail to, and tried to clean himself up, leaving a poo-ey mess all over their toilet floor and walls
he drove back in lorry, and went home sick, the postman needing to use the lorry in the morning refused to use it because of the smell, it was sent off to the workshop where they swapped the wet poo-ey seat for a new one:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:
I'll confess to one. I ate Burger King for lunch one day a couple of weeks ago. Big mistake because Burger King always makes me need a poo. ."
Very true. A friend of mine had a burger king at Alton Towers shortly before going on Nemesis for the very first time.
We had to give him a good few mins in the loo afterwards.
A complete waste of money and enjoyment as the burger really wasn't in his system for very long!!
He said Nemesis had pushed it right out of him!
I was staying over at a friend's a few weeks back and we had a CD on low in the background, she announced that she needed to go to the toilet for a poo so I was like Okay then, go!
Anyway she said turn the volume up on the CD so "you can't hear" so I did. Anyway as track one finished and there was a 3-5 second pause between tracks, I just heard *PLOP* and started laughing. Bad timing if ever there was any
I was staying over at a friend's a few weeks back and we had a CD on low in the background, she announced that she needed to go to the toilet for a poo so I was like Okay then, go!
Anyway she said turn the volume up on the CD so "you can't hear" so I did. Anyway as track one finished and there was a 3-5 second pause between tracks, I just heard *PLOP* and started laughing. Bad timing if ever there was any
her rooms must be like paper thin to hear her plopping..tell her to put paper down first..wont hear any ploppin noises then lol
Loosely related to this topic, at our junior school we often had assemblies where parents came to watch. One time a lad stood up, piece of paper clutched firmly in his hand, then proceeded to cry as pebbles of poo fell out the legs of his trousers onto the stage. Needless to say we got mileage out of that one well into senior school too.....
My dad told me a story about a toilet at his work that had been out of action for a while and the door had been locked. About 3 weeks later a plumber was called for. My dad happened to be in the urinal area as the plumber was investigating. The plumber suddenly shouted to my dad to come and have a look at what he found. The turd that had been left in the toilet had a tomato plant growing from it :eek::eek:
On a more personal note I was once in Asda and produced what could only be described as a tree trunk. It failed to flush but worse still the bowl filled with water. I beat a hasty retreat but a dad and young child were waiting to enter. I dread to thing of their response
Hilarious thread. The plumber suddenly shouted to my dad to come and have a look at what he found. The turd that had been left in the toilet had a tomato plant growing from it :eek::eek:
I'me just back home from my works do'
reading that has made a good night an awesome night,
thank you !
I don't really understand why anybody would get embarrased about the sound of poo in a toilet. I mean, that is what they are there for!! I squit loud and proud every day at work. Sometimes 3 or 4 times in a day. I also once stood up in the office and got everybodys attention. I then loudly farted and then sat down laughing hysterically. The consensus was split pretty evenly between those people with a sense of humour, and those knob jockeys without.
Do you live in a small town in South Staffordshire and were you wearing a sheepskin coat at time. if so I know who you are and claim my £5. Or £10 to keep my mouth shut.:D
No...me neither! If I even sense there's someone nearby, forget it!!
We had a lad on scout camp that didn't go for four days! I thought he looked a bit uncomfortable and when his mom told me, I couldn't help but laugh - we had a portaloo installed for the camp for goodness sake and he wouldn't even use that!
Oddest time of all was on a boat; I went to the loo and when I went into the ladies room, all I could hear was 'uughh, aaagh' and various other groans and straining sounds. 'Disgusting' I thought. And on it went, over and over again. Finally, I felt concerned so went over to the cubicle to check she was okay but the door was open and she was sitting on the floor, hanging over the loo and dry heaving - I must have a mucky mind
My dad told me a story about a toilet at his work that had been out of action for a while and the door had been locked. About 3 weeks later a plumber was called for. My dad happened to be in the urinal area as the plumber was investigating. The plumber suddenly shouted to my dad to come and have a look at what he found. The turd that had been left in the toilet had a tomato plant growing from it :eek::eek:
On a more personal note I was once in Asda and produced what could only be described as a tree trunk. It failed to flush but worse still the bowl filled with water. I beat a hasty retreat but a dad and young child were waiting to enter. I dread to thing of their response
I love my morning dump at work. I get in very early, well before most people, so generally have the toilets to myself and a nice clean bowl to destroy!
Me too. It's like a free poo. Hardly ever have a buy toilet roll for the house!
My dad told me a story about a toilet at his work that had been out of action for a while and the door had been locked. About 3 weeks later a plumber was called for. My dad happened to be in the urinal area as the plumber was investigating. The plumber suddenly shouted to my dad to come and have a look at what he found. The turd that had been left in the toilet had a tomato plant growing from it :eek::eek:
On a more personal note I was once in Asda and produced what could only be described as a tree trunk. It failed to flush but worse still the bowl filled with water. I beat a hasty retreat but a dad and young child were waiting to enter. I dread to thing of their response
Comments
Thought it was just me that did that! So private and don't have to listen to others!
Coincidentally, Graham Norton is having a moan about the state of the BBC loos on his Radio 2 show.
The loo was on the 6th floor and I work on the third!
This has got to be the best description ever!
But why a duck?
This thread is so funny!
It was a sort of quacking sound, that's the only way I can describe the noise coming from the cubicle
Good! What an animal! Just not acceptable!
The thing is I find that a lot of public toilets/office toilets just don't flush anything away! It's not for want of trying! This is why I stopped pooing at work...
he drove back in lorry, and went home sick, the postman needing to use the lorry in the morning refused to use it because of the smell, it was sent off to the workshop where they swapped the wet poo-ey seat for a new one:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:
Very true. A friend of mine had a burger king at Alton Towers shortly before going on Nemesis for the very first time.
We had to give him a good few mins in the loo afterwards.
A complete waste of money and enjoyment as the burger really wasn't in his system for very long!!
He said Nemesis had pushed it right out of him!
Anyway she said turn the volume up on the CD so "you can't hear" so I did. Anyway as track one finished and there was a 3-5 second pause between tracks, I just heard *PLOP* and started laughing. Bad timing if ever there was any
her rooms must be like paper thin to hear her plopping..tell her to put paper down first..wont hear any ploppin noises then lol
This is the DS post of 2012.
My loud burps sound (I do quiet too, just in case
My dad told me a story about a toilet at his work that had been out of action for a while and the door had been locked. About 3 weeks later a plumber was called for. My dad happened to be in the urinal area as the plumber was investigating. The plumber suddenly shouted to my dad to come and have a look at what he found. The turd that had been left in the toilet had a tomato plant growing from it :eek::eek:
On a more personal note I was once in Asda and produced what could only be described as a tree trunk. It failed to flush but worse still the bowl filled with water. I beat a hasty retreat but a dad and young child were waiting to enter. I dread to thing of their response
I'me just back home from my works do'
reading that has made a good night an awesome night,
thank you !
Nope, it was when I lived in West Midlands !
We had a lad on scout camp that didn't go for four days! I thought he looked a bit uncomfortable and when his mom told me, I couldn't help but laugh - we had a portaloo installed for the camp for goodness sake and he wouldn't even use that!
Oddest time of all was on a boat; I went to the loo and when I went into the ladies room, all I could hear was 'uughh, aaagh' and various other groans and straining sounds. 'Disgusting' I thought. And on it went, over and over again. Finally, I felt concerned so went over to the cubicle to check she was okay but the door was open and she was sitting on the floor, hanging over the loo and dry heaving - I must have a mucky mind
Agree Its a very funny thread, amazing how toilet humour makes us laugh:)
.... That's put me right off my BLT.
Me too. It's like a free poo. Hardly ever have a buy toilet roll for the house!
OMG! LOL :eek::eek: