1 my mate climbing 30metres up a tree and then dropping a turd with the cry of bombs away and seeing the brown parcel free falling to earth will always be there.
2 At college we used to try and up set the other serious users. method one spot an occupied cubicle, you and a friend take one stall each side and groan and strain for England including banging the toilet walls in fake agony, to see if you could put the occupier off their game.
3 start in a stall and wait for a victim, take with you a large bucket of water and several sponges.
When the victim come into the toilet start the sound effects of pain and strain, as you reach a crescendo drop one or more soaked sponges into the bucket ensuring the sounds of impact reverberated through the toilet.
Variation as above but make the sound of vomiting and pour amount of water in the toilet from a great height ( on one occasion an Asian lad came in during this process and left looking a pale shade of Scottish only a few seconds later.
If this stream continues I will tell you of the sulphur tablets Dutch auction game and the effects!
I remember a few years ago In Tennerife, I had to use the toilet in a rather undesirable restaurant. I flushed the toilet and to my horror the water started rising to the top of the bowl, along with my poop. I ended up running out of the cubicle chased by my own filth.
In my office these phantom turds are referred to as "an incident in the toilets".
Someone has been doing poos on the floor and smearing turd all over the walls for the best part of ten years supposedly. Every 2 years the urge to do a big log on the floor overwhelms them. Because the cleaners refused to clean it the two big bosses had to, which was amusing.
You just assume the people who surround you are normal but actually most of them are far from it.
1 my mate climbing 30metres up a tree and then dropping a turd with the cry of bombs away and seeing the brown parcel free falling to earth will always be there.
2 At college we used to try and up set the other serious users. method one spot an occupied cubicle, you and a friend take one stall each side and groan and strain for England including banging the toilet walls in fake agony, to see if you could put the occupier off their game.
3 start in a stall and wait for a victim, take with you a large bucket of water and several sponges.
When the victim come into the toilet start the sound effects of pain and strain, as you reach a crescendo drop one or more soaked sponges into the bucket ensuring the sounds of impact reverberated through the toilet.
Variation as above but make the sound of vomiting and pour amount of water in the toilet from a great height ( on one occasion an Asian lad came in during this process and left looking a pale shade of Scottish only a few seconds later.
If this stream continues I will tell you of the sulphur tablets Dutch auction game and the effects!
Got caught short on brick lane once, after trying noodles for the first time the night before. Queues were a mile long, had to use the porter loo instead, quite clear hippies have no concept of the flush.
I heard a story about a local student's halls of residence where they had a nice little game.
They'd put a plate on the floor and then go up to the top of the stairwell, stick their rear ends over the rail and see who could crap on the plate. The scary bit was they were all trainee teachers :eek:
I recall having an extended lunch with a colleague several years ago. When he went to pay the bill, he started squirming and wouldn't hold still. He hastily signed the receipt (this was just before chip and pin was introduced) and ran out to the car. When I got there he was jumping about and screamed at me to get in the driver's seat. When I asked him what was wrong, he told me he needed to shit and couldn't go in the restaurant toilets. We were close to his house, and I agreed to drive him home.
We got about 300 yards down the road when he started letting rip. The car filled up with the most pungent, eye-watering shit smell. He was obviously unable to control himself, and kept shitting more and more. He was shouting that he couldn't get out of the car because his neighbours would see the shit stains, and began pleading with me to take him back to the office (which was closed at this point).
With the greatest reluctance, I began the five mile trip to the office. I swear that he let out more shit every time we hit a roundabout. Between trying not to laugh and hang my head out the window, his trousers filled up with increasing volumes of shit. When we reached the office, I was nearly hysterical. My car had been shat out and to top it off, as he walked into the building, he had a big brown diamond shape in the seat of his trousers and trails of it down his legs.
He flung his house keys into the car and asked me to get him clean clothes. I had to drive around with a black bin bag on the passenger seat, and try and find him clean clothes. When I got back to the office, I followed the trail of shit into the toilets. There was literally shit on the floor, up the walls, all over the toilet and in the car park. How he could continue filling the toilet with more shit I don't know.
When I got back to the office the next day, the entire building reeked of shit. I pity the cleaner who had to go in there after him, it was one of the worst things that I've ever seen. Strangely enough, we never did go for another meal after that.
I recall having an extended lunch with a colleague several years ago. When he went to pay the bill, he started squirming and wouldn't hold still. He hastily signed the receipt (this was just before chip and pin was introduced) and ran out to the car. When I got there he was jumping about and screamed at me to get in the driver's seat. When I asked him what was wrong, he told me he needed to shit and couldn't go in the restaurant toilets. We were close to his house, and I agreed to drive him home.
We got about 300 yards down the road when he started letting rip. The car filled up with the most pungent, eye-watering shit smell. He was obviously unable to control himself, and kept shitting more and more. He was shouting that he couldn't get out of the car because his neighbours would see the shit stains, and began pleading with me to take him back to the office (which was closed at this point).
With the greatest reluctance, I began the five mile trip to the office. I swear that he let out more shit every time we hit a roundabout. Between trying not to laugh and hang my head out the window, his trousers filled up with increasing volumes of shit. When we reached the office, I was nearly hysterical. My car had been shat out and to top it off, as he walked into the building, he had a big brown diamond shape in the seat of his trousers and trails of it down his legs.
He flung his house keys into the car and asked me to get him clean clothes. I had to drive around with a black bin bag on the passenger seat, and try and find him clean clothes. When I got back to the office, I followed the trail of shit into the toilets. There was literally shit on the floor, up the walls, all over the toilet and in the car park. How he could continue filling the toilet with more shit I don't know.
When I got back to the office the next day, the entire building reeked of shit. I pity the cleaner who had to go in there after him, it was one of the worst things that I've ever seen. Strangely enough, we never did go for another meal after that.
I recall having an extended lunch with a colleague several years ago. When he went to pay the bill, he started squirming and wouldn't hold still. He hastily signed the receipt (this was just before chip and pin was introduced) and ran out to the car. When I got there he was jumping about and screamed at me to get in the driver's seat. When I asked him what was wrong, he told me he needed to shit and couldn't go in the restaurant toilets. We were close to his house, and I agreed to drive him home.
We got about 300 yards down the road when he started letting rip. The car filled up with the most pungent, eye-watering shit smell. He was obviously unable to control himself, and kept shitting more and more. He was shouting that he couldn't get out of the car because his neighbours would see the shit stains, and began pleading with me to take him back to the office (which was closed at this point).
With the greatest reluctance, I began the five mile trip to the office. I swear that he let out more shit every time we hit a roundabout. Between trying not to laugh and hang my head out the window, his trousers filled up with increasing volumes of shit. When we reached the office, I was nearly hysterical. My car had been shat out and to top it off, as he walked into the building, he had a big brown diamond shape in the seat of his trousers and trails of it down his legs.
He flung his house keys into the car and asked me to get him clean clothes. I had to drive around with a black bin bag on the passenger seat, and try and find him clean clothes. When I got back to the office, I followed the trail of shit into the toilets. There was literally shit on the floor, up the walls, all over the toilet and in the car park. How he could continue filling the toilet with more shit I don't know.
When I got back to the office the next day, the entire building reeked of shit. I pity the cleaner who had to go in there after him, it was one of the worst things that I've ever seen. Strangely enough, we never did go for another meal after that.
I don't ever poo anywhere outside my own house, just not possible for me. I have had to claim I was sick and needed to go home just because I need to poo.
At uni living in halls was a nightmare, used to get up at 5 so I could poo with nobody about but there was a girl with the same idea, the first month we both used to sit there in silence waiting for each other to leave so we could do our stuff. We actually met one morning when another girl was having 'stomach issues' in on stall, this girl was bent over by the sinks and I asked if she was ok (not ok myself... I hadn't been in days) and she explained her issue and we then could sycronise our visits and one stood guard while the other went. It was a bad time of my life, always looked pregnent lol
I recall having an extended lunch with a colleague several years ago. When he went to pay the bill, he started squirming and wouldn't hold still. He hastily signed the receipt (this was just before chip and pin was introduced) and ran out to the car. When I got there he was jumping about and screamed at me to get in the driver's seat. When I asked him what was wrong, he told me he needed to shit and couldn't go in the restaurant toilets. We were close to his house, and I agreed to drive him home.
We got about 300 yards down the road when he started letting rip. The car filled up with the most pungent, eye-watering shit smell. He was obviously unable to control himself, and kept shitting more and more. He was shouting that he couldn't get out of the car because his neighbours would see the shit stains, and began pleading with me to take him back to the office (which was closed at this point).
With the greatest reluctance, I began the five mile trip to the office. I swear that he let out more shit every time we hit a roundabout. Between trying not to laugh and hang my head out the window, his trousers filled up with increasing volumes of shit. When we reached the office, I was nearly hysterical. My car had been shat out and to top it off, as he walked into the building, he had a big brown diamond shape in the seat of his trousers and trails of it down his legs.
He flung his house keys into the car and asked me to get him clean clothes. I had to drive around with a black bin bag on the passenger seat, and try and find him clean clothes. When I got back to the office, I followed the trail of shit into the toilets. There was literally shit on the floor, up the walls, all over the toilet and in the car park. How he could continue filling the toilet with more shit I don't know.
When I got back to the office the next day, the entire building reeked of shit. I pity the cleaner who had to go in there after him, it was one of the worst things that I've ever seen. Strangely enough, we never did go for another meal after that.
I remember a few years ago In Tennerife, I had to use the toilet in a rather undesirable restaurant. I flushed the toilet and to my horror the water started rising to the top of the bowl, along with my poop. I ended up running out of the cubicle chased by my own filth.
I remember when i first started seeing my boyfriend his dad went on holiday so i stayed at his for a few nights just the two of us. At this time i tried to be lady like around him so didnt fart or buro or anything. One night i went to the toilet for a number two and was shocked at how big it was. The worst thing was, it wouldnt flush away! After abour 5 attempts my boyfriend came over to see what was wrong. It was so embarassing although i think he was secretly impressed!
Apparently that toilet wasnt very good and had a reputation for not flushing but filling with water and overflowing. Im so glad it wasnt that bad the day i was there!
I thought the post was quite funny. No prank is harmless as has sadly been demonstrated but these three are creative and without malice.
What if the person you do it to has an irrational fear of poop or vomiting, or social phobia, or is claustrophobic and already frightened of being in a cubicle without people banging on the walls? :eek:
I recall having an extended lunch with a colleague several years ago. When he went to pay the bill, he started squirming and wouldn't hold still. He hastily signed the receipt (this was just before chip and pin was introduced) and ran out to the car. When I got there he was jumping about and screamed at me to get in the driver's seat. When I asked him what was wrong, he told me he needed to shit and couldn't go in the restaurant toilets. We were close to his house, and I agreed to drive him home.
We got about 300 yards down the road when he started letting rip. The car filled up with the most pungent, eye-watering shit smell. He was obviously unable to control himself, and kept shitting more and more. He was shouting that he couldn't get out of the car because his neighbours would see the shit stains, and began pleading with me to take him back to the office (which was closed at this point).
With the greatest reluctance, I began the five mile trip to the office. I swear that he let out more shit every time we hit a roundabout. Between trying not to laugh and hang my head out the window, his trousers filled up with increasing volumes of shit. When we reached the office, I was nearly hysterical. My car had been shat out and to top it off, as he walked into the building, he had a big brown diamond shape in the seat of his trousers and trails of it down his legs.
He flung his house keys into the car and asked me to get him clean clothes. I had to drive around with a black bin bag on the passenger seat, and try and find him clean clothes. When I got back to the office, I followed the trail of shit into the toilets. There was literally shit on the floor, up the walls, all over the toilet and in the car park. How he could continue filling the toilet with more shit I don't know.
When I got back to the office the next day, the entire building reeked of shit. I pity the cleaner who had to go in there after him, it was one of the worst things that I've ever seen. Strangely enough, we never did go for another meal after that.
I'm crying with laughter. Poor you, that guy and the cleaner.
I recall having an extended lunch with a colleague several years ago. When he went to pay the bill, he started squirming and wouldn't hold still. He hastily signed the receipt (this was just before chip and pin was introduced) and ran out to the car. When I got there he was jumping about and screamed at me to get in the driver's seat. When I asked him what was wrong, he told me he needed to shit and couldn't go in the restaurant toilets. We were close to his house, and I agreed to drive him home.
We got about 300 yards down the road when he started letting rip. The car filled up with the most pungent, eye-watering shit smell. He was obviously unable to control himself, and kept shitting more and more. He was shouting that he couldn't get out of the car because his neighbours would see the shit stains, and began pleading with me to take him back to the office (which was closed at this point).
With the greatest reluctance, I began the five mile trip to the office. I swear that he let out more shit every time we hit a roundabout. Between trying not to laugh and hang my head out the window, his trousers filled up with increasing volumes of shit. When we reached the office, I was nearly hysterical. My car had been shat out and to top it off, as he walked into the building, he had a big brown diamond shape in the seat of his trousers and trails of it down his legs.
He flung his house keys into the car and asked me to get him clean clothes. I had to drive around with a black bin bag on the passenger seat, and try and find him clean clothes. When I got back to the office, I followed the trail of shit into the toilets. There was literally shit on the floor, up the walls, all over the toilet and in the car park. How he could continue filling the toilet with more shit I don't know.
When I got back to the office the next day, the entire building reeked of shit. I pity the cleaner who had to go in there after him, it was one of the worst things that I've ever seen. Strangely enough, we never did go for another meal after that.
Never on DS has a post actually made me laugh out loud except this one. Thank you very much
I recall having an extended lunch with a colleague several years ago. When he went to pay the bill, he started squirming and wouldn't hold still. He hastily signed the receipt (this was just before chip and pin was introduced) and ran out to the car. When I got there he was jumping about and screamed at me to get in the driver's seat. When I asked him what was wrong, he told me he needed to shit and couldn't go in the restaurant toilets. We were close to his house, and I agreed to drive him home.
We got about 300 yards down the road when he started letting rip. The car filled up with the most pungent, eye-watering shit smell. He was obviously unable to control himself, and kept shitting more and more. He was shouting that he couldn't get out of the car because his neighbours would see the shit stains, and began pleading with me to take him back to the office (which was closed at this point).
With the greatest reluctance, I began the five mile trip to the office. I swear that he let out more shit every time we hit a roundabout. Between trying not to laugh and hang my head out the window, his trousers filled up with increasing volumes of shit. When we reached the office, I was nearly hysterical. My car had been shat out and to top it off, as he walked into the building, he had a big brown diamond shape in the seat of his trousers and trails of it down his legs.
He flung his house keys into the car and asked me to get him clean clothes. I had to drive around with a black bin bag on the passenger seat, and try and find him clean clothes. When I got back to the office, I followed the trail of shit into the toilets. There was literally shit on the floor, up the walls, all over the toilet and in the car park. How he could continue filling the toilet with more shit I don't know.
When I got back to the office the next day, the entire building reeked of shit. I pity the cleaner who had to go in there after him, it was one of the worst things that I've ever seen. Strangely enough, we never did go for another meal after that.
LOL I have tears rolling down my face! This thread is hilarious. Awful thing to happen of course..(heehee)
Comments
1 my mate climbing 30metres up a tree and then dropping a turd with the cry of bombs away and seeing the brown parcel free falling to earth will always be there.
2 At college we used to try and up set the other serious users. method one spot an occupied cubicle, you and a friend take one stall each side and groan and strain for England including banging the toilet walls in fake agony, to see if you could put the occupier off their game.
3 start in a stall and wait for a victim, take with you a large bucket of water and several sponges.
When the victim come into the toilet start the sound effects of pain and strain, as you reach a crescendo drop one or more soaked sponges into the bucket ensuring the sounds of impact reverberated through the toilet.
Variation as above but make the sound of vomiting and pour amount of water in the toilet from a great height ( on one occasion an Asian lad came in during this process and left looking a pale shade of Scottish only a few seconds later.
If this stream continues I will tell you of the sulphur tablets Dutch auction game and the effects!
Someone has been doing poos on the floor and smearing turd all over the walls for the best part of ten years supposedly. Every 2 years the urge to do a big log on the floor overwhelms them. Because the cleaners refused to clean it the two big bosses had to, which was amusing.
You just assume the people who surround you are normal but actually most of them are far from it.
Your hilarious...:sleep:
Ha! That's right next door. It was you wasn't it.:cool:
I thought the post was quite funny. No prank is harmless as has sadly been demonstrated but these three are creative and without malice.
They'd put a plate on the floor and then go up to the top of the stairwell, stick their rear ends over the rail and see who could crap on the plate. The scary bit was they were all trainee teachers :eek:
We got about 300 yards down the road when he started letting rip. The car filled up with the most pungent, eye-watering shit smell. He was obviously unable to control himself, and kept shitting more and more. He was shouting that he couldn't get out of the car because his neighbours would see the shit stains, and began pleading with me to take him back to the office (which was closed at this point).
With the greatest reluctance, I began the five mile trip to the office. I swear that he let out more shit every time we hit a roundabout. Between trying not to laugh and hang my head out the window, his trousers filled up with increasing volumes of shit. When we reached the office, I was nearly hysterical. My car had been shat out and to top it off, as he walked into the building, he had a big brown diamond shape in the seat of his trousers and trails of it down his legs.
He flung his house keys into the car and asked me to get him clean clothes. I had to drive around with a black bin bag on the passenger seat, and try and find him clean clothes. When I got back to the office, I followed the trail of shit into the toilets. There was literally shit on the floor, up the walls, all over the toilet and in the car park. How he could continue filling the toilet with more shit I don't know.
When I got back to the office the next day, the entire building reeked of shit. I pity the cleaner who had to go in there after him, it was one of the worst things that I've ever seen. Strangely enough, we never did go for another meal after that.
I hope he paid for your car to be cleaned!
I was off for a day a few months back, but got told the story later.
It was during the summer months, when you got bees & wasps & what not.
My line manager was off site at a meeting, with me & 2 others being either part time or off for the day, leaving 3 blokes in the office.
They were trying to get rid of a wasp & one of them picked up a ream of A4 paper & hit the wasp hard against the window.
Oops, the window fell out & smashed below.
The guy who did it is still working here, by the way.
Wow! That is all I can say! :eek:
I presume people down below pooed themselves
I can only imagine that's why this tale is in this toilet thread
At uni living in halls was a nightmare, used to get up at 5 so I could poo with nobody about but there was a girl with the same idea, the first month we both used to sit there in silence waiting for each other to leave so we could do our stuff. We actually met one morning when another girl was having 'stomach issues' in on stall, this girl was bent over by the sinks and I asked if she was ok (not ok myself... I hadn't been in days) and she explained her issue and we then could sycronise our visits and one stood guard while the other went. It was a bad time of my life, always looked pregnent lol
No you can't. This is one of the funniest threads I've ever read so please take your wasp story to chatter.
HAHAHAH!!!!!
Did you think it was relevant purely because the story is shit in every meaning of the word?
Apparently that toilet wasnt very good and had a reputation for not flushing but filling with water and overflowing. Im so glad it wasnt that bad the day i was there!
In a nice way, you've got to sort yourself out because you could end hurting yourself. Or as a story on this thread.
I liked the considerate use of a plate by the teacher training students.
I'm crying with laughter. Poor you, that guy and the cleaner.
Never on DS has a post actually made me laugh out loud except this one. Thank you very much
LOL I have tears rolling down my face! This thread is hilarious. Awful thing to happen of course..(heehee)