Am I being unreasonable re. wedding suit?
lovedoctor1978
Posts: 2,327 Forum Member
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MY brother is getting married in a couple of months and about 6 weeks ago he tell me I am the best man.
It is a registry office do and then onto a restaurant where the guests (3 on our side about 25 of the brides) all pay for thier own meals. This has already caused some arguements but I can live with that.
When I was told about being the best man I didn't really want to do it as im not into speeches, standing in front of others etc. but he promised there would be none of that. They are not even having stag/hen dos. So thats me feeling a bit better about it.
When the subject of the suit came up the said it would be black trousers, white shirt, wasitcoat, cravat and the waist thing (cumberbund?).
I said OK I just bought a new pair of black trousers for work and I have a white shirt I have worn once. They said no, it all has to be new and they would take me to some expensive sounding shop in Leeds to get kitted out.
Today I get a phone call telling me next week they are coming to get the suit sorted out and to make sure I have enough money to pay for it all. THis was the first time they mentioned expecting me to pay for it. I don't have a wonderful job and have been off work for the last two months with a broken ankle. They know I don't have a penny to my name at the moment.
I bit my tongue on the phone beacuse I will be seeing them on friday anyway and will talk about it then.
I just wanted your advice asto who s right and the best way to deal with things.
T.I.A.
It is a registry office do and then onto a restaurant where the guests (3 on our side about 25 of the brides) all pay for thier own meals. This has already caused some arguements but I can live with that.
When I was told about being the best man I didn't really want to do it as im not into speeches, standing in front of others etc. but he promised there would be none of that. They are not even having stag/hen dos. So thats me feeling a bit better about it.
When the subject of the suit came up the said it would be black trousers, white shirt, wasitcoat, cravat and the waist thing (cumberbund?).
I said OK I just bought a new pair of black trousers for work and I have a white shirt I have worn once. They said no, it all has to be new and they would take me to some expensive sounding shop in Leeds to get kitted out.
Today I get a phone call telling me next week they are coming to get the suit sorted out and to make sure I have enough money to pay for it all. THis was the first time they mentioned expecting me to pay for it. I don't have a wonderful job and have been off work for the last two months with a broken ankle. They know I don't have a penny to my name at the moment.
I bit my tongue on the phone beacuse I will be seeing them on friday anyway and will talk about it then.
I just wanted your advice asto who s right and the best way to deal with things.
T.I.A.
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Comments
My SIL kindly paid for her own bridesmaid dress so she bought a prom dress (she could choose what she wanted) which she was able to wear again and we gave her the cost of the dress back in clothes vouchers as a pressie
If you feel strongly enough to lay down the requirements, then you ought to be paying for the whole shebang.
That said, this is your brother. You really need to speak privately and explain that you just can't afford this. See what he says. If the dress code is essential and if you can't afford it, you're at a bit of an impasse. What's his solution?
Stag party.
Bride's wedding ring.
Hiring of his own, best man's and ushers' suits.
Transport for best man and himself to ceremony venue.
Civil or church ceremony fees.
Presents for the bride, bridesmaids, pages, ushers and best man.
His going-away outfit.
Transport away from reception venue for himself and his new wife.
Wedding night venue.
Honeymoon.
Press announcement for wedding.
The best man does not usually pay for anything although he will pay for the marriage ceremony on the day with money given to him by the groom.
The above relates to traditional etiquette but, even though it is to be a Register Office wedding, your brother should still pay for your suit and the rest of your attire, whether it be purchased or hired.
....making such a mistake for the rest of his life.
I agree
It's grim up North.
I swear he is getting a thumb shaped bald patch on the top of his head.
Good luck!
I know, don't think i'd bother attending, i would rather go out for dinner with my friends...:D
You'd rather go out for dinner with your friends than pay for a meal at your own brothers wedding? Sounds rather harsh to me!
My friend had her twins christened and asked each guest to contribute to the meal as they just couldn't afford to pay for everyone. IMO real friends wouldn't begrude this.
That I don't mind as much. The thing thats causing arguements between our mum and his missus is that on our side there are only me, my mum and my auntie going. (thats all there is to our family now) My mum wanted to invite her best friends (only 2 of them) but got turned down flat. With the excuse its only close family. I kept out of it but I find it really hard to believe that her 25 guests are all "close family". But then its her day and she can invite who she wants to.......
To be honest hiring never came up, but I dont think they would go for it beacuse the reason they gave for buying new was that all the men would look the same in the photos. I think her brothers are getting the same suits from this store as well.
Well I know for a fact that my brother wouldn't make wedding guests do that, so it really wouldn't be an issue. Friends are different to family, so the example you have cited is not really comparable.
Doesnt the best man pay and organise this?
OP is talking about his brother's wedding, not a friend's. You said if it were you you'd rather go out with friends.
Personally, whether sibling or good friend, if I wanted to attend to celebrate their marriage having to pay for a meal would not be an issue.
For my wedding my husband/dad/best man all hired identical suits from Debenhams, so the argument that they have to be purchased to be the same is nonsense.
Just stick to your guns, and try not to feel too guilty. Don't be bullied into spending money you haven't got on a suit you'll not wear again.
Good luck
You cited the example of your friend yourself. At the end of the day, if someone has decided they want to get married, and expect people to turn up to it, they shouldn't expect people to fork out, yes the people throwing it may not be able to afford to pay for everyone, but what if the guests are also strapped for cash? if you can't afford to pay for your own wedding and all the trimmings, then why not wait and save up until you can?
I do think its cheeky to ask you to pay if they're dictating what you're wearing, and its down right rude if you haven't got much spare cash at the minute. When my husband was an usher at his brother's wedding, he didn't get a suit paid for, but it was left totally up to him what he wore, so he didn't have to buy something new. I agree with the others, if its your wedding and you can't afford to buy your wedding parties outfits, then you shouldn't dictate what they wear. If you're fussy about what they wear, you stump up the cost!
Good luck arguing your peice - I hope you stick to your guns and refuse to give into them.
Yeah, but they weren't guests. 'Guests' means that you are there at the benefit of your host.
They wanted a do on their terms that they couldn't afford. Fair enough if everyone who attends is ok with that, but don't call them guests. They are people paying for something that someone else wants.
Your original comment was you'd rather pay to go out with your friends, implication being and not pay to attend your brothers wedding, which is what is being discussed here.
Anyone can have a wedding however they choose these days, often enough on DS people criticise the 'traditional wedding' whereby couples get into 000s of debt to pay for a dream. Why not have a small wedding and invite people to attend and pay for themselves? It's up to those invited whether to attend or not. Free choice and all that.
Ok, I stand corrected, each invitee was asked to contribute towards the cost.
At the end of the day you can either attend or not, as you choose.