in a quarter life crisis trying to figure out a path in life. helpful advice, anyone?
i tried going to a careers advice forum, but i'm nowhere nearer to figuring out what to do with my life. i feel like i am in a quarter life crisis right now.
i've been suffering from depression, social anxiety and general anxiety for a few years now and my mental health & motivation is shattered to pieces. i no longer have the motivation any more. i feel mentally exhausted!
i am just so unsure of where my life is heading. i have no discernible qualifications which doesn't help my cause because without them it limits what i can do. also with my social anxiety and depression it makes it difficult to find something i feel comfortable with.
i am fed up of working in dead end jobs earning low wage which goes towards helping with bills at home and nothing else. i just want a job title that i can be proud of, but i really don't know. i feel too old to get an education now. i feel jealous and angry that other people know what they want, whereas i am still in the same situation i was few years back.
can anyone lend some advice? any links to maybe a site that could help. i hear people talking about taking a job assessment test, but are they worthwhile?
i've been suffering from depression, social anxiety and general anxiety for a few years now and my mental health & motivation is shattered to pieces. i no longer have the motivation any more. i feel mentally exhausted!
i am just so unsure of where my life is heading. i have no discernible qualifications which doesn't help my cause because without them it limits what i can do. also with my social anxiety and depression it makes it difficult to find something i feel comfortable with.
i am fed up of working in dead end jobs earning low wage which goes towards helping with bills at home and nothing else. i just want a job title that i can be proud of, but i really don't know. i feel too old to get an education now. i feel jealous and angry that other people know what they want, whereas i am still in the same situation i was few years back.
can anyone lend some advice? any links to maybe a site that could help. i hear people talking about taking a job assessment test, but are they worthwhile?
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Try to remain positive - list the things you want in a job and the things you don't want. Do you like working with people? Do you like working with figures? Do you like selling? Ask yourself these questions and this should help to narrow it down for you. Once you have found an area you are interested in you can work towards that career.
Remember, you don't have to go to uni for an education. You can go down the route of the open university, or study part time at a local college for all sorts of professions.
As far as social anxiety, I know many people who are very anxious and shy out of work, but in the workplace are comfortable and confident. Work becomes like a second home, and part of your comfort zone. So don't let anxiety affect your choice of career.
i do kinda know what i want to do or at least what i wouldn't mind doing, but the things i'm passionate about include acting and directing, the thing with this is that they require 3 years at drama/film school and i'm already mid 20's.
not to mention that if i graduated from either, i may not earn enough to live on comfortably therefore i would need a back up plan - whereas if i went to traditional university and studied something in science, i would have more chance of obtaining a stable job and earning a decent salary.
i just don't want to look back on my life with regrets. i don't want to say " i regret never pursuing directing or acting" or what i am truly passionate about.
my confidence is low because i feel that academically i'm not as good as other people. i believe i have a form of dyslexia because certain things don't sink in for me. i have to re-read things a lot and it's frustrating and knocks my self esteem.
i tend to think i'm not good enough for a higher education/university and that i'll just disappear into the abyss with every other person with mediocre intellect.
i have a lot of fear of bettering myself too. i want to better myself and i know i can, but i also have a nagging voice telling me that i'm not good enough and it's holding me back.
for example; i'm not very good at maths and for this reason i fear pursuing anything too heavily maths based due to the fear of failing. if it wasn't directing or acting i would probably pursue a science based subject, but as we all know they are based around mathematics therefore again i fear to fail if i studied something science related. science interests me and i can read about biology, chemistry, physics etc, but when it comes to actually studying it, i fear my maths will definitely fail me. i just don't think i'm mathematically inclined, i guess.
how do i get over this fear though? i guess people will say study maths more and improve, but when i start to struggle i get frustrated and it's too much so i give up. i'm not usually a quitter, but when it comes to academics i struggle more than i probably should.
sorry for the long essay like response lol. and thanks for replying back and answering my question.
i don't think i could ever work in an office. i respect people's choice of job/career, but for me personally, office work would make me feel ill. i already have social anxiety, so being around a lot of people in an office trying to act friendly all day every day would take it's toll on me.
care work isn't something i would enjoy, purely because i have a weak stomach and having to clear up excrement and clean people would drive me over the edge.
i do have social anxiety pretty bad. i get mini panic attacks walking through a packed town centre. it is where i feel my most uncomfortable to be honest. i still have to do it because if i socialise with friend/s and they want to go to the shops first, i have to accompany them, but if it wasn't for them i would hate to go to the town centres to shop. i would rather be on my own in a forest where i'd feel more comfortable. as crazy as that sounds lol. i'd rather be at one with nature than surrounded by human beings, this includes my own family and sometimes friends.
I think you already know at least part of the answer to your problems.
See if you can get back into the amateur dramatics. If your 'social anxiety' has worsened because you've been away from people, doing the opposite would probably have the opposite (i.e. good) effect.
That's a coincidence. My friend, 32, has just got a grant to study drama at a university somewhere down south. She also got a place in the halls of residence. Term starts soon so don't delay!
Of course, drama isn't a career that's likely to make you a living wage so you could simply keep it as a hobby - join a local amateur dramatics group - and start up your own business to make real money, as I did some years ago when I was 45. I didn't ask myself for any proof of qualifications. Even now I don't have to ask myself for time off. I simply goof off whenever I get bored with working. It's a grand life!
Honestly I think the thing to do is to stop trying to figure things out and just 'be'. You'd be surprised how things fall into place when you free yourself from pressure. Just be open to new things.
BIB - I completely agree with this.
I've applied to go back to college after summer & I'll be 27 by the time the course starts. The course is in IT which is not something I'd ever considered before. One of my colleagues organised reporting computer issues to our IT department & chasing them up if they took too long to get things fixed. When she went on maternity leave I took over from her. I ended up building up a rapport with the IT staff, realised I enjoyed working with them & found that I was actually quite good at it.
Going back to amateur dramatics will be a good first step. You say that you'd rather be with nature than humans, have you thought about working at an animal rehoming centre or something else to do with animals?
sorry for late reply.
the problem with starting up a business is that i have no ideas of a business start up. also, i would need financial backing and my finances haven't been great over the years as i've been in and out of employment and now i'm unemployed so going to a bank for help would be difficult. how did you get funding if you don't mind me asking?
i'll try and think of business ideas, but right now i can't think of any. the thing is with acting is that it's something that interests me, as well as film making, so i would enjoy doing something like that professionally and earning from it. i know it's a tough industry and it's hard to become a big success, so i'm kind of 50/50 on drama/film school. to be honest i haven't even dabbled properly in film making which i probably should do.
do you know if the drama school your friend is attending is in london or nearby? most top drama schools i know of are in london, one in bristol and in essex.
You are never too old. I'm over 60 and I'm now learning Greek.
You could brush up your English writing skills. Start by beginning a sentence with a capital letter, for example, and typing "I" instead of "i". It would make your typing easier to understand and give you more credibility.
Example: here's a site that makes money from adverts: http://www.just-humor.com
Just a collection of jokes. Anyone could do this.
are you/those links legit? sorry i don't mean to doubt you but when i see links like those you posted i just think "SCAM!".
i am sure you're not, but just wondering. oh and i can spell correctly i just don't like correcting my grammar all the time online as i do rush my typing a lot, but i could definitely brush up on my english skills lol.
i was going to apply for a college course this september to get me into university, but i worry about my maths as well as being able to comprehend the reading of books amongst other things.
i tend to never believe in my academic abilities much and it really frustrates me
i just want to do well, you know? it's just hard because my lack of confidence in my abilities holds me back. i feel that if i continue on this path that i will fail in life and i don't want that. it is hard having a clear view of what you want in life.
i get confused about what to do though and it's hard to find the relevant advice/help in real life so that's why i resort to asking for advice on forums such as this one.
i wish i could rewind my life back 5 years and i'd know exactly what to pursue, but now i'm worried more about my age than before. i want to be successful by the time i'm 30 which is 5/6 years from now. i want to look back and have no regrets.
if i had the answer when i was 19/20 even 21 i'd be happy, but i think having lost focus is my downfall. this is the reason why i fell into depression which was caused by my bad anxiety. if i had a clear focus i would have never veered off course, whereas now i am struggling to find a way back on the horse.
sorry to get so philosophical on here, but i'm just frustrated that i'm not where i'm not where others my age are, or that i'm not successful as i think i should be, but most of all that i'm frustrated for myself because i'm better than this.
i really appreciate the advice i'm getting on here from everyone and it's great. i feel like i can vent my frustrations and i'll get genuine empathetic advice rather than just being brushed off which is what a lot of people my age, with my mental illness have to deal with, even by our own family.
My advice is to get your depression and anxiety sorted out before thinking of planning a new career.
Dealing with where you are now will help you with getting to where you want to be.
true! but where i am now in life is somewhat contributing to my poor mental health and frustration. What i need is a way out and a direction in my life right now. the last few years have been pretty awful in terms of my mental health, so i just want to try improve things at last.
I think its never too late to get back into education and change the direction you are going in.
I've been looking into going back to college in september and there is an access to higher education course which lasts for one year which sounds perfect!
I wouldnt say I'm mid 20's but im 23 so thats close enough I guess :P
Suffer from anxiety too, never had any friends around here, never been in a relationship, stuck in a supermarket job with horrible hours, always take things to heart and upset myself over the stupidest of things, gave up on college because I couldnt cope with the bullying and the feeling of being alone anymore so gave up all those years ago and have regretted it ever since! Struggled to come to terms with my sexuality and STILL havent had the guts to tell anyone im gay, which means I can't always be myself. Never go out, have never been drunk, never been to parties, always had so many dreams about the direction life would go in, but its become stale- kind of got stuck and sometimes its hard to see a way out and a way to make friends and be more confident when you're so scared inside, when you hate the way you look, hate that you're overweight, get jealous that everyone around you finds it so easy to do all the normal things you wish you could do like bowling, cinema, laughing, holidays and its just hard sometimes.
I would definitely recommend trying to make some changes. I'm still waiting to hear back off some colleges I've asked advice from regarding going back to education and to be fair its one of the most exciting things- just the chance to do something different and perhaps work towards improving the future and following my dreams. Sure all the other stuff is still crap, but its important to do it one step at a time I guess :P
Good luck with whatever you choose to do, and I hope your depression and life gets heaps better soon, as nobody deserves to feel like their life is in crisis so early on!
I understand how you feel, and looking ahead is a good idea, but detailed planning may not be. Depression and anxiety will almost certainly affect your ability to concentrate and study, and when feeling better, you may well find that a different direction looks like a better option.
Getting out and meeting people will be for the good, but it would be better to do those things without having too much stress about performing and reaching goals involved.
How do you feel about being in a group of people, as a starting point?
https://nationalcareersservice.direct.gov.uk/advice/courses/typesoflearning/Pages/feelconfident.aspx Not sure if this would help you any but I would give it a look
Hope you feel better soon, it's an awful way to be feeling
As for directing or acting, again hard paths, my brother is a director/producer, it has taken him about 8 years to get to a point where he is now very financially secure and has good contacts, it's a tremondously difficult area to break into, in this country!
Like many have said, probably getting your state of mind right is the first step, but of course you feel a lot of the difficulties because of worry and uncertainty. I remember how anxious I was before I took the leap from the corporate world back to education, although I've never regretted it!
You could get into laboratory training posts that would give you good on the job training and enable you to progress to something. Maintaining amateur dramatics or reaching out to inspiring filmmakers to get acting roles is also a good move. I know my brother was always keen to audition new talent, and it helps you build a showreel.
Most importantly, do what you love, so work is a joy. And trust me, when I was in your shoes I wasn't sure I'd get there, but if I can, I have no doubt you could either! It's never too late to live the life you want, no regrets, life's too short!
Best of luck!
Awww this is nice, I'm sure a life spent playing with plants and flowers and revelling in nature, is far better than filing tax returns!
thanks for the advice.
it's great your son has a degree. i do wish i had something like that to fall back on but i don't really. i have just never known what i wanted to do. after i left college i did apply to go to university, but the finance fell through and i ended up staying back home, although i needed my gcse equivalent anyway so had to study for those. i went to college at 18 when the average age is 16, but there were a couple others my age. i ended up leaving college at 21 so i was already at an age where most people had already been to, and left university.
maybe your son could do something related to horticulture and mathematics? I am pretty sure there are jobs out there related to that. it would be a shame to not put his degree to full use. maths is a really great degree!
thanks! i actually completed their aptitude/skills career test, but i still was no closer to figuring out what i wanted to do
I went to see a counsellor last year and although it did help somewhat, i still felt lost. i dunno, i just have so many things going through my head right now that it's difficult to think clear about certain things. maybe it's the depression & anxiety that is making me feel so unsure; maybe if i had a clear head i would know more, but right now my brain is so scrambled that it's struggle to figure out what i want.
i appreciate the advice. it means a lot.
i don't want to keep sounding like a defeatist. The main issue i have with going back to education is that i worry that i won't do well, the work will pile up and i will become even more stressed/anxious.
Because of my social anxiety it's hard just to walk through town without feeling nervous. when i am comfortable with people and know their personalities i can be very sociable and talkative, but when i'm unsure of people (especially strangers) i will become very introverted and socially anxious.
the motivation i once had has been destroyed. i used to be so motivated, but after the depression it entirely disappeared.
i could have had a girlfriend but my insecurites held me back, which really annoys and frustrates me. I have had girls interested in me, but always messed it up. >:(
The access courses are what i have been looking into at my local college, but i read that there's a high drop out rate and it is very intense, more so than traditional a levels. i worry that the workload will become too much and i'll end up failing. don't get me wrong i would work hard, but it only takes a small set back to cause my mental health to deteriorate.
i also have no idea what i would study. that is the most confusing thing about it. i apply for a health course and studied something biology based, but i honestly don't know.
i understand what you mean about the socialising part. people seem to socialise easy and without anxiety, whereas socially anxious people like myself find out nerve-wracking. i wish i could walk into a room full of strangers and socialise without anxiety, but it's really difficult. don't get me wrong, i can still talk to people and socialise, but my nerves are never in check. i sometimes overcompensate for nerves by talking fast and too much lol.
the main thing that knocked my self esteem back recently is failing my driving test. i paid for a intensive driving course and i did 24 hours over 5 days and took my test on a saturday. i really couldn't understand why i failed on so many things. i did not get any major faults, but many minors. the thing is, on at least 1/3 of the minor faults i didn't understand what i did wrong. i looked back and i pretty much failed by 3-4 minor faults and it just took the momentum out of me and i went back into a slump again because i just couldn't understand why i was failed on areas i believe i did correctly.
i will stop rambling now, but thanks a lot for giving the advice you gave. i appreciate it.