I've really got nothing to add here Moll, it's a very, very difficult situation for you and I'm thinking of you. Your GP is a terrible arse in reacting the way he did, his behaviour is nothing short of appalling. I notice the usual tits who pop up and accuse people of making stuff up are in evidence again, must have nothing else in their sad, sad lives.
You're very brave to come on here and share this information with us, I really hope you can get some answers.
Feeling a bit sheepish that I have nothing to add that hasn't already been said plenty of times, but I'm so sorry to hear of your troubles Moll, and I hope things get sorted out soon. I hope that you get the help and support you need, and your husband gets the treatment and understanding he needs. Sending you, your husband and your little cat (from an owner of three, I completely get it!) all the best and pray for a positive update from you soon.
I'm another one that can't add anything to the excellent advice on here and the steps you are already taking, just wanted to wish you the very best - and to say stay safe, strong and well - you can only help your husband if you look after yourself first.
Have woken up in the middle of the night yet AGAIN! Just can't seem to manage to sleep without waking up in the night at the moment................................
In answer to your question, a truly fascinating book that is £15 on Amazon, but that I picked up at a car boot sale for £3 called Gothic and Lolitas - something I'd never heard of before - it's a sort of street style favoured by a lot of young girls in Japan. They dress up in crazy, amazing, competely zany but beautiful clothes: Goth style, Victorian style, china-doll style, Alice in Wonderland or fairy-tale style..................the book is a photography book; it is jampacked with loads and loads of beautiful pictures of girls tracked down by the photographer in the street wearing these really theatrical, "dressing-up" style clothes; apparently this is really big in Japan. If by any chance this intrigues anyone, look up Gothic and Lolita on Amazon, and also Gothic and Lolita Bible, which is a magazine (brought out in both Japanese and English) to celebrate this "movement" and give tips for clothes, hair and make-up.
It's something completely new to me, and I am finding it fascinating.
Your situation sounds horrible and I do feel for you. However, a suddenly appearing mental health problem may be hiding something else. You husband needs help any way, however when my mother's behavior suddenly changed, mental health were on her likes flies on... Well whatever. The fact was, I begged them nor to section her without looking at all avenues, caused a lot of pain and months of fighting and arguing with health professionals. Turned out, she had early onset dementia. So many things can trigger behavior changes, but the number one priority for you is your safety - who will try and help him if you get hurt? Don't let it get that far, best of luck to you.
Not sure I should tarnish this thread by replying...but if you read the OP in full you will understand Molls predicament...Tlak of divorce is irrelevant to this thread...and I suspect to Moll as well
I think both Moll and her husband need help, both of them sound pretty depressed to me. Take care.
I think my husband might possibly be depressed. As for me, I don't think I feel depressed exactly - but I do feel very frightened (about my heart condition) underneath my sunny exterior. Had a bit of a mini-meltdown today, when I just lay on the bed crying about it (not something I'm doing much of, generally, but it just sort of hit me today). Am hoping to go to my Mum's in a few days, for up to a week (she's even said I can bring the cat, despite her cat phobia, as long as I keep him away from her) so that should be nice. Not only do I love seeing her and my step-father, I should also have the chance to see my brother and sister, whom I haven't seen for ages. As for my husband, knowing him like I do, he will relish having some "me time", staying up late, watching "boys' films" etc.
Oh, by the way...............talking of professionals getting it wrong (which I did the other day, about my GP)...................when I went to the police last week, they asked if it was OK to tell the Social Services, and I said yes, as long as my husband didn't find out. I said I'd rather a Social Worker didn't call me, but they could email me discreetly.
So what happened today while I was out at the shops? My husband opened the door to find a woman on the step, who said: "I'm a social worker, I'm here to see your wife about the problems the two of you are having!"
I'm going to take it up with her when I speak to her. But fortunately - I had actually changed my mind and told my husband someone might be in touch (though not necessarily actually turning up!) so he was OK about it.
And as for the person who suggested I should get a divorce.................I have been married to my husband for nearly 22 years. We have known each other for over half our lives. We have seen each other through thick and thin and love each other very much. We are each other's "other half" and I take marriage very seriously. I am not going to divorce him after just a few weeks of behaviour that is almost certainly not his fault, but suggests that he might be very ill. Now is the time to stand by him, which I want to do, just as he's stood by me with my Heart Failure.
So I hope that clears up why I don't want to divorce him.
I really don't want to scare monger, but please be wary of social workers, it's rare to find a decent one (i have dealt with many the past year, they vary from do-gooders to know it all's and at worst uncaring gits who cannot be bothered). Work towards a clinical diagnosis, I think people always feel better when they know exactly what's wrong. Then find a good support system, either a group, counseling or a support worker (different from social). It's easier said than done, I know. Even to this day my mother is convinced there is nothing wrong with her, everyone else is making a fuss over nothing and she should be left alone. Without the help of a few sane professional people, I wouldn't have coped. However, different circumstances really - I just truly hope you get the best professional help for both your husband and yourself .
Have woken up in the middle of the night yet AGAIN! Just can't seem to manage to sleep without waking up in the night at the moment................................
In answer to your question, a truly fascinating book that is £15 on Amazon, but that I picked up at a car boot sale for £3 called Gothic and Lolitas - something I'd never heard of before - it's a sort of street style favoured by a lot of young girls in Japan. They dress up in crazy, amazing, competely zany but beautiful clothes: Goth style, Victorian style, china-doll style, Alice in Wonderland or fairy-tale style..................the book is a photography book; it is jampacked with loads and loads of beautiful pictures of girls tracked down by the photographer in the street wearing these really theatrical, "dressing-up" style clothes; apparently this is really big in Japan. If by any chance this intrigues anyone, look up Gothic and Lolita on Amazon, and also Gothic and Lolita Bible, which is a magazine (brought out in both Japanese and English) to celebrate this "movement" and give tips for clothes, hair and make-up.
It's something completely new to me, and I am finding it fascinating.
So there you go!!!
Moll
x
Good night! (Good morning!)
Aw, you're great Moll, I was actually talking about your thread to my real life DS mate tonight and think you have handled things so well.
I asked you about the book just to give you the option of talking about summat that wasn't related to the horrendousness of what you are going through. I was so glad when you replied.
I will look up the book and give it a go, still sending love n hugs to you Moll xxxx
Aw, you're great Moll, I was actually talking about your thread to my real life DS mate tonight and think you have handled things so well.
I asked you about the book just to give you the option of talking about summat that wasn't related to the horrendousness of what you are going through. I was so glad when you replied.
I will look up the book and give it a go, still sending love n hugs to you Moll xxxx
Thanks so much Joni for such a nice reply!!! You're lovely!!!
Yes, do look up the book; you can get a second-hand copy of it quite cheaply on Amazon, if you want. It is basically a photography books - hardly any reading - just jam-packed with the most amazing photos of young Japanese girls, in the craziest, but most gorgeous, clothes. It has opened my eyes to a whole new fascinating world that I didn't know existed! In fact, I do a lot of drawing, and am planning to copy a lot of the photos, drawing pictures of them - they've really got my creative juices flowing!!!
Thanks so much Joni for such a nice reply!!! You're lovely!!!
Yes, do look up the book; you can get a second-hand copy of it quite cheaply on Amazon, if you want. It is basically a photography books - hardly any reading - just jam-packed with the most amazing photos of young Japanese girls, in the craziest, but most gorgeous, clothes. It has opened my eyes to a whole new fascinating world that I didn't know existed! In fact, I do a lot of drawing, and am planning to copy a lot of the photos, drawing pictures of them - they've really got my creative juices flowing!!!
Love to you Joni
Moll
x
It's still a sub-culture here... you don't see it everywhere but there are a couple of parts of Tokyo where you will usually see one or two girls dressed up even on a regular day. It's a very expensive style of dress, but I occasionally go in the stores and look at the dresses! Last time I was in London (about 4 years ago, admittedly!) there were some stores in Camden that stocked gothic and lolita clothes.
This is one of the major brands. Although the site is in Japanese, most of the navigation is in English so you can get around and look at some of the clothes in close up - http://www.babyssb.co.jp/shopping-baby.html
And this is one of the more well known gothic labels, that is branching out into steampunk a lot lately - http://www.hnaoto.com/ Most of his site is bi-lingual, as the designer speaks a fair amount of English and has stores in the US.
Have woken up in the middle of the night yet AGAIN! Just can't seem to manage to sleep without waking up in the night at the moment................................
In answer to your question, a truly fascinating book that is £15 on Amazon, but that I picked up at a car boot sale for £3 called Gothic and Lolitas - something I'd never heard of before - it's a sort of street style favoured by a lot of young girls in Japan. They dress up in crazy, amazing, competely zany but beautiful clothes: Goth style, Victorian style, china-doll style, Alice in Wonderland or fairy-tale style..................the book is a photography book; it is jampacked with loads and loads of beautiful pictures of girls tracked down by the photographer in the street wearing these really theatrical, "dressing-up" style clothes; apparently this is really big in Japan. If by any chance this intrigues anyone, look up Gothic and Lolita on Amazon, and also Gothic and Lolita Bible, which is a magazine (brought out in both Japanese and English) to celebrate this "movement" and give tips for clothes, hair and make-up.
It's something completely new to me, and I am finding it fascinating.
So there you go!!!
Moll
x
Good night! (Good morning!)
Hi Moll,
I do hope things have been okay for you today.
I just wanted to say I share your enthusiasm about Gothic Lolita. I have been crazy about that fashion, (and Sweet Lolita, and Country Lolita, and all the frilly lacey ringletted kawai Lolitas!), since the late 90s. I love to go online and look at all the costumes sites for it, and, of course, there are some fabulous books like the one you own, out about it, but at crazy prices.
I like to go on You Tube to look at those fashions, and all kinds of fantasy fashions such as those worn by Venus Angelic.
It's still a sub-culture here... you don't see it everywhere but there are a couple of parts of Tokyo where you will usually see one or two girls dressed up even on a regular day. It's a very expensive style of dress, but I occasionally go in the stores and look at the dresses! Last time I was in London (about 4 years ago, admittedly!) there were some stores in Camden that stocked gothic and lolita clothes.
This is one of the major brands. Although the site is in Japanese, most of the navigation is in English so you can get around and look at some of the clothes in close up - http://www.babyssb.co.jp/shopping-baby.html
And this is one of the more well known gothic labels, that is branching out into steampunk a lot lately - http://www.hnaoto.com/ Most of his site is bi-lingual, as the designer speaks a fair amount of English and has stores in the US.
Now I've derailed the thread so much, I'll go
I hope everything works out for you, Moll!
Thanks SO much for your brilliant post; when I started this thread, I never imagined it would end up on this subject, but am so glad it has - am really bowled over that an actual Japanese person, in Japan, has taken the trouble to write and give me more fascinating detail on the Gothic and Lolita trend! I am going to look at the sites you suggested, and also, I don't live far from London, so maybe I will go to that shop in Camden some time, just to look at all the amazing clothes!
I just wanted to say I share your enthusiasm about Gothic Lolita. I have been crazy about that fashion, (and Sweet Lolita, and Country Lolita, and all the frilly lacey ringletted kawai Lolitas!), since the late 90s. I love to go online and look at all the costumes sites for it, and, of course, there are some fabulous books like the one you own, out about it, but at crazy prices.
I like to go on You Tube to look at those fashions, and all kinds of fantasy fashions such as those worn by Venus Angelic.
Hi Dolls!
Thank you, too, for your post; I was really fascinated to hear from you, as this Gothic and Lolita movement has really seized my imagination. I don't think I'd dress like that myself (are there any 47-year-olds who dress like that?!) but love admiring the pictures of younger women wearing them.
I particularly like the ones of girls who dress up to look like Victorian dolls. There is one picture in the book I have of a girl in Victorian dress, loads of frills and lace, and she is carrying a Victorian-style doll, which is wearing an exact replica of her own clothes! It's just so amazing! It's my favourite picture in the whole book!
As you said, the books on the subject seem to be really expensive; I've discovered a publication which I'm sure you've heard of called the Gothic and Lolita Bible, and wish I could buy all of them, but simply couldn't afford it; however, have ordered two of them, which were of particular interest to me - decided to treat myself!
Although I'd never heard of this before, something I have been doing for a long time is collecting dolls, and the spookier-looking the better (some of them scare my husband just a little bit!) - I love those Victorian dolls with their porcelain faces and glazed eyes. I once walked past someone's front window, and they had filled the window area with loads of Victorian dolls, really big ones, all quite spooky, just standing there, facing out into the street - it looked so wonderful; I wished I'd had a camera on me to take a picture! (It wouldn't really work in my own front window, as we have a front garden, so passers-by probably wouldn't notice).
Anyway.............on the original subject of my thread, my husband has an appointment to see a neurologist in a week's time, to which I shall be accompanying him, so I really hope something good comes of that.
All the best to all of you, and if anyone wants to comment further on (a) my predicament, (b) Gothic and Lolitas, I would love to hear from you.
Thanks SO much for your brilliant post; when I started this thread, I never imagined it would end up on this subject, but am so glad it has - am really bowled over that an actual Japanese person, in Japan, has taken the trouble to write and give me more fascinating detail on the Gothic and Lolita trend! I am going to look at the sites you suggested, and also, I don't live far from London, so maybe I will go to that shop in Camden some time, just to look at all the amazing clothes!
Thanks so much, Lamia.
Moll
x
Oh, I'm not Japanese! I'm English, I just moved out here four years ago
The history of the Gothic & Lolita Bible is interesting though because it was originally started up by a guitarist called Mana, who although he's a guy would wear those really pretty dresses (google his bands Moi dix Mois and especially Malice Mizer if you want to see some stunning outfits). So the look and scene is quite tied in with a certain style of music. I like that music so I see a lot of it around, although I don't dress up like that myself.
I really don't want to scare monger, but please be wary of social workers, it's rare to find a decent one (i have dealt with many the past year, they vary from do-gooders to know it all's and at worst uncaring gits who cannot be bothered). Work towards a clinical diagnosis, I think people always feel better when they know exactly what's wrong. Then find a good support system, either a group, counseling or a support worker (different from social). It's easier said than done, I know. Even to this day my mother is convinced there is nothing wrong with her, everyone else is making a fuss over nothing and she should be left alone. Without the help of a few sane professional people, I wouldn't have coped. However, different circumstances really - I just truly hope you get the best professional help for both your husband and yourself .
You cannot judge all social workers on your own experience. The vast majority are very decent, caring, hard working people.
Comments
You're very brave to come on here and share this information with us, I really hope you can get some answers.
Hi Joni!
Have woken up in the middle of the night yet AGAIN! Just can't seem to manage to sleep without waking up in the night at the moment................................
In answer to your question, a truly fascinating book that is £15 on Amazon, but that I picked up at a car boot sale for £3 called Gothic and Lolitas - something I'd never heard of before - it's a sort of street style favoured by a lot of young girls in Japan. They dress up in crazy, amazing, competely zany but beautiful clothes: Goth style, Victorian style, china-doll style, Alice in Wonderland or fairy-tale style..................the book is a photography book; it is jampacked with loads and loads of beautiful pictures of girls tracked down by the photographer in the street wearing these really theatrical, "dressing-up" style clothes; apparently this is really big in Japan. If by any chance this intrigues anyone, look up Gothic and Lolita on Amazon, and also Gothic and Lolita Bible, which is a magazine (brought out in both Japanese and English) to celebrate this "movement" and give tips for clothes, hair and make-up.
It's something completely new to me, and I am finding it fascinating.
So there you go!!!
Moll
x
Good night! (Good morning!)
Not sure I should tarnish this thread by replying...but if you read the OP in full you will understand Molls predicament...Tlak of divorce is irrelevant to this thread...and I suspect to Moll as well
Read the whole thread . Moll is a caring wife who is worried about his behaviour and seeking help for him
I think my husband might possibly be depressed. As for me, I don't think I feel depressed exactly - but I do feel very frightened (about my heart condition) underneath my sunny exterior. Had a bit of a mini-meltdown today, when I just lay on the bed crying about it (not something I'm doing much of, generally, but it just sort of hit me today). Am hoping to go to my Mum's in a few days, for up to a week (she's even said I can bring the cat, despite her cat phobia, as long as I keep him away from her) so that should be nice. Not only do I love seeing her and my step-father, I should also have the chance to see my brother and sister, whom I haven't seen for ages. As for my husband, knowing him like I do, he will relish having some "me time", staying up late, watching "boys' films" etc.
Oh, by the way...............talking of professionals getting it wrong (which I did the other day, about my GP)...................when I went to the police last week, they asked if it was OK to tell the Social Services, and I said yes, as long as my husband didn't find out. I said I'd rather a Social Worker didn't call me, but they could email me discreetly.
So what happened today while I was out at the shops? My husband opened the door to find a woman on the step, who said: "I'm a social worker, I'm here to see your wife about the problems the two of you are having!"
I'm going to take it up with her when I speak to her. But fortunately - I had actually changed my mind and told my husband someone might be in touch (though not necessarily actually turning up!) so he was OK about it.
And as for the person who suggested I should get a divorce.................I have been married to my husband for nearly 22 years. We have known each other for over half our lives. We have seen each other through thick and thin and love each other very much. We are each other's "other half" and I take marriage very seriously. I am not going to divorce him after just a few weeks of behaviour that is almost certainly not his fault, but suggests that he might be very ill. Now is the time to stand by him, which I want to do, just as he's stood by me with my Heart Failure.
So I hope that clears up why I don't want to divorce him.
Aw, you're great Moll, I was actually talking about your thread to my real life DS mate tonight and think you have handled things so well.
I asked you about the book just to give you the option of talking about summat that wasn't related to the horrendousness of what you are going through. I was so glad when you replied.
I will look up the book and give it a go, still sending love n hugs to you Moll xxxx
Thanks so much Joni for such a nice reply!!! You're lovely!!!
Yes, do look up the book; you can get a second-hand copy of it quite cheaply on Amazon, if you want. It is basically a photography books - hardly any reading - just jam-packed with the most amazing photos of young Japanese girls, in the craziest, but most gorgeous, clothes. It has opened my eyes to a whole new fascinating world that I didn't know existed! In fact, I do a lot of drawing, and am planning to copy a lot of the photos, drawing pictures of them - they've really got my creative juices flowing!!!
Love to you Joni
Moll
x
It's still a sub-culture here... you don't see it everywhere but there are a couple of parts of Tokyo where you will usually see one or two girls dressed up even on a regular day. It's a very expensive style of dress, but I occasionally go in the stores and look at the dresses! Last time I was in London (about 4 years ago, admittedly!) there were some stores in Camden that stocked gothic and lolita clothes.
This is one of the major brands. Although the site is in Japanese, most of the navigation is in English so you can get around and look at some of the clothes in close up - http://www.babyssb.co.jp/shopping-baby.html
And this is one of the more well known gothic labels, that is branching out into steampunk a lot lately - http://www.hnaoto.com/ Most of his site is bi-lingual, as the designer speaks a fair amount of English and has stores in the US.
Now I've derailed the thread so much, I'll go
I hope everything works out for you, Moll!
Hi Moll,
I do hope things have been okay for you today.
I just wanted to say I share your enthusiasm about Gothic Lolita. I have been crazy about that fashion, (and Sweet Lolita, and Country Lolita, and all the frilly lacey ringletted kawai Lolitas!), since the late 90s. I love to go online and look at all the costumes sites for it, and, of course, there are some fabulous books like the one you own, out about it, but at crazy prices.
I like to go on You Tube to look at those fashions, and all kinds of fantasy fashions such as those worn by Venus Angelic.
Thanks SO much for your brilliant post; when I started this thread, I never imagined it would end up on this subject, but am so glad it has - am really bowled over that an actual Japanese person, in Japan, has taken the trouble to write and give me more fascinating detail on the Gothic and Lolita trend! I am going to look at the sites you suggested, and also, I don't live far from London, so maybe I will go to that shop in Camden some time, just to look at all the amazing clothes!
Thanks so much, Lamia.
Moll
x
Hi Dolls!
Thank you, too, for your post; I was really fascinated to hear from you, as this Gothic and Lolita movement has really seized my imagination. I don't think I'd dress like that myself (are there any 47-year-olds who dress like that?!) but love admiring the pictures of younger women wearing them.
I particularly like the ones of girls who dress up to look like Victorian dolls. There is one picture in the book I have of a girl in Victorian dress, loads of frills and lace, and she is carrying a Victorian-style doll, which is wearing an exact replica of her own clothes! It's just so amazing! It's my favourite picture in the whole book!
As you said, the books on the subject seem to be really expensive; I've discovered a publication which I'm sure you've heard of called the Gothic and Lolita Bible, and wish I could buy all of them, but simply couldn't afford it; however, have ordered two of them, which were of particular interest to me - decided to treat myself!
Although I'd never heard of this before, something I have been doing for a long time is collecting dolls, and the spookier-looking the better (some of them scare my husband just a little bit!) - I love those Victorian dolls with their porcelain faces and glazed eyes. I once walked past someone's front window, and they had filled the window area with loads of Victorian dolls, really big ones, all quite spooky, just standing there, facing out into the street - it looked so wonderful; I wished I'd had a camera on me to take a picture! (It wouldn't really work in my own front window, as we have a front garden, so passers-by probably wouldn't notice).
Anyway.............on the original subject of my thread, my husband has an appointment to see a neurologist in a week's time, to which I shall be accompanying him, so I really hope something good comes of that.
All the best to all of you, and if anyone wants to comment further on (a) my predicament, (b) Gothic and Lolitas, I would love to hear from you.
Moll
x
As for the gothic Lolita stuff, I've never heard of it! I shall Google later on, it sounds fascinating. I'm always interested in different fashions.
Moll just to say sending all the best wishes and hope everything goes well
So cool that others share your likes too, you never know how a thread in here will go!
Oh, I'm not Japanese! I'm English, I just moved out here four years ago
The history of the Gothic & Lolita Bible is interesting though because it was originally started up by a guitarist called Mana, who although he's a guy would wear those really pretty dresses (google his bands Moi dix Mois and especially Malice Mizer if you want to see some stunning outfits). So the look and scene is quite tied in with a certain style of music. I like that music so I see a lot of it around, although I don't dress up like that myself.
You cannot judge all social workers on your own experience. The vast majority are very decent, caring, hard working people.
One in fact saved my life pretty much as a teen
I agree