Are men and women condemned equally for infidelity?

BlueEyedMrsP · 24/04/14 - 11:47

Do you think women are judged more harshly than men for cheating on their partner, or does it go both ways?

I was reading the thread on Amanda Holden in the Britain's Got Talent Forum and there are some pretty harsh words said about her having cheated on Les Dennis. Do famous men get the same stick for cheating on their wives?

James Frederick · 24/04/14 - 11:53

BlueEyedMrsP wrote: »

Do you think women are judged more harshly than men for cheating on their partner, or does it go both ways?

I was reading the thread on Amanda Holden in the Britain's Got Talent Forum and there are some pretty harsh words said about her having cheated on Les Dennis. Do famous men get the same stick for cheating on their wives?

I think it can depend on the person.

For example I'm a huge Carry On movies fan so I was shocked to find out that Hattie Jacques had a affair as that didn't seem to be like her however Sid James as I would have expected it of him.

At the same time if Barbara Windsor had a affair I wouldn't be shocked as that is at least the kind of character she played but I would be shocked to find that Bernard Bresslaw had as that didn't seem like him either.

FMKK · 24/04/14 - 11:55

Of course not. Women certainly get far harsher judgement than men do for almost all sexual behaviour.

Elyan · 24/04/14 - 11:56

I think they should be condemned equally, but the behaviour seems to be more expected of men - so maybe that's why some people are more shocked when women do it.

BlueEyedMrsP · 24/04/14 - 12:00

FMKK wrote: »

Of course not. Women certainly get far harsher judgement than men do for almost all sexual behaviour.

I can't make an argument that would apply to all cases, but a comparison might be Tommy Cooper. The thread on his recent docu-drama didn't have anywhere near the comments about his cheating on his wife. I suppose some might say he wasn't trying to further his career by cheating, but I'm not sure motives really come into play, surely cheating is cheating.

BrotherDaniel · 24/04/14 - 12:04

It seems society feels men are more likely to cheat so it's almost somewhat expected.

When a woman cheats '**** of Babylon' etc

Double standards indeed.

Both parties disgust me and need to examine there lives.

Raquelos. · 24/04/14 - 12:09

I think those double standards are less harsh than they once were since most people would probably acknowledge that cheating is an undesirable trait in either gender, but women do still tend to be more vilified for it.

What I find interesting is the tendency to be more outraged at the single woman sleeping with an attached man than with the man in that situation. Granted it isn't particularly admirable behaviour but the onus should be on the attached individual not to cheat rather than on the single person they are cheating with.

BrotherDaniel · 24/04/14 - 12:10

Raquelos. wrote: »

I think those double standards are less harsh than they once were since most people would probably acknowledge that cheating is an undesirable trait in either gender, but women do still tend to be more vilified for it.

What I find interesting is the tendency to be more outraged at the single woman sleeping with an attached man than with the man in that situation. Granted it isn't particularly admirable behaviour but the onus should be on the attached individual not to cheat rather than on the single person they are cheating with.

It's squall as bad surely

Takae · 24/04/14 - 12:14

Yes and no.

If it was his first time (at least in public), he'll be forgiven with time and life goes on. Example: David Beckham.
If it was her first time (at least in public), she'll be ****-shamed with a lot of name-calling for years to come. Example: Angelina Jolie.
If he's a serial cheater, he'll be judged harshly with a lot of name calling for years to come. Example: Ashley the footballer (forgot his surname)
If she's a serial cheater, no one cares because they're bored with slagging her off. Example: Elizabeth Taylor.

Summer Breeze · 24/04/14 - 12:16

It should be equal, but in my opinion it is not.

An example...
One married man with two children, one married woman with two children, married but not to each other.
It all comes out, talk of the village at the time a few years back.

She gets sent to coventry by the other school Mums.
He continues his chats with the Dads at the local pub.

It takes two to have an affair, so both should be held accountable.

Takae · 24/04/14 - 12:18

Raquelos. wrote: »

What I find interesting is the tendency to be more outraged at the single woman sleeping with an attached man than with the man in that situation. Granted it isn't particularly admirable behaviour but the onus should be on the attached individual not to cheat rather than on the single person they are cheating with.

I strongly agree.

My jaw always drops when people direct their attacks at the 'other woman'. Um, shouldn't it be the cheating spouse? He's the one who knew he was married, the very one who broke the vow. Or are they saying the guy is so stupid and weak that he didn't know how to say no?

Edited: That applies to those in relationship, of course.

BlueEyedMrsP · 24/04/14 - 12:18

Raquelos. wrote: »

I think those double standards are less harsh than they once were since most people would probably acknowledge that cheating is an undesirable trait in either gender, but women do still tend to be more vilified for it.

What I find interesting is the tendency to be more outraged at the single woman sleeping with an attached man than with the man in that situation. Granted it isn't particularly admirable behaviour but the onus should be on the attached individual not to cheat rather than on the single person they are cheating with.

Yeah, it's almost as if there's an assumption that guys can't help it if a woman offers it up. I'd like to think men are much more intelligent than that

I wonder too if the double standard comes from the idea that men are motivated by sex whereas women only have sex with someone they love, which would mean a man who cheats is just satisfying a biological urge whereas a woman who cheats has done something much worse (fell in love with another man). Many people think that women never have sex just for the sake of having sex. Not saying that makes it okay to cheat, it doesn't of course, I'm just thinking about what might go on inside our heads.

shelleyj89 · 24/04/14 - 12:20

Women always get condemned more. For example, LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian were birth married to other people when they got together - Eddie having two children with his then wife. Yet LeAnn is the one who gets called a homewrecker, and, on the whole, Eddie seems to have got away with it.

A personal example - my cousin's husband cheated on her with her best friend. She's disowned the best friend, puts all the blame on her, and she's still with her husband and they've even had a fourth kid since.

Bobbity-boo · 24/04/14 - 12:30

I knew a nun, a lovely person, who once said, "There's nothing worse than a girl (sic) who brings down a priest.". Makes you wonder, eh?

Jim_McIntosh · 24/04/14 - 12:34

I don't think I judge men and women differently on this but I do think if you polled 1000 people then most would condemn the woman more. That's just my gut feeling - I might be entirely wrong.

thefairydandy · 24/04/14 - 12:43

Summer Breeze wrote: »

It should be equal, but in my opinion it is not.

An example...
One married man with two children, one married woman with two children, married but not to each other.
It all comes out, talk of the village at the time a few years back.

She gets sent to coventry by the other school Mums.
He continues his chats with the Dads at the local pub.

It takes two to have an affair, so both should be held accountable.

Your example introduces another interesting dynamic - who gives who the blame? Do men regard a cheating female poorly? Do women regard a cheating male poorly? I'd say more so for the latter, in my experience.

It's kind of a stereotype that women don't want 'man eaters' sniffing around their own husbands, so ostracise them from the social group. Men are less likely to bring a male friend round to dinner so don't see the 'risk' in socialising with someone who'd sleep with someone in a relationship.

Hey there!

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Are men and women condemned equally for infidelity?

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