Blanche in Corrie is fantastic. I remember once she told Ken and Deirdre:
'Good looks are a curse, you and Ken should count yourselves lucky'
And Honey in the launderette:
'I've been the victim of industrial espionage'
And Pat 'I've had so many names, I should have my own page in the telephone directory'
Rosemary to Tom in Emmerdale in one of the Who Killed Tom King clips - 'Love is for the little people'
And Jacqui in Hollyoaks about Sonny, 'His name may be Valentine, but he sure ain't doing any loving'
Dennis Rickman in eastenders had some great ones.....
"Is that when the big hand points to Mickey?"
Sharon: I've just been speaking to Pauline.
Dennis: My sympathies.
Sharon: I was a bit short with her, I bit her head off.
Dennis: She'll grow a new one.
"No escaping Phillip! Him and his nuckle dragging mates put side the snooker hall, acting like they just worked out how to make fire. Give 'em another couple of thousand years and he'll invent the wheel."
(To Zoe) 'And that's what this nympho stepford wife act is all about is it?'
Waitress: You've been in here ages.
Dennis: Lucky I am easy on the eyes then.
(To Phil) I knew you'd fall for me eventually.
Den: There's something wrong with you Dennis.
Dennis: Yeah, I'm sitting across from you
I could go on but I wont.:)
Ah, you forgot the best one....
Dennis (eating pizza): Would you like some of my 12"s Pauline?
I'm in agreement though - Blanche gets all the best one-liners!
Eastenders
Garry: [trying to remember the ten commandments] Oh, I know! Thou shalt not tell porkies about thy neighbour... or pinch stuff off him including the bloke's wife.
Belinda: I hope they take plastic
Kat: Why? You gonna getcha boobs out?
Lucy: [about Ian and Jane] So do you think they've gone all the way?
Stacey: I think they've gone all the way, turned round and come back again!
Kat: [complaining about olives in her drink] These grapes are 'orrible!
Anthony: They're olives!
Kat: Tell 'er she can 'ave 'em back then!
Not necessarily a one liner but one of my favourite Stacey rants.
Stacey: The two birds that run the pub, they're right up themselves. The bird in the café she's a bit up herself but not too bad. Yolande in the shop, she's up herself. She's all right sometimes. Pauline in the launderette, she's a right old dragon and she's up herself. The other one just goes on about God all day. My Nan's a battleaxe. My cousin Mo's all right but my cousin Zoë, wait till you get a load of her. She's so far up herself she's coming back out again!
Coronation Street
Cilla: Owt you've got to say to Les, you can say to me! Got it?
Janice: Well, what if I was going to say, he's going out with a fat, ugly, useless trollope. Bin it!
Eileen: Run along home now, Gail. The curtains won't twitch themselves, you know.
Gail : Oh! Here they come then, The rest of the "Village People".
Blanche: Good looks are a curse, Deirdre. You and Kenneth should count yourselves lucky.
Emmerdale
Betty: [Looking Syd up and down] You won't get far with a little thing like that!
Diane: [about a plate of food that accidentally ended up on the floor] You can't serve that now!
Marlon: It's for Shadrach.
Diane: Fair enough.
When Honey was pregnant in EE, her dad Jack gave her and Billy 1 grand to start them off. Honey asks: "Oh is that why they call it a GRAND-father?" lol
Also when Max first came to the Square, he knocks on Jim's door and Pauline turns up in an apron ( she was cleaning the house for Dot I think). She tells him Jim isn't in, and then
Max: You must be the wife
Pauline: Oh no, I'm just a friend
Max: Must be some friend if he's got you doing the old French maid routine
Maybe not that funny but just the image of Pauline in a French maid movie.........disgustin and hilarious at the same time lol
Carmel in Hollyoaks has some great one liners! I'm having trouble remembering them though.
When John-Paul first came out she had a rather funny scene!
"I made your lunch for you something very special, what do you think I made the carrot flowers myself....I know how important image is to you homosexuals"
"Next time I think I should go with a rainbow theme"
Haha making a gay sandwich..and they never mention the filling
About 10 years ago Emmerdale used to be the best for bitchy one liners. I remember Mandy Dingle and Kelly had had a falling out and Kelly came in to try and make up with Mandy
Kelly: "I'm waving a white flag here"
Mandy: "Is that what it is? I thought it was your knickers!"
Comments
tyrone in corrie on leanne. they were sitting in the restaurant and nothing was on the menu and crappy service
paul: some ppl dont know how to treat customers
tyrone: i dunno i hear she bends over backwards for them lol
That was a great one
'Good looks are a curse, you and Ken should count yourselves lucky'
And Honey in the launderette:
'I've been the victim of industrial espionage'
And Pat 'I've had so many names, I should have my own page in the telephone directory'
Rosemary to Tom in Emmerdale in one of the Who Killed Tom King clips - 'Love is for the little people'
And Jacqui in Hollyoaks about Sonny, 'His name may be Valentine, but he sure ain't doing any loving'
Ah, you forgot the best one....
Dennis (eating pizza): Would you like some of my 12"s Pauline?
I'm in agreement though - Blanche gets all the best one-liners!
lmao anyone remember ??
Sean: He's a James Bond fanatic- he's proper alright!
Shadrach: Nice top. It will look better on my bedroom floor.
Sarah: Craig, can I have a quick word?
Craig: velocity
Mr Matthew: Can we have 2 pints, and something pink for Barbie.
Kelly: You can't lock me up. Look at me, i'll be dyke food.
"It's either The Railway Children or summat miserable with Trevor Howard. We use 'em as coasters in our house."
lol. my fave blanche moment is when Liz was going for a job interview and went round to see Dierdre before she went...
Liz: How do i look?
Dierdre: Yeh good. What job are you going for?
Blanche: Prostitute.
LOL.
that was the best one-liner ever! I spat my tea out when I heard it!l
"If only he wore slip on shoes!!"
(because she said he tripped over his laces)
carl: iv been doing your job (to matthew)
kelly:what? bein a pig?
lol
''innocent until proven not guilty''
ROSEMARY AND GRAYSON (WHO IS BI-SEXUAL) STANDING
IN MATTHEW'S OFFICE.
Matthew: 'oh and grayson, shut that door!"
Garry: [trying to remember the ten commandments] Oh, I know! Thou shalt not tell porkies about thy neighbour... or pinch stuff off him including the bloke's wife.
Belinda: I hope they take plastic
Kat: Why? You gonna getcha boobs out?
Lucy: [about Ian and Jane] So do you think they've gone all the way?
Stacey: I think they've gone all the way, turned round and come back again!
Kat: [complaining about olives in her drink] These grapes are 'orrible!
Anthony: They're olives!
Kat: Tell 'er she can 'ave 'em back then!
Not necessarily a one liner but one of my favourite Stacey rants.
Stacey: The two birds that run the pub, they're right up themselves. The bird in the café she's a bit up herself but not too bad. Yolande in the shop, she's up herself. She's all right sometimes. Pauline in the launderette, she's a right old dragon and she's up herself. The other one just goes on about God all day. My Nan's a battleaxe. My cousin Mo's all right but my cousin Zoë, wait till you get a load of her. She's so far up herself she's coming back out again!
Coronation Street
Cilla: Owt you've got to say to Les, you can say to me! Got it?
Janice: Well, what if I was going to say, he's going out with a fat, ugly, useless trollope. Bin it!
Eileen: Run along home now, Gail. The curtains won't twitch themselves, you know.
Gail : Oh! Here they come then, The rest of the "Village People".
Blanche: Good looks are a curse, Deirdre. You and Kenneth should count yourselves lucky.
Emmerdale
Betty: [Looking Syd up and down] You won't get far with a little thing like that!
Diane: [about a plate of food that accidentally ended up on the floor] You can't serve that now!
Marlon: It's for Shadrach.
Diane: Fair enough.
Kelly to Debbie: Would madam like vinegar on her chips, or is she sour enough?
Betty: I'm not a gossip. I just take an active interest, in my community.
Coronation Street.
Rita to Blanche: Your gob should come with a goverment health warning.
Also when Max first came to the Square, he knocks on Jim's door and Pauline turns up in an apron ( she was cleaning the house for Dot I think). She tells him Jim isn't in, and then
Max: You must be the wife
Pauline: Oh no, I'm just a friend
Max: Must be some friend if he's got you doing the old French maid routine
Maybe not that funny but just the image of Pauline in a French maid movie.........disgustin and hilarious at the same time lol
Then later to Hayley
At least I've always been a woman-the look on John's face (is that his name?) was priceless.
When John-Paul first came out she had a rather funny scene!
"I made your lunch for you something very special, what do you think I made the carrot flowers myself....I know how important image is to you homosexuals"
"Next time I think I should go with a rainbow theme"
Haha making a gay sandwich..and they never mention the filling
Jason
Kelly: "I'm waving a white flag here"
Mandy: "Is that what it is? I thought it was your knickers!"
as "I WANT MY EPIDOODLE!"
Nurse: "Well come out of the bathroom and we'll get you an Epidoodle!"
Then there was at Shelley and Charlie's wedding
"Do you think they wrote their own vows?":p