My family is Chinese and while my parents are quite relaxed about it, our culture in general puts a lot of pressure on you to be married with kids by the mid to late 20s. I think that for women, it's important to be settled by that age if you want children, otherwise you won't have many more years left to have a baby. I'm 28 and feel like I'm running out of time (especially as my grandfather, who's 84, has NO great-grandchildren and we'd like him to have some before he dies - there's no excuse, he has 9 grandchildren, all but two of whom are old enough to be married!) But I also don't really believe in "waiting for the right person." I'd much rather be married than grow old alone because I held out for an ideal that doesn't really exist. I think if you get divorced, at least you had a chance to be with someone, and you're likely to have had children too so at least you have that
In our family's culture (as in many others), it's seen as the responsible thing to be married by a certain age and have kids so that your parents have grandchildren and you have someone to look after you when you're old, etc. My grandfather saw all his children grow up and get married and have their own kids (all by age 24-25), and we'd like him to be able to see at least one of his grandchildren have a baby before he dies and to know that the family is in good hands. What's wrong with that?
I'm 32 and it seems everyone I grew up with has a baby and/or partner. I don't want children and I'm not too bothered about actively seeking a partner.
I don't feel any pressure though, as I've always been a non conformist. If I meet someone I love enough I'll happily get married but I would never try to force it.
I've noticed this as well. What is worse, most of them had them late teens early twenties but are single mothers now. Plus a lot of them look very haggard. Looks like all the years of drink from their teenage days has caught up with them.
I've noticed this as well. What is worse, most of them had them late teens early twenties but are single mothers now. Plus a lot of them look very haggard. Looks like all the years of drink from their teenage days has caught up with them.
I don't know, I think in a lot of cases it's the stress of having kids (and/or other problems?) Someone I went to school with was a binge drinker as a teenager and has had a drinking problem all her adult life yet she still looks younger than our classmates who've had children (unless she just has good genes ...)
A further point I'd like to make is that not everyone who is in a relationship is happy. Sometimes people are stuck in abusive long term relationships for a whole number of reasons, or sometimes people can feel lonely in a marriage, but have to stick it out because of the kids or the mortgage, they must look at free and single people with a bit of envy.
In our family's culture (as in many others), it's seen as the responsible thing to be married by a certain age and have kids so that your parents have grandchildren and you have someone to look after you when you're old, etc. My grandfather saw all his children grow up and get married and have their own kids (all by age 24-25), and we'd like him to be able to see at least one of his grandchildren have a baby before he dies and to know that the family is in good hands. What's wrong with that?
I don't think there's anything wrong with that as its your culture, which is not the same as the British culture which is generally more relaxed, we probably like our parents to be around to see their grandchildren but I doubt many of us would be worrying about great grandchildren. As long as you are happy with your choice of spouse then nothing wrong with it.
I'm 32 and it seems everyone I grew up with has a baby and/or partner. I don't want children and I'm not too bothered about actively seeking a partner.
I don't feel any pressure though, as I've always been a non conformist. If I meet someone I love enough I'll happily get married but I would never try to force it.
I know how you feel. I think life is somehow easier if you're in a couple - from major thingsllike getting a mortgage and having children to day-to-day situations like going on holiday and 'plus one' invites. I definitely felt pressure in my thirties and ended up 'settling down' with someone who was conveniently available, seemed a good prospect, found me just about attractive enough to sleep with every night and me him, and met my parents approval - these are all really terrible reasons for settling down but that's how I was thinking back then. I look back in horror that we were actually trying for a baby just as the relationship was starting to break down, it's lucky for the three of us - me, him and the child that wasn't conceived - that I didn't get pregnant because either we would've been stuck together several more years resenting each other or I'dve really struggled as a single parent.
It's only when you get past the age when its going to happen that at least the pressure of having to have children eases. In some ways I'm very sad that I've missed that experience of bringing a life into the world and caring for a son or daughter but the right circumstances have never arrived so I realize it's for the best.
I still feel a certain pressure to partner up though - in many ways socially, it's easy to feel a nuisance when you're single in your 40s. Many of the people I would be looking at dating though do have children of their own and I wonder how I would cope with being a step parent - Ive developed a certain self-confidence over the last few years that have been pretty 'challenging' as they say, but I'm not sure it wouldn't be shaken by a 'you're not my real mum' scenario.
I'm 32 and it seems everyone I grew up with has a baby and/or partner. I don't want children and I'm not too bothered about actively seeking a partner.
I don't feel any pressure though, as I've always been a non conformist. If I meet someone I love enough I'll happily get married but I would never try to force it.
That's the thing, you don't want kids.
If women do want to have children, they should ideally have them all before they reach the age of 36. If course many wait till later, but the risks increase rapidly after this age. Bearing this in mind, most women are keen to find a suitable partner by the age of around 30.
And once you have found this partner and intend to have children it seems to make sense to cement things and create a secure family structure for the children by getting married.
Men, on the other hand, could happily wait till they are 40. The OP should not feel the need to rush into anything, under 30 is too young to get married unless you are really keen.
Comments
NO great grandchildren?
What a crap reason to have children.
In our family's culture (as in many others), it's seen as the responsible thing to be married by a certain age and have kids so that your parents have grandchildren and you have someone to look after you when you're old, etc. My grandfather saw all his children grow up and get married and have their own kids (all by age 24-25), and we'd like him to be able to see at least one of his grandchildren have a baby before he dies and to know that the family is in good hands. What's wrong with that?
I've noticed this as well. What is worse, most of them had them late teens early twenties but are single mothers now. Plus a lot of them look very haggard. Looks like all the years of drink from their teenage days has caught up with them.
I don't know, I think in a lot of cases it's the stress of having kids (and/or other problems?) Someone I went to school with was a binge drinker as a teenager and has had a drinking problem all her adult life yet she still looks younger than our classmates who've had children (unless she just has good genes ...)
I don't think there's anything wrong with that as its your culture, which is not the same as the British culture which is generally more relaxed, we probably like our parents to be around to see their grandchildren but I doubt many of us would be worrying about great grandchildren. As long as you are happy with your choice of spouse then nothing wrong with it.
You realise you don't need to have kids right?
That is true just make sure your partner feels the same, or other wise it could end up being a big disater all the way round.
I know how you feel. I think life is somehow easier if you're in a couple - from major thingsllike getting a mortgage and having children to day-to-day situations like going on holiday and 'plus one' invites. I definitely felt pressure in my thirties and ended up 'settling down' with someone who was conveniently available, seemed a good prospect, found me just about attractive enough to sleep with every night and me him, and met my parents approval - these are all really terrible reasons for settling down but that's how I was thinking back then. I look back in horror that we were actually trying for a baby just as the relationship was starting to break down, it's lucky for the three of us - me, him and the child that wasn't conceived - that I didn't get pregnant because either we would've been stuck together several more years resenting each other or I'dve really struggled as a single parent.
It's only when you get past the age when its going to happen that at least the pressure of having to have children eases. In some ways I'm very sad that I've missed that experience of bringing a life into the world and caring for a son or daughter but the right circumstances have never arrived so I realize it's for the best.
I still feel a certain pressure to partner up though - in many ways socially, it's easy to feel a nuisance when you're single in your 40s. Many of the people I would be looking at dating though do have children of their own and I wonder how I would cope with being a step parent - Ive developed a certain self-confidence over the last few years that have been pretty 'challenging' as they say, but I'm not sure it wouldn't be shaken by a 'you're not my real mum' scenario.
That's the thing, you don't want kids.
If women do want to have children, they should ideally have them all before they reach the age of 36. If course many wait till later, but the risks increase rapidly after this age. Bearing this in mind, most women are keen to find a suitable partner by the age of around 30.
And once you have found this partner and intend to have children it seems to make sense to cement things and create a secure family structure for the children by getting married.
Men, on the other hand, could happily wait till they are 40. The OP should not feel the need to rush into anything, under 30 is too young to get married unless you are really keen.