How to make Doctor Who.

Darth-Habib · 11/04/08 - 15:00

http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2008/apr/11/television1

What do the critics know anyway, those who can, do, those who cant, criticise.

[Deleted User] · 11/04/08 - 15:05

Darth-Habib wrote: »

What do the critics know anyway, those who can, do, those who cant, criticse.

Oh, come on... I think there's more than a grain of truth in there.

Although I think item 8 should really read "Enjoy enormously while pining for the real Daleks."

Stig · 11/04/08 - 15:30

For those who are too lazy to click

1. Whip up some publicity about Doctor Who being served at tea-time. Make the first helping frothy and saccharine enough to guarantee
parents let their kids partake of the forthcoming portions, "the ones that will give them nightmares".

2. The mainstay of this dish is David Tennant, a few pints depending on your tolerance. Dress in a butterscotch mac, pinstripe suit and plimsolls until he resembles a blend of Jarvis Cocker and Columbo.

3. Tennant being the Roger Moore to Tom Baker's Sean Connery, make sure eyebrows rise repeatedly, with constant gurning and mugging to camera worthy of (retch) Robbie Williams.

4. To avoid irritation (of the bowels), sprinkle in a mention of Rose - even though she's not really in it.

5. To complement the Doctor, unwrap a nice, wholesome Donna. Do not bother to prepare a reason that explains what on earth would possess him to travel through time with a dull, suburban nag who keeps breaking into characters from The Catherine Tate Show.

6. Rustle up a storyline on the back of an envelope, using a traditional mix of the dangers of fascism and strong, scary women who resemble Anne Robinson. Chuck in a dozen chase scenes and several explosions scattered with postmodern jokes for any grown-ups. Top it off with a dollop of sentiment based around love, loneliness and Bernard Cribbins.

7. Baddies should be sick, witty twists of villains on The New Avengers, Space: 1999 and other programmes Russell T Davies saw as an adolescent. Politicians turning into flatulent war pigs, something subtle like that.

8. Enjoy enormously while pining for the Daleks.

I do think that RTD stories are fairly formulaic.

tallorder · 11/04/08 - 15:34

Am I the only one who reads this and thinks sour grapes on the part of the critic (and no doubt failed writer).

solenoid · 11/04/08 - 15:43

I wonder which part of the Dalek that critic pines for?

Shelley seems to have an entire list of shows on "how to make" - cheap comedy critique.

!!11oneone · 11/04/08 - 15:52

For those with a sense of humour failure, that column is satirical and breaks down a different TV show into it's formulaic parts each week.

It's tongue-in-cheek. And it does say "enjoy enormously". Which is a compliment.

[Deleted User] · 11/04/08 - 15:57

tallorder wrote: »

Am I the only one who reads this and thinks sour grapes on the part of the critic (and no doubt failed writer).

Those who criticise rarely do so because they are "just jealous", despite what our mothers told us as children.

"Love, loneliness and Bernard Cribbins" is the best name for a concept album never to be made.

[Deleted User] · 11/04/08 - 16:34

Histeria wrote: »

"Love, loneliness and Bernard Cribbins" is the best name for a concept album never to be made.

I think Bernard should release it as a counterpoint to his comedy hit Right Said Fred!

[Deleted User] · 11/04/08 - 16:36

Stig wrote: »

For those who are too lazy to click

I do think that RTD stories are fairly formulaic.

Damn, i always click on the link and read it, then scroll down to find a post like that when it's too late

And... did you actually watch Love and Monsters? lol

[Deleted User] · 11/04/08 - 16:42

NAF wrote: »

did you actually watch Love and Monsters?

It still burns.

Stig · 11/04/08 - 16:46

NAF wrote: »

did you actually watch Love and Monsters? lol

Love and Monsters was a really good episode, and I had to double check that RTD wrote it!

'Partners in Crime' was much more typically RTD, and that's what Shelley was talking about.

[Deleted User] · 11/04/08 - 17:05

Stig wrote: »

'Partners in Crime' was much more typically RTD, and that's what Shelley was talking about.

I'm sure his episodes will get better throughout the series (although saying that, i adored PiC). I think it was a good idea to start S4 the way he did.

FunkmasterT · 11/04/08 - 20:04

Histeria wrote: »

It still burns.

I love Love & Monsters! It's fantastically charming and a nice little story. I'm a big Marc Warren fan, so perhaps that sways it a bit more in my favour, but apart from the Abzorbalof being a bit crappy, I thought it was a wonderful little episode.

Nadias_balls · 11/04/08 - 20:07

Of course criticism is always going to be made, and Doctor Who isn't perfect, but when you hear people just being nasty for the sake of it; you can't help but think ; "You f*ck*ng do it then!"

The Slug · 11/04/08 - 20:33

Nadias_balls wrote: »

Of course criticism is always going to be made, and Doctor Who isn't perfect, but when you hear people just being nasty for the sake of it; you can't help but think ; "You f*ck*ng do it then!"

It doesn't read as nasty to me. As !!11oneone said, it's tongue in cheek and still says "enjoy enormously" at the end.

[Deleted User] · 11/04/08 - 20:48

The Slug wrote: »

It doesn't read as nasty to me. As !!11oneone said, it's tongue in cheek and still says "enjoy enormously" at the end.

It is definitely flagged up as a guilty pleasure though.

[Deleted User] · 11/04/08 - 22:27

FunkmasterT wrote: »

I love Love & Monsters! It's fantastically charming and a nice little story. I'm a big Marc Warren fan, so perhaps that sways it a bit more in my favour, but apart from the Abzorbalof being a bit crappy, I thought it was a wonderful little episode.

Warren was wonderful in the Hogfather and his dancing to ELO at the beginning of Love and Monsters is rather cute!

codename_47 · 11/04/08 - 22:32

Tennant being the Roger Moore to Tom Baker's Sean Connery,

Actually given the respective locations and pomp of those two (erm...four?

) I'd really say she should probably have written this the other way around...

[Deleted User] · 11/04/08 - 22:37

The Slug wrote: »

It doesn't read as nasty to me. As !!11oneone said, it's tongue in cheek and still says "enjoy enormously" at the end.

I don't think The Mirror was particularly kind to PiC when they reviewed it last Sunday but perhaps on the whole they still love the series.

Nadias_balls · 11/04/08 - 23:04

I wasn't saying that article was particulary nasty, it was more a comment on the way so many articles are just needlessly nasty, spiteful for the sake of it. Like I said, criticism is always going to present, and columnists are always going to get the knives out regardless of how much they personally enjoyed something; but I personally find so many of the TV reviewers nowdays, yawn inducing predictable.

[Deleted User] · 12/04/08 - 09:25

tallorder wrote: »

Am I the only one who reads this and thinks sour grapes on the part of the critic (and no doubt failed writer).

No you are not the only one. I totally agree with you, they are always quick to put RTD and the new run down. But, if it wasn't for him, it wouldn't have come back and pleased x amount of people and brought back some decent Saturday night telly.

Hey there!

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