Contacting my sons father.
I will try and keep it as brief as possible.
20 years ago I was seeing a lad and fell pregnant, we had only seen each other a handful of times and were not in a relationship.
Anyway I got pregnant by him and had no way of contacting him, but we had a mutual( female) friend who was rather jealous of us seeing each other. Anyway I told her I was pregnant and she said she would tell him, she came back to me a few days later and said she had told him but his answer was 'well thats her problem'
I had no way to tell whether she was telling the truth or not and left it at that, I never saw him again as I became ill with morning sickness really quick and spent weeks in hospital and then resting at home.
I had the child in '94, and he became vaccine damaged at around 4 months old, and is now a severely disabled adult although he has achieved so much in his life and I am very proud of him, he is about to go to college later in the year.
Anyway, he has recently been asking about his father, once he turned 18 he became more intrigued. I told him his name and that we were both young and we were not destined to be together, but he would like to see a picture at least, or something so that he knows where he came from.
Well I think I may have found this man on Facebook, 20 years is a long time and I am not 100% it is him but I am pretty sure. My dilemma is, do I send him a message just to ask if he was living in the town where I lived 20 years ago? if it is him what then?? do I tell him or just show the picture of him to my son??
I have always wanted my son to know him, but I still have the line my friend told me in my head' thats her problem'
Any input would be greatly appreciated.
20 years ago I was seeing a lad and fell pregnant, we had only seen each other a handful of times and were not in a relationship.
Anyway I got pregnant by him and had no way of contacting him, but we had a mutual( female) friend who was rather jealous of us seeing each other. Anyway I told her I was pregnant and she said she would tell him, she came back to me a few days later and said she had told him but his answer was 'well thats her problem'
I had no way to tell whether she was telling the truth or not and left it at that, I never saw him again as I became ill with morning sickness really quick and spent weeks in hospital and then resting at home.
I had the child in '94, and he became vaccine damaged at around 4 months old, and is now a severely disabled adult although he has achieved so much in his life and I am very proud of him, he is about to go to college later in the year.
Anyway, he has recently been asking about his father, once he turned 18 he became more intrigued. I told him his name and that we were both young and we were not destined to be together, but he would like to see a picture at least, or something so that he knows where he came from.
Well I think I may have found this man on Facebook, 20 years is a long time and I am not 100% it is him but I am pretty sure. My dilemma is, do I send him a message just to ask if he was living in the town where I lived 20 years ago? if it is him what then?? do I tell him or just show the picture of him to my son??
I have always wanted my son to know him, but I still have the line my friend told me in my head' thats her problem'
Any input would be greatly appreciated.
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Comments
You may be pleasantly surprised you never know. Lots of people are completely different to their young and selfish selves once they've grown up a bit.
I will message him now to see if its him.
Let us know how you get on, crossing my fingers for you
Also twenty years is a long time. Did you have a little snout around on his profile first? Check to see if hes married etc or has children? I know you and your son are in the right for wanting to know but if hes married with kids and didnt know, it may be a lot for him to handle.
Good luck and i hope at the least your son gets the answers he needs.
It has always been in the back of my mind about the mutual friend and was he really told the news
Just read you're post, any news yet? I really wish you well xxx
Hugs at what must be a nerve racking time xx
It was really hard for me to do but he didnt seem that bothered, oh well its all done now, I can show my son his picture now:)
PS it looks like the friend didnt tell him about it, so he really was none the wiser.
Hs probably in shock, from your earlier posts I'd presumed he knew there was a baby....so he's probably having kittens right about now! It may just be a knee jerk reaction and he may come back in a while and say he does want to meet your son, or he might disappear again. But at least you can tell your son you tried hard, that's all we single parents can do!
Glad it wasn't too painful, I'm sure he did remember you, but was playing it cool don't forget you've had a reason to remember him all these years, he's not had a constant reminder if you.
Just a thought.....it was the right guy wasn't it, not just someone with the same name!?
Yes I made doubly and trebly sure, kept asking him certain things like did he live in certain streets in certain towns. he really had no idea who I was , but then again he was a ladies man and admitted to sleeping with around a hundred women since then! he made it clear he didnt want to see him, but did want a picture. I am still sweating, hardest thing I have had to do in years! I am just glad he didnt have a go at me ,lol it must have been a shock even though he played it cool.
Sounds like he was probably expecting this from somewhere then, sleeping with that many women!
Well done for doing it! I can imagine how hard it was, have you spoken to your son yet?
What a shame he doesn't want a relationship with your/his son, but the fact he wants a picture seems like he is not totally decided on that.
As Bazaar1 said, he may contact you again with a change of heart.
At least you did the right thing and got in contact.
Take Care and well done xx
Phew, what an evening !