What do your parents think of you?
Flamethrower100
Posts: 14,106 Forum Member
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My parents seem to think that I'm ignorant and Self centered.
You'd have to see my father to believe that he has the right to judge anyone.
He was so drunk one night that he fell against the cooker and broke his hip. I begged him to let me call the emergency services, but he just swore at me, and told me that he's kill me if I told anyone. he lay on the floor for two days, untill he could drag himself to living room, and lay on the couch.
I didn't know he had broken his hip untill three weeks later. when he eventualy called the doctor.
During those three weeks I had to clean up after him. After he went to hospital I had to clean the house for two weeks solid. It was so prutrid that I could not bare to go into the living room.
I am so glad that this year is over.
I would have been selfish if I had never spoken to him again.
I need to leave.
You'd have to see my father to believe that he has the right to judge anyone.
He was so drunk one night that he fell against the cooker and broke his hip. I begged him to let me call the emergency services, but he just swore at me, and told me that he's kill me if I told anyone. he lay on the floor for two days, untill he could drag himself to living room, and lay on the couch.
I didn't know he had broken his hip untill three weeks later. when he eventualy called the doctor.
During those three weeks I had to clean up after him. After he went to hospital I had to clean the house for two weeks solid. It was so prutrid that I could not bare to go into the living room.
I am so glad that this year is over.
I would have been selfish if I had never spoken to him again.
I need to leave.
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Comments
Yeah, you do. Right now. Make that a new year's resolution.
I'm leaving. As soon as a can. Anywhere would be better than having another year like this one. He can't help himself he was back on the drink as soon as he left hospital. A litre of vodka a day, and he never changes his clothes or washes. And he judges me as a daughter, I'm far from perfect. But I don't see what I'm supposed to do. I don't like spending time with someone who is always pissed from morning to night. He doesn't deserve to have children at all. If I ever behaved that way infront of a child of mine. :eek: at what ever age
I care for my dad, of course I do. He's not a bad man. i've had to watch him go down hill for a long time now. since I was 15.
I don't know if I can stand much more. It's turning me into a person that I don't like. someone that can't feel much at all for anyone or anything. I just see life as a chore. And I'd rather not wake up in the morning.
But it is hard to leave someone who has nothing at all.
I know what will happen if I leave. He will kill himself.
And he has said that he would many times.
I Can't stand him. But he is my father. I don't know what I would do if I left and he just topped himself. I'd feel responsable.
He has no one else at all.
I'm just saying how my life is. Seeing someone who was once your father, turn into a pathetic brain dead drunk. who shat himself, pissed on the floor and refused medical treatment.... instead had me look after him untill he could stand it no longer.
Is not pleasant. I mean he always drank. But he was never this bad, untill my mum left him.
I would rather that he had always been dreadful. maybe my mother would have left him sooner. And I would have grown up away from him.
I do really feel for you. My father was an alcoholic, though I never faced the problems that you're describing. My experience was like an endless hospital dash, exhausting!
While it's easy to say 'leave him and get on with your life', it's an impossible expectation. It's part and parcel of the process, you are a victim of his alcoholism and will always be on the end of that string.
I have no idea how old you are, but it seems that you're beyond social services for your own sake. Would you consider speaking to someone via the phone who is more knowledgable than me and trained to deal with this?
Take care x
Threatening to kill himself is emotional blackmail.
You may well be enabling his drinking by being there to support him. I would strongly urge you to get to an AA meeting, they have sections there for the family of the alcoholic and will support you. I did this when my ex had a gambling problem, obviously I went to GA, they were totally brilliant! I could see through the game playing, abuse and emotional blackmail with their help.
It's got to be worth a shot.
Your Mum has escaped, it's not just your responsibility, she chose to have children with him ie. you. Ultimately even if he did top himself, that would have been his fault, because he'd allowed his live to become so miserable through making the choice to drink that he didn't want to live it any more.
He's sapping the life out of you, that's selfish in the extreme.
Addicts are extremely selfish.
I really hope you call the AA because they there for the family too. What normally happens is that the partners or children of the alcholics wills support YOU. Of course if he decides he wants to change they'll help him too.
But you don't have to go with him, you go as a family member to get support for yourself. GA gave me so much strength and courage but my ex (as he is now) never attended. I'd strongly advise you because they can help you see through the guilt trips and the game playing.
No, you chose to. No one is making you stay, you could walk out the door right now if you chose to. Just as you choose to not go and to clear up after him and let him dictate your life to you. If you don't change the way you think about your situation and then do something about it you will still be in it this time next year and the next and the next.
Anyway, back to your question. No idea what my mum thinks of me as she's not very communicative and a bit self-absorbed.
As for my dad - when I was 13 my gran died and my dad told me I had killed her because I was such a horrible person. That sums up him and his opinion of me, I think, and is only one example of his nastiness that started when I was about 3 (when he broke down a door to give me a good beating) and would continue now if I allowed it to. In my late twenties I started to question him about what he said to me (courtesy of an assertiveness book I got out of the library) and never got a coherent answer which thankfully made me realise on a superficial level at least that it wasn't me who had the problem. I have little to do with him bar Christmas and Birthday cards etc. although sometimes I get drawn back into the trying to please him script which I lived by for so long. Old habits are hard to break and one of my resolutions for next year is to be more aware of this and to draw back from the situation to a place where I feel comfortable.
OP - it's difficult, but please try and be a bit selfish and think of yourself. Otherwise your life will be very miserable for a long time.
me and my mum get on fine if we stick to discussing gardening or clothes:) her love was conditional but she's ok now.
My parents are ace, they really are. My mum calls every day to speak to my kids, I'll chat to her about twice a week. Since my husband was made redundant over 6 months ago, they have helped massively. My dad is not much of a phone person, but if there's anything I need, I know he's the one to help me.
Unfortunately , I don't see my uncle as often as I would like, which is my fault for being easily guilt tripped by my Aunt, but I know he would do anything for me and as far as he is concerned, I'm his daughter and my child is his grandchild.
OP, please make this year the one where you put yourself first and start living YOUR life for YOU. You could have so much, and you deserve it all. You just have to be brave.
x
But, even with their limitations, I still miss my parents. Enjoy the (even fleeting) "good" bits?
If your Dad is drinking a litre of vodka a day, then he hasn't got long to live. His bladder is probably already infected and his liver is probably breaking down. I don't envy you what you've got to come.
This is despite me idolising her all my life, being there emotionally and financially for her. Things like getting out a £5000 loan for her when I was 21 (which she never paid back so I am stuck with it), she has told me all her deepest darkest secrets - things that children really shouldn't have to hear.
We were always close, this changed when I started questioning her about things that never made sense and standing up for myself. Also I have made a good life for myself so I've never really needed her (I don't mean as a mother but help - wise). I know I have my faults and I know I've not always done things right - but I am not the kind of person she tells me I am. I have a lovely group of close friends and family, a wonderful husband and beautiful, polite, intelligent little girl who is adored by everyone so i feel I must have done some things right. The older I get the more I know that my mother is never going to change, she is self destructive, negative and does nothing for herself to change her situation. And it is everyone elses fault.
The thing is, I made a decision not to have her in my life because it all came to a head and I know she would have a negative impact on my life forever. I always get the well meaning people saying 'it's your mum, you only get one mum' etc but they just don't know all the details and usually have fantastic parents themselves so they just don't understand
You don't owe your parents anything, especially if they are as abusive as your dad sounds. You only have one life and it's yours. Cut out the poison and try and be happy
Depends what mood he's in. He can be a bit of a d*ck at times.
Of course you know that is his way of telling you he loves you very, very much. My dad is much the same way-- he's economical with affection, but when I did live in the same country, he'd drive me around, sort out my computer, drive 300 odd miles to build my desk, stuff like that.
My parents are quite proud of me and my mother can bore for the world on how well she thinks I am doing. I've tried my best all of my life not to disappoint them, and I think I've done swell.
OP, I feel for you. I hope you get away and your dad gets the help he needs.
Dad thinks I could have made more of myself but we get on really well and always did. We share similar interests and he's told me a good few times that he enjoys our conversations when we meet up.
Overall, I think they think I'm alright.
.. but my Mum and I - just no chance. We just can't get along. She is clearly dissapointed in me at all times - if I get dolled up she won't say a word - if I go out looking like rubbish she will make sure she will say so!
She compliments my daughter all the time but never me - she will ask my daughter what she is wearing to the christmas party but not me (daughter and I work at the same place).
She was livid - LIVID - when I left my first husband after 10 years of unsuccessful marriage - and refused point blank to let me stay in her house. She has never been there for me - but rather has dissaproved of anything I have ever done.
I've done a few bad things I suppose - pregnant at 16 and split up from my husband at 27 but you know what I've never murdered anyone or something really bad so she really needs to get over herself!!!
She used to call me a b1tch when I was a kid and I never got over it to be honest and the relationship has just gone downhill from there!
Bizarrely though I have a great, really close relationship with my own daughter AND my brother (who is golden balls to her) and she hates that so it winds her up even more!
When we are together all it is is snipes at me about this and that and it's just beyond a joke now but hey, you only get one mother don't you!