I feel my life is falling apart
I know this is the type of thing that gets posted regularly on the Advice thread on here, so I apologise if you've seen this and thought "oh, not another one of those", but I would just like to offload a little bit about what is happening to me and any advice would be greatly appreciated.
I just feel as if everything is going wrong with every aspect of my life I am 25 years old, but I really have lost all optimism about my future.
Firstly, in terms of work, I have a job at the moment, but feel as if I am not able to progress anywhere at all because I made a mess of my degree which has severely scuppered my chances of getting any sort of decent position, and I am stuck still doing the job I did before I started University, three years after I completed my course I know I will not be the one who is in a similar situation, but I am struggling to work out what I can do about it because no-one will give me an opportunity. I actually did another thread a while ago relating to this issue. http://forums.digitalspy.co.uk/showthread.php?t=1952984&highlight=
This is not the only problem. I have no life outside of work, and am losing all self-confidence and starting to feel more suicidal on a regular basis. I used to have a small group of friends who I used to socialise with on a regular basis, but due to various different circumstances I hardly ever see them and have lost contact with them e.g. one has had a child and that is taking up all of his time, one has moved away etc. I am currently socially isolated and feel so depressed that I can not bring myself to try new things, and I wouldn't really know where to start. I hardly ever do anything any more because I am on my own and never have any social contact.
All of this is just sending me into a downward spiral and I just get no joy out of anything in life whatsoever. I try talking to my parents but they don't understand the issues I am facing and just look at everything through rose tinted spectacles as they are unable to criticise me. Given that they can't offer an impartial opinion, I have been getting counselling for about nine months now, but I am seeing absolutely no positive results from this whatsoever. In fact, I think things have actually got worse not better since I started that. I am thinking of not continuing with it, but then where do I go from there? There is no other form of help available as far as I can see.
I am really stuck. Again, sorry for the rant, but I just needed to get this off my chest.
I just feel as if everything is going wrong with every aspect of my life I am 25 years old, but I really have lost all optimism about my future.
Firstly, in terms of work, I have a job at the moment, but feel as if I am not able to progress anywhere at all because I made a mess of my degree which has severely scuppered my chances of getting any sort of decent position, and I am stuck still doing the job I did before I started University, three years after I completed my course I know I will not be the one who is in a similar situation, but I am struggling to work out what I can do about it because no-one will give me an opportunity. I actually did another thread a while ago relating to this issue. http://forums.digitalspy.co.uk/showthread.php?t=1952984&highlight=
This is not the only problem. I have no life outside of work, and am losing all self-confidence and starting to feel more suicidal on a regular basis. I used to have a small group of friends who I used to socialise with on a regular basis, but due to various different circumstances I hardly ever see them and have lost contact with them e.g. one has had a child and that is taking up all of his time, one has moved away etc. I am currently socially isolated and feel so depressed that I can not bring myself to try new things, and I wouldn't really know where to start. I hardly ever do anything any more because I am on my own and never have any social contact.
All of this is just sending me into a downward spiral and I just get no joy out of anything in life whatsoever. I try talking to my parents but they don't understand the issues I am facing and just look at everything through rose tinted spectacles as they are unable to criticise me. Given that they can't offer an impartial opinion, I have been getting counselling for about nine months now, but I am seeing absolutely no positive results from this whatsoever. In fact, I think things have actually got worse not better since I started that. I am thinking of not continuing with it, but then where do I go from there? There is no other form of help available as far as I can see.
I am really stuck. Again, sorry for the rant, but I just needed to get this off my chest.
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Comments
What was the subject that you got a degree in, and what were your ideas for your career.?
Have you listed the issues that you have that your parents do not understand to your counsellor ....
What were you expecting from counselling .... And how does your counsellor reflect on that.
Stick in there you are still young and can find yourself and your future !
As for a career, what would you like to do, given the chance? Work inside, outdoors, with people, with machines, plants, animals?
Write a list of easily achievable objectives and start getting control back. Baby steps at first, before you aim for the sky. Good luck
My friend was in a very similar situation to you and did exactly this. He moved around in this country a couple of times, and on the latest move fell into a good job which had a great social life around it...
Also, you could take a look at ways to gain further qualifications, or does your work offer any kind of management training schemes for example?
Would it be fair to say that you don't feel in control of your life? As someone has already said, baby steps are all it'll take. Start taking small steps in the right direction and take back control. Best of luck.
As far as a social life goes, if you've no friends, you need to make some, and for that I'd suggest Meetup.com. There's sure to me some local groups in your area to go to, and you're bound to meet some people that you share interests with. I know, I've joined it and met people too, and whilst at first I thought it daunting, it's paid off, and I hope to further get involved with the people I've met over time.
Don't go doing nothing stupid, and for what little it might be worth, there's always someone worse off than yourself.
I have one younger brother, although we never discuss things like this to each other, so I don't think that would really help. My parents really frustrate me because I try to tell them about the problems I have and they just have blinkers on. I don't know whether they genuinely don't see it or whether they just choose not too. I find them no help at all when it comes to this, but otherwise I have a good relationship with my parents.
My dream career would be a sports journalist. It is very tough to get into and very competitive, and I'm quite a shy, meek person and that is quite a cut-throat industry. I know I've a natural flair for writing and enjoy it but I don't have the correct personality.
I'm a Catch 22 situation when it comes to that. I can not afford to get my own flat because I would need to get a new job with better pay, because at the moment, the outgoings would be too great. I can not find a better job, even though I have been really trying to the point of it being an obssession. I'm spending most nights looking for job after job to the point where I am never relaxing and it is driving me crazy.
No,I have absolutely nowhere to go in my current job whatsoever. I desperately want to leave, and I have directly been told my manager that I am not good enough to be a manager myself. Yes, I think it is fair to say that I feel like I have no control over my life at all. I feel trapped. I have several things happen which have completely shattered my confidence, and also the thought of taking further qualifications after going through the degree, ballsing it up and having to do it again is really not very appealing to me at all. I am struggling to find any motivation to try and better myself because I have no life.
Try and start being positive, look at what you have got instead of what you haven't. Then take steps to make a better life for yourself, however that may be. Perhaps a session with a life coach would be more helpful than the counselling.
I don't have control in all aspects, for example, jobs, because I am reliant on someone else to give me that opportunity. I can't give myself a job.
I may be being too cynical here, but I've always thought things like "life coaches" were a bit of a joke, to be honest. Same as something like a motivational speaker - it's someone who just spouts cliches and meaningless management speak and jargon. I'm not sure that would be for me.
I was also asked earlier in the thread what I would have expected from counselling. My answer really is that I didn't know, but I just did it because it felt like nothing else was working, and that was the only answer my Mam and Dad could ever give me. "You should go and see somebody", they kept saying. So, I have done, and I am seeing no signs of improvements.
It's very difficult to think of the positives, because recently, I have been hit with a series of disappointments in various aspects of my life, and nothing has happened that is an achievement in any sort of way. It's just crushing blow after crushing blow.
Make a short term goal to achieve something positive within the next month. Maybe a life coach isn't for you, but they are useful for people who are demoralised and demotivated.
Perhaps you need to get off your own back, stop pulling yourself down and start thinking about the stuff that you can do well. Like the writing. Why do you have to get a job as a writer to actually write? Why can't you write stuff and then submit it to whatever organisations you think would be interested? They may not pay for them but if they use them then you have a foot in the door.
Your social life is easily fixed if you make the effort. It's easy to expect other people to make all the running but friendship takes two people to work at it. You could start at work by talking to some of the other staff, and by talking, I don't mean whining about what a shit life you have! I mean talking about daily events, work or sports. The football season starts soon and given your location you won't have to go far to find someone to speculate about the chances for the new season. You might even arrange to go with a fellow employee to see a game!
Look at the Whats On guides for the area and see if there is anything that you are interested in. If so, then go and you are bound to meet people there who you can talk to about the event. You may not see them again but at least you will be out living and socialising.
You blame your lack of success at university for everything that is wrong in your life, but really you are just making excuses so you don't need to get off your backside and start living. You were given plenty of advice about how to improve your degree, if that is so important to you. Have you done anything about that yet?
Ultimately you need to grow up and stop behaving like a petulant child who can't have everything the way that he wants. Life is hard and to get the best out of it you have to work hard. Real success doesn't come overnight, nor does it come to those who prefer to wallow in self inflicted misery. If you want your life to change then you need to change your attitude because the only thing that is holding you back is yourself.
How are my life ambitions "silly"? What is silly about what I have said I would like to do? You're talking rubbish there.
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I've already done that. I've submitted pieces to various local magazines and newspapers etc., but have been rejected because i have no previous experience.
My company only has three employees, including my manager, who I would have no desire to socialise with at all outside of work. I never moan about my life at work, I'm too busy just doing my job. I am going to Newcastle's first game of the season.
I already do this as well.
I have applied for credit transfer at the Open University. I am not blaming everything that is wrong with my life at my lack of success at University, just the career aspect. There are other reasons for things wrong with my life in other areas.
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How am I acting like a petulant child? You don't know me or know the situation I'm in. I do not expect everything on a plate. I have never been given anything on a plate. My family have never earned much money and I've never had any privileges. I believe I have overcome a lot of obstacles already in my life, but I am just finding it difficult to keep the motivation to do that up. So don't give me that crap.
I have also already said that I am spending loads of my time trying to find jobs, so don't accuse me of not trying or working hard. I am working very hard, but getting nowhere, that's why am I getting more and more down and demoralised.
I've kept giving myself a kick up the backside time and time again, but there's only so many times I can do it before I start to question what the point is any more.
Good luck.
Which is why I'm very angry at some of the responses I've received here, especially from "justatech", who has pulled me apart without knowing the facts. I'm frustrated because it feels like I've been trying things that people would advise me to try for a while, and none of it is working. It feels like it is getting worse, not better.
It gets me down when I'm constantly being rejected and told I'm not good enough.
Are you suggesting that i just pack my job in and just leave where I currently live and move to another part of the country? That would be incredibly reckless thing to do if I have nothing to go to at my new home. What if go there and can't find anything and end up having more outgoings and running myself into debt?
I know. But one of the perils of posting in an 'advice' forum is that posters will, naturally, try to give advice. In your case I reckon its more a case of needing a bit of encouragement and moral support, though. We all need that sometimes, and believe you me, many of us have gone through the 'always rejected' periods; and found out that, thankfully, the corner is turned eventually.
I am far more critical about myself than anyone else could be, believe me.
This person is here for encouragement and support...i don't know if it is even 'advice' as such but when you read the OP's posts, can you do something please? Can you remember that you too have had moments in life of utter despair and hopelessness? That even if you have not, no human is immune from this feeling? Can you try compassion and sensitivity? I'm not sure what will improve this person's situation, no one does. The OP doesn't at the moment either. There are practical suggestions here that might be helpful to some but it's not up to YOU to decide if it's helpful or not to this person, you don't get to control that.
This 'kick up the bum' way of 'instructing' someone to feel better is just not all that effective with some people. If it were as easy as the internet saying 'move away, make friends' then there would be no need to even post here in the first place. A forum member is reaching out and all it achieves is a load of criticism and unfeeling eye-rolling. Sad.
There is nothing anyone here can do to change this person's life for them...they are not asking that of you. Just, for the love of all that is good, for once stop being a DS Advice forum tyrant, tearing people down for no real reason when they could do with some empathy and understand you are talking to a human being.
A bit ranty
Thank you for defending me.
I am starting to regret creating this thread in the first place.
It wasn't until a year after my Dad died that I gave myself a kick up the ass. The only person stopping me from getting on was me.
I quit the drink, and enrolled in evening classes at the college to regain my qualifications. Once I was qualified, I then managed to get a job in my desired field and the rest was easy.
Have you not looked at open uni, or evening classes to regain your qualifications? At the end of the day the only person who can get you out of the rut your in is yourself. Trust me I've been there.
I have looked at Open University and have applied for it.
I am actually drinking less, because I am not getting the opportunities to drink socially like I used to, which is always how I used to drink. I vary rarely drink at home, so I can personally say that at the moment, I am not reliant on alcohol or any other substances and never have been. Morally, I am totally against drugs so would never consider going down that route.
I am have also increased the amount of exercise I do, because people say that will help with mental state because of endorphins it releases. I go running regularly, but actually what I'm finding is that after the temporary buzz that you get after finishing excercise, the comedown after is that much worse, so I get really low because of this.