Options
How can I help her? (Divorce issues)
My best friend at university has just spoken to me. Apparently her mum announced that what she wants for Christmas is a divorce and has walked out. Her parents have been arguing (and her mum has walked out every other night this week) for a few months but she's absolutely devastated. They literally built their house together, designed the rooms, did the wallpaper... And now that's all going to go. I really don't know what to say to help.
On top of that her boyfriend is moving to Mexico and pretty much leaving her in January. So she's feeling pretty alone... What would you say I could do to help? She's in Oxford whereas I'm in Norfolk and she's going away in a few days so seeing her isn't really viable. I've been there for her every day and all night but she's obviously still feeling awful. Has anyone been in this situation and know what to say?
She's 21 if that helps, but is passionate against divorce and quite religious... Her parents are acting like nutcases. (Detailing their sex life to them, waking them up at 4am to bitch about the other, her dad spent last night sat outside her door until 5am to listen in on her conversations on skype,,,)
On top of that her boyfriend is moving to Mexico and pretty much leaving her in January. So she's feeling pretty alone... What would you say I could do to help? She's in Oxford whereas I'm in Norfolk and she's going away in a few days so seeing her isn't really viable. I've been there for her every day and all night but she's obviously still feeling awful. Has anyone been in this situation and know what to say?
She's 21 if that helps, but is passionate against divorce and quite religious... Her parents are acting like nutcases. (Detailing their sex life to them, waking them up at 4am to bitch about the other, her dad spent last night sat outside her door until 5am to listen in on her conversations on skype,,,)
0
Comments
I think you doing is right, listen to her and just be there for her when she needs somebody to talk to.
I think you just need to let her know that you are there if she wants to talk about it, which from the sounds of it you are doing.
Does she have any close friends or relatives that she could go stay with for a few days rather than be stuck in the house with her parents?
It sounds like her parents are behaving very badly. But I am also picking up hints from what you have posted that your friend is thinking about herself and not them? Is she trying to foist her views on their relationship? Perhaps that is why they are going hell for leather trying to convince her they need to divorce?
It's very difficult for offspring to cope with a parent's relationship breaking down, and there's not much you can do, other than listen and be there as a friend for her.
I'll keep talking to her and trying to keep her spirits up. I just don't really know what to say.
And they need to tell them so...very firmly...and cut off any comments one makes about the other...
It sounds as if emotions are running rather high and her parents are just screaming out at anyone they think will hear - which is pretty bad behaviour on their part... Just sometimes people are pretty cr@p at being able to act reasonably when they are in the middle of a major drama...
There's nothing wrong with your friend telling both her parents to get a grip and sort their issues out without involving her and her brother - maybe a kick up the backside is what they both need to get them out of their rather selfish cocoon of emotional meltdown right now...
Other than that...just be a friend and let her vent when she needs to... Nothing's going to 'rescue' this Christmas for her even if her parents do turn the volume and drama down a bit...
All the best...