This girl is interested, I want to take her out, but I'm insecure. Advice?
i met this girl online and she seems nice and she's my type. as you may know from previous posts on this forum that i've had bad depression. I am much better now and i'm getting back on my feet, and also have more confidence.
i also mentioned that i don't have a car or my own place. i am starting driving lessons next week with the help of my nan. she actually wanted to help me due to the predicament i was in, which i thank her a lot for and owe her hugely.
anyway, so i do have a part time job, but obviously i have been helping my parents with bills etc, so i don't have a large amount of money for myself. i am looking for another job now and i have an interview on wednesday.
anyway, i just feel a bit insecure because of the "no car" and living with parents situation. i just don't want to pass up this opportunity as this girl seems nice and is definitely my type. should i just not be so insecure and take her out?
what should i do?
i also mentioned that i don't have a car or my own place. i am starting driving lessons next week with the help of my nan. she actually wanted to help me due to the predicament i was in, which i thank her a lot for and owe her hugely.
anyway, so i do have a part time job, but obviously i have been helping my parents with bills etc, so i don't have a large amount of money for myself. i am looking for another job now and i have an interview on wednesday.
anyway, i just feel a bit insecure because of the "no car" and living with parents situation. i just don't want to pass up this opportunity as this girl seems nice and is definitely my type. should i just not be so insecure and take her out?
what should i do?
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the other stuff is just incidental
Go out with her and stop worrying about everything. Concentrate on the positive things you have not the negatives. Go on a date with her - if you don't meet up you will never find out.
Go on the date, you've nothing to lose. It will be the same as it is for anybody though - you and she might not be right for each other for no particular reason. Sometimes you have to go on loads of dates before coming up trumps, as it were. Just enjoy it.
So stop worrying about what you can't do and focus on the positives. Also make sure you exercise. Having a healthy body helps to make a healthy mind.
I mirror, knowing the blatant hypocrisy I state by doing so, the other contributors to this thread in saying you should take her out (on a date, not with a rifle).
As for the lack of money there are plenty of romantic things you can do for free.
Sick..
Reminds me of this thread: http://forums.digitalspy.co.uk/showthread.php?t=1211065
I did say probably. It's not a definite, but not having your own car and money will put a lot of women off, and will make it much harder for you to get a GF than your richer, driving peers.
You could argue that any woman who won't date you because of it isn't worth the time, but the fact remains that it will be a lot of women you'll be steering clear of in the process.
i do have money. but i am obviously not loaded. i only have a part time job at the moment.
Does she live far away from you, mikey ?
If not, just ask her to meet you for a coffee one afternoon and take it from there. Don't worry about romantic "dates" at this stage.
And don't worry about the car/living with parents thing either. You are not alone in that.
Is that a problem you have encountered ? If so, I'm not overly surprised.
No it isn't, but thanks for reducing this thread to petty pot-shots, it's most productive.
I just felt it was necessary to actually be truthful. I'm not in the business of giving people false hope to save them pain, because the eventual realisation that what they've been told is a lie will hurt them anyway, plus the resentment they feel for having been lied to, as well as the feelings of failure they feel along the way, as nothing's changed like they were told it would, because they were misinformed. I find it far more beneficial to deal in truths, regardless of how ugly those truths are. They may be hard to stomach, but at least you can then move forward knowing exactly what you're going to come up against, meaning you're better prepared.
You're welcome.
Not every woman cares about somone having money and a car.
By all means, not all women are like me, and some women won't give a toss. But don't be upset if some do, you're just on different pages. When younger I have dated men like you, it's just no longer something I'm wiling to compromise on.
You won't know without asking her out though!
You've got one job, looking for another and taking driving lessons. Sounds like someone with a bit of get-up-and-go.
It wasn't actually meant as a "petty pot shot". My point was that cynicism tends to breed unhappiness and loneliness. You strike me as being very cynical ( and indeed, this latest post confirms that ) and so I wouldn't be surprised if you don't attract nice uncomplicated, genuine folks.
And I don't think your post was very "productive" was it ? Quite the opposite.
I'm not cynical at all, and I think my post was plenty productive. There is no point in stirring up fantasies of true love, and rainbows and sparkles and rose petals, it's not true. I thought (clearly erroneously) that it was far more beneficial to the OP to cut the crap and tell him that, unfortunately, it's going to be harder for him to get a girlfriend until he sorts his life out. Not impossible, mind, but there are things in his life that, until he changes them, will hold him back re relationships. That's not being cynical, that's realising that the better you are, the more people want to be around you.
Your definition of 'better' is misconceived.
So learning to drive and in the process becoming more independent, and succeeding, even advancing, at work, doesn't sound better to you?
An independent guy with a good work ethic sounds like quite a catch. You disagree?
i actually signed up to the site and it has the "do you own a car" part, which i said said "no" to. she actually said "you're seem nice" etc and when i mentioned going for out sometime, she said she'd be up for it.
i mean maybe she didn't read my profile and see i didn't have a car, i don't know. i really have no idea what the women on dating sites are looking for, so i cannot really say if they want a guy who drives, own house etc.
guy i know is 28, never started driving until last summer and he had a girlfriend. but maybe they met through school or friends. i don't know. sounds like dating is hard.
I will add I never said without a car your hopeless and have no chance, despite everyone's best efforts to make it look like I was. You've got your foot in the door now (so to speak) so just keep going with it. If you go in thinking dating's hard you could trip yourself up. Just know that she clearly likes you enough to go on a date with you, so you don't have to try so much.
Good luck with it