If his mother is terminally ill, why is he at yours so much and not helping at home? I think that asking him for rent is not warranted but you should ask for a contribution towards the household bills - food and utilities. He probably sees staying at yours as a bit of an escape as things are quite difficult at home emotionally.
If his mother is terminally ill, why is he at yours so much and not helping at home? I think that asking him for rent is not warranted but you should ask for a contribution towards the household bills - food and utilities. He probably sees staying at yours as a bit of an escape as things are quite difficult at home emotionally.
I also wondered why he was at the OPs so much when his mum is so ill. I worked in palliative care, to fund my undergrad, and most people receiving that at home, had family staying with them, even if carers were doing some nights... It sounds very strange to me, he'd leave her most nights, even if other family are helping, when does he?
If its during the day, then maybe he doesn't work and then money is an entirely different issue. Contributing by getting food shopping in is fair enough, I'd question the 'increase' in bills by having him stay... They are utilities you are paying if he is there or not, I'd only assume it's the cost of him having showers etc that may increase costs a bit. Thing is if the OP isn't happy, why not discuss it with him... He'll only stay as much, as you let him.
Hi OP I had a similar situation to this when I was first with my partner he would practically live with me and I would pay for everything ok he'd bring food a few days a week but everything else was mine to pay. People told me the same as people have said here he's a user, he's mugging me off etc but as I was earning more than him and knew he was in hard times I let him stay. 2 years later the tables turned and I found myself in a financial situation so I had to end up giving up my place and moving back home. Over the next year whilst I tried to get back on an even keel he found a job and moved into his own place, I then moved in with him and have lived here for around 2 years now. I live rent free, he pays the bills and I put shopping in the house, toiletries, cleaning products dog stuff and cover the vets bills. Even though I've been promoted and now earn more than him again he won't let me pay any rent or bills in repayment for me helping him out when he needed it.
So really OP it all depends on where you see this going and if there is honestly a future there. If you think there is than cut him some slack but ask him to buy dinner a few times a week or take you out, so you at least get something out of it but if he doesn't do that or he doesn't do other little things to show his appreciation then you should have a serious talk with him about it. Depending on that reaction should you make your decision.
If you are renting then you could potentially be in breach of your tenancy agreement if you charge rent to someone else living at the property without the landlord's knowledge or permission.
Hi OP I had a similar situation to this when I was first with my partner he would practically live with me and I would pay for everything ok he'd bring food a few days a week but everything else was mine to pay. People told me the same as people have said here he's a user, he's mugging me off etc but as I was earning more than him and knew he was in hard times I let him stay. 2 years later the tables turned and I found myself in a financial situation so I had to end up giving up my place and moving back home. Over the next year whilst I tried to get back on an even keel he found a job and moved into his own place, I then moved in with him and have lived here for around 2 years now. I live rent free, he pays the bills and I put shopping in the house, toiletries, cleaning products dog stuff and cover the vets bills. Even though I've been promoted and now earn more than him again he won't let me pay any rent or bills in repayment for me helping him out when he needed it.
So really OP it all depends on where you see this going and if there is honestly a future there. If you think there is than cut him some slack but ask him to buy dinner a few times a week or take you out, so you at least get something out of it but if he doesn't do that or he doesn't do other little things to show his appreciation then you should have a serious talk with him about it. Depending on that reaction should you make your decision.
Well that's a lovely story
I'm glad things panned out so well for you both . But from experiences among friends and family many people are not so genuine . As you say, a serious chat is needed to put the issue to bed and move on .
Well that's a lovely story
I'm glad things panned out so well for you both . But from experiences among friends and family many people are not so genuine . As you say, a serious chat is needed to put the issue to bed and move on .
Thank you
I absolutely agree there are many people out there who aren't genuine sadly, but I think it's easy to tell when it comes to their actions and reactions about the situation. Someone who does little things to show appreciation or tells you is different to someone who's just taking the Michael. However it is the OPs house and if there is something happening that they are not comfortable with then they should definitely speak up.
I absolutely agree there are many people out there who aren't genuine sadly, but I think it's easy to tell when it comes to their actions and reactions about the situation. Someone who does little things to show appreciation or tells you is different to someone who's just taking the Michael. However it is the OPs house and if there is something happening that they are not comfortable with then they should definitely speak up.
Aint that the truth .
The problem (I seem to see mostly) is that the tenant(almost always a young girl) is afraid to bring up finances in case they appear grasping , or in case it makes the 'love-of-their-life' back out of the relationship . Honestly , I think the younger girls these days feel less than whole without a significant other . All this adding some random bloke to your FB page under "in a relationship with" when you've only shagged them twice and don't even know their full address baffles me .Maybe I'm getting too old :kitty: . Thankfully older girls seem more sensible and can manage to exist and even thrive without a SO .
He's taking the piss and it's really not on , using his mum as an excuse not to move in then virtually moving in .
He'll have clothing at your gaff and be washing it there no doubt (or more YOU will be doing his laundry) . He is taking advantage of you , definitely . Mark his card now or continue to be a doormat .
I agree ..... Too many people pussyfoot about on this forum .... He's there more than anywhere else ..... I deffo think he's taking the piss 😂😂
What does this bloke spend the money he earns on?
Surely he's got some conscience regarding staying with some one six days a week for nothing.
I hope he treats you if and when you go out.
He banks most of it into savings, which aint a bad thing for when we buy. I would love to be saving again but i can afford to put 50 quid a way at the moment.
I had a chat with him over the weekend and he says he will start paying me money towards the costs. so happy days!
And yes i have been doing his washing too as he ends up leaving it here so it gets done.
Im on a water meter so the price isnt set by water company, its how much you use.
thanks for all the replies
He banks most of it into savings, which aint a bad thing for when we buy. I would love to be saving again but i can afford to put 50 quid a way at the moment.
I had a chat with him over the weekend and he says he will start paying me money towards the costs. so happy days!
And yes i have been doing his washing too as he ends up leaving it here so it gets done.
Im on a water meter so the price isnt set by water company, its how much you use.
thanks for all the replies
Glad you're getting it sorted out. If he's saving for both of you as a couple I hope it's a joint account.
Some people really are oblivious when it comes to a partners finances and have to have it pointed out to them that they can't expect to live for nothing and rely on others good will. You're not a hotel providing room service.
He banks most of it into savings, which aint a bad thing for when we buy. I would love to be saving again but i can afford to put 50 quid a way at the moment.
I had a chat with him over the weekend and he says he will start paying me money towards the costs. so happy days!
And yes i have been doing his washing too as he ends up leaving it here so it gets done.
Im on a water meter so the price isnt set by water company, its how much you use.
thanks for all the replies
Oh well done you . It's surprising what an honest little chat can achieve .
Now you can relax and enjoy the relationship .
Comments
I also wondered why he was at the OPs so much when his mum is so ill. I worked in palliative care, to fund my undergrad, and most people receiving that at home, had family staying with them, even if carers were doing some nights... It sounds very strange to me, he'd leave her most nights, even if other family are helping, when does he?
If its during the day, then maybe he doesn't work and then money is an entirely different issue. Contributing by getting food shopping in is fair enough, I'd question the 'increase' in bills by having him stay... They are utilities you are paying if he is there or not, I'd only assume it's the cost of him having showers etc that may increase costs a bit. Thing is if the OP isn't happy, why not discuss it with him... He'll only stay as much, as you let him.
So really OP it all depends on where you see this going and if there is honestly a future there. If you think there is than cut him some slack but ask him to buy dinner a few times a week or take you out, so you at least get something out of it but if he doesn't do that or he doesn't do other little things to show his appreciation then you should have a serious talk with him about it. Depending on that reaction should you make your decision.
I'm glad things panned out so well for you both . But from experiences among friends and family many people are not so genuine . As you say, a serious chat is needed to put the issue to bed and move on .
He can't move in because his mother is terminally ill yet he stays at OP's 5/6 nights a week?
Sounds odd.
Thank you
I absolutely agree there are many people out there who aren't genuine sadly, but I think it's easy to tell when it comes to their actions and reactions about the situation. Someone who does little things to show appreciation or tells you is different to someone who's just taking the Michael. However it is the OPs house and if there is something happening that they are not comfortable with then they should definitely speak up.
The problem (I seem to see mostly) is that the tenant(almost always a young girl) is afraid to bring up finances in case they appear grasping , or in case it makes the 'love-of-their-life' back out of the relationship . Honestly , I think the younger girls these days feel less than whole without a significant other . All this adding some random bloke to your FB page under "in a relationship with" when you've only shagged them twice and don't even know their full address baffles me .Maybe I'm getting too old :kitty: . Thankfully older girls seem more sensible and can manage to exist and even thrive without a SO .
I agree ..... Too many people pussyfoot about on this forum .... He's there more than anywhere else ..... I deffo think he's taking the piss 😂😂
He banks most of it into savings, which aint a bad thing for when we buy. I would love to be saving again but i can afford to put 50 quid a way at the moment.
I had a chat with him over the weekend and he says he will start paying me money towards the costs. so happy days!
And yes i have been doing his washing too as he ends up leaving it here so it gets done.
Im on a water meter so the price isnt set by water company, its how much you use.
thanks for all the replies
Glad you're getting it sorted out. If he's saving for both of you as a couple I hope it's a joint account.
Some people really are oblivious when it comes to a partners finances and have to have it pointed out to them that they can't expect to live for nothing and rely on others good will. You're not a hotel providing room service.
Now you can relax and enjoy the relationship .