Options
Should i ask my partner for rent?
I rent a house and have done for the last year and i met someone and 10 months down the line we dont live together yet but they stay 5 or 6 nights a week at mine. He lives with his mother as they are terminally ill so cant move in but he works and pays nothing at home (which i was surprised to find out) but its like he lives at mine and pays me nothing. He buys some shopping but its me that is keeping the house going as well as buying food shopping too.
Ive now had a higher water bill turn up and gas bill. Would you expect some contribution to the house now, or do i just look at it as its my place so my bills i have to pay them? My rent is 800 per month and if i didnt have the house then id have to live at my parents and then there would be no relationship. When i brought up moving in together he said he cant yet his mum needs him, but then he lives at mine more! Bit frustrating and dont want money to cause problems.
Ive now had a higher water bill turn up and gas bill. Would you expect some contribution to the house now, or do i just look at it as its my place so my bills i have to pay them? My rent is 800 per month and if i didnt have the house then id have to live at my parents and then there would be no relationship. When i brought up moving in together he said he cant yet his mum needs him, but then he lives at mine more! Bit frustrating and dont want money to cause problems.
0
Comments
If its a long term situation then you are certainly justified in asking for a contribution to household running costs. It could be done on a more informal basis than a % towards the rent. He could pay for all the house shopping for example whilst you take care of rent and bills. You should sit down and have a friendly chat about it and try and come to a solution that you are both happy with.
So he should ask how long the mother is going to live? Nice.
The fact is if she is not going to last more than a couple of weeks then the situation is going to change dramatically very soon. Or what if she has to move into a hospice and the partner has to find the cash for that? When she does go will he move in permanently? Either way if things are going to change soon its not really worth discussing financial arrangements right now.
If the situation is going to continue indefiniatey, possibly for years then the OP has a right to discuss financial arrangements.
That's how I would see it too.
But utilities? Of course the OP should ask for a contribution. It is directly because of their partner that the bills have gone up - they're obviously using more electricity for their partner's appliances, and more water so their partner can go to the toilet and shower.
Yes, I would ask for a contribution. It is down right not fair that your partner expects to live for free.
The rent, no. You'd be paying that anyway .
I'd show him past gas and water bills alongside the increased ones and ask if he can help you meet the difference which after all is due to his extra usage . If you tackle it nicely and stay calm and not aggressive and he balks at it then he isn't a keeper, but more a user and it doesn't bode well long term to be honest .
Depends on the relationship though. If he stays over with you a lot but he also pays for things a lot when you go out, then it might even out. Something you need to sit down and talk about as a couple though.
The rent would have had to be paid anyway,any electricity/gas etc they used was more than covered by them living rent free and just buying the food etc
Many years ago, when I was working and had a mortgage, I had a boyfriend who wangled his way in to staying with me most the week and nearly took over the place. He worked as a carer but he gradually cut his client list down so he did very little all day. His parents fed him during the day and I was feeding him in the evening. He never once offered to help out, so I was basically keeping him.
We had a row in the end, as I was fed up with him, and I got shot of him. Bloody good riddance too. What a liberty lol.
However, food's different, though even there the cost of two people isn't double the cost of one.
I think I'd cook him a nice meal, bottle of wine, soft music, low lighting, slip into your most fetching frock, and raise the question subtly over dinner.
I think it's a bit petty to start breaking down the bills in to personal usage though to be honest (even if you live together, I'd expect things just get roughly divided in some way) but I know some couples that do this.
As others have said, you can't really expect him to pay rent. Though I can understand it's a bit frustrating for you in that he seems to be paying nothing at either house - but just look at it like you still have your freedom and it's still *your* place and your own space. This will change if you move in together so make the most of it. The financial arrangements he has with his mum are just something you have to accept, as plenty of people live with their parents rent-free (not a chance with my parents).
Do you actually want him there 5 days a week or is this part of the problem as well? How did you agree that he'd be staying at yours for the majority of the time?
He'll have clothing at your gaff and be washing it there no doubt (or more YOU will be doing his laundry) . He is taking advantage of you , definitely . Mark his card now or continue to be a doormat .
Wow! !!
Maybe reduce the time he spends at yours on the basis that the extra cost is more than you can afford. That way you are not asking him for anything.
This.
I presume his terminally ill mum has other things to worry about than a few quid's worth of rent from her son.
If and when they move in together, that is the time to split everything fairly.
A couple of nights a week I'd overlook , but 6 nights is just not on and is freeloading .
The guy is getting sex plus extra benefits . Cheeky devil .
However ... if this young man is working and he effectively has two homes to which he can come and go freely with no cost to himself .... well, frankly, he needs words having with him about his freeloading.
Surely he's got some conscience regarding staying with some one six days a week for nothing.
I hope he treats you if and when you go out.
That would suit me fine, believe me . Wouldn't be the first time I'd 'evicted' a free loader trying to grab a bill free lodging and I'm not so in love with love as to be a total fool over it .
Man or woman , makes no difference . I hate users .
Nor would I . But if I was in the OP's position
been with a partner almost a year , with him stopping over 6 nights a week, I'd expect more living assistance than the occasional bag of groceries and a pat on the head when I gasp in pain at my increased water, gas and electricity bills .
Yeah different strokes etc .:)