I am confused. Her Dreary states that on Referendum night (and yes, as someone else here stated, didn't she previously write that she spent it with one of her friends?) she had ' four hours' notice to drive to Ayrshire for a story. I had to get up at 2 a.m. to catch a plane to Sweden to meet Abba'. So - does this mean she had to drive to Ayrshire to catch the plane? Or what?
No Amikolaichek, she drove to Ayrshire to meet Donald Trump (or rather the Baker drove) through the night!
Well, the report of the night with Abba, which she predictably hated, reached the paper 23rd Jan, and her Trump interview apparently required a drive through the night either same night or night after the referendum. So the two sentences being adjacent is a non sequitur, another of her 'and here's another thing that just jumped randomly into that powerhouse brain of mine' moments. I was going to say this woman needs an editor, but they'd be nothing left after that process was complete. She would however be a hoot on Just A Minute. 60 secs without hesitation, repetition or deviation...
So let me get this right. She DIDN’T on Referendum Night drive through the night to get a plane in Ayershire to meet Abba in Sweden but apparently The Baker drove her to meet Donald Trump, but her Dreary today says she had to abandon the Baker and their date or something that night …. Yet she’s previously claimed that on Referendum Night she was with her one remaining pal … doesn’t the batty woman REALISE that some of us have good memories – also, know how to refer back to previous Drearies and Farticles?
Is it possible she tells fibs?:D Or – let’s be charitable – when she wrote this week’s Dreary, she’d overdone the Prosecco a teensy bit?
Please note: the pirated chapters of her book ‘No Poinsettias for Miss Plonkish’ are now no longer available here, despite popular demand to continue them (thanks, mum).
Oops, postscripts to my previous comment. Of course, the PREVIOUS four chapters of 'No Poinsettias for Miss Plonkish' are still here on DS, upthread. What I meant was, no further chapters (though I'm tempted by an Epilogue) ... but no, no, I mustn't upset Rosariofire by being 'mediocre, lacking subtlety and overlong' again. Hangs head in shame
Meanwhile, the comments on this weeks 'Dreary' and 'Farticle' are, in the main, not entirely uncritical. Especially her story about the baby hedgehog and what she SHOULD have done with it (hedgehog rescue place). Also, a good question - the injured horse. Is in a new one she's been keeping quiet about? Or is it 'Lizzie', because Jones has forgotten that she wrote about the nag's death?
Really though, the dreary is so dull there must be ANYTHING else the Fail could find to publish in its place.
There can't be any justification for continuing to keep it going, or her farticles. She's not even half the clickbait draw she used to be, having been well and truly dethroned by Katie Hopkins, and her ramblings are the same thing week in, week out.
Think it really is time for me to find something else to rubberneck as not even this thread is worth reading the dreary for anymore, because there is nothing to talk about in the first place.
Oops, postscripts to my previous comment. Of course, the PREVIOUS four chapters of 'No Poinsettias for Miss Plonkish' are still here on DS, upthread. What I meant was, no further chapters (though I'm tempted by an Epilogue) ... but no, no, I mustn't upset Rosariofire by being 'mediocre, lacking subtlety and overlong' again. Hangs head in shame
Meanwhile, the comments on this weeks 'Dreary' and 'Farticle' are, in the main, not entirely uncritical. Especially her story about the baby hedgehog and what she SHOULD have done with it (hedgehog rescue place). Also, a good question - the injured horse. Is in a new one she's been keeping quiet about? Or is it 'Lizzie', because Jones has forgotten that she wrote about the nag's death?
Why don't you start up a new DS thread for parodies? That way anyone who wants to read your stuff, or write parodies can go there, leaving us to use this thread for comment and debate.
Google "Liz Jones and Donald Trump" the article was the 26th June and she mentioned her boyfriend being there in it. I wonder if it was when they had a take out with Isabel?
https://www.you.co.uk/liz-joness-diary-55/
Injured horse fell down a manhole in the field. Not identified as which horse or whose. This was the 31st July last then 6 weeks before that, so close to the Trump rendezvous.
Google "Liz Jones and Donald Trump" the article was the 26th June and she mentioned her boyfriend being there in it. I wonder if it was when they had a take out with Isabel?
She makes me think it's my brain cell dying!!
She either has no idea what she's writing from one column to the next or she's making it all up. I'll go with the latter option, since this is the Daily Mail she works for.
Thanks for the suggestion, rosariofire, but I'll pass ... because I wouldn't have a clue how to set up a new DS thread, being a doddery old bat. From now on, I'll restrict my creative urge to compiling my Ocado shopping list. I know, I know, a sad loss for Great Literature, but you must all swallow your disappointment and be cheered that at least we've still got Liz and her deathly prose.
(By the way, in 1987, I ghost-wrote the 'autobiography' of a now long deceased Z-list 'Celeb'. My only book, but at least it wasn't a 'cut 'n paste' job like others I could mention. )
(By the way, in 1987, I ghost-wrote the 'autobiography' of a now long deceased Z-list 'Celeb'. My only book, but at least it wasn't a 'cut 'n paste' job like others I could mention. )
Ooh ami! This could be your version of the fake rock star! Now you've got to mention it every post so us loyal readers can wet our knickers with excitement as we speculate on who it could be.
Ooh ami! This could be your version of the fake rock star! Now you've got to mention it every post so us loyal readers can wet our knickers with excitement as we speculate on who it could be.
Sorry, my lips are sealed, because the deceased Z lister's wife is still alive and was, when I met her, genuinely nice. Unlike her husband. And - how can I put this - I think most of you here are so young(ish) (compared to me) that you've probably never even heard of him - it WAS nearly thirty years ago.
Sorry, my lips are sealed, because the deceased Z lister's wife is still alive and was, when I met her, genuinely nice. Unlike her husband. And - how can I put this - I think most of you here are so young(ish) (compared to me) that you've probably never even heard of him - it WAS nearly thirty years ago.
You should be given LJ's space in the Fail. You're a better writer by far and an actual deserving person.
https://www.you.co.uk/liz-joness-diary-55/
Injured horse fell down a manhole in the field. Not identified as which horse or whose. This was the 31st July last then 6 weeks before that, so close to the Trump rendezvous.
I realise this is going over old ground ... can't be asked to delve back into Dreary histories - but a horse falling down a manhole? It must have been A VERY SMALL HORSE/PONY whatever (I am not au fait with equine dimensions or nomenclature appertaining to the difference between horses and ponies).
So ... could it BE, that in fact, LIZZIE (the ex race horse formerly known as sadly dead) LIVES? And Jones, after a hearty Prosecco breakfast, got a wee bit mixed up with all those horses she apparently owns and wasn't sure which nag it was pulled out of the very VERY large manhole? And now LIzzie, with some netting contraption strapped to her to keep the flies off, plus lightly tranquillised (aren't some of us SO longing to be lightly tranquillised by now?) is even, as I write, gambolling, live and well - OK, a bit spaced-out - happily in some field in Yorkshire?
Thanks for the suggestion, rosariofire, but I'll pass ... because I wouldn't have a clue how to set up a new DS thread, being a doddery old bat. From now on, I'll restrict my creative urge to compiling my Ocado shopping list. I know, I know, a sad loss for Great Literature, but you must all swallow your disappointment and be cheered that at least we've still got Liz and her deathly prose.
(By the way, in 1987, I ghost-wrote the 'autobiography' of a now long deceased Z-list 'Celeb'. My only book, but at least it wasn't a 'cut 'n paste' job like others I could mention. )
well, from one 'doddery old bat' to another, you certainly do have a wonderful turn of phrase.
So ... could it BE, that in fact, LIZZIE (the ex race horse formerly known as sadly dead) LIVES? And Jones, after a hearty Prosecco breakfast, got a wee bit mixed up with all those horses she apparently owns and wasn't sure which nag it was pulled out of the very VERY large manhole? And now LIzzie, with some netting contraption strapped to her to keep the flies off, plus lightly tranquillised (aren't some of us SO longing to be lightly tranquillised by now?) is even, as I write, gambolling, live and well - OK, a bit spaced-out - happily in some field in Yorkshire?
(I do so love a happy ending.)
Alternatively, it could be a zombie Lizzie and that's really why it is covered with a fly net :eek:
Surely you're not suggesting she's flogging a dead horse here? ;-):D
Nice one, Rubbish Name. I've had another thought. Might it be that the dead horse saga was …. ALL JUST A DREAM? After all, there’s precedent. Viz: the TV soap ‘Dallas’ (or was it ‘Dynasty’) – didn’t someone come back from the dead, miraculously resurrected in a shower cubicle? Oh – and our own wonderfully realistic TV saga of the everyday life of perfectly normal people – ‘Eastenders’? ‘Dirty Den’ came back from the dead, as did ‘Cathy’, who is even now currently gracing the programme? (‘Dirty Den’ died a second time and so far hasn’t reappeared. Give it time …)
So, Hallelujah, joy of joys – perhaps it WAS all a dream and Lizzie lives, to gallop around a verdant meadow and fall down the odd drain.
BUT… I am now recalling one of Stephen King’s books ‘Pet Sematary’ (yes, that IS how ‘cemetery’ is spelt in the title). Recently interred deceased pets come back to life, but the formerly grieving owners' delight is short-lived. Let’s just say – it doesn't end well.
By the way, it’s never struck me before – Liz calling the nag 'Lizzie'. Is this a new affectation of the aspirational classes? Should I have called my late cat ‘Amikolaichekie’, instead of ‘Tiddles’?
Stayed up late watching "West Wing box set - still great! Came off and discovered Liz's Diary was up.
Suddenly she is talking about her house being taken in 2 weeks, which seems short notice, what with animals to rehome etc. This was not the surprise though (well to me, anyway), what was, was that she rang her sister to tell her her cottage would be taken too? I thought she was told by a Court that she had to get her sister a place to live when Nic was given part of the Devonshire house. I don't know why, I'd always assumed her sister put money into the house purchase and that was why. If that was the case, then surely her sister wouldn't be rendered homeless at 2 weeks notice too?
Stayed up late watching "West Wing" box set - still great! Came off and discovered Liz's Diary was up.
Suddenly she is talking about her house being taken in 2 weeks, which seems short notice, what with animals to rehome etc. This was not the surprise though (well to me, anyway), what was, was that she rang her sister to tell her her cottage would be taken too? I thought she was told by a Court that she had to get her sister a place to live when Nic was given part of the Devonshire house. I don't know why, I'd always assumed her sister put money into the house purchase and that was why. If that was the case, then surely her sister wouldn't be rendered homeless at 2 weeks notice too?
Where did you read about her calling her sister, and that home being taken too? I thought she'd "bought her sister a house", which would imply to the casual reader that she didn't have a mortgage on the place. If anyone had one it would be the sister, and that's unrelated.
Anyway. Can someone point me to the many magazine articles - or even one magazine article - opining about Liz Jones' perpetual wearing of one VB bodycon dress? Because I can't find any evidence of this.
Liz must be thrilled that she's got David's flat to fall back on. All that happiness.
Comments
Is it possible she tells fibs?:D Or – let’s be charitable – when she wrote this week’s Dreary, she’d overdone the Prosecco a teensy bit?
Please note: the pirated chapters of her book ‘No Poinsettias for Miss Plonkish’ are now no longer available here, despite popular demand to continue them (thanks, mum).
I'm Yorkshire born and bred. Liz Jones doesn't deserve to live in Lancashire!
(No malice intended to any Lancastrian posters. Merely following the tradition!)
Meanwhile, the comments on this weeks 'Dreary' and 'Farticle' are, in the main, not entirely uncritical. Especially her story about the baby hedgehog and what she SHOULD have done with it (hedgehog rescue place). Also, a good question - the injured horse. Is in a new one she's been keeping quiet about? Or is it 'Lizzie', because Jones has forgotten that she wrote about the nag's death?
There can't be any justification for continuing to keep it going, or her farticles. She's not even half the clickbait draw she used to be, having been well and truly dethroned by Katie Hopkins, and her ramblings are the same thing week in, week out.
Think it really is time for me to find something else to rubberneck as not even this thread is worth reading the dreary for anymore, because there is nothing to talk about in the first place.
Why don't you start up a new DS thread for parodies? That way anyone who wants to read your stuff, or write parodies can go there, leaving us to use this thread for comment and debate.
She makes me think it's my brain cell dying!!
Injured horse fell down a manhole in the field. Not identified as which horse or whose. This was the 31st July last then 6 weeks before that, so close to the Trump rendezvous.
She either has no idea what she's writing from one column to the next or she's making it all up. I'll go with the latter option, since this is the Daily Mail she works for.
(By the way, in 1987, I ghost-wrote the 'autobiography' of a now long deceased Z-list 'Celeb'. My only book, but at least it wasn't a 'cut 'n paste' job like others I could mention.
Ooh ami! This could be your version of the fake rock star! Now you've got to mention it every post so us loyal readers can wet our knickers with excitement as we speculate on who it could be.
Sorry, my lips are sealed, because the deceased Z lister's wife is still alive and was, when I met her, genuinely nice. Unlike her husband. And - how can I put this - I think most of you here are so young(ish) (compared to me) that you've probably never even heard of him - it WAS nearly thirty years ago.
You should be given LJ's space in the Fail. You're a better writer by far and an actual deserving person.
I realise this is going over old ground ... can't be asked to delve back into Dreary histories - but a horse falling down a manhole? It must have been A VERY SMALL HORSE/PONY whatever (I am not au fait with equine dimensions or nomenclature appertaining to the difference between horses and ponies).
So ... could it BE, that in fact, LIZZIE (the ex race horse formerly known as sadly dead) LIVES? And Jones, after a hearty Prosecco breakfast, got a wee bit mixed up with all those horses she apparently owns and wasn't sure which nag it was pulled out of the very VERY large manhole? And now LIzzie, with some netting contraption strapped to her to keep the flies off, plus lightly tranquillised (aren't some of us SO longing to be lightly tranquillised by now?) is even, as I write, gambolling, live and well - OK, a bit spaced-out - happily in some field in Yorkshire?
(I do so love a happy ending.)
well, from one 'doddery old bat' to another, you certainly do have a wonderful turn of phrase.
Alternatively, it could be a zombie Lizzie and that's really why it is covered with a fly net :eek:
Surely you're not suggesting she's flogging a dead horse here? ;-):D
Nice one, Rubbish Name. I've had another thought. Might it be that the dead horse saga was …. ALL JUST A DREAM? After all, there’s precedent. Viz: the TV soap ‘Dallas’ (or was it ‘Dynasty’) – didn’t someone come back from the dead, miraculously resurrected in a shower cubicle? Oh – and our own wonderfully realistic TV saga of the everyday life of perfectly normal people – ‘Eastenders’? ‘Dirty Den’ came back from the dead, as did ‘Cathy’, who is even now currently gracing the programme? (‘Dirty Den’ died a second time and so far hasn’t reappeared. Give it time …)
So, Hallelujah, joy of joys – perhaps it WAS all a dream and Lizzie lives, to gallop around a verdant meadow and fall down the odd drain.
BUT… I am now recalling one of Stephen King’s books ‘Pet Sematary’ (yes, that IS how ‘cemetery’ is spelt in the title). Recently interred deceased pets come back to life, but the formerly grieving owners' delight is short-lived. Let’s just say – it doesn't end well.
By the way, it’s never struck me before – Liz calling the nag 'Lizzie'. Is this a new affectation of the aspirational classes? Should I have called my late cat ‘Amikolaichekie’, instead of ‘Tiddles’?
Suddenly she is talking about her house being taken in 2 weeks, which seems short notice, what with animals to rehome etc. This was not the surprise though (well to me, anyway), what was, was that she rang her sister to tell her her cottage would be taken too? I thought she was told by a Court that she had to get her sister a place to live when Nic was given part of the Devonshire house. I don't know why, I'd always assumed her sister put money into the house purchase and that was why. If that was the case, then surely her sister wouldn't be rendered homeless at 2 weeks notice too?
Bored and Baffled!
Suddenly she is talking about her house being taken in 2 weeks, which seems short notice, what with animals to rehome etc. This was not the surprise though (well to me, anyway), what was, was that she rang her sister to tell her her cottage would be taken too? I thought she was told by a Court that she had to get her sister a place to live when Nic was given part of the Devonshire house. I don't know why, I'd always assumed her sister put money into the house purchase and that was why. If that was the case, then surely her sister wouldn't be rendered homeless at 2 weeks notice too?
Bored and Baffled!
Anyway. Can someone point me to the many magazine articles - or even one magazine article - opining about Liz Jones' perpetual wearing of one VB bodycon dress? Because I can't find any evidence of this.
Liz must be thrilled that she's got David's flat to fall back on. All that happiness.
She really is an inherently nasty piece of work isn't she?