I only have to deal with with one in my family never mind three :eek: No wonder you are stuggling. I am glad you are seeking help as you have got to remember you are not superhero but just human.
Many thanks for your contribution and good wishes and all the other threads on this topic, I have found them helpful and comforting. You touched on a nerve when you said that I don't have to be a superhero-you are dead right!! only now am I seeing it. Thanks again.
The GP was helpful, we went as a family and managed to get a lot off our chests. Every day is challenging but even being able to off load did me the world of good today. Thank you.
Many thanks for your contribution and good wishes and all the other threads on this topic, I have found them helpful and comforting. You touched on a nerve when you said that I don't have to be a superhero-you are dead right!! only now am I seeing it. Thanks again.
The GP was helpful, we went as a family and managed to get a lot off our chests. Every day is challenging but even being able to off load did me the world of good today. Thank you.
Glad the GP was helpful. They normally don't have time for the larger issues, do they?
Hope you can get some time for you a little bit more to catch up on reading and just being.
Just popping in Great thread! As some know I have and ASD well a couple, ADD, Dyslexia, Dyspraxia and mild OCD. I got diagnosed recently (I'm 41). I'm not going to say anything now as I'm pooped, I'm grumpy and have been prone to sounding off today (lecturing not farting). But I just thought I'd leave this link for you, it really is a top registered charity with a very positive approach (IMHO) to ASDs. They're called DANDA If you sign up they send you lots of info, and use the term NEURO DIVERSITY - which I really like as it's a much more positive term than 'DISORDER'
Also, I caught a programme on the teachers channel (digital) called 'I want my son/child back' about the family of an autistic child, did anyone catch it? It was really moving and wonderful. It was about a therapy that helped the family/parents get to know their son on his terms (kind of) it's truly an amazing story.
I don't blame them for the possibility that I could have AS, even if it's genetic.
I blame them for being emotional cripples that have exaggerated any problems the AS might have caused in the first place.
What's with people being appologetic for parents all the time?
'Some' parents are crap, even if the are 'just doing their best'.
I don't think making your child so afraid of being killed just for spilling milk on the dinner table is 'doing your best'. and that's ontop of being afraid you are going to be killed by the bullies, who your father just says 'have a go back'.
And while all that is happening, your mother doesn't hug you because my father is beating her up, so she sees me as an extention of him, especially when I'm losing my temper due to the AS.
If your lucky to have parents you can't blame, that's great, but I can't stand when people make out I'm blaming my parents for my life as tho I'm excusing my own part in it.
And believe me 'being pushed' only helps if the people pushing don't push you over the edge and give realistic goals for you to obtain.
My parents made me feel as tho I was never good enough. if I got a C, I should have got a B. and if I got a B. I should have got an A. and if I got an A, well that's what I should have got anyway so no big deal.
I don't know if I'm ever going to be able to make anything of my life, but I know one thing. My parents input amounts to not using a condom one night, and the odd bit of money every now and then.
Ouch. Sorry, mate. Didn't mean to open old wounds. I didn't think that you were blaming your parents for the AS, but for not helping you through it, which it sounds like they weren't. Then again, I guess that even if they did know about it, they'd be among those idiots who think it's baloney anyway.
anyway....my point is, have you tried ear plugs for your son?? You can get foamy ones (coloured and clear) from Boots the Chemist and some sports shops (used for swimming and diving).
The beauty of these is that they cut out the "background noise" but still allow you to hear things - if you get me
I was thinking, if your son was trying to concentrate and finding hard to not hear the "chatter" having earplugs in might help him??
It works for me - I have them at night - and not having to listen to some neighbour's INFERNAL WINDCHIME WHICH DRIVES ME BONKERS!!!! :mad::mad: because the earplugs drown them out is absolute bliss
You might also try industrial supply shops such as Machine Mart. They might be cheaper, but you'll probably have to get them in bulk (which might not be a bad thing, if they keep getting lost )
I wear earplugs at work because I have to. The trouble I have is that I'm very soft spoken. They do make it more difficult, as I can't properly gauge the background noise, so it makes it difficult for people to hear me. I also hate repeating myself
Ouch. Sorry, mate. Didn't mean to open old wounds. I didn't think that you were blaming your parents for the AS, but for not helping you through it, which it sounds like they weren't. Then again, I guess that even if they did know about it, they'd be among those idiots who think it's baloney anyway.
I tried talking to my father yesterday about some bad news I had just recieved. He told me to forget the past like he does, but what he conveniently forgot about our past was how he used to threaten me most of the time if I did something wrong. It's hard to forget things when you've been threatened with death half the time.
He even had the audacity to say he 'did his best'. :rolleyes:
My parents keep making the mistake of trying to 'fix' my problems, when what I realy need is just a hug, even if it's just a verbal one over the phone.
I've learnt that sometimes problems can't be solved but when you have someone to hug you any problem can be overcome.
They f*ck you up, your mum and dad
they don't mean to, but they do
they give you all the faults they had
and add some extra, just for you.
Hi thanks for the cyberhug and the poem, I'm having a bad panic attack at the moment and they helped alot.
I found this article on 'Hugging children' which I thought was very interesting in relation to parenting.
Of course those parents with more Autistic children may find that their child hates being hugged and even those with Aspergers my be hypersensitive to touch.
The kid in the book 'Curious incident of the dog at midnight' didn't like being hugged so much so that he would scream until the person stopped.
Unfortunatly I have 'other' non Aspie reasons for finding it hard to hug or be hugged, especially in a non sexual way.
Many thanks for your contribution and good wishes and all the other threads on this topic, I have found them helpful and comforting. You touched on a nerve when you said that I don't have to be a superhero-you are dead right!! only now am I seeing it. Thanks again.
The GP was helpful, we went as a family and managed to get a lot off our chests. Every day is challenging but even being able to off load did me the world of good today. Thank you.
Glad to hear your GP was helpful. We all have our ups and downs but you have turned a corner and the only way is up now. Best Wishes and remember not to try and cope with too much!!
Following on from the 'Help! me' thread.
I've always been advised to take 'small steps' but have never been able to do it. I blame the Aspergers because having AS means you see too much detail in things so every step is painfully small anyway.
It's like running over hot coals but instead of skipping over then in a second and not feeling anything, you end up moving over them in slow motion feeling even second of the heat and pain.
Also it makes our (Aspies) learning curve steeper than other people's curves at first. Once we have gotten over that curve the skill or task becomes second nature, but untill that point every step up the curve is that much more of and effort and that much more painfully small than other people's.
Like I say I blame the Aspergers as I don't see nuro typicals having this problem.
Another effect of the Aspergers is what I call 'resetting'.
For me to learn and change, I need to be 'immersed' in something so that it becomes apart of me.
For example if I play a computer game once a week I will stay at the same skill level and hardly progress but if I play it non stop for 24hrs I can get much better than if I played for 24hr 1hr a day.
I know non Aspies are like this too but they seem to be able to get on further even when they do only do something 1hr a day.
It's like there a switch that is digital in my brain that only triggers at a certain point, where as non aspies seem to have an analogue switch that triggers in a more varied way.
Following on from the 'Help! me' thread.
I've always been advised to take 'small steps' but have never been able to do it. I blame the Aspergers because having AS means you see too much detail in things so every step is painfully small anyway.
It's like running over hot coals but instead of skipping over then in a second and not feeling anything, you end up moving over them in slow motion feeling even second of the heat and pain.
Also it makes our (Aspies) learning curve steeper than other people's curves at first. Once we have gotten over that curve the skill or task becomes second nature, but untill that point every step up the curve is that much more of and effort and that much more painfully small than other people's.
Like I say I blame the Aspergers as I don't see nuro typicals having this problem.
Another effect of the Aspergers is what I call 'resetting'.
For me to learn and change, I need to be 'immersed' in something so that it becomes apart of me.
For example if I play a computer game once a week I will stay at the same skill level and hardly progress but if I play it non stop for 24hrs I can get much better than if I played for 24hr 1hr a day.
I know non Aspies are like this too but they seem to be able to get on further even when they do only do something 1hr a day.
It's like there a switch that is digital in my brain that only triggers at a certain point, where as non aspies seem to have an analogue switch that triggers in a more varied way.
what you describe in the above is spot on to what my eldest daughter has described so many times to me, it's hard for me to explain but you described it so well!!! especially about the detail being so painful, that is spot on. She also needs to become totally immersed in something for it to become part of her. You have such a talent for expression! thank you for your contributions they have been fascinating.
I am struggling to cope with my lot but it helps when I read all the threads as it makes you feel less alone in a world I am existing in with three asperger adults. Two are functioning with problems but ok, I suppose, but one is really not coping at all and is causing so many problems for the family because she is getting involved with people who are alcoholics and drug users and because she didn't see it coming it ended this weekend, just gone, with my whole front window coming in. The guy didn't understand her need to be alone and because of his own problems he became very angry and aggressive and put his feet right through my window. The biggest problem I have found over the years with my children, alongside bullying, as been them wanting to mix with people who have 'problems' and thus putting themselves in areas of risk and them not understanding the implications and consequences of their actions. The police have warned them on numerous occasions not to get involved with certain people but they only see the good in everyone and they do tend to get taken advantage of. They don't find it easy to see a bigger picture and they cannot empathise with my distress. I am constantly amazed at their lack of insight into dangerous situations but equally amazed at their talents in other areas.
Glad to hear your GP was helpful. We all have our ups and downs but you have turned a corner and the only way is up now. Best Wishes and remember not to try and cope with too much!!
thank you!!! usually it is one step forward and two back but I am hoping that with support and a new felt feeling of confidence that I can better equip myself to deal with things even better than I try to.
Glad the GP was helpful. They normally don't have time for the larger issues, do they?
Hope you can get some time for you a little bit more to catch up on reading and just being.
The Prime Minister does less than you.
no gp's don't usually! that is true. At the end of the day though you can't make a person do anything, you can only point them in the 'right' direction. I do my best that is all I can do. I never feel it is enough though. Thanks Kim for all your support!!!!! you are so funny! the Prime Minister does less than me!!!
Hi thanks for the cyberhug and the poem, I'm having a bad panic attack at the moment and they helped alot.
I found this article on 'Hugging children' which I thought was very interesting in relation to parenting.
Of course those parents with more Autistic children may find that their child hates being hugged and even those with Aspergers my be hypersensitive to touch.
The kid in the book 'Curious incident of the dog at midnight' didn't like being hugged so much so that he would scream until the person stopped.
Unfortunatly I have 'other' non Aspie reasons for finding it hard to hug or be hugged, especially in a non sexual way.
you mention panic attacks. My youngest daugher with asperger's has them and has been put on prozac which I feel is the wrong drug for panic. Any ideas? she is frightened to come off the drug now as she becomes obsessed with things as well as fearful and is reluctant to explore any other type of medication. Both my daughters will not be hugged but will pretend they like it if forced to by strangers when being greeted, or by family members. New situations make them both panic considerably. My youngest daughter will always hide if anyone knocks on the door and will not come downstairs at all if family members are there. People don't want to understand I feel, and it has been the source of much anxiety to me over the years, covering up and also trying to explain to people why my children act in different ways to their children. People refuse to believe there is anything different about them because of their level of intelligence, they don't see what I see and how I live and the ways we have to alter situations for them to feel safe and comfortable and assess how stressful things are going to be for them. It feels like I am making continual risk assessments all day long. In social situations they struggle as they cannot make sense of communication and behaviour the same as non aspies can. They tend to zoom into the detail, like you mentioned, and cannot see the whole picture of what was really said. They take so much out of context and then don't understand how situations can change or can become dangerous especially when fuelled by alcohol. Both have used alcohol in an attempt to become less anxious and to try and become more sociable but inevitably it has led to problems at home and outside the home too. They do not see the world in the same way as others do, I suppose that sums it up. They don't seem to make sense of non verbal communication either, so they zoom into bits of converstation and try and make it fit. But communication is a lot more than about what is said. It is like they are continually trying to make sense of the world yet they appear normal with normal intelligece and no one knows anything is wrong. Yet they exist in a bubble of constant anxiety as they hope their disorder will not be detected in the 'real world'. I love them both very much and understand them perfectly but sometimes I just wish I could press buttons so that they could sometimes be on my wave length instead of me always having to immerse myself in theirs.
what you describe in the above is spot on to what my eldest daughter has described so many times to me, it's hard for me to explain but you described it so well!!! especially about the detail being so painful, that is spot on. She also needs to become totally immersed in something for it to become part of her. You have such a talent for expression! thank you for your contributions they have been fascinating.
I am struggling to cope with my lot but it helps when I read all the threads as it makes you feel less alone in a world I am existing in with three asperger adults. Two are functioning with problems but ok, I suppose, but one is really not coping at all and is causing so many problems for the family because she is getting involved with people who are alcoholics and drug users and because she didn't see it coming it ended this weekend, just gone, with my whole front window coming in. The guy didn't understand her need to be alone and because of his own problems he became very angry and aggressive and put his feet right through my window. The biggest problem I have found over the years with my children, alongside bullying, as been them wanting to mix with people who have 'problems' and thus putting themselves in areas of risk and them not understanding the implications and consequences of their actions. The police have warned them on numerous occasions not to get involved with certain people but they only see the good in everyone and they do tend to get taken advantage of. They don't find it easy to see a bigger picture and they cannot empathise with my distress. I am constantly amazed at their lack of insight into dangerous situations but equally amazed at their talents in other areas.
Hi there,
These threads are really helpful in realising that we are not the only ones going through these things.
Aspergers seems to be another one of those 'things' in life that people have but never talk about thinking they are the only ones who have it. Being easy to mistake for other problems too doesn't help. I've had many different diagnosis over the years none seemed right until I learnt about AS.
I would recommend phoning the NAS (National Autistic Society) to see if there are any Support Groups in your area. The Support group I have recently joined was set up specifically by parents of children with Aspergers to help both other Parents and people with AS.
I don't know how to deal with the 'drugs and alchol' situation, especially in relation to Aspergers, I have always tried to avoid drugs knowing that they would screw me up even more, altho I do binge drink occasionally, but in a solitary way. I'd say the main reason drugs and alcohol are attractive to someone with Aspergers is because they help block out all that detail that causes us pain. If you get drunk at the right amount it is like being 'normal' again. Enough of the detail is squashed that you can see like 'normal' people do. But off course getting the balance right is not easy so most people end up drinking too much and getting addicted.
Also getting involved in drugs means getting involved with people that are not healthy for you anyway. Anyone who not only condones drug use but deals in them is not someone who is gonna help them live a healthy life. Unless you can stop your daughter being friends with this type, the best thing you can do is try to show examples of healthy relationships she can have.
I'd much rather be alone than in an abusive relationship but that's because I've learnt from my parents example.
It's sounds like you could do with some support from parents who have children with AS too. I hope there is a group in your area, or at least another parent who can understand what it's like for you.
These threads are really helpful in realising that we are not the only ones going through these things.
Aspergers seems to be another one of those 'things' in life that people have but never talk about thinking they are the only ones who have it. Being easy to mistake for other problems too doesn't help. I've had many different diagnosis over the years none seemed right until I learnt about AS.
I would recommend phoning the NAS (National Autistic Society) to see if there are any Support Groups in your area. The Support group I have recently joined was set up specifically by parents of children with Aspergers to help both other Parents and people with AS.
I don't know how to deal with the 'drugs and alchol' situation, especially in relation to Aspergers, I have always tried to avoid drugs knowing that they would screw me up even more, altho I do binge drink occasionally, but in a solitary way. I'd say the main reason drugs and alcohol are attractive to someone with Aspergers is because they help block out all that detail that causes us pain. If you get drunk at the right amount it is like being 'normal' again. Enough of the detail is squashed that you can see like 'normal' people do. But off course getting the balance right is not easy so most people end up drinking too much and getting addicted.
Also getting involved in drugs means getting involved with people that are not healthy for you anyway. Anyone who not only condones drug use but deals in them is not someone who is gonna help them live a healthy life. Unless you can stop your daughter being friends with this type, the best thing you can do is try to show examples of healthy relationships she can have.
I'd much rather be alone than in an abusive relationship but that's because I've learnt from my parents example.
It's sounds like you could do with some support from parents who have children with AS too. I hope there is a group in your area, or at least another parent who can understand what it's like for you.
thank you for all your understanding, it's so good to talk this way with others. You have helped a lot, I wish you well and thanks so much for all your advice.
I wondered if my fiance's neice has Autism but don't know how to broach the subject with her parents in case they are offended. She can hardly talk and yet she can count perfectly. She loves to count things repeatedly (almost trance-like) and she often seems to be in her own little world. She's only 3 so it may be too early to tell yet.
Did anyone watch the programme last year (can't remember when, sorry) about the lady whos 4 sons all had varying degrees of the autistic spectrum, it was amazing, a real eye opener. I was really sympathised when she was explaining that people in the street just assume her 2 youngest boys were "naughty" because of their behaviour.
I admit, I know very little about aspergers/autism but it is something I have been trying to find out more about.
I wondered if my fiance's neice has Autism but don't know how to broach the subject with her parents in case they are offended. She can hardly talk and yet she can count perfectly. She loves to count things repeatedly (almost trance-like) and she often seems to be in her own little world. She's only 3 so it may be too early to tell yet.
Did anyone watch the programme last year (can't remember when, sorry) about the lady whos 4 sons all had varying degrees of the autistic spectrum, it was amazing, a real eye opener. I was really sympathised when she was explaining that people in the street just assume her 2 youngest boys were "naughty" because of their behaviour.
I admit, I know very little about aspergers/autism but it is something I have been trying to find out more about.
Yes, I saw it and it was brilliant!! since then I have read her book, she is an inspiration isn't she? what a family the Jackson's are. She takes it all in her stride the mother.. and got used to coping with all sorts of problems and challenges each day. her husband left her I think but he's not mentioned much in her book. She seems to cope a lot on her own although she had daughters without autism who do help her. Her son Luke has written a few books on how it feels to have aspergers and has been on tv talking about it and speaks at conferences and everything.
Perhaps it's a bit early to broach the subject of autism with your fiancee's family but I can understand your concerns. Have you seen many three year olds to make any comparsions? they do vary considerably in ability. When my daughters were both three they were very advanced in speech and language but as the years went on their development in other areas was delayed (autism is a developmental disorder from what I understand about it) and so even the brightest of children can regress or fail to develop at certain times. It is quite complex.
Yes, I saw it and it was brilliant!! since then I have read her book, she is an inspiration isn't she? what a family the Jackson's are. She takes it all in her stride the mother.. and got used to coping with all sorts of problems and challenges each day. her husband left her I think but he's not mentioned much in her book. She seems to cope a lot on her own although she had daughters without autism who do help her. Her son Luke has written a few books on how it feels to have aspergers and has been on tv talking about it and speaks at conferences and everything.
Perhaps it's a bit early to broach the subject of autism with your fiancee's family but I can understand your concerns. Have you seen many three year olds to make any comparsions? they do vary considerably in ability. When my daughters were both three they were very advanced in speech and language but as the years went on their development in other areas was delayed (autism is a developmental disorder from what I understand about it) and so even the brightest of children can regress or fail to develop at certain times. It is quite complex.
thanks for your thread!
Yes - Luke was such a bight young lad! I was amazed at how much he had done. Fantastic family, amazing Mum!
There are 5 children on my side of the family aged between 3 and 7 and I've compared the little girl to them, plus my sister is a qualified nursery nurse and she thinks that she might be displaying signs of autism. It's difficult because I don't want her parents to think I am being mean about their child, I adore her and if she is autistic I wanted to make sure that she could be diagnosed asap as I am concerned about what will happen when she starts school later this year (she's nearly 4).
Yes - Luke was such a bight young lad! I was amazed at how much he had done. Fantastic family, amazing Mum!
There are 5 children on my side of the family aged between 3 and 7 and I've compared the little girl to them, plus my sister is a qualified nursery nurse and she thinks that she might be displaying signs of autism. It's difficult because I don't want her parents to think I am being mean about their child, I adore her and if she is autistic I wanted to make sure that she could be diagnosed asap as I am concerned about what will happen when she starts school later this year (she's nearly 4).
I don't know how you can broach the subject without causing them to worry. I understand your concerns perfectly, this is a difficult one-any one got any ideas?
Have they any other children?
I know you want her to have the best possible care. Try not to worry. Maybe there will be an opportunity of sorts soon to bring it up in conversation.
They are expecting a second now. I hope that when she does start school she has good teachers so they can spot any problems. My fiance's brother (the little girl's dad) was only diagnosed as having partial hearing once he got to school - he was always considered just to be "naughty" until he was about 6. It would be awful if this little one was treated the same way.
There's another thread on the BB forum about Eugene having ADHD. Just thought I'd alert anyone with more information than me who wants to correct any misconceptions (they talk about either/or/both autism and asperger's too).
There's another thread on the BB forum about Eugene having ADHD. Just thought I'd alert anyone with more information than me who wants to correct any misconceptions (they talk about either/or/both autism and asperger's too).
Edit: they've already locked it and removed the posts for legal reasons.
shame it's been removed. Thanks anyway Kim! is there any link with autism and ADHD does anyone know? a nursery teacher asked me yesterday if one of my grandsons has it or been diagnosed with it? he is 3. I nearly fell through the floor. She didn't say that she thought he had it but it was the way she seemed to say it. I just said he was boisterous and that at his other playschool I have had good reports, I couldn't say much more. He hasn't even started at this nursery yet, she was just observing him as we visited the nursery school for a visit. His mum has asperger's that is why I have just thought about it and about any links. Anyone got any thoughts on it? thanks again Kim.
There seems to be a school of thought that Autism and ADHD are somehow connected. I can't find any links to websites at the mo but will post if I find one.
Comments
Many thanks for your contribution and good wishes and all the other threads on this topic, I have found them helpful and comforting. You touched on a nerve when you said that I don't have to be a superhero-you are dead right!! only now am I seeing it. Thanks again.
The GP was helpful, we went as a family and managed to get a lot off our chests. Every day is challenging but even being able to off load did me the world of good today. Thank you.
Hope you can get some time for you a little bit more to catch up on reading and just being.
The Prime Minister does less than you.
Also, I caught a programme on the teachers channel (digital) called 'I want my son/child back' about the family of an autistic child, did anyone catch it? It was really moving and wonderful. It was about a therapy that helped the family/parents get to know their son on his terms (kind of) it's truly an amazing story.
I'm off. Tata for now
Ouch. Sorry, mate. Didn't mean to open old wounds. I didn't think that you were blaming your parents for the AS, but for not helping you through it, which it sounds like they weren't. Then again, I guess that even if they did know about it, they'd be among those idiots who think it's baloney anyway.
You might also try industrial supply shops such as Machine Mart. They might be cheaper, but you'll probably have to get them in bulk (which might not be a bad thing, if they keep getting lost
I wear earplugs at work because I have to. The trouble I have is that I'm very soft spoken. They do make it more difficult, as I can't properly gauge the background noise, so it makes it difficult for people to hear me. I also hate repeating myself
He even had the audacity to say he 'did his best'. :rolleyes:
My parents keep making the mistake of trying to 'fix' my problems, when what I realy need is just a hug, even if it's just a verbal one over the phone.
I've learnt that sometimes problems can't be solved but when you have someone to hug you any problem can be overcome.
((((mr freeze)))))
Do you remember the Larkin poem:
They f*ck you up, your mum and dad
they don't mean to, but they do
they give you all the faults they had
and add some extra, just for you.
Hi thanks for the cyberhug and the poem, I'm having a bad panic attack at the moment and they helped alot.
I found this article on 'Hugging children' which I thought was very interesting in relation to parenting.
Of course those parents with more Autistic children may find that their child hates being hugged and even those with Aspergers my be hypersensitive to touch.
The kid in the book 'Curious incident of the dog at midnight' didn't like being hugged so much so that he would scream until the person stopped.
Unfortunatly I have 'other' non Aspie reasons for finding it hard to hug or be hugged, especially in a non sexual way.
Glad to hear your GP was helpful. We all have our ups and downs but you have turned a corner and the only way is up now. Best Wishes and remember not to try and cope with too much!!
I've always been advised to take 'small steps' but have never been able to do it. I blame the Aspergers because having AS means you see too much detail in things so every step is painfully small anyway.
It's like running over hot coals but instead of skipping over then in a second and not feeling anything, you end up moving over them in slow motion feeling even second of the heat and pain.
Also it makes our (Aspies) learning curve steeper than other people's curves at first. Once we have gotten over that curve the skill or task becomes second nature, but untill that point every step up the curve is that much more of and effort and that much more painfully small than other people's.
Like I say I blame the Aspergers as I don't see nuro typicals having this problem.
Another effect of the Aspergers is what I call 'resetting'.
For me to learn and change, I need to be 'immersed' in something so that it becomes apart of me.
For example if I play a computer game once a week I will stay at the same skill level and hardly progress but if I play it non stop for 24hrs I can get much better than if I played for 24hr 1hr a day.
I know non Aspies are like this too but they seem to be able to get on further even when they do only do something 1hr a day.
It's like there a switch that is digital in my brain that only triggers at a certain point, where as non aspies seem to have an analogue switch that triggers in a more varied way.
I am struggling to cope with my lot but it helps when I read all the threads as it makes you feel less alone in a world I am existing in with three asperger adults. Two are functioning with problems but ok, I suppose, but one is really not coping at all and is causing so many problems for the family because she is getting involved with people who are alcoholics and drug users and because she didn't see it coming it ended this weekend, just gone, with my whole front window coming in. The guy didn't understand her need to be alone and because of his own problems he became very angry and aggressive and put his feet right through my window. The biggest problem I have found over the years with my children, alongside bullying, as been them wanting to mix with people who have 'problems' and thus putting themselves in areas of risk and them not understanding the implications and consequences of their actions. The police have warned them on numerous occasions not to get involved with certain people but they only see the good in everyone and they do tend to get taken advantage of. They don't find it easy to see a bigger picture and they cannot empathise with my distress. I am constantly amazed at their lack of insight into dangerous situations but equally amazed at their talents in other areas.
thank you!!! usually it is one step forward and two back but I am hoping that with support and a new felt feeling of confidence that I can better equip myself to deal with things even better than I try to.
no gp's don't usually! that is true. At the end of the day though you can't make a person do anything, you can only point them in the 'right' direction. I do my best that is all I can do. I never feel it is enough though. Thanks Kim for all your support!!!!! you are so funny! the Prime Minister does less than me!!!
(((((((((A big hug for you)))))))))
you mention panic attacks. My youngest daugher with asperger's has them and has been put on prozac which I feel is the wrong drug for panic. Any ideas? she is frightened to come off the drug now as she becomes obsessed with things as well as fearful and is reluctant to explore any other type of medication. Both my daughters will not be hugged but will pretend they like it if forced to by strangers when being greeted, or by family members. New situations make them both panic considerably. My youngest daughter will always hide if anyone knocks on the door and will not come downstairs at all if family members are there. People don't want to understand I feel, and it has been the source of much anxiety to me over the years, covering up and also trying to explain to people why my children act in different ways to their children. People refuse to believe there is anything different about them because of their level of intelligence, they don't see what I see and how I live and the ways we have to alter situations for them to feel safe and comfortable and assess how stressful things are going to be for them. It feels like I am making continual risk assessments all day long. In social situations they struggle as they cannot make sense of communication and behaviour the same as non aspies can. They tend to zoom into the detail, like you mentioned, and cannot see the whole picture of what was really said. They take so much out of context and then don't understand how situations can change or can become dangerous especially when fuelled by alcohol. Both have used alcohol in an attempt to become less anxious and to try and become more sociable but inevitably it has led to problems at home and outside the home too. They do not see the world in the same way as others do, I suppose that sums it up. They don't seem to make sense of non verbal communication either, so they zoom into bits of converstation and try and make it fit. But communication is a lot more than about what is said. It is like they are continually trying to make sense of the world yet they appear normal with normal intelligece and no one knows anything is wrong. Yet they exist in a bubble of constant anxiety as they hope their disorder will not be detected in the 'real world'. I love them both very much and understand them perfectly but sometimes I just wish I could press buttons so that they could sometimes be on my wave length instead of me always having to immerse myself in theirs.
Here is a hug for you!
((((((((((((( take care )))))))))))))))))))
Hi there,
These threads are really helpful in realising that we are not the only ones going through these things.
Aspergers seems to be another one of those 'things' in life that people have but never talk about thinking they are the only ones who have it. Being easy to mistake for other problems too doesn't help. I've had many different diagnosis over the years none seemed right until I learnt about AS.
I would recommend phoning the NAS (National Autistic Society) to see if there are any Support Groups in your area. The Support group I have recently joined was set up specifically by parents of children with Aspergers to help both other Parents and people with AS.
I don't know how to deal with the 'drugs and alchol' situation, especially in relation to Aspergers, I have always tried to avoid drugs knowing that they would screw me up even more, altho I do binge drink occasionally, but in a solitary way. I'd say the main reason drugs and alcohol are attractive to someone with Aspergers is because they help block out all that detail that causes us pain. If you get drunk at the right amount it is like being 'normal' again. Enough of the detail is squashed that you can see like 'normal' people do. But off course getting the balance right is not easy so most people end up drinking too much and getting addicted.
Also getting involved in drugs means getting involved with people that are not healthy for you anyway. Anyone who not only condones drug use but deals in them is not someone who is gonna help them live a healthy life. Unless you can stop your daughter being friends with this type, the best thing you can do is try to show examples of healthy relationships she can have.
I'd much rather be alone than in an abusive relationship but that's because I've learnt from my parents example.
It's sounds like you could do with some support from parents who have children with AS too. I hope there is a group in your area, or at least another parent who can understand what it's like for you.
thank you for all your understanding, it's so good to talk this way with others. You have helped a lot, I wish you well and thanks so much for all your advice.
I wondered if my fiance's neice has Autism but don't know how to broach the subject with her parents in case they are offended. She can hardly talk and yet she can count perfectly. She loves to count things repeatedly (almost trance-like) and she often seems to be in her own little world. She's only 3 so it may be too early to tell yet.
Did anyone watch the programme last year (can't remember when, sorry) about the lady whos 4 sons all had varying degrees of the autistic spectrum, it was amazing, a real eye opener. I was really sympathised when she was explaining that people in the street just assume her 2 youngest boys were "naughty" because of their behaviour.
I admit, I know very little about aspergers/autism but it is something I have been trying to find out more about.
Yes, I saw it and it was brilliant!! since then I have read her book, she is an inspiration isn't she? what a family the Jackson's are. She takes it all in her stride the mother.. and got used to coping with all sorts of problems and challenges each day. her husband left her I think but he's not mentioned much in her book. She seems to cope a lot on her own although she had daughters without autism who do help her. Her son Luke has written a few books on how it feels to have aspergers and has been on tv talking about it and speaks at conferences and everything.
Perhaps it's a bit early to broach the subject of autism with your fiancee's family but I can understand your concerns. Have you seen many three year olds to make any comparsions? they do vary considerably in ability. When my daughters were both three they were very advanced in speech and language but as the years went on their development in other areas was delayed (autism is a developmental disorder from what I understand about it) and so even the brightest of children can regress or fail to develop at certain times. It is quite complex.
thanks for your thread!
Yes - Luke was such a bight young lad! I was amazed at how much he had done. Fantastic family, amazing Mum!
There are 5 children on my side of the family aged between 3 and 7 and I've compared the little girl to them, plus my sister is a qualified nursery nurse and she thinks that she might be displaying signs of autism. It's difficult because I don't want her parents to think I am being mean about their child, I adore her and if she is autistic I wanted to make sure that she could be diagnosed asap as I am concerned about what will happen when she starts school later this year (she's nearly 4).
I don't know how you can broach the subject without causing them to worry. I understand your concerns perfectly, this is a difficult one-any one got any ideas?
Have they any other children?
I know you want her to have the best possible care. Try not to worry. Maybe there will be an opportunity of sorts soon to bring it up in conversation.
Thanks for the advice twins2.
http://forum.digitalspy.co.uk/board/showthread.php?t=241977
Edit: they've already locked it and removed the posts for legal reasons.
shame it's been removed. Thanks anyway Kim! is there any link with autism and ADHD does anyone know? a nursery teacher asked me yesterday if one of my grandsons has it or been diagnosed with it? he is 3. I nearly fell through the floor. She didn't say that she thought he had it but it was the way she seemed to say it. I just said he was boisterous and that at his other playschool I have had good reports, I couldn't say much more. He hasn't even started at this nursery yet, she was just observing him as we visited the nursery school for a visit. His mum has asperger's that is why I have just thought about it and about any links. Anyone got any thoughts on it? thanks again Kim.
There seems to be a school of thought that Autism and ADHD are somehow connected. I can't find any links to websites at the mo but will post if I find one.
edit: this is as good as I can get - book called Reweaving the Autistic Tapestry: Autism, Asperger's Syndrome and ADHD by Lisa Blakemore-Brown http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/1853027480/202-5910847-1598217